Proud: Fictionista Witfit Prompts Winter 2011:2012
by jennde
Summary: Based on Fictionista Workshop's Witfit prompts. There's nothing quite like a man who works with his hands for a living. AH, OOC.
1. Hurry

**Sooo, here we are again. The prompts were calling to me. My professional life is a bit busier than usual so I may not update as frequently as last time, but I'm going to try.**

**This storyline is dedicated to bellamarie117, who tweeted months ago that she wanted a blue collar Edward. She inspired me then, it's just taken me this long to do something about it.**

**Again, these chapters will be shorter and based on Fictionista Workshop's daily witfit prompt. Thanks to Kathy for getting them to my inbox every day.**

**Not betad, but thanks to arfalcon and LikeToRead22 for their help when I originally had this idea.**

**Enough ****out ****of ****me.**

**Prompt: hurry **(Not much of a title. Something will come up, I'm sure)

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

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><p>I put the last of my materials in the bed of my truck, wave to Mr. DiSanto, and head back to the office. The job is almost finished and the bulk of my tools have to be brought back for use on my next assignment. If there is one. Times are tough and McCarty Custom Cabinetry isn't immune to the bad economy, despite a spate of rich clients with homes along the North Shore of Long Island, New York.<p>

I unload my saws and buckets of tools into the garage attached to the office before heading inside to look for Emmett.

"I have another job for you," he says from behind his desk. I'm sitting across from him, breathing a sigh of relief that I won't be unemployed. "Remember the site survey I went on a few weeks ago out in Old Brookville?"

I nod. "The kitchen renovation with the possible wine cellar?"

"That's the one. We got the call yesterday. I have some of the materials on order and we should be able to start on the kitchen next week. They're not sure about the rest yet."

"Okay. Do you have plans for me to look at?"

"Just preliminary so far. In the meantime, can you have the DiSanto job wrapped up by the end of the week?"

"Yeah, there are just a few punch list items left."

"Good. This job should take a while. The kitchen is enormous and the client is a bored housewife with very specific tastes. There's a custom spice rack and some special cabinets she wants. She didn't really give me time to measure properly so you'll need to finalize the plans as part of the job."

I sigh and run a hand through my hair. Bored housewives are the worst people to work for; they tend to look to me to alleviate that boredom. Early on, I would happily answer their questions and engage them in conversation about what I was doing. But I quickly learned lonely housewives didn't really care about what I was doing so much as they were interested in what they thought I could do _for _them. I dreaded getting propositioned on a job, but it happened often enough that Emmett and I had a procedure in place when it did.

"How worried do I need to be?" I ask him warily.

"I think you'll be fine, Edward. She's young, but not particularly friendly. She should leave you alone."

"Okay, good." I'm relieved. He's usually good at reading who I do and don't have to worry about. It's not as if I'm not tempted on occasion, but this is my job and I need it more than I need a quick roll in the hay with some rich guy's wife. Besides, I respect Emmett way too much to ever put his business in jeopardy.

Emmett shuffles some papers on his desk, which is a perpetual mess. "You're coming for dinner on Monday, right? It's Adam's birthday and Rosie's expecting you."

"Yeah, we'll be there." I look down at my watch. "I gotta go. I'll check in from the DiSanto job tomorrow afternoon."

I leave Emmett's office and go to the men's room to change into my one nice suit. I have an appointment with Angela Weber, the Director of Admissions at the Green Vale School, one of the most prestigious (and expensive) private school in the area, and I don't think it will do to show up in jeans and a t-shirt. I'm already going to have to beg for some assistance, I don't want our financial status to be on display. I just hope she doesn't notice it's the same suit I wore last time and I didn't have time to have it dry cleaned.

I hurry across town and make it to her office just in time.

"Good afternoon, Mr. Masen," Ms. Weber greets as I walk into her office. "Please, have a seat."

I sit across from her, unable to stop myself from drumming my fingers on my thigh.

"Firstly," she begins, a pleasant smile on her face, "let me reiterate how much I enjoyed meeting you and Madeline the other day. She's quite a lovely little girl. You must be very proud."

"I am," I reply, smiling back at her, but feeling too anxious to elaborate.

"She passed all of her tests with flying colors. As a matter of fact, her scores seem to indicate she's remarkably intelligent. Personally, I think she would thrive in this environment and we'd be happy to accept her for admission to kindergarten in September."

I flush a little, so damn happy with what she just told me, but dreading the conversation to come. I'm ashamed about my lack of resources and the fact that we basically live paycheck to paycheck, but I'll do anything for my little girl, including swallow my pride. "I appreciate that, Ms. Weber. There is the matter of tuition, though. I was wondering if you allowed for a payment plan or perhaps –"

"Mr. Masen, please," she interrupts kindly. "We'll figure out a way for Madeline to attend Green Vale. We offer financial aid and we have a scholarship program for which I'm sure she'll qualify. Unfortunately, that program doesn't begin until the first grade, but with financial aid, it should be workable." She reaches into her desk and takes out a thick folder, handing it to me across the desk. "Just fill out this paperwork and we'll see where we are, okay?"

I take the folder with a trembling hand, feeling a little overwhelmed. I want the best of everything for Maddie, but because of the life I chose for us, I sometimes fall short. Knowing I'll be able to give her this, no matter the cost, is a profound relief.

"Thank you," I say softly. "I'll fill these out and get back to you as soon as I can."

She looks at me for a long moment before she speaks again. "By the end of the week should be fine, but the sooner the better. We look forward to seeing Madeline here come September."

"Thank you again," I say as she walks me to the door.

"It's my pleasure. Please call me if you have any questions."

I leave the Green Vale campus and drive back to Bayville, looking forward to seeing my little girl.

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><p><strong>This story takes place, obviously, in Long Island, NY. It's a place with quite a few wealthier communities, with blue collar towns right next door. The help has to live somewhere, I guess.<strong>

**Thank you for reading. **


	2. Assignment

**Not**** betad**

Prompt:** Assignment**

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

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><p>I make it across town in record time, jump out of my truck, key in the code on the door, walk in, and am greeted by my daughter, her pigtails bouncing as she runs to me.<p>

"Daddy!"

"How's my girl?" I ask, picking her up and kissing her cheek. This is the best part of my day.

"Good," she replies, wrapping her little arms around my neck.

"She had a good day today, Mr. Masen," Maddie's pre-school teacher tells me. Mrs. Cope is a sweet woman and I know Maddie will miss her when she starts kindergarten in a few weeks. "She ate her lunch, but she still refuses to take a nap."

I nod and rub Maddie's back lightly.

"She told me she's still afraid," Mrs. Cope whispers.

"Thank you. I'm sure she'll sleep tonight." I don't know if Maddie is aware of our conversation; she has her head on my shoulder and is sucking her thumb impassively, but she always hears more than she lets on.

"She also had a small episode today and needed her inhaler," she says, looking at me sympathetically.

"Small episode?"

"It passed quickly after she took her medication. She stayed calm, which helped."

I nod and thank Mrs. Cope before carrying Maddie out to the car.

I strap her in her car seat and head for home, driving cautiously with the precious cargo in the back seat.

"We had peanut butter and jelly for lunch, Daddy," she announces. "But Jonah had to sit at a different table. He's arlegic."

"Allergic," I correct automatically. "Did Mrs. Cope give you the strawberry jelly you like?"

"Yes. All the other children had grape. I don't like grape. Grape is gross, right, Daddy?" I smile at her in the rear view mirror and agree grape jelly is indeed gross. If she doesn't like something, it's akin to a scourge on humanity. Her list includes, but is not limited to, grape jelly, raisins, tomatoes, cauliflower, and hamburgers. She is a decidedly picky eater, so much so that we have a schedule of breakfast and dinner meals for each day of the week to avoid a twice daily battle.

"What's tonight, baby girl?" I ask her after we arrive home and settle in for the night. Our apartment is a one bedroom, one bath, with a galley kitchen that opens up into a combination living/dining room. It's small, but it's enough for us.

She looks up at the handwritten list on the refrigerator and announces it's pasta night. "Alphabets or spaghetti?" I ask.

"Alphabets with butter, please, Daddy. Can I watch tv?"

"Yes, go ahead."

I set the water to boil and watch her as she laughs and smiles at _Sesame__ Street_. She just turned five and is losing her baby features; she looks more like a little girl and less like a baby every day. I almost can't believe she's been in my life this long; I scarcely remember what I was like before her. She came into my life unexpectedly, but she's a choice I will never regret.

After we eat dinner, I give Maddie a bath, then we read a story.

I tuck her in and sit on the edge of her bed, just like I do every night, and ask her which lullaby she wants me to sing to her. It was something I did all the time when she was an infant, but I stopped when she was a toddler. Now it seems to help with her nightmares, so I let her choose one every night.

"_Hush __Little __Baby_," she says with a smile.

I run my hands gently over her hair and sing softly to her while her eyes drift closed. When I finish, her breathing is even and she turns over, pulling her blankets with her. I close her bedroom door and say a silent prayer that she'll sleep through the night.

I grab pajama bottoms and a t-shirt from the laundry basket next to the couch, change my clothes, and sit down at our small dining table to start the financial aid paperwork. It's complicated and I feel like I'm the one who's been given a school assignment. I'm going to have to dig up some records that cover the last few years, but by the time I stop working on it at just past one in the morning, I think I'll be able to complete it by the end of the week.

I open up the pull out couch in the living room, pile my pillows on top, and crawl into bed. I'm still anxious about my ability to afford the school, and thoughts of not providing the very best for my daughter plague me as I toss and turn well into the night. I've never once regretted my decision to bring her into the world, but I do wonder sometimes about the wisdom of us striking out on our own.

Just as I'm finally drifting off to sleep, a heart-stopping scream comes from Maddie's room.

"_Daddy_!"

I run to her, instantly awake and ready to soothe her through yet another nightmare.

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><p><strong>Thanks <strong>**for**** your ****reviews**** last**** chapter.****I'm**** just**** starting ****to**** feel**** my**** way ****around**** with ****this ****one**** and ****appreciate**** the**** support.**

**Thank you for reading.**


	3. Proud

**Not betad**

**Prompt: Proud**

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

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><p>The following Monday, I drop Maddie at Mrs. Cope's then meet briefly with Ms. Weber and hand over the completed financial aid paperwork. She assures me their financial officer will look it over and get back to me soon.<p>

At just after nine o'clock, I knock on the door to an enormous mansion in Old Brookville. I wait outside in the sweltering August heat until the door is answered by a woman in her fifties.

"Isabella Martin?" I ask.

"No, I'm Irina, Mrs. Martin's housekeeper. You must be the gentleman from the cabinet maker."

"Edward," I say, holding my hand out. She looks momentarily startled then grasps my hand tightly.

"Come in. Mrs. Martin is waiting to show you the kitchen. It was demolished just the day before yesterday."

I follow her into an enormous foyer, past a winding staircase, and through a living room where there's a beautiful grand piano; a Steinway, if I'm not mistaken. My fingers twitch when I see it, almost aching to play. But I squelch the desire. That part of my life is over now and there's no going back.

We walk into a cavernous kitchen, probably the biggest I've ever seen. I've been in enough of these houses over the years I've worked for Emmett that I was no longer impressed. Wealth doesn't make people decent or kind or give them good taste. Not that every rich person I work for is a snob with no sense of style, but a good portion of them are.

The kitchen is in complete disarray; there's a refrigerator and a stove, but there's sawdust and tile fragments all over the floor, there are stacks of maple and a table saw Emmett must have had delivered, and almost nothing else.

"Who are you?"

I turn and am faced with a very beautiful, very angry woman. She doesn't appear to be a day over thirty, and has the typical look of the housewives I normally encounter in these situations; perfectly tailored clothes, manicured nails, flawless makeup and hair, a bad attitude. I sigh softly in resignation.

"Edward Masen, ma'am, from McCarty Custom Cabinetry," I say pleasantly.

"Well, Edward Masen _ma'am _from McCarty Custom Cabinetry, is there a reason you're late?" she asks, the scowl on her face detracting from her beauty.

"Excuse me, ma'am, but it's my first day and I had a little trouble finding the place. It won't happen again," I say, biting back what I really want to say. These rich people all think they can speak to a working man any way they please, and I've heard it all before, but I will never be used to being spoken to as if I'm not a worthwhile human being. I'm proud of the work I do; I make an honest living and provide for my child. But somehow this makes me the object of scorn.

"See that it doesn't," she replies. "I spoke to Mr. McCarty about what I wanted, do I need to go over it again with you?"

"No, ma'am, I have plans here that Mr. McCarty gave me and I can read just fine," I reply, an innocent smile on my face. "But I'll let you know if I have any questions."

Her eyes flash angrily but she doesn't say anything else before she goes to the refrigerator, takes out a bottle of water, then turns on her heel and walks away. Irina looks at me sympathetically, but I just shake my head and laugh. It's going to be one of _those _jobs.

I bring my tools in, create a makeshift workbench, and set about evaluating the space. It's possibly the largest kitchen I've ever seen.

I work through the morning, measuring and double checking Emmett's plans. At one o'clock, with everything in seemingly good order, I go out to my truck to eat my turkey sandwich and apple, enjoying the quiet time with my radio and thinking about how cute Maddie will look in her Green Vale uniform.

Twenty minutes later, I head back inside to resume my work but stop short when I run into Mrs. Martin in the foyer, her arms crossed and her foot tapping impatiently. She really is quite beautiful, and I wonder just how much prettier she would be if she actually smiled.

"Where have you been?" she asks.

"Eating lunch," I reply cordially, passing her without a second glance and walking toward the kitchen. Really, it's my first day and this woman is already grating on my nerves.

Thankfully, I don't see her again for the rest of the day. I leave at four o'clock to get Maddie and then we go over to Rose and Emmett's for Adam's birthday.

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><p>Thank you for reading and for your kind reviews.<p> 


	4. Motivate

**I have nothing against the public education system in America. Private school, and Green Vale in particular, is Edward's hang-up. He has his reasons. Also, Green Vale is a real school and I've been told first hand it offers an outstanding education.**

**This story's new title brought to you by yesterday's prompt.**

**Not betad.**

**Prompt: Motivate**

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

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><p>"The woman on this job is a piece of work," I tell Emmett as we sit down to eat. We're having dinosaur shaped chicken pieces and french fries–Adam's preselected birthday meal. I'm happy because it's something Maddie eats and there won't be any fighting tonight.<p>

"She called today, wanting to know if your lunch breaks were written into her contract," Emmett says, laughing softly and shaking his head.

"You've got to be kidding me," I say, reaching over and help Maddie squeeze ketchup onto her plate.

"I wish I was. 'Piece of work' doesn't even begin to describe her. It's the first day and she's already complaining."

"Did she really expect he wouldn't need to eat?" Rose asks, a bewildered look on her face.

"Apparently she did," Emmett replies. "She told me we better finish on time and on budget or she won't pay at all. And she wants you to park in the back and use the kitchen entrance so no one can see you coming and going."

"That sounds like one miserable human being," Rose says. She rolls her eyes and takes an angry bite of a french fry.

"Way to motivate the help," I say. I hand Maddie a napkin and help her wipe her face.

"Come on, you've had worse," Emmett says. "Besides, at least she won't be putting on a corset and asking you to measure her bed."

I groan and Emmett and Rosalie laugh as we reminisce about a job I had in Centre Island where that exact thing happened. It was a decidedly uncomfortable situation, the resolution of which involved me literally jumping out a window.

"Daddy, what's a corset?" Maddie asks.

"Don't talk with your mouth full," I say. "Um... a corset is something adult women wear to look pretty." I lean over and kiss her hair, which is the same odd reddish color as mine.

"Nice save," Rose says with a laugh. She turns to Maddie and smiles. "I'll tell you all about it when you get older, sweetie, don't worry."

Maddie smiles back at her and then looks at me. "Maybe I'll have a mommy to tell me, right, Daddy?"

I close my eyes briefly and try to formulate an answer that will satisfy her. This is a new hang-up of hers; she wants to know about her mommy, why she doesn't have one, and if she can have one soon. Right when she began asking these questions was also when her nightmares began. I don't fault her for her curiosity, but it makes me feel sad and guilty because I don't have a good answer for her.

"Maybe, kiddo. But if not, you have me and Aunt Rose and Uncle Emmett to look after you. Okay?"

"Okay, Daddy. But maybe we can find a mommy for us soon," she says happily.

I sigh and look down at my plate, suddenly losing my appetite. Besides causing her nightmares, this topic makes my stomach twist in knots as I question every decision I ever made for us.

"Can I show Maddie the Legos I got for my birthday?" Adam asks.

"If you're both finished with your dinner and Maddie's father says it's okay," Rose says.

"Go ahead," I tell Maddie. The kids clamber from the table and up the stairs to Adam's room.

"It's okay, you know. It's natural for her to ask these questions," Rose says.

"I know that," I reply somewhat testily.

"What do you tell her when she asks?"

"She doesn't understand a mommy isn't someone you can just pick off the street or from a catalog. I evade. I try explain how every family is different and some kids have one parent, some have two, and some have two mommies or two daddies. But she doesn't seem to completely get it. Probably because she was born into a situation that's a-typical."

"It's typical for her, though. She'll start to understand as she gets older and it won't be so much of an issue. She loves you, you know," Rose says.

"But she's obviously missing something from her life. It's been weeks of this," I say, unable to keep the frustration out of my voice.

"Adam and probably most of the kids at daycare have two parents, and she wonders why she doesn't. She's curious because she doesn't have it."

"Maybe. Or maybe I've done her a real disservice."

"By bringing her into the world?" Emmett asks bluntly.

I know what he's trying to say, but that doesn't change the sick feeling I always get in my stomach when Maddie asks for her mother.

"You know what I mean," I tell him, my fingers playing with the butter knife next to my plate. "She wants something more that I'm not giving her."

"I don't think that's true," Emmett says. "You're devoted to her and do a better job than some two parent households."

"What about your aunt and uncle?" Rose asks. "Is Alice still emailing you?"

I groan and sit back in my chair, running a hand through my hair. "Yeah. I actually haven't answered the last few. I don't know. She's always been... enthusiastic. She was so young when I left, she doesn't understand what it was like."

"What was it like?" Emmett asks. They know about my past, but they rarely ask for details and I'm not fond of talking about it, but maybe this would be somewhat therapeutic

"God, they were pissed. I basically came home and told them I was dropping out of college to raise a kid. Livid doesn't even begin to describe it."

"Were they paying for college?" Rose asks.

"Yeah," I reply, nodding my head and really thinking about this for the first time in a while. "I guess maybe it was a slap in the face to them after everything they did for me. I had a year left and I just dropped out. I wasted their money."

"Do you really think that's what it was about? Money?" Emmett asks.

"I don't know," I say honestly. "I didn't really hang around to find out."

"You haven't spoken to them since you told them about Maddie?" Rose asks.

"Nope."

"Did they try to contact you?"

"Yeah," I say, rubbing the back of my neck and remembering the repeated phone calls, emails, and attempted visits from Carlisle, Esme, and Alice that I simply ignored. And the apologies I so easily discarded. "I was stubborn, I guess."

"And now?"

"Now," I say with a shrug, "it's too late."

"Is it?"

"Yeah, it is."

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><p>Thank you for reading and for your kind reviews.<p>

Next update will probably be on Monday.


	5. Excuse

**Not betad**

**Prompt: Excuse**

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

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><p>Maddie sleeps without nightmares that night, but I'm plagued by an overactive mind until well into the morning, making me crankier than usual the next day. Finding Mrs. Martin standing in kitchen waiting for me, her little toe tapping, doesn't help my mood.<p>

But I learned my lesson; I'm a full ten minutes early so she won't have anything to complain to Emmett about. And I park in the back and use the kitchen entrance.

"Good morning, Mrs. Martin," I say as I pass her, the edge in my voice caused, I'm sure, by my sleepless night.

She watches me move into the kitchen and grabs a bottle of water from the refrigerator before turning to me, shaking the bottle as she speaks. "I have to go out today," she says by way of greeting. "Irina and my landscaper will be here."

"Okay," I reply, not sure why I need this information. I barely saw anyone yesterday and don't think I'll need much help today. I hear her behind me as I start to gather my tools and when I turn around she's still here, standing in the doorway.

"Also, there are security cameras around the outside of the house," she says pointedly.

_Motherfucker. _

I realize she doesn't know me and she's leaving a stranger in her house, but that's no excuse for making baseless assumptions about my character. I clench my jaw so tightly it hurts, wanting so badly to respond. But this is the way I provide for my daughter and if I have to eat a little shit, so be it. However, I suspect the look on my face conveys everything I want to say since she has the decency to look slightly abashed.

I turn my back to her, gather my tools, and start to work. It feels like a long time before I hear her retreating heels clicking on the marble floor.

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><p>"Daddy!"<p>

I run into Maddie's room and turn on the light, gathering her in my arms and soothing her as best I can. Her nightmares just seem to be getting worse and I have no idea what to do about it. I called her pediatrician weeks ago, but she told me it was fairly common for children of Maddie's age to work out their fears subconsciously and it would probably run its course in a few weeks or months. She gave me some remedies; a warm bath before bed, a story that made her giggle, a nightlight. But nothing seems to work. There are breaks in the action, of course, but these nighttime visits have been consistent for weeks now with no end in sight.

"Are you going to leave, Daddy?" she asks, curled up in my lap after her crying subsides. She asks this question after almost every nightmare, and every time it makes my stomach hurt. I would never, ever leave this child of my own volition, but I can't guarantee I'll always be around. My parents died, and the same thing could happen to me at any time.

"Daddy would never purposely leave you," I tell her just like I always do, holding her close and rubbing her sweaty hair.

"What if something happens to you?" she asks, sniffling and wiping her nose.

"If something happens to me, and it probably never will, Aunt Rosalie and Uncle Emmett will take care of you."

She's silent for a few more minutes as her body finally relaxes. "Can I sleep with you?" she asks in a small voice.

"Of course, kiddo," I say, picking her up and carrying her out into the living room and placing her on the pull out. I go back to her room and retrieve her favorite blanket and her teddy bear, then tuck her in next to me.

"I love you, Daddy," she says sleepily after a few minutes.

"I love you too, baby girl," I reply, meaning it with my whole heart. I love her, but I'm not sure I'm enough, and I certainly have no idea how to tackle this situation. For the first time in a long time, I wish for a partner to share the burden of parenting.

I look like absolute hell the next morning, I know. I'm pale and have dark circles under my eyes, I didn't bother to shave, and my hair is in complete disarray. Maddie even remarked this morning that I "look sleepy." If she only knew.

But the fact that I'm exhausted doesn't mean much as Mrs. Martin is expecting me and if I don't work, I don't get paid.

I walk in wearily, but I'm pleased to see she isn't standing around waiting for me. Day three and we're already making progress. I start working and think maybe I'll get a respite for the day until I hear the tell-tale click-clack of her heels a few minutes after I arrive. My back is to her and I resist the urge to seek her out – if she wants something from me, I'm sure she'll let me know.

I think perhaps I imagined her presence until she finally speaks.

"Mr. Masen?"

I turn around and whatever she wants to say seems to die in her throat. She looks at me with a mix of curiosity and shock and I wonder what the problem is.

"Yes?" I finally ask.

She shakes her head and her expression evens out. "I was just wondering about your progress," she says, startling me a little bit. Her tone isn't biting or cold and when she isn't being a bitch, her voice is actually pretty. I'm not immediately sure how to respond.

"Um... it's fine. I'll have to install supports and the framework before I get to the actual cabinets." I run a hand through my hair nervously, wondering at her change in attitude. "I should be able to start cutting the wood tomorrow. I'll have the table saw set up outside so as not to disturb you."

She blinks at me and then I can almost see her remember herself. She draws her shoulders up and throws her head back. There's the woman of the house I'm used to seeing.

"That's fine," she says, her tone back to normal. "I was simply checking. I'll be out again today."

Just like the last two mornings, she reaches into the refrigerator for a bottle of water before retreating to wherever it is she spends her days, leaving me in peace.

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><p><strong>Thank you for reading and for your kind reviews.<strong>


	6. Stroll

**Just an FYI: This picks up during the same day where the last chapter ended.**

**Not betad.**

**Prompt: Stroll**

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

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><p>I don't see Mrs. Martin for the rest of the day, but I do meet the landscaper during my lunch break – a very nice, agreeable guy named Jasper who approaches me as I'm leaving my truck after lunch.<p>

"Hey," he says, holding out his hand. "I'm Jasper. I take care of the grounds. You must be Edward."

"Yeah, good to meet you," I reply, shaking his hand tightly and wondering how he knows my name.

"How's it going in there?" he asks, gesturing toward the house.

"Fine," I say, shrugging my shoulders.

"Is Bella treating you all right?" he asks.

"Who's Bella?"

"Sorry," he says, shaking his head. "Mrs. Martin."

I cock my head to the side and regard him for a moment. He's a gardener, but calls the lady of the house not only by her first name, but by a nickname. I wonder if maybe there's more going on here than meets the eye. It wouldn't be the first time one of these bored housewives took up with one of the help, and I almost go so far as to breathe a sigh of relief when I realize that's what must be going on here. If she already has a lover, she'll be sure to leave me alone.

"She's been fine," I say evenly. He'll see through the lie if I tell him she's great, but might be insulted if I use any of the colorful language I think is appropriate to describe her.

"Fine, huh?" he says with a smile. "Then she must like you more than most."

I laugh and shake my head. "Maybe."

"She's all right once you get to know her."

I nod but don't say anything. Maybe once you're sleeping with her she's "all right," but I wasn't planning on being here long enough to find out.

"Have you run into Mr. Martin?" he asks. I notice he doesn't use his first name as he did with Mrs. Martin, but I don't comment on it.

"No, not yet. Is he around much?"

"He travels a lot on business, but even when he's home we don't see him much. He keeps a place in the city."

"Huh," I reply, not saying what I really want to, which is it must be convenient for Jasper and Mrs. Martin when her husband isn't around, but I bite my tongue.

"Well, I best get back. It was good to meet you, Edward. Let me know if I can do anything for you."

"You too," I say, walking away and tossing him a quick wave.

I finish out my day in a bit of a fog due to my sleepless night, and immediately after picking up Maddie, it becomes clear this night isn't going to be a stroll in the park. We snip at each other the whole way home and things just get worse after we get back to our apartment.

"What's on the list for tonight, sweetie?" I ask after she changes her clothes and settles on the couch.

"I don't care. I want pizza," she announces, turning on the television without asking first.

"No, we have what's on the list. What does it say for tonight?"

"I want pizza!" she practically shouts.

"Do not speak to me like that, young lady," I say evenly, trying really hard to keep the aggravation out of my voice. I'm tired, but I'm the adult and I need to act like it. I'm also frustrated because she doesn't like frozen pizza, which means ordering in, and I don't have the money for that this week.

Just another failure of mine.

I walk over to the list on the refrigerator. "Baby girl, you listen to Daddy. It's Wednesday. Wednesday is bacon and eggs night, so that's what we're having. No arguments."

"I don't want it!" she whines.

"Then I guess you'll just have to go hungry," I say calmly. "But I'm going to eat my dinner."

"That's not fair!" she shouts.

"Go to your room!" I say, my voice rising as I point to her door. "You're on time out."

"I am not! You're not fair!" she cries, tears falling down her little cheeks.

"I am fair. This is what we do every night."

"NOT FAIR!"

"Time out!" I shout. I pick up her crying, shaking little body, and as much as it pains me, I put her in her room and close the door.

She kicks and punches the door for a full minute before all I hear through the door is her crying. It literally breaks my heart, and I know she's tired and hungry and that's where much of her behavior is coming from, but I also know I need to be stern. She can't be allowed to dictate what happens under this roof. It will lead to anarchy and on days like today, I'm barely holding it together as it is.

There is also the added fear her crying will cause an asthma attack, so I listen carefully at her door for any signs she's having trouble breathing, but all I hear is crying and sniffling.

After a full five minutes, I go to her room and find her lying on her bed, sniffing and wiping her wet cheeks.

"May I give you a hug?" I ask as I sat down on the edge of her bed.

She nods so I pick her up and put her in my lap, holding her close. "I love you," I say softly. "I'm sorry I shouted at you."

"I'm sorry, Daddy. I love you too."

"It's okay, baby. Would you like to help me cook? You can crack the eggs."

She looks up at me and smiles, nodding her head.

We have a quiet night after that; we eat our dinner, I give her a bath, and then tuck her into bed. But as tired as I am, I don't fall asleep for a long time.

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><p><strong>Parenting is hard.<strong>

**Thank you for reading and for your kind reviews.**


	7. Farewell, Propel

**Not betad. All mistakes belong to me.**

**Prompt: Farewell, propel**

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

><p>After a nightmare free sleep, Maddie wakes up in a much better mood. I, on the other hand, am more tired than I ever remember being, and that includes the first few months of Maddie's life when she only slept for a few hours at a time.<p>

I sleepwalk through our morning routine, drop Maddie off at day care, and somehow make it to Old Brookville alive.

Jasper helps me relocate the table saw to the backyard and I get to work on cutting down the large pieces of maple Emmett had delivered. It's tedious work, but good for a day like today when my brain is slow.

Not for the first time, I wonder what Aro, my piano teacher for the majority of my childhood, would think of me choosing a profession where my hands are so close to a sharp blade on a daily basis. I distinctly remember hearing my mother and Aro argue about me playing sports; Aro wanted my "talented hands" protected at all costs, and my mother wanted me to be a regular boy. Mom always won in the end, but that never prevented Aro from having his say. After she died, I didn't have it in me to fight him.

I lost contact with him after I left for Julliard. That was almost eight years ago and I wonder where he is now and if he's still teaching. He was an excellent instructor, patient yet firm, with an understanding of music that it took me years, and tough, egotistical professors at Julliard, to appreciate.

"Hey, man," Jasper says from behind me as I stack another piece of cut wood next to the table saw.

"Hey," I say, turning around and running the short sleeve of my t-shirt across my forehead. It's not much past noon and already incredibly hot. I have a long day ahead of me.

Jasper hands me a bottle of cold water and the thanks is barely out of my mouth before it's at my lips and the cool liquid is slipping down my throat. I finish it and smile at Jasper, who still has half a bottle left and doesn't look as sweaty and disgusting as I feel.

"Thanks again," I say. "I didn't realize how much I needed that."

"No problem," he replies, gesturing over to the stack of wood. "Looks like you're making progress."

"Yeah, this is the worst time of year for outdoor work, but something tells me the lady of the house wouldn't like the noise and sawdust inside."

Jasper laughs and finishes off his bottle of water. "You're probably right about that." He looks at me for a long moment before he speaks again. "You all right, man? You don't look so hot."

I eye him warily and think about how best to respond. He seems cool enough, but I suspect he's sleeping with the boss, which means everything I say could get back to her. I don't really have anything to hide, but I tend to avoid over-sharing with most clients.

"I'm all right," I say. "Long night." I don't clarify because the truth is, I don't completely trust him. There is an us and there is a them and I'm not sure which team he plays for.

"I've had my share of those," he says with a smirk.

"Yeah," I say noncommittally.

"I was gonna eat lunch inside, you wanna join me?" he asks.

"Nah, not today. I have an appointment so I need to leave early. I'm working through lunch." I'm meeting with the financial officer at Green Vale this afternoon. I'm nervous, which is probably exacerbated by my exhaustion, but there's nothing to be done about it now.

"Okay, some other time. Or maybe you want to grab a beer after work tomorrow?"

"Thanks, but I don't really get out much," I reply. I can see him trying to put together my "long night" and the fact that I don't go out. Let him wonder. He's a nice guy and around my age; if my life was different, I'm sure I would say yes to his offer, but it isn't.

My lack of a social life is something I try not to dwell on too much. I don't date and Rose and Emmett are literally my only friends. They offer to watch Maddie so I can have a night out on my own, but I rarely take them up on it.

When Maddie was two, I tried dating a nice woman I met through Rosalie. I liked her and we had a good time together, but our situation became complicated very quickly. I was my daughter's only caregiver, and while I could leave her with Rose and Em occasionally, Jane wanted much more of my attention than I was willing or able to give. Then there was the small matter of the set up of my apartment. There's only one bedroom, and it's Maddie's. I sleep in the living room, so I can't lock my bedroom door and be intimate with someone and I can't risk Maddie walking in on anything.

Jane quickly grew tired of the restrictions I put on our relationship and I hadn't dated since. It just didn't seem worth the hassle.

I'm lonely sometimes. I wouldn't be human if I wasn't. But I try not to dwell on it too much. I have Maddie and I find if I focus my energy on her, the loneliness isn't too bad.

I'm kind of numb sexually. Like any twenty-five year old man, I wake up with the occasional hard-on, but I never feel right doing anything about it in our small apartment, even when I'm in the shower. It seems indecent somehow, unless I wake up really early and I know there's no chance of her walking in the bathroom. Mostly I just try not to think about it.

I stop work at just before three o'clock so I can change and clean up. I have access to a small bathroom off the foyer on the first floor of the house and I don't think it will be an issue for me to use it to change my clothes. I've been sweating all day and it won't do to show up at the meeting smelling like a construction worker.

I change my shirt and freshen up with my deodorant and travel toothbrush, which makes me feel almost human again. I leave the bathroom and on my way back through to the kitchen to leave, stop just short of the living room. I hear Mrs. Martin's voice and I don't want to interrupt her.

"How can you take his side?" I hear her say. Her tone surprises me; she sounds more sad than angry.

There's a pause before she responds and I realize she must be on the phone. "I'm your daughter." The pain in her voice makes my stomach twist in a knot and I know I shouldn't be listening, but I can't make myself move.

"You've been doing this to me for almost my whole life. Ever since Brady… No, I'm tired of pretending it didn't happen," she says, her voice rising with each word.

I peek around the corner and she's pacing back and forth with her head down, the phone pressed to her ear as she listens to the person on the other end. I can't go through the room to leave through the back entrance, so I'm going to have to break her rules and leave via the front. I want to tell her I'm leaving early, but that's not an option. Maybe I can catch Jasper on the way out.

Just as I make my decision and go to leave, I hear her sob quietly. Despite my better judgment, I turn around.

She's sitting on the edge of the couch with her head in her hands, weeping. Her long brown hair is covering her face, so I know she can't see me.

I don't know why, but I badly want to go over to her. No one should hurt the way she obviously is, and they certainly shouldn't suffer alone. But attempting to comfort her isn't an option. It will only lead to trouble.

My sense of self-preservation propels me forward and I walk quickly out of the house, get in my truck, and make it on time for my meeting at Green Vale. I try not to let myself think about what I heard and saw. About a well hidden vulnerability I wasn't supposed to see.

I meet with Green Vale's financial officer for about forty five minutes. By the time I bid him farewell, we have a plan in place that will allow me to send Maddie to Green Vale in September.

I'll have to pay a small portion of Maddie's tuition out of pocket, a portion will be deferred, and the rest will be covered by a low-interest loan. It looks like when she enters first grade, if she qualifies for a scholarship, I can forgo the loan and just have a small out of pocket expense every year.

I can do this. I'll have to cancel our cable and maybe even my cell phone, and I'll have to be more careful about what I spend at the supermarket every week. It won't be easy and we'll have very little, if anything, left at the end of every month, but her education is too important. I just hope my truck holds out and we don't have any unforeseen emergencies. Thank God Emmett provides health insurance and it covers Maddie's asthma medication.

Sleep comes a bit easier to me that night, but the image of Isabella Martin sitting in her living room and crying haunts my dreams.

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><p><strong>Thank you for reading.<strong>


	8. Mild

**Not betad. **

**Prompt: Mild**

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

><p>Maddie and I have a quiet weekend; we go to the park, play games and watch movies, and she has a play date with Adam on Sunday. He's just a year older than Maddie, though Rose and Emmett are almost ten years my senior. Ideally I suppose I would have done the same and waited to have children, but it seems fate had other plans for me.<p>

Maddie sleeps without nightmares and we're both refreshed after the weekend. I show up at the Martin house at nine o'clock sharp on Monday morning, but much to my surprise it's Mr. Martin who greets me.

"Demetri Martin," he says with a smile, holding his hand out to me when I walk in. "You must be from the cabinet maker."

"Edward Masen," I say, shaking his hand and regarding him closely. He appears older than his wife, and much more friendly. He's on the shorter side, but looks to be in decent shape.

"Nice to meet you, Edward. I hope everything is going according to plan so far."

"It is, sir."

"Good man." He nods. "Has everyone been treating you all right? The staff? My wife? She can be... a bit much at times," he says with a smirk.

"No, she's been just fine," I say immediately, wanting to defend her for some reason.

He laughs softly and shakes his head. "You'd be the first, then. She has a way with people, and it's not a good one."

"Really, she's been fine," I reiterate, not sure why I feel the need to defend her. I just know it's disloyal for a husband to be speaking about his wife this way, especially to a stranger. I've never been married, but I would never talk about a girlfriend like this, much less someone I chose to spend my life with. It's disrespectful.

"If you say so. I'm not even sure why we needed this done," he continues, waving his hand around. "The kitchen was fine. Some women just like to spend money, I guess." He winks conspiratorially and his smile is so smug it makes me want to slap it off his face.

He either doesn't notice or completely disregards my lack of response. "Just let me know if you need anything, all right?"

"Sure thing," I reply, taking his proffered hand and shaking it tightly.

After he turns and walks away, I stand there for a moment, trying to sort out what just happened. He seems like a nice enough guy, jovial and easy-going, but not for the first time since I started here, I think maybe Jasper is right, and there's more here than meets the eye.

But I again remind myself it's none of my business. I'm here to do a job and then I'm going to leave and never see these people again.

I get to work installing the supports that will hold up the new cabinets. The kitchen is enormous so it's taking a long time, but so far, so good.

At around ten thirty I stop to use the bathroom off the foyer that Irina showed me on my first day. When I come back into the kitchen Mrs. Martin is there, bottle of water in hand. Her back is to me so I clear my throat to make my presence known.

She visibly startles and then turns around, one hand over her heart. When she sees me, there's something like relief in her expression.

"Good morning, Mrs. Martin," I say, keeping my voice low. She closes her eyes briefly and seems to collect herself before her expression evens out somewhat.

"Mr. Masen," she says with a nod. "When can I expect the work to be completed? It's been a week and it looks like nothing is done." Her words are biting, but her tone is softer than I'm used to. Almost desperate. It throws me completely.

I run a hand across the back of my neck. "Uh... a week isn't that long for a kitchen this size, ma'am. I'm working as fast as I can."

"Mr. McCarty assured me this would be done in a timely manner. I need to... I need this to be finished." The despair in her voice gives me pause until I realize what's right in front of me. It doesn't take a genius to put together that her demeanor change coincides with the appearance of her husband. "Can you work more hours during the day? Shall I call Mr. McCarty and ask?"

The extra money would be nice, especially with Maddie starting Green Vale next week, but I have no one to watch her for me. "No, I can't," I say. "I have commitments in the evening."

She lets out a frustrated breath and then nods. "Just please, work as quickly as you can."

She walks away and I have to remind myself continually throughout the day that whatever is going on in this house is none of my concern. If Mrs. Martin is in some sort of trouble, it's not up to me to save her.

I get a call from Mrs. Cope after lunch. Maddie's had an asthma attack; it started out mild but Maddie panicked when the other kids were staring at her and it quickly escalated.

I'm pacing in the back yard, listening to her describe what happened.

"How is she now?" I ask, one hand on the phone, the other pulling on my hair.

"She's calmer, but it was a bad one."

I glance at my watch. It's just after two o'clock. "Do I need to come and get her?"

"I think she'll be fine, but it's hard to tell at this point."

"Can I talk to her?"

"Sure, hang on."

"Hi, Daddy," Maddie says when she takes the phone. I can hear the wheeze in her voice and it makes my heart ache.

"Hey, baby," I say gently. "How do you feel?"

"Okay," she says.

"Do you want Daddy to come and get you?" I ask. I'm torn. I need to work, but I want to be there for her if she needs me. It's a choice I hate having to make.

"No," she says. "I took my medicine."

"Are you sure, baby?"

"Yes, Daddy."

"Okay. I want you to rest until I come pick you up. No running around."

"Yes, Daddy."

"Put Mrs. Cope back on. I love you."

"Love you too."

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><p>Thank you for reading and for your very kind reviews.<p>

I have a busy weekend ahead so the next update probably won't be until Monday.


	9. Persuade

**Not betad**

**Prompt: persuade**

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

><p><strong>To:<strong>**Edward**** Masen  
>From:<strong>**Alice**** Cullen  
>Date:<strong>**September****1,****2011****08:58:50****AM  
>Subject:<strong>**Where ****are ****you?**

Dear Edward,

You haven't answered my last few emails. Are you okay?

I'm worried, please get back to me.

Love You,  
>Alice<p>

* * *

><p><strong>To:<strong>**Alice**** Cullen  
>From:<strong>**Edward**** Masen  
>Date:<strong>**September****5,****2011****06:10****PM  
>Subject:<strong>**RE:****Where ****are**** you?**

Dear Alice,

I'm sorry, I've just been busy. We're fine.

I read the other emails you sent: congratulations on your graduation. I'm proud of you.

Edward_  
><em>

* * *

><p><strong>To:<strong>**Edward**** Masen  
>From:<strong>**Alice ****Cullen  
>Date:<strong>**September****5,****2011****06:19****PM  
>Subject:<strong>**RE:****Where ****are**** you?**

Dear Edward,

Please don't do that again. I realize you're busy, but this is the only contact I have with you so I need you to please keep up on it. I try not to bother you too often, just as you asked, but when I do contact you, I expect a response. I'm sorry, I must sound angry, but that's because I am. All sorts of terrible scenarios were running through my mind about what could have happened to you. Do any of your friends there even have my contact information? Would I know if something _did_happen to you?

I know you don't like pressure, but you're just going to have to deal with it about this particular issue.

How are you? How's Maddie?

I love you,_  
><em>Alice.

* * *

><p><strong>To:<strong>**Alice**** Cullen  
>From:<strong>**Edward**** Masen  
>Date:<strong>**September****5,****2011****06:32****PM  
>Subject:<strong>**RE:****Where**** are ****you?**_  
><em>  
>Dear Alice,<p>

I will admit that my first reaction when I read your email was anger, but it lasted only a split second before I realized you were right. I apologize and I'll try to do better in the future. In the mean time, I'll give your phone number and email address to my friends just in case.

Maddie and I are good. She's starting kindergarten at a new school tomorrow. I'm a little nervous, but she seems to be taking it in stride, just like always.

This seems like a good time to thank you for never pressuring me or trying to overwhelm me. I appreciate your restraint, but I also appreciate you keeping in touch with me all these years. I know I don't say it often enough, but I love you.

Edward

* * *

><p><strong>To:<strong>**Edward**** Masen  
>From:<strong>**Alice ****Cullen  
>Date:<strong>**September****5,****06:45****PM  
>Subject:<strong>**RE:****Where ****are**** you?**

I love you too, you're welcome, and does this mean I can persuade you to let me come for a visit soon? I know, I know, I'm pushing it, but I figured I'd hit you up while you were in a good mood :)

Tell Maddie good luck on her first day at school from her Aunt Alice. Now that I have a job, I'd like to send her something as a congratulations. Would sending me your address be too much to ask?

I have my own place now, and a really great job. I'm an entry-level architect with a firm here in Chicago. I thought it would be tough being on my own, but I'm really enjoying it. Some friends from school live in the same neighborhood so I never get too lonely, and I have my own space for the first time, which I'm loving. I painted the walls in my bedroom an alarming shade of purple just because I could. I've since changed it, but I think you can appreciate the spirit in which I did it.

I've also met a guy. I know, I know, you don't want to hear about it, but I'm an adult now, so deal with it :) His name is Jared and he works at my firm. Maybe an office romance isn't the best idea, but I can't seem to help myself. He's perfect! I feel like a swoony teenager when he's around and he treats me really well. I wish you could meet him.

Okay, I'll stop pressuring you. You'll hear from me soon.

I love you,  
>Alice<p>

* * *

><p>I chuckle and close Alice's email. She was only sixteen when walked out of my aunt and uncle's house for the last time, but she's certainly growing up. I haven't seen her since then, of course, and no matter how many pictures she sends me or stories she tells me about her exploits, she'll always that little girl who gave me her teddy bear the first night I came to stay so I wouldn't be lonely.<p>

I gave her my email address in a moment of weakness right as I was cutting ties with her parents. I've never regretted that decision, but she sometimes makes me wish for things I don't have anymore: home, family, a sense of security. Things I want so much for Maddie.

I wasn't lying in my email when I told her I love her, but I don't know if I'm ready for a visit. She's family and I have so little left, but it's been so long. I'm not ready to make any decisions, but it's something to think about. Maybe it's time to stop being so stubborn and give Maddie the extended family she deserves.

"Are you okay, Daddy?" a small voice asks me, her soft hand on my arm. I smile down at her, not wanting my past mistakes and my current brooding to effect her.

"I'm fine, baby girl," I say, picking her up and putting her on my lap. "Do you want to play on the computer for a little while before bed?"

"Yes, please," she says, already reaching for the mouse. The computer is old and clunky, a cast-off from Emmett's office, but she can still play her games and I can check email. I'm not sure how long it'll last and I know I'll need to upgrade soon, especially once she starts Green Vale. I just have no idea where I'll get the money.

I can't worry about that now, however. I have a job and I can pay the bills and that's all I can ask for at the moment. I can definitely see a second job in my future, but I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.

* * *

><p>Thank you for reading and for your very kind reviews. They're very much appreciated.<p> 


	10. Reach

**Not betad. I'm pretty tired. I apologize for any mistakes.**

**Prompt: reach**

**Plot Generator: unrealistic expectations**

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

><p>It's Maddie's first day at Green Vale and I'm a mess. I've only ever left my baby with Mrs. Cope and Rosalie and Emmett. I know she'll be fine; she's always been an adaptable, happy child. But that doesn't ease my nerves. I'm anxious, I can't eat breakfast, and I'm sure the copious amounts of coffee I drank this morning is eating a hole through my stomach.<p>

Maddie, of the other hand, is excited as can be. She chats happily through her breakfast and all during the car ride to Green Vale.

When we get there, however, and stand outside her new classroom, she hides behind my leg, suddenly shy.

I put my hand on Maddie's head while I explain her asthma to her teacher and give her Maddie's inhaler.

"I'm sure she'll be fine, Mr. Masen," Miss Kate says with a smile before looking down at Maddie. "Won't you, Maddie?"

She nods but doesn't let go of my leg. I kneel in front of Maddie and take her hands in mine. "You're going to be fine, sweetie."

"What if I don't like it?" she whispers, looking at the floor.

I left go of one of her hands and place a finger under her chin and lift her face so she's looking at me. "You're going to love it. You have to give it a chance."

She throws her arms around my neck and hugs me tightly. I can feel her little body shaking as she cries softly into my neck. "I don't want you to go, Daddy."

"Hey," I whisper, holding her close. "It's going to be all right." I say the words, but the truth is I feel like crying myself. Either that, or picking her up and running out of here. I hate when she's upset and I'll do almost anything to make it better.

I pull away gently and place a hand on her cheek. "I'll be back to pick you up before you know it." I smile, though my heart is aching as I watch tears run down her little cheeks.

Miss Kate crouches next to us and grabs Maddie's hand. "We're going to have so much fun today. Do you like to color?"

Maddie nods and wipes her eyes with her other hand. "I have a brand new box of crayons and we even have an easel set up in the corner if you like to paint."

Maddie sniffs and looks from me to Miss Kate and back again. I smile reassuringly at her and stand up. "I love you, baby. You have a good day."

I start to back away, walking backwards and watching her tear-stained face. I want nothing more than to take her back in my arms and soothe away her fears, but I know I can't. This is just the first of many times I'll have to let her go.

"I love you," I say one more time before I practically run through the school and out the front door.

I wipe my own tears as I pull away in my truck.

I'm a little late to the Martin house. I would have told Mrs. Martin there was a possibility I wouldn't be on time, but I didn't see her at all last week after the day I met her husband. She was out of the house again all day Tuesday and Wednesday, and I only saw her from a distance on Thursday, not at all on Friday, and Monday was Labor Day. It occurred to me she might have been out of the house to avoid her husband, but I didn't see him either so I dismissed the thought. And really, it wasn't any of my business anyway.

It's Tuesday, so I don't expect to see her, but there she is, waiting for me when I get there.

"I apologize for being late," I say before she can reprimand me. "I'll cut my lunch break short."

"Oh," she says. "I wasn't... that's fine." She shakes her head. "I'll be here today if you need anything."

"But it's Tuesday."

She cocks her head to the side and regards me with something like a smile on her face. It makes her look prettier and I wonder again how beautiful she would look with a genuine smile on her face. But I don't dwell on it. My mind is on Maddie and if she's having a good day so far, even if I only left her not long ago.

"Yes, well, as I said, I'll be here today." She grabs a bottle of water from the fridge. "It looks like you made some significant progress last week."

"Yes, ma'am. Most of the supports are in, so I can start assembling the framework, and then putting the cabinets up."

"Very good," she says, the look on her face almost eager. "I don't want to have unrealistic expectations. How much longer do you think you'll be?'

"It's really difficult to gauge. I'll know more once I reach a certain stage. But we're looking at a few weeks at least, considering the specific customizations you requested."

She nods and leaves without another word and I get to work, thinking about Maddie and trying not to worry.

I sit outside later and have a quick lunch with Jasper. He seems like a really good guy and as long as we keep the conversation off of me, I'm content to enjoy his company. I haven't made a friend in a long time, and it's kind of cool to talk with another guy, even if it's about nothing in particular. I don't mention Maddie and he doesn't ask, though I saw him eyeing the booster seat in the back of my truck last week.

After we eat, I can't take it anymore so I excuse myself to call Green Vale.

"How is Maddie's day going?" I ask when I'm put through to her teacher.

"She had a really good morning, but to be perfectly frank, she's been keeping to herself for the past hour or so. Ever since lunch."

"Did something happen?" I ask, suddenly feeling anxious and pacing along the side of the house.

"Not that I know of. The class is small and I was with them the whole time and didn't see anything. I think she'll be fine. She just seems shy."

"Is her asthma acting up?" I ask, pulling at my hair. I stop pacing and look out into the perfectly manicured gardens.

"No, Mr. Masen, not at all. I'm sure this is just first day jitters." Her voice is calm and sweet and I'm sure it's the tone she uses with the five-year-olds in her class.

"Should I talk to her?" I ask.

"That's not necessary. There's no need to worry. She's going to be fine."

I say goodbye and hang up, completely distracted. That's probably why I'm surprised when I turn around and find Mrs. Martin standing right behind me.

"Shit," I shout, putting my hand over my heart.

"I'm sorry," she says, her big brown eyes searching mine. "I saw you on the phone and I came out and... never mind." She sounds almost timid and I have no idea how I'm supposed to be reacting to any of this.  
><strong><br>**I nod and run a hand through my hair. I'm picturing all these scenarios where Maddie is crying and unhappy and being teased by the other children.

"Mr. Masen?"

"Yeah, sorry. What did you say?" I ask, making a concerted effort to pull my thoughts from Maddie and focus on the here and now.

"I asked if everything was all right." Her tone is so gentle and her face so concerned I have the almost overwhelming urge to spill everything to her. It's so hard doing this alone sometimes.

But then I remember myself–she's my employer, not my friend. I can't be fooled by these moments where she acts almost human. I'll no doubt be burned in the end. "Everything is fine," I say. "If you'll excuse me, I have work to do."

"Oh, of course." She looks so disappointed and unhappy. Much the way she looked when her husband was around, except now I'm the one who put that look on her face. I can't deal with this in addition to knowing Maddie is having a hard time at school. Mrs. Martin's emotional state isn't my responsibility.

I turn my back on her and get back to work. Getting involved with this woman wouldn't be a good idea at all.

* * *

><p><strong>My kid was in pre-school, but she cried the day we switched schools for kindergarten and it broke my heart. I don't know about you all, but I may have cried more than she did. Maybe.<strong>

**The lovely jessypt is also writing a story based on these prompts. Hers is called Winter Song, and it's just lovely. Link in my favorites.**

**Thank you for reading.**


	11. Dark

**Not betad.**

**Prompt: dark**

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

><p>I ask Maddie what happened at school, but she promises she had a good day and nothing is bothering her. She chats happily about painting and coloring and how nice her teacher is. I think maybe Miss Kate was mistaken until later that night when we're sitting at the table having ice cream.<p>

"Is my mommy dead?" Maddie asks.

"What? Where did you hear something like that?" I ask, my heart suddenly beating double time.

"Cassie asked me today if my mommy was dead." Her tone is so matter-of-fact, but I feel like someone is playing the congas in my chest.

"Who's Cassie?"

"My friend at school."

"Why would she ask you that?" I know I'm avoiding, but I wasn't expecting this and I have no answer prepared. Although one could make the argument I should have had an answer ready from the day she was born. Still, she's being more direct than she's ever been and I need some time to collect my thoughts.

"Her mommy works at my school," Maddie answers. "She asked about my mommy and I told her I don't have one."

"Oh, sweetie, I... Do you even know what 'dead' means?"

Her little face screws up in concentration as she forms her answer. "I think it means when you go away forever, right? Like Buddy."

"Right," I say. I forgot Adam's dog died a few months ago. I tried to talk about it with her, but she seemed unconcerned at the time so I didn't press the issue. But as usual, she knows more than she lets on.

"Is my mommy dead?" she asks again.

"Not as far as I know," I answer, rising from the table and taking our bowls to the sink. "Come on, bath time."

I don't know if she's aware that I'm deflecting and avoiding the subject, but she doesn't bring up the topic of her mother again and she's pretty docile as I give her a bath and then get her ready for bed. Once she's tucked in, I bring it up again.

Sort of.

"You know I love you more than anything, right?"

She nods and yawns.

"And you know you're my best girl?"

She giggles. "I'm your only girl, Daddy."

I smile and kiss her cheek. "That's true. But even if I had a million girls, you'd still be my best."

She yawns again and I place a hand on the side of her face. "You had a mother, baby. And when you're just a little older, I'll tell you all about her. "

"Was she pretty?"

"Very."

Her eyes begin to droop and I kiss her one more time before getting up and going to the door. "Good night, baby. I love you."

"G'night, Daddy."

I'm awake for a long time after Maddie's asleep. I don't know what to say to make her feel better. I flail around on this topic, so unsure of myself. And I feel like a complete fucking failure. I know I can't produce a mother for her out of nowhere, and I have no plans to start dating in order to find a suitable parent, but this isn't something I can ignore anymore. It's not going to go away and she deserves a satisfactory answer.

Except I have no idea what to tell her. I've been avoiding and dodging for so long I'm afraid to tell her the truth now. I want her to be old enough to handle it and know without a doubt she was never unwanted. Unexpected maybe, but never unwanted and never unloved. Even in those dark days when she was a newborn and I was barely sleeping, learning a new trade, and desperately trying to keep us afloat financially, I never once regretted her.

* * *

><p>I arrive at the Martin house the next morning just in time to see Mr. Martin get into a long black car at the front of the house as I pull around the back. Mrs. Martin isn't waiting for me in the kitchen, or anywhere else for that matter, so I get right to work.<p>

Distracted as I am by what happened with Maddie, wondering if she's having an easier time today, and suffering through roughly three hours of sleep, it's no surprise I cut myself on the table saw later that morning. I swear loudly and look at my finger. It hurts and it's bleeding profusely, but it doesn't look too deep; I don't think I'll need stitches.

I grab the back of my t-shirt and pull it over my head, then wrap my finger so I don't spill blood on Mrs. Martin's spotless floors. I walk through the yard and go into the house and head for the bathroom.

I clean the cut as best I can, running it under water, and notice I was right. It's not nearly as bad as the blood would indicate. So I stand there and put pressure of it with my t-shirt, planning on waiting it out and trying to decide if I can finish out the day.

When the door flies open and Mrs. Martin gasps, it doesn't take me long to realize I may have a problem on my hands. The first thing I notice is she's absolutely stunning as she stares at me standing shirtless in her bathroom, her face flushed and her mouth slightly open. When her eyes snap up to mine, I don't know exactly which type of trouble this is going to be, but I know it's not going to be good.

* * *

><p><strong>Thank you for reading.<strong>


	12. Crinkle, Sprinkle

**Not betad.**

**Prompt: Crinkle, sprinkle**

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

><p>Her face evens out and then the corner of her eyes crinkle when she looks at my hand.<p>

"What happened to you?" she asks. Her tone is curious rather than annoyed, which relieves me.

"I cut myself. I was waiting for the bleeding to stop," I say carefully.

She nods and turns around. "Come with me, if you would, Mr. Masen."

She starts walking away, toward the staircase.

"Mrs. Martin," I call. "I'm not sure that's the best idea." Actually, I am sure. It's never good to be on upper floors, around bedrooms, with clients. That's an indisputable fact. Also indisputable, I find her more than a little attractive and I don't want to lose my job by doing something stupid.

Then there's the added fact that I don't trust her.

She turns around and narrows her eyes. "The first aid kit is upstairs. I'd rather not have to run up and down the stairs, if you don't mind."

Without waiting for a response, she turns and starts walking up the stairs. I take a deep breath and follow her, keeping my wrapped hand close to my body and hoping for the best.

We go up the stairs, down a long hallway, and through a door at the end. I stop when I pass through the door. This is a bedroom. Her bedroom, if I'm not mistaken. It looks lived-in and surprisingly messy; I guess Irina hasn't made it up here yet today.

"Mr. Masen?"

I swallow nervously and meet her in the en suite bathroom. I still think this is a bad idea, but I stand there and wait as she rummages under her sink for something. She produces a large white box with a triumphant, "Aha!"

She stands and places the box on the long bathroom counter, then faces me and holds out her hands. I don't do anything, loath to be inappropriate with a client in her bathroom. I shouldn't even be here.

She huffs and reaches for my wrapped hand and I flinch away. She looks up at me, one eyebrow arched and her voice impatient. "I'm not going to hurt you."

"That's not what I'm afraid of," I say under my breath.

She reaches for me again and this time I let her take my hand. The feel of her fingertips on my bare chest where she takes my wrapped hand makes me shiver.

She slowly unwraps my hand, puts the t-shirt to the side, and takes my hand in both of hers, inspecting my injury, which seems to have stopped bleeding, though it is starting to throb. Her touch is gentle and it makes my insides twist up. It's been so, so long since I've been touched this way. I don't want to like the way her hands feel on me, but I can't seem to help it. Also, I must be really hard up if a woman I barely know inspecting a cut on my finger makes my dick hard.  
><em><br>Jesus.  
><em>  
>I try to think about anything except her hands and what they would feel like running up my chest, and what her lips would taste like, because if she looks in the general direction of my crotch, I'm going to be really fucking embarrassed.<p>

She lets go of my hand and takes a small foil package from the box and opens it. She unfolds the cloth and looks at me, the barest hint of a smile on her face and a twinkle in her eye. "This is going to sting."

I let out a short laugh. "Yeah? Will you give me a lollipop if I'm good and don't cry?"

I close my eyes and almost groan at my stupidity until I hear the most musical laugh. I open my eyes and smile, relieved my smart mouth hasn't caused me more trouble.

And I realize my earlier predictions are true. She's beautiful when she smiles.

She puts the cloth on my finger, which makes me cry out and jump, more in surprise than in pain.

"That's what you get," she says with a smile. "Now give me your hand back." She waves her hand at me and I give her mine, looking at my injury as I do. It's not terrible, but I probably need stitches. Too bad it's almost lunch time and I can't be in the ER for hours waiting for a doctor to see me. I have to work and then pick up Maddie.

"This could probably use stitches," she says, echoing my thoughts.

I sigh and run my other hand through my hair. "Probably."

"Are you one of those stubborn men who refuses to see a doctor and toughs it out instead?"

"Something like that," I say, not wanting to get into it.

"Fine, don't tell me." She puts a bandage on my hand and then, oddly, runs her hand gently and deliberately across the back of mine before letting me go. Then she turns abruptly from me and begins to clean up the first aid kit.

"Thanks, Mrs. Martin," I say as I grab my soiled t-shirt and go to leave the bathroom.

"You're welcome. And please call me Bella."

I nod and walk out of the bathroom. I'm halfway through her room before she calls me back. "Mr. Masen?"

"Edward," I say as I turn around.

She looks pointedly at my chest. "Let me get you something to wear, Edward."

"That's all right, I'm sure I have something in my truck."

"Nonsense," she says, brushing past me. "Follow me."

I groan softly and follow her halfway back down the hall where she throws open a door and disappears inside. I follow her and we're in another messy room, though this one is less so. The bed is unmade and there are clothes strewn about, but I don't take the time to dwell. I follow her into a huge closet that's bigger than my apartment. Literally.

I have a moment of resentment; what I wouldn't do to provide a home like this for my daughter. But then it strikes me, as I look around, that this is undoubtedly a man's closet. With the unmade bed, it doesn't take a genius to figure out the Martin's don't sleep together. At least not _sleep_, sleep. And before I can stop it, a small part of me hopes they don't sleep together either.

Then I want to kick myself for giving it as much thought as I am.

Still, all in all, I'd rather live in a small apartment with my daughter than be in a loveless marriage and live in a mansion.

"Here you go," Bella says, holding out a plain black t-shirt. "You're a bit taller than my husband, but this should fit you."

I nod, take it, and pull it on. It's a little small, but it'll do the job.

"Thanks," I say. "For everything." I scratch the back of my head. "It was really nice of you to help me out."

"No problem. I like taking care of people," she says in a small voice.

This throws me. She's never seemed like the caregiver type, but then my interaction with her has been limited. Maybe I was too quick to judge.

I look at her for a long moment, as if this will somehow help me figure her out. There's light in the closet, but it's dim and she actually looks shy as she gazes at me. I notice, for the first time, she has a light sprinkle of freckles across her nose and cheeks. My breathing picks up and my stomach twists in funny knots as we stare at each other. It's starting to feel stiflingly warm in here and every alarm I have is going off.

I should back away, but instead I take a step closer. She stays where she is as her breathing audibly hitches and her face flushes the prettiest pink. I need to get the fuck out of here, but I'm rooted in place and she's not moving either.

"Bella!" someone calls from somewhere outside the bedroom.

I take a step back and run a hand through my hair, and Bella stands straighter and clears her throat. The spell broken, I walk quickly out of the room and run into Jasper in the hallway.

"Edward? Everything all right?" he asks, looking over my shoulder.

"Fine." I hold up my hand. "I was just getting patched up."

He nods and looks at me suspiciously, and then I remember. No matter what might have almost happened in the closet, I'm pretty sure there's something going on between Jasper and Bella. Or I thought there was. Maybe I'm not as good a judge of character as I thought.

* * *

><p>Regarding my update schedule during the holidays, it'll be more spotty than usual. I'll be running around, and since the chapters are based on daily prompts, writing ahead is sort of impossible. But I'll do my best to write at night and try to knock out a chapter when I can. Thanks for your patience and for sticking with me.<p>

Thank you for reading and for your kind reviews.


	13. Box

**Not betad. I wrote most of this while a passenger in a car today and I'm pretty tired. Sorry for any mistakes.**

**Prompt: Box**

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

><p>I don't see Mrs. Martin–Bella–for the rest of the week. No toe-tapping when I walk in the house in the morning, no coming to the fridge for a bottle of water, no randomly opening the bathroom door while I'm in there–I don't even see her from a distance. There's neither hide nor hair of her.<p>

I'm both relived and disappointed, and this in itself frustrates me. I can't put my feelings about what happened with her in a box and not seeing her and being able to gauge her reaction is making things worse. Her small act of kindness has thrown me for a complete loop.

I wonder if she's hiding from me, then decide that's stupid. Bella's a beautiful, wealthy woman, I doubt a moment with a carpenter in her husband's closet even registers with someone like her.

But as the week goes on, I think less and less about her. Out of sight, out of mind. Though I do wake up, rock hard, from a dream about her early on Saturday morning. I take care of business and felt oddly guilty afterward, not sure if it's because Maddie is asleep in the next room or because I think about Bella when I come in the shower.

I see plenty of Jasper. I want to ask him about Bella's whereabouts–which I would have done a week ago without thinking twice–but now it feels weird. Like I'm pumping him for information.

So I don't say anything, though I'm so curious to know where she is. Mostly because I wonder if her disappearance has anything to do with our almost-moment or if it's an ordinary occurrence.

Maddie seems to be adjusting to Green Vale. She's in a good mood every day when I pick her up, telling me about what she did and her nice new friends. She comes home with drawings galore and a book she was allowed to take out of the library.

She has no nightmares for the rest of the week and doesn't ask me about her mother.

I still haven't seen Mrs. Martin by the following Monday, but as I eat lunch with Jasper, I have the sneaking suspicion I'm being pumped for information.

"So… my girl has a friend," he says.

"Your girl?"

"Yeah, my girlfriend," he says with a roll of his eyes. I want to tell him I didn't want to assume, since my girl is five years old and her having a friend isn't news. But I resist the temptation. He can't be faulted for not knowing what I've deliberately been keeping to myself.

"That's nice for her," I say instead. "Everyone needs friends."

Jasper smirks and takes a bite of his sandwich. That he has a girlfriend is news to me and I, of course, immediately think about Bella. I've misjudged her enough already and I'm done assuming anything about her relationship with Jasper.

"I mean a single friend. Someone you might like," Jasper continues. "She's quiet like you. She's pretty and smart." He shrugs and when he looks at me, it's with something akin to anticipation.

I sigh and then take a long drink from my water bottle. I don't know if I'm being pumped for information or if he really does know someone. Nevertheless, I'm not interested.

"Thanks, but I think I'll pass."

"You already with someone?" It's the most direct question he's ever asked me about my personal life and I again stall, this time by taking a bite of my sandwich. I chew slowly, trying to decide how much I want to tell him.

"I'm not with someone, no," I say carefully. "I just don't really date."

He looks surprised. I suspect he doesn't know what to make of me. I'm almost positive he's seen Maddie's booster in the back of my truck, so he probably expected me to be married. A single father isn't a terribly common thing.

He finally nods and drops his gaze, looking thoughtful.

"Look, I appreciate the offer," I say. "I'm not involved with anyone and I plan on staying that way." Bella's big brown eyes flash through my mind, but nothing has changed. Maddie has to be my focus. She deserves my full attention and there's no room in my life for another woman. Besides that, dates cost money and every penny I have is earmarked for my daughter's care and education.

"Okay, dude," Jasper says. "Whatever you say. It never hurts to ask."

I nod and we finish our lunch in companionable silence.

I'm making great progress on the kitchen, but now the real work begins; the customization of the drawers and doors, plus some specialized cabinets and spice racks. I'm going to need Bella's approval on the design and I hope she's back soon so the job isn't delayed.

On Thursday morning I take a short break from my work to run to my truck and grab an aspirin. My finger is healed, but I've had a headache since I woke up this morning and it's only getting worse.

I find a bottle of Advil in my truck, go back into the house, and go through to the bathroom so I can take a quick swig of water to wash it down.

When I pass through the living room on my way back to the kitchen, my eyes go the Steinway, just like they do every time. But this time something is different.

It's open.

I walk slowly over to it and look at the keys, gleaming white and black. I shake my head but don't move. I stand there and stare. And then almost against my will, my fingers reach out and touch the keys.

I let out a long breath and close my eyes, and before I know it I'm sitting at the piano, staring down at the keys.

I don't think about what I'm going to play before I start. I just play, my fingers flying over the keys, my muscle memory guiding my fingers so I don't even think about what I'm doing.

Playing again is exhilarating and amazing and I have no idea how I've survived five long years without music–without this vital part of myself that's been dormant for too long. I feel alive.

I don't know how long I play, and I don't care until just when I notice my fingers starting to ache, I hear a throat clear from behind me.

* * *

><p><strong>Thanks for your patience through the holidays. I'll attempt to update regularly this week, but I'm on pseudo-vacation. So we'll see.<strong>

**I hope you all had as lovely a holiday as I did.  
><strong>

**Thank you for reading and for your very kind reviews.**


	14. Purge

**Not betad.**

**Prompt: **Purge

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

><p>I drop my hands to my lap and freeze. I haven't seen anyone except Jasper for over a week and I let myself get complacent. I could lose my job for this, and rightfully so.<p>

Damn it.

I rub my eyes with my fatigued fingers and turn around, ready to face the music–so to speak. I've made my bed by not thinking and whatever happens will be my own fault.

Bella is standing at the entrance to the living room, a look on her face that's neither angry nor happy. She looks almost confused.

"I'm sorry," I say, hoping to cut this off at the pass. "It won't happen again."

"I don't…" She shakes her head and lets out a long breath.

I stand and run a hand through my hair. "I'm sorry," I repeat. "It's just been a long time and it was open and I don't know what I was thinking. I'll make up the time somehow." I know I'm rambling and my voice sounds desperate, but I can't seem to help it. If I lose this job I'm not sure Emmett has anything else and I need to provide for Maddie.

I'm such an idiot.

She's still staring at me but not saying anything, so I take the opportunity to see if I can avoid this conversation all together.

"I should get back to work," I say, turning around and heading back toward the kitchen.

"Edward?"

I stop walking and drop my head, swearing under my breath. Why did I do something so stupid?

I turn around and look at Bella, her brown eyes wide and confused. "How did you… I mean, you're a carpenter."

I'm offended before I realize this is exactly what I wanted. I keep to myself and don't let anyone know anything about my life outside of work. So any conclusions they draw are of my own making.

"I _am_ a carpenter," I reply. "And I'd like to get back to it of that's all right with you."

I wait for her go ahead to go back to work, but it never comes. "Why are you a carpenter if you can play the piano like that?"

"Pardon me, but there's nothing wrong with being a carpenter." I'm more than a little fucking offended by her attitude, but I shouldn't be surprised. A leopard doesn't change its spots, even though it patches up your cut finger.

Her face flushes a pretty pink and she looks down. "Of course there isn't. I apologize."

I haven't seen her for over a week but I'm as confused and frustrated as ever by whatever it is that's going on here. She isn't supposed to apologize and I'm not supposed to care what she thinks. A leopard isn't supposed to change it's spots and I'm not supposed to misjudge someone so completely. And I'm definitely not supposed to be attracted to a client.

"You play beautifully," she says. "I'm not sure I've ever heard anything like it."

I nod, just wanting this whole thing to be over with so I can go back to work and then leave to pick up my daughter. I prefer dealing with what I know. She's supposed to be a bitchy housewife and I shouldn't even be having this conversation. The world is turned upside down and I don't like it one bit. Me and my stupid impulses.

"I apologize again," I say, hoping to just end this awkwardness. "I'd really like to get back to work now."

"Oh," she says, disappointment flashing across her face. "Of course. Jasper tells me you've made good progress. I'm anxious to see what you've done."

I gesture for her to precede me and I follow her into the kitchen. I show her around, feeling more like myself, and she seems pleased with my progress.

"So what's next?" she asks.

"I'm about to start on the custom spice rack and the cabinet design, which I'll need you to approve, so I'm glad you're back."

"Oh, well… yeah. Sorry, I needed to get away for a few days."

"I didn't mean–"

"No, it's okay. I should have said something." She twists her fingers and I run a hand across the back of my neck. This is so fucking awkward.

"Um, when did you want me to look at the design?"

"I have the plans here," I say, pointing to my workbench in the corner of the room.

I spread the plans out on the table and show her the cabinet door design she and Emmett talked about when the job bid was accepted. She's so close to me as we both lean over and she traces her finger lightly over the plans. Her movements are slow and gentle and she smells so good.

It's ridiculous. I barely know this woman. My reactions to her are visceral and based on little to no facts I know of her. Yet I can't seem to stop it.

"This looks good," she says. She turns her head and suddenly her face is inches from mine. She looks surprised and I realize her proximity isn't purposeful. And this is what separates her from all the other bored housewives–none of this is deliberate. She's not attempting to bed me and she's trying to be kind. Add that to the flashes of vulnerability I've spied, and she's like no one I've met in this business and it's freaking me out.

We stand there silently, searching each other's eyes for what seems like an eternity. She's so pretty and she looks as unsure as I feel. My eyes drop to her mouth and when her tongue peeks out to wet her lips, I know I'm a goner.

Then the front door slams and we both jump. Irina's voice echoes through the foyer. "Mr. Martin. You're home early."

Bella's face takes on a stricken look and then the most important reason I have, besides Maddie, to put a stop to this becomes crystal clear. Happily married or not, marriage is a commitment and I won't take part in adultery.

Without a look back, I go into the backyard to finish up some work. I don't see Mr. or Mrs. Martin for the rest of the day.

On the way home that night I call Rosalie to ask if she can watch Maddie tomorrow night. I need to purge this woman from my system and a night out might do the trick.

* * *

><p><strong>Thank you for reading and for your very kind reviews.<strong>


	15. Theory, Leery

**Not betad.**

**Prompt: theory, leery**

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

><p>I'm at a bar. Drinking a beer. I can't remember the last time I did this.<p>

The problem is I'm having to convince myself to enjoy it. I was leery when I walked in and it hasn't gotten any better. The music isn't too loud, which is nice, but it's crowded and the din of background voices is wearing on my nerves.

I've been here for about forty-five minutes and have been approached by two women, and one bought me a drink. Drink Buyer is currently sitting next to me at the bar, making small talk. I want to stick an ice pick in my ear to make it stop.

She twirls her long blond hair around a finger that has an unnaturally long, blood red nail. "I was at a club last night. It was so hot. And I was so drunk my friends practically had to carry me home."

I smile and nod, not sure if she's telling me this to reel me in or scare me away. It may have been a while since I was out, but do men really find things like drunkenness and irresponsibility attractive?

"So, what kind of car do you drive?" she asks.

I nearly spit my mouthful of beer onto the bar. I swallow and look at her; I don't even remember her name. "Why do you ask?"

She shrugs and bats her eyelashes at me. I roll my eyes and take a sip of my beer, then scan the room.

One thing is clear, I shouldn't be here. This isn't where I belong and none of these women is having the desired effect. I'm beginning to regret the ten dollars I've already spent. I just want to pick up Maddie and go home. Sitting on the couch with her and eating popcorn while watching a movie we've already seen sixteen times beats this scene any night.

"Did you hear me?" Drink Buyer asks.

"Sorry, no," I say with what I hope is a sincere smile.

"I said I was finished with my beer." She looks at me expectantly and I signal the bartender for one more.

"Aren't you having another?" she asks once the bartender leaves a bottle in front of her. I can't really afford more than one more and I owe her one since she bought the first round. More importantly, having another would require me spending more time with her and I don't want to set any expectations.

"Nah," I say. "I'm going to head home soon."

"Oh, really? Do you live close by?" She puts her hand on my leg and licks her lips and I shudder. No fucking way. Better I sit at home and think about someone I can never have than bring this girl to bed.

"I'm not sure that's a–" I stop when a hand tightens on my shoulder. I look back in confusion and see Jasper standing behind me.

"Edward? It is you. It's been a long time. We should catch up." He looks over at my companion and I immediately realize what he's doing.

"Yeah, it's been ages. I can't believe I ran into you here." I look at Drink Buyer and give her a sad smile. "Old college buddy," I tell her. "Thanks for the drink. Maybe I'll see you again."

She huffs, grabs her beer, and walks away. I'm profoundly relieved.

Jasper sits in her vacated seat, puts his beer bottle on the bar, looks at me and laughs.

"Was it that obvious?" I ask with a laugh.

"I think people who are being waterboarded look happier than you did talking to that girl."

"Thanks for the rescue. It _was _torture. I forgot how much I hate this."

"Hate what?"

"Being out. Having to make small talk with strangers. Expectation."

"I hear you. I'm here with my girl, so I don't have to worry about that." He points over my shoulder and I turn around in time to see a pretty dark-haired girl wave at Jasper. "Maria's fun."

"Have you been together long?"

"About a year." He shrugs and I arch my eyebrow. One doesn't usually describe a serious girlfriend as "fun," and a year is a long time.

"I don't know," he continues, correctly reading me. "I think there comes a point in a relationship when you should want more. But I don't. And I think maybe that means something."

We don't know each other well, but I appreciate how open he's being. "Maybe," I say. "Every relationship is different."

"Marriage freaks me out. I don't know anyone who's happily married. Literally. My theory is it ruins a relationship. Well, if it's a good one to begin with."

Asking about Bella flashes though my mind, but I want this to be about our friendship and not who we have in common. I like feeling like a normal guy with another guy for a friend.

I shrug and take a sip of my beer. "I'm not married, but I do know people who are. My boss and his wife are so happy it's sickening, and they've been together for years. My mom and dad were crazy about each other right until the day they died."

He looks at me for a long moment, like he's trying to decide how deep to dig. "Sorry about your folks," he finally says.

"That's okay. It was a long time ago. I went to live with my aunt and uncle. Who, incidentally, were also very happily married."

"Were?"

"I haven't seen them in a long time." The alcohol is making my tongue loose, but it feels kind of good to get this all out. Jasper's a good guy and I feel like I can trust him.

"Do they not live around here?" he asks.

"No, they don't, but that's not the reason. I did something that pissed them off and by the time they were ready to forgive me, I didn't want their forgiveness."

"What happened?"

I take out my cell, which I thankfully haven't have to cancel, and pull up a picture of Maddie and show it him. He cocks his head to the side in question.

"My daughter, Maddie. She's five."

"She's beautiful. So you had her young, huh?"

"I was twenty when she was born."

"Wow," he says, handing me back the phone. "So they had a problem with her?"

"It's a long story." I put the phone back in my pocket and finish off my beer.

He signals the bartender for two more beers and sits back in his seat. "I'm not going anywhere."

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><p><strong>Thank you for reading and for your very kind reviews.<strong>


	16. Annoy

**A quick note: This story is told in present tense, but this chapter is in past tense since it's in Edward's memory.** ** This should be the only time this happens in the story.**

**Not betad.**

**Prompt: annoy**

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

><p>"I'm pregnant," she told me as we sat side by side on the bed in my dorm room at Julliard.<p>

I blinked a few times, processing what she said before reaching over to embrace her. She dodged me, rising from the bed and pacing back and forth in the small space.

"Let's get married," I offered. I was reacting with my gut. We'd broken up amicably two months ago, but I was instantly overwhelmed with a feeling of possessiveness for the life she carried, and I would marry her if I had to. I still cared about her and we would make it work.

She stopped pacing and looked at me, her eyebrow raised. "Really, Edward? I'm nineteen years old. Besides, you want to marry me about as much as I want to marry you." She took a deep breath and looked down. "I'm think I'm going to have an abortion."

I stood abruptly to face her. "No, please don't. Please," I begged. I didn't have all the answers, but I knew I didn't want to lose the part of me she carried. Maybe it was selfish, but there had to be a better answer. That had to be why she was here, after all. Why else tell me?

"I'm not ready for this, I'm sorry. I want to graduate and have my whole life ahead of me, not be saddled with a baby I don't want. It was an accident, let's treat it like what it is." She started pacing again, but I remained silent. I was forming an idea, but it wasn't fully realized until she spoke again. "Though maybe I'll put it up for adoption." She was still pacing back and forth, working through the idea. "I mean, there are plenty of people who want children and I really don't want to have an abortion. We could make sure it's in a good home with good people. I've heard they pay all the medical bills and help with expenses. Will you help me find the right family?" Her pacing came to a sudden halt and she looked at me expectantly.

"No," I said, shaking my head. Her face fell and I quickly spoke to assuage her fears. "I want this baby. I understand you don't, but I do. I'll do whatever it takes to help you through this, I promise you. But I'm not giving up my parental rights. You'll never have to see us again after the baby's born if that's what you want." I put my finger under her chin and raised it so she had no choice but to look directly at me. "Please. Let me do this. I promise I won't ask you for anything after the baby's born. I'll satisfy every craving you have, no matter what time of night, I'll rub your feet, I'll drive you to and from the doctor. I'll take care of everything. Please."

"I don't know," she said, resting her head lightly on my chest.

I put my hands in her hair and kissed the top of her head. "I realize I'm asking a lot of you. I do. But please think about it. I have the money my parents left me and I can take care of anything you need. Maybe we weren't meant to be together, but something good can come from the time we loved each other."

She nodded her head against my chest and pulled back from me. "You really want this?" she asked.

"I do," I said. "I can't explain it, but I'm as sure of it as I've ever been of anything." And it was true. In the last ten minutes, the course of my life had changed completely, but I didn't feel a shred of doubt.

"Let me think about it," she finally said, leaning against me.

I put my arms back around her and held her close. "That's all I can ask. Thank you."

I waited an anxious and distracted two days before I called her. I didn't want to annoy her, but I also wanted her to know just how much I wanted the baby. In the two days I waited for her decision, I hadn't changed my mind. If anything, my resolve only became stronger.

I left her a message, then another on the third day. By the fourth day after our conversation with no word from her, I began to panic and planned on going to her dorm that night to seek her out.

But she was sitting outside my dorm room door waiting for me after classes, in tears. My heart jumped into my throat and I helped her stand, unlocking my door and seeing her inside. Then I waited to learn my fate.

"I went to the doctor," she said. "I was going to have an abortion." She looked up at me with big blue eyes and my chest tightened to the point I was sure I wasn't breathing.

"I didn't go through with it. I couldn't," she said with a sob, throwing her arms around me. I was so relieved my knees were weak and I was sure I was going to cry. I hugged her and kissed her head and thanked her in a whisper.

"You really want the baby?" she asked, pulling away from me and wiping her eyes.

"I do," I said, taking her hands in mine.

"Okay," she said, letting out a breath. "I'll have it."

"Really?"

She nodded and I took her back in my arms. "Thank you."

Our romantic relationship was still over, but I rented us an apartment off campus and we lived together for the remainder of her pregnancy. I kept my promise and took care of her as best I could. I devoured every pregnancy and parenting book I could find, we took a Lamaze class, and I spent all of my free time doting on the woman who was carrying my child.

Soon after we moved in together, I made the decision to drop out of school. I would still have a year left after the baby was born and I wouldn't be able to take care of a newborn and complete my studies. When the baby was old enough, I would go back and finish.

I flew back to Chicago and told my aunt and uncle my plans. To say they were disappointed would be an understatement.

They begged me to reconsider, but I wouldn't hear it, and then they told me I would be cut off if I dropped out of school. I thanked them for taking me in for so many years, walked out of the house, and never looked back. I was hoping for their support and help, but I didn't need to be dependent on them. I would happily raise my child on my own.

They tried to contact me multiple times, but I refused to listen. My old roommate at Julliard told me they came by looking for me a few weeks after I moved out. I'd changed my phone number and deleted their emails without reading them before I changed my address. Alice had my new email but she promised me she wouldn't give it to them, and she kept her word as far as I knew.

They didn't want me or my child and I wouldn't be dissuaded from my course of action. This was right and we would be fine on our own. Wanting to stay as far away from Chicago as I could, I decided we would stay in New York. Fortunately, one the other students in my Piano for Performance program had a cousin in the cabinet making business in Long Island. We met before the baby was born and he agreed to take me on as an apprentice. It would be a steady income stream I could count on until I could go back to school.

My daughter was born in July of that year; I named her Madeline Elizabeth and as soon as she was able to travel, we struck out on our own. I thought her mother might have second thoughts, but she didn't even want to hold Maddie after she was born and we never saw her again after I left the birthing suite.

Raising her alone was difficult, especially those first few months. I was learning a trade, trying to keep us afloat financially, and functioning on very little sleep. I never resented her, though. She was my choice and one I would never regret.

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><p>There you have it.<p>

This will likely be my last update before the new year. Thanks for hanging in there with me.


	17. Dismissive

**I lied about not updating before the new year, but only by a few hours. Besides, it's 2012 somewhere in the world.  
><strong>

**Not betad. Sorry for any mistakes**

**Prompt: dismissive**

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

><p>"So it's been just the two of you? You haven't seen your family since?" Jasper asks.<p>

I shake my head and take a sip from my glass. We've finished our beers and I've moved on to water. Any more and I won't be able to drive and I can't risk driving under the influence. "I was stubborn. I hear from my cousin now and then, but we don't talk about my aunt and uncle."

"Sounds like they were trying to make amends."

I nod and run a hand across my face. "Maybe. Or maybe they were trying to get me to change my mind."

"I guess you won't know unless you ask."

I sigh and glance at my watch. It's past eleven o'clock and I'm exhausted. Maddie will spend the night at Rose and Emmett's, but I still need my sleep.

"Did they ever make you feel like you weren't their kid? Was that it?" Jasper asks.

I think about it for a moment and then answer honestly. "No. Not until they denied Maddie. I wanted... needed their help. And they turned on me. It was like I was the only one who wanted her–her own mother didn't even want her. I just couldn't deal with them telling me she was a mistake."

He nods but doesn't say anything else. I imagine he wants to, but I'm glad he doesn't. I've had enough for one night.

"Thanks again for rescuing me and for the beer." I drink the last of my water and stand.

"No problem," he says. "Hanging out was fun. We should do it again."

"Definitely. I'm sorry I didn't get to meet Maria. Maybe some other time."

"Yeah, maybe. See you Monday." We shake hands and I leave.

The apartment is quiet and I should probably sleep easy, but it's a long time coming. So much was dredged up tonight, and while I'm glad I talked to someone about it, it's weighing on me. Alice has kept her promise and we don't talk about my aunt and uncle, but I wonder how different our lives would be if I'd listened. It made perfect sense at the time: they didn't want us. This little life that was so precious to me was so easy for them to deny. My child was part of me and if they didn't want her, they didn't want me. It was so simple back then.

But maybe I wasn't seeing the whole picture. Maybe being so completely dismissive made me no better than they were.

I sigh and roll over again, wishing Maddie was home.

* * *

><p>I pick her up early the next morning. Rosalie lets me in and I find Maddie at the kitchen table with Adam, eating a bowl of cereal.<p>

"Hi, Daddy!" she says, dropping her spoon and running over to me.

I pick her up and hold her close and my burdens seem a little bit lighter.

"How's my girl?"

"Good. I'm having breafkast."

"Breakfast," I correct automatically, kissing her cheek and putting her down. "Finish up."

"Coffee?" Rose asks.

"Please. How was she last night?"

"Fine. They stayed up late, but no nightmares if that's what you're worried about," she says, handing me a cup of coffee.

I take a sip and Rose and I sit at the table with the children, who are having their own conversations through mouthfuls of Cheerios.

"How's that job going?" Rose asks.

"Better than I thought it would."

"She's not complaining about your lunch breaks anymore?" she asks with a laugh.

"Nah, she's all right. She even caught me playing the piano the other day and didn't freak out."

"You're kidding."

"It was stupid, I know."

"What were you thinking?"

I shrug. "It was sitting there, open, mocking me. It felt good to play."

"Play what, Daddy?" Maddie asks. "A game?"

"The piano, sweetie."

"You know how to play the piano?"

"A little."

Rosalie snorts and gets up, taking the kid's empty cereal bowls with her.

"Go grab you bag," I tell Maddie.

We spend the rest of the weekend quietly–doing laundry, cleaning the apartment, watching movies. We treat ourselves to a pizza on Saturday night, and even though it means a bit of a hole in my bank account, seeing her face when she eats it is worth it. I'll just have to stretch my lunches for the week, but a little less turkey in my sandwich means nothing in the face of making my daughter happy.

The conversation I had with Jasper is still on my mind, but I'm too busy with Maddie to think too much on it. At night, though, my thoughts vacillate between Bella and my family and my mind feels overloaded. Too much is going on. I just want to live quietly with my daughter and be left alone.

Even though I'm able to take a short nap on Sunday afternoon while Maddie quietly watches cartoons, I'm still incredibly tired on Monday morning. This isn't helped by the fact that Maddie is a little tired and cranky because she's catching a cold–something I should have expected with her starting a new school.

I'm sick and tired of being tired.

Things only get worse when I get to the Martin house. Irina tells me Bella's home, but I don't see her, which makes me feel disappointed, then I'm angry with myself for being disappointed.

Then, later in the morning, I realize I forgot my lunch.

I decide to just work through lunch since going out isn't an option–my Friday night out and pizza on Saturday has seen to that.

I'm definitely cranky, but my stomach twists in a funny way when I hear the distinct click-clack of Bella's heels somewhere close by later in the day. I keep working, but I'm a little on edge, waiting for her to make her appearance.

When she finally does, she's walking with someone else, who's looking around and taking notes in a leather folio.

Bella stops short when she sees me in the kitchen. "Why aren't you at lunch?" she asks.

"I didn't bring anything," I say, not sure why she would care.

"Oh, um…" She looks at the woman she's with, a tall red-head who's dressed professionally and smiles kindly at me. "Victoria, this is Mr. Masen. He's installing the new cabinets in the kitchen."

"Nice to meet you," she says, walking over to me and sticking out her hand. I shake it and look at Bella, who seems awkward and uncomfortable.

Victoria steps away from me and surveys the kitchen. "How long before you finish, Mr. Masen?"

"A few weeks, probably," I say, pulling my gaze from Bella.

She turns to Bella. "So then another week or two to have the floors and tiles and new appliances installed?" Bella nods. "This will definitely help. I'll need to see it when it's finished, but I'm glad you took my advice. I can see the improvements already."

Bella smiles tightly at her and asks her to move onto the outside. Victoria and I exchange pleasantries as she's on her way out, but Bella just looks nervous.

I shake my head, once again left to puzzle out the enigma that is Isabella Martin.

But I don't have to wait long. She comes back, alone, about thirty minutes later, and heads right for the refrigerator. "There's not much," she says, her head stuck inside the refrigerator. "We haven't had a kitchen so there's really been no reason to shop."

I stand there, chisel in hand, wondering what the hell she's talking about. I even look around to see if maybe she's speaking to someone else, but we're here alone.

"Do you like Swiss cheese?" she asks, turning around, her arms full of foodstuffs despite her comments about having nothing. Nothing must mean different things to different people.

"Um, yes," I say, running a hand across the back of my neck.

She nods and drops everything on a nearby table, then proceeds to put together a sandwich. She leaves the room for a moment and then comes back with a paper plate, which she puts the sandwich on, then holds it out to me along with a bottle of water.

I'm still struck kind of dumb so I stand there for a beat and her face falls, instantly making me feel like a complete idiot.

"I'm sorry." I put down my chisel and take the plate and bottle from her. "I'm a little slow today. Thank you."

She nods and looks down and then starts making another sandwich. I'm unsure of what to do so I sit on the floor with the plate on my lap and take a sip of water, watching her. Okay, I'm mostly watching her ass; I am a man, after all.

"I'm sorry about before," she suddenly says, her back to me as she walks over to the refrigerator to put everything back in. "I brought Victoria through when I thought you'd be having your lunch."

"That's okay," I say, unsure exactly why she's apologizing.

She surprises me by taking her plate and sitting down on the floor next to me. She picks at the edges of the bread as she speaks. "Victoria is an old friend." I take a bite of my sandwich and wait for her to continue. "She also owns a real estate agency."

She looks up at me as I swallow and then take a quick swig of my water. "You're selling?" I ask.

She takes a breath dusts off her hands. "I want to. It's… complicated."

"Okay." I'm not one to push so we sit there eating our sandwiches in an oddly companionable silence.

"The thing is," she finally continues as we're finishing up, "my husband doesn't know. And he can't."

I dust my fingers off and nod. "He won't hear about it from me," I assure her. But when I look at her she face is so full of anxiety I feel like I've said something wrong. And before I can think about it, I grab her hand in mine and squeeze softly. "I promise."

She squeezes my hand back and smiles sadly. I'm loath to let go; she doesn't seem to mind and touching her feels really nice. But I'm embarrassed–she's so soft and my hands are so rough from the work I do.

When I let go she looks hurt and I feel like an asshole.

When did things get so complicated?

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><p><strong>Happy new year. Thanks for all of your support this year.<strong>

**Thank you for reading and for your kind reviews.**


	18. Reflect

Not betad.

Thanks to jessypt for giving this a once-over for me.

Prompt: reflect

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

><p>Bella leaves me on Monday with instructions to help myself should I ever forget my lunch again. I don't think I'll ever be comfortable enough to do that, but I appreciate the thought.<p>

I consider calling Emmett and letting him know what's going on between Bella and me, but since I don't know what that is, I decide not to. Telling him about half-confessions and six seconds of hand-holding seems unnecessary and even a little childish. Plus, I'm not sure it'll reflect well on me. Not only do I need to protect myself, I need to protect Emmett's business. He's been a good friend to me all these years and doing something unprofessional with a client could hurt him. But I can't seem to help myself around Bella. It's like every rule I have is thrown out the window when I'm around her. And even when I'm not, since I find my thoughts drifting to her time and again during my day, and especially at night.

Maddie's cold seems a little worse when I pick her up in the afternoon, but she's chatty and happy and doesn't seem terribly bothered by it. We have a quiet night at home and we're both in bed early.

I sleep soundly until Maddie's at my side sometime during the night.

"What happened?" I ask, getting up on my elbow.

"Bad dream," she says, rubbing her eye with a little fist.

I pull her into bed with me and hold her close. No screaming–this is an improvement.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I whisper.

"No, thank you."

I smile at her politeness and kiss the top of her head before I drift back to sleep.

I see Bella briefly on Tuesday when she tells me she'll be out for the entire day, as usual. I wonder what she does on these days but lack the nerve to ask her. I don't really know what our relationship is and I don't want to be the one to overstep any boundaries, real or imagined. She looks like she wants to tell me something before she leaves, but she just shakes her head and wishes me a good day.

The morning passes quickly and Jasper tells me over lunch he's sure he's ready to break up with Maria, but he's not looking forward to hurting her. I have no advice to give, except to tell him he's not doing her any favors by staying in a relationship with her that has no chance of going anywhere.

"You really don't date?" he asks me.

"I really don't."

"Then why were you at the bar on Friday? If you don't mind me asking," he says with a smirk.

I sigh and crumple up the foil my sandwich was wrapped in as I try to think of an acceptable answer. "I don't really know," I finally say. "I knew from almost the minute I walked in I didn't belong there." I shrug. "I thought maybe I was missing something. I wasn't."

Jasper nods and we both get up, ready to go back to work. "You definitely weren't. Maria likes to go out a bit more than I do. I'd just as soon take my dog for a walk."

"I hear you. Right before you showed up I was thinking I'd rather be home with Maddie, watching a movie. Still, it probably wouldn't hurt for me to get out of the house more than once every five years."

"Here, take my number in case you want to get out again. You and Maddie could meet me and Daisy at the park on Sunday."

"Daisy?" I ask, taking his phone and handing him mine.

"My dog," he replies as he taps his number in my phone and I do the same with his.

"Are we going steady now?" I ask as we take our respective phones back.

"You haven't even taken me out to dinner yet."

"You don't want to know what I expect if I buy you dinner."

I get back to work and I think about how different this job is–how different I've let it be. For good or for ill, I'll likely walk away from this with the first new friend I've made since Emmett and Rosalie. And that's saying something.

Any other relationships, or lack thereof, I'll have when I walk away is something I won't even allow myself to consider.

Wednesday is much the same as Tuesday, except when I pick Maddie up from school it's obvious her cold is getting the better of her. She's stuffy and lethargic and her cheeks are flushed.

When we get home I take Maddie's temperature, which reads one hundred and one, then give her a fever reducer and call her pediatrician. The doctor tells me the usual: Children's Motrin, fluids, and plenty of rest. She tells me to monitor her breathing but otherwise not to worry.

Easy for her to say.

I give Maddie soup for dinner, which she really doesn't eat, then tuck her in bed. She gives no protest. I keep her bedroom door open so I can keep a close eye on her, and then I call Emmett.

"I don't think I can send Maddie to school tomorrow," I tell him after he picks up. "She has a fever." Mrs. Cope would take her with a slight fever and cold, and I always knew she would be in good hands. But I know Green Vale won't be so flexible. She has to be fever free for twenty-four hours before I can send her back.

"Okay. You want me to call the job in the morning?"

"Nah, I'll do it."

"How do you think she'll take the delay?" I check in with Emmett every day, and while I haven't given him any details, he knows Bella's not nearly the ogre she once was. But he also knows she's on a schedule.

"I don't really know," I answer. "She's anxious to have the job done, so she may not be too happy."

"All right. Let me know how Maddie is tomorrow and if you think you'll be out for the rest of the week or not."

"Will do. And thanks."

I spend the rest of the evening pacing around the apartment, straightening up and watching mindless television, worrying about Maddie and wondering how we're going to make up for the money I'm not going to make tomorrow and possibly the day after.

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><p><strong>Thank you for reading and for your kind reviews.<strong>


	19. Desk

Not betad.

Prompt: desk

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

><p>I don't sleep well, which is no surprise what with all the thinking and planning I'm doing, but it does afford me the opportunity to check on Maddie a few times during the night. She sleeps deeply and seems to cool down as the night progresses. Hopefully it stays that way.<p>

I call Green Vale early in the morning and tell them she won't be in, and then I call the Martin house right at eight thirty. I'm nervous, not sure if I want Bella to pick up. Much to my happiness and disappointment, Irina answers.

"Martin residence."

"Hi, Irina, it's Edward Masen."

"Hello, Edward. Everything all right?"

"Yeah, I just won't be in today. Something came up."

Irina sighs. "I better put you on with her, she might have questions."

"Sure." I wait for Bella to come to the phone, wondering exactly what I'm going to tell her if she asks specific questions. I don't have to answer, obviously, but I also see no reason to hide Maddie from her. It's just that mentioning her leads to a whole host of questions since the way she came into existence and the life we lead seems to be a-typical.

"Edward?"

"Hey, Bella. I'm sorry, but I won't be able to make it today."

"Are you okay?" Her voice is so concerned and I'm tempted to spill everything.

"Yeah, I'm fine, I have to–" Maddie comes staggering out of her room looking for me, rubbing her eyes and looking so pathetically cute I can barely stand it.

"Daddy?"

"Edward?" Bella says over the phone.

"Give me a second, sweetie," I say softly to Maddie.

"Excuse me?" Bella says, sounding rather startled.

"Sorry," I say into the phone as I watch Maddie curl up on the pullout. "I was talking to… someone else." I know I sound distracted, but that's because I am. I don't have time to explain now, not when Maddie needs me.

"I see," Bella says, her voice suddenly very formal. "I trust you'll be back tomorrow and still finish the job on time, Mr. Masen."

Maddie is looking at me with big, red-rimmed eyes and I know she needs me and I have to to get off the phone, but I think Bella has misunderstood something. I pull at my hair, feeling like I'm being pulled in two different directions. But there's one direction that will always win.

"I'll finish on time. I'll have to let you know whether I'll be in on Friday."

"Fine. If you won't be here I'll expect your call tomorrow morning."

"Daddy?"

"Yeah," I say into the phone, anxious to end the call and see to Maddie. "I'll call."

We say our goodbyes and I hang up the phone. I sit next to Maddie and place my hands on her head. She still feels warm, but much less so than yesterday.

"How do you feel?" I ask.

"Okay. Am I going to school?"

"Not today. I want you to drink some juice. Are you hungry?"

She shakes her head and I go to the kitchen to get her a glass of orange juice, which she drinks slowly while watching cartoons.

I take her temperature, which is down to just under ninety-nine degrees, and then give her more Motrin. She's still pretty lethargic, but we cuddle up on the pullout watching television and she's much perkier by mid-morning.

I'm hoping her fever stays low and she can go back to school tomorrow–Bella already seems pissed-off that I wasn't at work today. Missing another wouldn't be wise. Plus, as always, I need the money.

Maddie's fever spikes at around four o'clock, but only to ninety-nine. She naps on and off during the day and eats a good lunch of soup and grilled cheese. Still, I'm worried about sending her to school. Her asthma hasn't been aggravated, but the potential is there and I know she'll be more anxious than usual if she has an attack at school.

Also, Green Vale will send her home if she still has even a slight fever and I don't think I want her around so many other kids when her resistance is low.

I have no idea what to do, so I call Emmett after dinner and ask his advice.

"How did Mrs. Martin take it when you told her you weren't coming in?" he asks. "She didn't call me to complain, so I assume not too badly."

"It was fine. She wasn't particularly happy and asked if I'd still finish on time, but it could have been worse."

"Huh."

"What?"

"Can you bring Maddie with you tomorrow?"

"Bring her to the job?"

"Yeah. It's not the most professional thing to do, but Maddie's a good kid and she'll behave. Besides, if Mrs. Martin is so anxious to have the job done, she won't mind. If she complains, leave for the day and let me handle it."

"Really?" I ask rather dumbly. This has never once occurred to me.

"Sure. It's only a few hours, you can keep an eye on Maddie, and you won't spend the day worrying. Set up a little desk for her or something and let her color or play games."

I run a hand through my hair as I think about what he's saying. It makes perfect sense. Except for the small matter of Bella and her husband and not knowing how they'll react. But Emmett's right, if they have a problem with it I can always leave. I really can't miss another day's pay.

"Okay," I tell him. "I'll call tomorrow if there's an issue."

We hang up and I look over at Maddie. "Would you like to come to work with Daddy tomorrow?"

Maddie's excited the next morning. I've never taken her to a job so she doesn't realize she'll likely be bored after the first fifteen minutes.

She doesn't have a fever but she's still stuffy and she's starting to cough, which really worries me. I'm glad she'll be with me no matter where we wind up. By all accounts, she handles an asthma attack better when I'm with her.

I pull around the back of the Martin place and let out a shaky breath.

Here goes nothing.

I take Maddie inside and look around quickly, but we seem to be alone, much to my relief. I set Maddie up on one side of my workbench with a coloring book and crayons while I get to work on the other. If someone does come in, it wouldn't do to be doting over Maddie. If I'm working, there's less reason to send me home.

Still, when I hear Bella's heels click-clacking on the marble floor in the foyer a few minutes later, my heart rate speeds up and I swallow nervously.

I have no idea what to expect.

* * *

><p>Thank you for reading and for your kind reviews.<p> 


	20. Fizzle

Not betad.

Prompt: fizzle.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

><p>Bella stops short in the doorway. I'm watching, I can't help it. Her face is set in a scowl the likes of which I've rarely seen, but when she spies Maddie her expression quickly turns to surprised and then confused as her eyes bounce from me to my daughter.<p>

I put my tools down and stand next to Maddie, putting my hand on her head.

"What's going on?" Bella asks before I can say anything. She doesn't seem angry, which is a plus, just bewildered. But I know this can change quickly so I rush to explain.

"This is my daughter. She was sick yesterday, that's why I wasn't here. She's better today, but she couldn't go to school. I realize you want the job completed as quickly as possible, so I thought it best to bring her and try to get some work done."

Bella blinks at me, then looks at Maddie again. My daughter, for her part, is looking back at Bella with huge eyes and half-hiding behind my leg.

Bella's face evens out as she looks back at me. "Surely there's someone else who could have taken her instead. Your wife or girlfriend? Isn't it dangerous to have a child among these tools and such?" She waves an arm around the room and looks at me as if I'm an idiot. Or a bad parent. Neither of which sit well with me.

"I'm not married," I say with a frown. "It's just Maddie and me. Otherwise I wouldn't have brought her. I didn't make this decision lightly, but it's your home so if you'd prefer, we can leave and hopefully I can be back on Monday."

"I don't…" Now she looks perplexed, bordering on dumbfounded. I know single fatherhood isn't typical, but we're not circus freaks. This woman is a tough nut to crack for sure.

"Come on, sweetie," I say to Maddie, turning to her and closing her coloring book and picking up her crayons. I want to get her out of here before anything more is said in front of her.

"Wait," Bella says too loudly. I stop what I'm doing and look over at her. "I'm sorry, I didn't know." The look on her face is contrite–and oddly sad– and I'm not sure if she's apologizing about today or if it's something more.

I nod and continue cleaning up. This is one of the many reasons I keep Maddie separate from my job. This conversation could turn ugly and she doesn't need to be exposed to this.

"Are we leaving, Daddy?" Maddie asks me.

"Yes, sweet girl. Let's go." I pack her things away in her back pack and she stands next to me and takes my hand.

"You don't have to leave," Bella says. "Please, I… It's really fine if she stays. I'd like her to." She walks slowly over to us, as if we might snap at any sudden movements.

"What's your name?" she asks Maddie in that gentle voice reserved especially for children.

Maddie looks up at me and I nod. "Maddie," she says in a small voice, her head pressed against my thigh. I run my hand across her hair as Bella crouches in front of her.

"Hi, Maddie. My name is Bella. It's really nice to meet you. How old are you?"

"Five," Maddie says, her voice a little more sure.

"Would it be okay with you if your daddy stayed and worked for a little while?"

Maddie looks up at me again and I sigh softly. I can be extreme in my thinking, I know this. I've made the decision to leave and that's what I want to do. But my daughter's looking at me and Bella's waiting and I really need the money.

I put Maddie's bag down and nod. "Go sit back down," I tell her.

She complies and I give her back her coloring book and box of crayons.

"What are you coloring?" Bella asks, now kneeling next to where Maddie is sitting.

"It's a Sesame Street coloring book. About birthdays."

"I see," Bella says, sounding infinitely interested. "When's your birthday?"

"July twenty-fifth."

"So you must be in, what? Sixth grade?"

Maddie giggles and I smile despite myself as I run a cloth over the edges of the design I've just made in the cabinet door.

"I'm in Kindergarten," she says. "Miss Katie is my teacher. She's nice."

"I bet she is," Bella says. I'm looking down but I can almost hear the smile in her voice. This is surprising the hell out of me. It's apparent Bella doesn't have children of her own, but she seems more comfortable around my five year old than she is around me. I obviously know she has a kind streak, but I also know she has a bitchy one, and I guess I expected to see that one today. Not everyone is comfortable around children, but she seems remarkably so.

I didn't think she could confound me any more than she already does.

I sneak a peek and Bella is watching Maddie with an expression that's akin to awe, as if she's the most fascinating thing in the world. There's so much more going on here than I understand. I can't put Bella in an easily definable category like any of the other women I've known. She's out of my realm of experience. As I watch Bella watching my daughter, I realize I want to understand. I want to unlock those secrets she buries so deep inside that all she wants the world to see is a hard, detached woman. And that thought scares the hell out of me.

She catches me looking at her and blushes a pretty pink before clearing her throat and standing.

"Well," she says, pressing the palms of her hands together. "I'll leave you to it. If you need…"

I don't hear anything else she says because that's when Maddie begins to cough. I drop what I'm doing and am at her side immediately.

"You're fine," I say in my most soothing voice as I run a hand up and down her back. She nods but she looks scared, which will just increase the likelihood of an asthma attack.

My eyes flick up to Bella. "Hand me that bag, please," I say in a calm voice, pointing to Maddie's backpack. She does as I ask and I take my hands off Maddie for just a moment while I locate her inhaler. I can already hear her starting to wheeze.

"Okay," I say, shaking the inhaler and then putting it up to her mouth. "Ready?"

She nods and takes her medicine without complaint. I put the inhaler down and pick her up and then settle in her chair with her on my lap. I kiss her forehead and hold her close as her breathing returns to normal.

"That wasn't so bad, was it?" I say softly.

She shakes her head and I look down at her and notice her eyes drooping. Maybe leaving is the best idea. Even though this was very mild, her energy quickly fizzles after an attack and she's already under the weather.

Then I notice Bella crouching next to us.

"I can have Irina make up a bed for her," she whispers. "There's plenty of room."

I shake my head. "Thank you, but maybe we should just go. I don't want to put you out."

"You're not." Her eyes search mine and she seems to be imploring me for something, though I can't fathom what that could be. "How about the couch in the next room? That way you won't be far if she needs you," she suggests.

I look down at Maddie again, who's almost asleep, and nod to Bella. "Okay. Thank you."

Bella smiles and stands. "Just give me a minute to grab a pillow and blanket."

I give it a few minutes and then carry my sleeping baby to the living room, where Bella is putting a pillow on the couch. I lay Maddie down and then take the blanket from Bella and lay it over Maddie. I give her a kiss on the cheek and look at her for a long minute before walking back to the kitchen.

Where Bella is waiting for me.

* * *

><p>Thank you for reading and for your kind reviews.<p> 


	21. Handle

Not betad.

Thanks to arfalcon for reading this for me to help me out of the depths of my self-doubt. She's lovely and generous with her time.

Prompt: handle

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

><p>I scratch the back of my neck as I walk past Bella and over to my workbench, wanting to get right back to it. I'm already behind and part of me is embarrassed about my life with my daughter being on display at my job. The lines are becoming muddied.<p>

"Sorry about that," I say as I pick up a piece of sandpaper. "I guess I shouldn't have brought her after all."

I start sanding down a corner of the cabinet door I was working on earlier while she stands silently next to me.

"I wish I had known," she finally says, her voice barely above a whisper.

"Why?" I ask, genuinely curious.

"I don't know." She waits a beat before she speaks again. "Can I ask…"

I look over at her as she struggles to find the words. I nod and look back down at what I'm doing. "Just ask," I say in resignation, running the sandpaper across the wood.

"You said it's just the two of you. Her mother isn't around?"

"No. We've always been on our own." I sigh. "It's complicated."

She lets out a shaky breath and I glance over at her. She's looking at me with the saddest, most vulnerable expression, and I have no idea how to handle it. When Maddie looks at me like that I hug her and tell her it's going to be all right. Then I fix whatever it is that's bothering her. I don't think I can fix this.

"She looks just like you."

My brow furrows in what I know must be obvious confusion. "That's what happens when you make a baby."

She smiles just a little and looks down. "You can't be a day over twenty-five. You must have had her young."

"I did," I reply, not sure what she wants. She's obviously looking for something, but I have no idea what it is. "In a nutshell, her mother became pregnant with her while we were still in college. I wanted the baby, she didn't."

I shrug and look at Bella. A tear slips down her cheek and I start feeling anxious. We're dancing around a serious topic here and I really don't know what to do for her, and anything my instinct is telling me to do would be wildly inappropriate.

"You're nothing like I thought you were," she whispers.

"I get that a lot."

She swipes at her cheek and smiles tightly. "I'm sorry," she says. She lets out a long breath and seems to compose herself. "I'll let you get back to work."

"Okay," I say with a nod.

"Hey, Bella," I call after she starts walking away.

She stops and turns around. "Yeah?"

"You're nothing like I thought you were either."

She walks out with a smile on her face.

* * *

><p>Maddie calls for me about an hour later. She seems refreshed from her nap and I give her a juice box and crackers we brought with us for a snack. She eats while she watches me work. I'm hand carving the custom design into yet another cabinet door.<p>

"This house is big," she says.

"It sure is. Don't go wandering off, I might not be able to find you." I blow lightly on the door and brush residual shavings with my fingers.

"I couldn't get lost, could I?"

"I don't know, but I'll give you some flares just in case. Send one up if you can't find your way back."

"What's a flare?"

"It's like fireworks. It shoots up in the air and lets people know where you are."

"Oooh, I want one," she says, spraying cracker crumbs everywhere.

"We'll see what we can do about that. Don't talk with your mouth full."

"Sorry, Daddy."

She finishes up her snack and then gets back to coloring. It's not long before she starts chatting again.

"I like those crackers, Daddy. Can you put some in my lunch box tomorrow?"

"Sure. But tomorrow's Saturday." I move the small cabinet door I've been working on to a pile and pick up a new one, placing it on my workbench.

"Oh, I mean on Monday."

"I can try to send you to school tomorrow if you'd like."

"Daddy..."

"Really, I can call and see if anyone will be there. I'll drop you off in the morning." I take out my phone and pretend to scroll through the names. "Let's see..."

"Daddy..." she says again with a frustrated sigh. She rolls her eyes and goes back to coloring. I put my phone away with a smile and that's when I notice Bella standing in the doorway. I don't know how long she's been standing there, but from her posture it looks like a while.

I want to ask her if she needs something, but that's stupid. It's her house and she can stand wherever she pleases. Still, it's unnerving to be watched.

"Sorry," she says, stepping into the room. "It's getting on lunch time and I wanted to make sure you had something."

"We're fine. PB and J all around today." I'm not a fool. I bring lunch every day, with that one exception, so she has no reason to ask. Not really. She's looking for excuses to be around us. But I find I don't mind.

"You should make one of your own and join us. We also have juice boxes and pretzels," I tell her with a smirk. I'm sure it's vastly different from her usual lunch fare, but this is the life we lead; bagged lunches and juice boxes and bringing your sick kid to work because you need the money. I wouldn't trade it for anything.

"And crackers," Maddie chimes in.

"And crackers. Delicious ones, from what I'm told."

"Okay," Bella says. "I'll have Irina... I'll set up the sun room. It's a beautiful day."

"She's nice," Maddie says after Bella walks out of the room. "And pretty."

"Yes, she is."

* * *

><p>We eat lunch about thirty minutes later. It's strange, being in another room of the house. We're surrounded by glass so the sun room is bright and the white wicker table and chairs are comfortable. I almost feel like a guest and not an employee. Those lines are blurring even more.<p>

"Doesn't that make your mouth sticky?" Maddie asks Bella. Bella didn't have any jelly in the house so it's just peanut butter for her.

"A little," Bella says, smacking her tongue against the roof of her mouth

Maddie giggles and Bella looks over at me and smiles shyly, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

Good God, she's pretty.

"I can't bring peanut butter to my new school," Maddie says.

"They don't have a table for the peanut allergy kids?" Bella asks. I'm surprised she knows about such things, but I probably shouldn't be at this point.

"Uh-uh," Maddie says. "Miss Katie says a seventh grader was sick last year, so they changed the rules."

"You're in school with seventh graders?" Bella asks Maddie, but looks at me.

"She goes to Green Vale."

"She does?" Her tone is disbelieving and it pisses me off.

I don't say anything, because if I do it won't come out nicely. Instead I take a bite of my sandwich and chew very, very slowly.

Maddie picks up the conversation for me, unaware that I'm angry. "I like my new school," she says. "They have good games and cookies for snack."

"Do they?" Bella asks, seemingly recovered from her absolute shock that I could provide my daughter with a top notch education.

"Uh-huh. They have a giant puzzle of America that takes up the whole floor!"

"That sounds like fun. Did you do the whole thing?"

"Me and Cassie tried, but we didn't finish."

"Cassie and I," I correct.

Maddie nods. "Cassie and I," she repeats.

"Finish up, kiddo. I have to go back to work," I tell her. I take the last bite of my sandwich and crumple up the foil wrapper.

"I can sit with her," Bella says.

Instead of answering her I look over at Maddie. She still has more than half of her sandwich left, which isn't surprising. She's a slow eater on her best day. "What do you think, sweetie? Do you want to stay here with Bella or come back to the kitchen with me?"

Maddie shrugs. "I don't know," she says, which means she really doesn't care either way. Still, I don't like leaving her with someone I don't know well, even in the same house. I'm a little paranoid, but with good reason. I don't want my daughter to become a statistic. But there's definitely the potential I'm overreacting because I'm annoyed about the school thing. I rub my eyes and try to think objectively.

"I really don't mind," Bella says in a soft voice.

I look over at her and nod. "Okay. Thank you."

I tell Maddie to behave herself and get back to work. I have time I need to make up for if I'm going to finish this job on schedule.

* * *

><p>Thank you for reading and for your kind reviews.<p> 


	22. Rope

A few chapters ago, Edward said Bella looked a little older than him, but not much. Let's officially put her age at twenty-seven.

Not betad.

Prompt: rope

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

><p>I work for about forty minutes before I start to get antsy, wondering where Maddie is and what she's doing. That's pretty good for me.<p>

Also, my anger has cooled considerably. Bella doesn't know me and has admitted to misjudging me. I've been no better with her. I thought I knew who she was before I even stepped through the door. I was wrong. And maybe I took what she said and twisted it to fit my preconceived notions. Notions that are no longer applicable.

I put my tools aside and get ready to go find Maddie when I hear her sweet laughter, followed by her smiling face appearing in the doorway. Bella is right behind her, her face soft and happy.

"Daddy!" She runs up to me and I crouch down to pick her up. "Bella says she has cookies. Can I have one? Please?"

"Did you finish your sandwich?" I ask, standing with her little arms around my neck.

"Yes. Except for one piece of crust."

"Hmmm, I don't know. Are they broccoli cookies?"

"Ewwww. No," she says with a giggle and a shake of her head.

"Spinach cookies?"

"Daddy!"

Bella laughs and I look over at her practically glowing face and wonder if a few minutes with my daughter could have possibly made her this beautiful. She's stunning when she's happy.

"Just plain chocolate chip," Bella says.

"Go ahead, kiddo," I say to Maddie, placing her on the floor. I turn to Bella. "Thanks for taking such good care of her."

"It's my pleasure," she says, walking to the other side of the room and opening a door. It appears to be an enormous pantry stocked with food. She pulls out a bag of cookies, takes out two, and looks at me. I nod and she hands them to Maddie.

"Thank you," Maddie says.

"You're welcome," Bella replies, putting the bag away and closing the door.

"So, I was thinking," Bella says to me as Maddie starts eating the cookies, "if it's all right with you, I can take Maddie off your hands for a little while longer."

"What did you have in mind?" I ask.

"I just thought we'd watch television and braid each other's hair. You know, normal girl stuff." She smiles shyly at me and my gut twists in a funny way. Maddie never gets to do "normal girl stuff." It seems so unfair she had to wait this long.

I clear my throat against the emotion I feel and nod.

"Baby girl?" Maddie brushes cookie crumbs from her hands and gives me her attention.

"Would you like to go watch television with Bella?"

"Yes, please."

"Okay, be a good listener and don't give Bella any trouble. You know what you're allowed to watch and what you're not."

"Yes, Daddy."

I crouch down and hug her tight. "I love you."

"I love you too."

I swallow the lump in my throat and let her go. "She can be a handful," I tell Bella. "I'll take her the second she gives you any trouble."

"I'm not worried," she says with a smile. "We'll be in my room. Do you remember where it is?"

I nod and she holds out her hand to Maddie. I watch them walk out together and my throat tightens up.

* * *

><p>It's getting on the end of the day and I have to go find Maddie so we can go home. I've been productive, but this type of slow, methodical work gives me plenty of time to think. Time to think thoughts about a mother for my daughter and someone to share the responsibility of parenting. Thoughts I have to remind myself over and over will never be a reality.<p>

I put my tools away, wash up, stow everything in my truck, and then head back in to find Maddie. I walk into the kitchen and hear the soft tinkle of piano keys. I go into the living room to investigate and there's Maddie, sitting with Bella at the piano.

"Do you play?" I ask Bella as I walk over.

"No," she says with a shake of her head. "This is just for show, though we keep it tuned."

"You play, right, Daddy?"

"Yeah, sweetie. I play a little."

"A little?" Bella says.

I shrug. "It's been a long time."

"Play something for me, Daddy," Maddie demands.

"You watch how you ask, young lady."

"Sorry, Daddy. Can you play something for me please?"

"Not now. We're not guests in this house. Daddy's here to work."

"You can," Bella says. "If you want to, I mean. I'd like you to."

My eyes bounce from Bella to Maddie and I feel those lines blurring even more. If I was smart, I'd take Maddie and walk out of here.

But apparently I'm a dumbass.

"Okay," I say.

Bella gets up and I sit next to Maddie and play a few warm up notes. Bella stands on the other side of the piano, watching us.

"What would you like to hear, sweetie?"

"I don't know. Something pretty."

"Something pretty coming right up," I say as I start playing.

"_Twinkle, twinkle_!" she says with a delighted giggle.

"That's right," I tell her, leaning over to kiss the top of her head as I keep playing. "How about this one?"

She thinks for a moment before clapping her hands. "_You are my Sunshine_!"

"That's my girl."

I switch to something she doesn't know. "This is nice, Daddy. What is it?"

"It's the second movement of a piece of music called _Pathetique_. Written by a man called Beethoven," I tell her as I keep playing. It's a simple piece, but the notes come with surprising ease. Just like the other day.

I look up at Bella, who's staring back at me with an expression of such intense longing it makes my stomach muscles clench and my fingers slip.

"Whoops, Daddy," Maddie says. I'm immediately distracted from Bella when I realize Maddie noticed.

"You heard that?" I ask.

"What?"

"The wrong note Daddy played."

"Mm-hm. It sounded funny."

I stop playing and turn slightly on the bench to look at her.

"Come here," I say, picking her up and placing her in my lap. "Watch Daddy."

I play the three notes of C-Major and watch her watching me. "Can you do that?"

She bites her little lip and nods. And then plays it perfectly, despite her little hands.

"Watch again," I say. I play C-Major, followed by D-Major. "Can you play all that?"

Again, she plays perfectly. I'm astounded. I was mashing keys at her age, and that was during lessons with Aro. She saw it once and played it back flawlessly.

I look up at Bella, who's smiling. "I refuse to let either of you surprise me anymore," she says. "I'm guessing she doesn't take lessons."

"No. She's never been at a piano before, as far as I know."

Maddie lays her head on my chest and yawns, and I remember she's still not feeling well.

"We should go," I tell Bella.

"Oh, of course," Bella says. She straightens and starts walking toward the kitchen. I pick up Maddie and follow.

Much to my surprise, Bella walks straight out the back and to my truck. She opens the back door for me and I get Maddie situated, belted in, and then close the door.

I run a hand through my hair and then put my hands in the back pockets of my jeans. I feel so awkward.

"Thanks for letting me bring Maddie today. And for keeping an eye on her for me. Did she give you a hard time?"

"Not at all," Bella says, wrapping her arms across her chest. It's getting late and there's a chill in the air. "She was perfect. You can bring her back any time."

"Hopefully I won't have to. She seems to be getting better and the job should be finished in a few weeks."

Bella nods and turns her head from me, looking into her backyard. I stare at her and badly want to take back my words and say something, anything, to erase the dejected look off her face.

Before I can, she turns back and reaches a hand out to me. "Edward, I–"

"There you are, Isabella." Bella drops her hand, and she and I both turn to the sound of the voice, which turns out to belong to Mr. Martin. He's coming out the back door with a bemused look on his face.

Bella takes a step back and it takes about everything in me to not stand in front of her and protect her from whatever's coming.

"Mr. Masen," he says, walking toward me with his hand out. "How's the job going?"

"It's going well," I say, squeezing his soft, clammy hand harder than is probably necessary. His resultant wince is satisfying. Not as satisfying as slapping the arrogant look off his face would be, but I'll take what I can get.

"Good," he says, turning from me with a dismissive nod. "Isabella, did you forget we have somewhere to be tonight?"

"I didn't forget," she says, throwing her head back and raising her chin.

"Why always with the help, Isabella? Hm? Maybe you should go in the house and get dressed. I wouldn't want to have to call anyone's boss."

He looks over at me and I'm suddenly glad Maddie's in the car and the windows are tinted. I don't need to give him any more rope to hang me with. I also don't need her hearing anything that might come out of my mouth in the next few seconds. But Bella chimes in before I can tell him to go fuck himself.

"You'll do no such thing," she says, pointing a finger at him. "I'll be ready on time. I always am."

"See that you are. I wouldn't want to keep your parents waiting," he says, though some of the bluster seems to have left him and he sounds more petulant than intimidating.

As he starts to walk away, I realize I'm making a fist at my side and my jaw is clenched. I loosen up and gaze over at Bella. She's visibly upset and I have this little ache in my chest when I look at her.

"Bella?"

"It's fine," she says, holding up her hand. I can almost see the walls going up around her. Whatever little bubble we were in today has just been burst. She's married. To an asshole, but still married. And I won't be here forever.

I was stupid to hope.

I nod and get into my truck without another word.

* * *

><p>Thank you for reading.<p>

I'll probably take the weekend off so you may not hear from me until Monday. Have a nice weekend.


	23. Upset

Not betad. There were some last minute edits. Sorry for any errors.

Prompt: upset.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

><p>I spend the rest of Friday actively trying to not think about Bella. But consciously trying not to think about her means she's constantly on my mind.<p>

To make matters worse, Maddie mentions her every five minutes.

"_Bella has sparkly jewelry. She let me try some on."_

"_Bella brushed my hair."_

"_Bella's so pretty."_

"_Bella smells nice."_

Things don't improve on Saturday morning.

"Can I see Bella again?" she asks as she puts her cereal bowl in the sink after breakfast.

"I don't think so, kiddo."

"Why not?"

"I work there," I say, rinsing out her bowl and putting it on the dish rack.

"Can I go to work with you on Monday?"

"No."

"Why not?" Her voice is getting petulant and it's wearing on my already frayed nerves. I didn't sleep well the night before, and the unresolved situation with Bella is always niggling at the edges of my mind and making me cranky.

"Because you have to go to school."

"Can Bella be my mommy?"

"Dammit, Mad. Enough with the questions!"

I know immediately I've overreacted, and when I see her face crumble I don't ever remember feeling worse. Not only because I've made my baby cry, but because I've had similar thoughts I know are never going to be reality.

I pick her up and hold her close. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have shouted at you."

"It's okay," she says, her face buried in my neck. I can feel her tears on my skin.

"No, it's not okay. But sweetie, Bella's not going to be your mom." I hate this. I hate that I ever had the thought and I hate that I allowed Maddie to become even remotely attached. It's better when Maddie and I are by ourselves. Involving anyone else in our lives just leads to unnecessary hurt.

"Why not?" she asks, pulling away and looking at me.

I wipe her tears and sit on the couch with her in my lap. "I work at Bella's house. It was nice to spend time with her, but she has a family of her own." My stomach hurts when I say this, but it's the truth, and time both of us faced it.

"But I like her," Maddie says with a sniffle.

"So do I."

* * *

><p>Maddie has to use her inhaler once on Saturday, but I make sure she gets plenty of rest and eats well. Her cough is very mild and I think the worst is over.<p>

I'm not doing so well, however. I'm having trouble sleeping and my stomach is so upset I can't eat much. I feel on edge and as if I'm on the precipice of something. What that is, though, I don't know.

Jasper calls on Sunday to ask us to the park, and even though I know him only because of Bella, I could use the distraction and Maddie loves the park.

Jasper's already there when we arrive, throwing a ball to his dog, a beautiful golden retriever who's almost as big as Maddie. The park isn't too crowded for a Sunday morning, which is nice. I'll have an easier time keeping an eye on Maddie.

"Hey," he calls as we walk over. He throws the ball, which Daisy leaps and catches and brings back to him.

Maddie stands behind me as we reach Jasper and Daisy. "Maddie, this is Daddy's friend Jasper. Say hello, please."

She waves and mumbles a hello and I wonder what she thinks about meeting all these people recently. New people in my life means new people in Maddie's life. I'd do well to remember that.

"Hello, Miss Maddie," Jasper says, crouching down to her level and placing a hand on Daisy. "This is my dog, Daisy."

Maddie hides further behind my leg and Jasper looks up at me. "She's really good with kids. She won't bite or jump."

"Hear that, kiddo?"

Maddie comes out from behind me and tentatively pets Daisy, who just sits there and wags her tail. Maddie smiles.

Jasper hands Maddie the ball and tells her to throw it. She does and Daisy chases it and brings it back to her.

"I think she's made a friend for life," I tell Jasper as I sit on a bench and watch Maddie throw the ball again and clap in delight when Daisy brings it back.

"Daisy's a great dog." He pauses as he sits next to me. "Sorry I wasn't around on Friday. I broke up with Maria on Thursday night and it was… unpleasant. We were up late and I needed the day."

"Sorry, man."

"Eh, it was the right thing to do. She accused me of having an affair with Bella, so that was fun."

I snort and look at him quickly before turning my attention back to Maddie. She's not far from me, but I'm paranoid. "I thought the same thing when I first met you," I admit.

"But you don't anymore?"

"Nah."

"So it took you a few weeks to figure it out, but Maria and I have been together for a year and she still thinks it."

I shrug. "She was jealous and angry you were breaking up with her. It's understandable."

"I guess."

We sit in silence for a moment watching Maddie with Daisy. "I saw Bella yesterday," Jasper says.

"Yeah?" I ask, never taking my eyes off Maddie.

"Yep. She looks about the same as you." His tone is off-hand, but I can feel him staring at me.

"And how do I look?"

"Pretty shitty. I don't know if I should be drawing any conclusions from that."

"Why would you?" I ask, wondering why Bella looks bad and if I should go kick her husband's ass now or wait until the job is finished.

"Because I'm not an idiot," Jasper answers. "When I mentioned you her face went from pale to bright pink. And she won't talk to me. But the thing is, she usually tells me just about everything."

I nod and let out a long breath, my eyes on Maddie as she runs with the dog. "Maddie!" I call.

Maddie runs over to me, breathing hard. "You're just getting over a cold. I want you to slow down. Do you need your inhaler?"

"No."

"Drink some of this," I say, pulling a water bottle out of my pack and handing it to her. She does as she's told and hands it back. I brush off some of the dog hair already accumulating on her sweatshirt. I don't want it to aggravate her asthma. "Take it easy."

"Yes, Daddy." She runs off with Daisy, completely disregarding what I said.

I sigh and run a had through my hair. "I don't know what to say," I say to Jasper. "There's really nothing to tell."

"Okay."

I look over at him quickly before focusing back on Maddie. "Look," he says, "I'm friends with both of you and I'd like to keep it that way. I won't get in the middle."

"There's nothing to get in the middle of." I hope I sound convincing, because even if it's the truth, I want there to be something for him to get in the middle of.

"If you say so."

"It's true," I say with a shrug.

We look at each other for a long moment before he nods and I turn my attention back to Maddie, who's walking toward me.

"Can you push me on the swings, Daddy?"

"Sure, baby. Let's go." I pick up my pack and the three of us, plus Daisy, walk over to the swings.

Jasper and I chat some more as I push Maddie and he throws the ball for Daisy, who never seems to tire of this game.

"What do you mean Bella didn't look good?" I shouldn't ask, but I can't help it.

"She was pale and had circles under her eyes and was upset about something."

"He husband seems like a prick." I whisper the last word, hoping Maddie won't hear. I never swear in front of her, but Bella's husband can't really be described any other way.

"Noticed that, did you? He usually comes off as a prince the first few times you meet him. You must have rubbed him the wrong way."

"He rubs _me_ the wrong way."

I look at Jasper and he nods. "Me too."

* * *

><p>I can't sleep on Sunday night. I'm anxious about going to work tomorrow and seeing Bella. One minute I want the job to be over so I can go back to my life before her, and the next I daydream about a mother for my daughter and someone warm next to me in bed.<p>

I know it's ridiculous. We barely know each other and will have no reason for contact after the next few weeks. But she's awakened something in me I thought long dead. I both want to revel in it and bury it again so it never comes back to life. I feel torn and exposed and utterly miserable.

I know what it is. I figure it out as I lay tangled in my sheets as my daughter sleeps soundly in the next room.

It's sexual, to be sure. Bella's a beautiful, desirable woman. But it's more than that. It's the desire to connect with someone, to touch and be touched, to share my thoughts and my desires, to unburden myself and share my life with someone.

I want, I want, I want.

But I can't have.

* * *

><p>Thank you for reading and for your kind reviews.<p> 


	24. Punish

Not betad. But arfalcon is wonderful and generous with her time and told me I didn't suck.

Prompt: punish

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

><p>I'm a zombie on Monday morning. I've gotten roughly two hours sleep when my alarm rudely rings at six thirty. I practically fall out of bed and sleep-walk to the shower. I make it as hot as I can stand then turn it cold.<p>

That wakes me up.

I get dressed and take a few sips of my coffee before I go wake Maddie. I groan when she wakes up with red eyes and a runny nose. I thought she was getting better, but apparently I was wrong.

I rub my eyes and go get the thermometer; thankfully she has no fever and I can send her to school. I'd rather face whatever's going to happen today without the added pressure of bringing her along.

I wipe her nose and help her get dressed and manage to get her to school in a timely manner. I speak to her teacher when I walk her in. "She has a cold," I tell her, "but no fever."

"I'll be sure to keep an eye on it," Miss Katie says. "We have her inhaler just in case."

I nod and run a hand through my hair. "Um, I was wondering what kind of music programs you offer. I'm sure it was in my packet but I don't remember."

"No problem," she says with a smile. "Our music director is here every day. You can pick up her contact information in the office or I can call and get it for you now."

"Um, no, that's all right. I can stop in the office."

"Is there maybe something I can help you with?"

"I don't know. Maybe. It's just… I play the piano, and I think Maddie might have some aptitude. I didn't realize it until last week since we don't have a piano at home."

"We can help with that, I'm sure. If you can wait until the end of the day, I'll have everything you need when you pick up Maddie this afternoon."

"I'd appreciate that," I say, relieved I won't have to hunt down the information this morning.

"Oh, and before I forget," she says, walking across the room and taking an envelope from her desk. "This is your tuition envelope. Just put your check in here and send it in with Maddie before the end of the month."

She smiles and hands me the envelope and I leave with an upset stomach. Even though I knew this was coming, that lost day of work is going to hurt. I may have to put my groceries on a credit card to stretch my money this month. I hate doing it, but we have to eat.

I drive slowly to Bella's place. My head is buzzing and my stomach is turning from lack of food and too much coffee and nerves.

Luckily–or not–the only person I see when I get there is Jasper. He waves me over through the kitchen window and I go outside to greet him.

"Hey," I call.

"You still look like shit," he says, eyeing me with a shake of his head.

"Does this mean we're not going steady anymore?"

"I can't go out with you looking like this. It's bad for my reputation."

"You're breaking my heart," I say, clutching at my shirt.

"Apparently I'm breaking hearts all over town." He rolls his eyes and swings the garden hose to the left.

"Maria still upset?"

"Yeah. She doesn't want to let it go, but I think she finally got the message last night."

"You all right?" I ask.

"Yeah," he says with a shrug. "It was the right thing to do."

I nod and jerk my thumb toward the house. "I better get to work."

"Yep. See you for lunch?"

I think briefly of the lunch I had with Bella and Maddie and then nod my head. That won't be happening again, so I might as well have lunch with Jasper.

I get to work and somehow make it through the morning without grievous injury.

And without seeing Bella. I'm on edge waiting for her to make an appearance, and I finally hear the click-clack of her heels right before lunch. My stomach drops to my toes and I take a deep breath to steady my nerves. I wish I wasn't having this reaction to her and I really need to get a fucking grip.

I keep working installing a cabinet above the stove so I won't look anxious while I wait for her.

And wait.

Eventually I hear the click-clack of her heels again, but they're retreating, not coming closer.

I drop my hands to my side and look toward the kitchen doorway, blinking like an idiot.

She has to know I'm here, so she's purposely avoiding me.

This I did not expect. And it hurts more than I thought it would. I feel like I've been punched in the gut. I don't want to feel this way. I want to forget she exists and go back to feeling nothing for anyone expect Maddie. But I'm afraid it's too late and I'm in for nothing other than misery.

I have lunch with Jasper, during which I'm tired and quiet. He seems to take this at face value and let me be. He chats and doesn't seem to mind when I don't add much to the conversation.

I see Bella one more time–or I think I do–in a sleek black car that pulls out in early afternoon. I think she's driving but I don't have a good angle to see.

I try to convince myself her disinterest is a blessing in disguise. Why punish myself with what I can't have? It's a tough sell, though. She's on my mind constantly throughout the day and I'm daydreaming like a teenage girl. I leave for the day disgusted with myself.

I pick Maddie up from school and know immediately she's still suffering from her cold. She looks up at me pathetically so I reach down and scoop her up. She puts her head on my shoulder and lays there impassively while I talk with her teacher.

"She had a fine day," Miss Katie tells me. "But she's tired and she's been coughing quite a bit this afternoon."

"Did she use her inhaler?"

"No," she replies with a shake of her head. "She didn't seem to need it." She walks over to Maddie's cubby, takes out a large envelope, and hands it to me. "This is from the head of our music department. Have a look and get back to her at your convenience."

"Thanks," I say, grabbing Maddie's lunch box and bidding Miss Katie goodbye.

Once we get home, Maddie's impassivity is gone and she's just cranky. Almost as cranky as I am.

We argue over what to have for dinner, whether she'll take a shower or a bath, and what pajamas she'll wear to bed. We have to use her inhaler once when she has trouble breathing during a coughing fit. I'm about to lose it by the time I tuck her in bed. I'm physically exhausted and emotionally spent. Today, of all days, I don't need this.

When she kicks her blankets off because I haven't put them on her in the right order, I get up and leave the room without a word so I don't shout at her. This seems to upset her more, as evidenced by the crying coming from her room, so after I count to twenty, I go back in.

"I'm tired, sweetie," I say, sitting on the side of her bed. "Can we just stop this for tonight and go to sleep?"

She nods and I hug her while she finishes crying.

By the time she's tucked in, over an hour later than usual, I don't even have the energy to pull out the bed, so I fall onto the couch fully clothed. I'm asleep almost instantly.

I wake up at just after three in the morning from a dream about Bella. It was nice; we were walking in the park on either side of Maddie, each of us holding one of her hands. Maddie was giggling and Bella was smiling and I felt happier in that dream than I ever remember being in reality.

I sigh and get up to change into pajamas and pull out the bed. But even once I'm physically settled, my brain won't shut off. So when six-thirty rolls around and my alarm goes off, I haven't been back to sleep.

My body aches and my head is pounding and when I go wake Maddie, I know I'm not getting off easy, exhausted or not.

"I'm tired," she says, pulling the covers around her.

"Get up, sweetie."

"I don't want to go to school today," she mumbles.

"You have to. Come on." I'm rapidly losing what little patience I have.

"No."

I pull the blankets off of her and she sits up and pounds her little fist into the mattress. "I don't wanna go to school!"

"Too bad. Get up."

I walk out of her room and get a bowl down for her cereal. I know she's just tired and cranky from her cold, but this isn't the morning to test me.

She coughs as she stomps into the room and my concern for her overwhelms any anger I feel. "Are you okay?" I ask, pouring her cereal.

"Fine," she says, sitting at the table and crossing her arms.

I pour her milk and then put it away, but when I turn back around, she hasn't started eating. "Aren't you going to eat?"

"I don't want cereal."

"That's all we have. I haven't gotten to the supermarket this week. I'll go today."

"I want toast!"

"We don't have any bread. Please eat your cereal." I'm clenching my jaw so hard I'm surprised she can understand me.

"NO!" she shouts. That I can handle. What I can't handle is her taking the spoon and using it to shovel her cereal out of the bowl and onto the table.

"What are you doing?" I yell. "Have you lost your mind?"

She starts to cry and runs to her room and slams the door.

"Get back out here and clean this up!" I know I've lost my cool, but I'm powerless to stop it. I'm at my breaking point.

When she doesn't come out I go to her room and find her lying face down on her bed, sobbing. "Get out there right now and clean up that mess you made."

She turns her tear streaked face to me. "No. You clean it up!"

I grab her my the arm and haul her out to the dining area. She screams and tries to wrench from my grasp, but I hold tight. "Clean. This. Up."

She screams again and I'm sure this is as close as I've ever come to spanking her. "Goddammit, Mad–"

That's when she starts to wheeze. My anger dissipates completely and I kneel in front of her. "Mad?" She gasping for air and her eyes are wide and frightened.

I run to her room for her inhaler and put it up to her mouth, but I'm not sure she's taken the medicine. Her need for air is becoming more pronounced and the area around her mouth is turning blue.

"Mad, look at me," I say calmly, grasping her arms. "We need to get your medicine in you or you won't feel better. Do you understand me?"

She nods, but when we try the inhaler again it seems to have no effect. I've never seen an attack this bad and I'm starting to panic. My daughter can't breathe and nothing I'm doing is helping her. Her face is red and she's sweating and her eyes are pleading with me to do something. I can hear her trying to say "Daddy" but she doesn't have the air to speak and I'm scared to death.

I pick her up and dial 9-1-1.

* * *

><p>Thank you for reading and for your kind reviews.<p> 


	25. Complain, maintain

Not betad. arfalcon and songster were invaluable in the creation of this chapter, though. They're lovely and generous and I'm blessed to know them.

Prompt: Complain, maintain.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

><p>The six and a half minutes we wait for the ambulance seems like a lifetime. Maddie is still gasping for breath but I hold her and talk to her and sing to her and do anything I can think of to keep her calm. She eventually stops crying but her breathing is no better.<p>

She starts to cry again when the paramedics arrive and she starts kicking and heaving for breath when she's separated from me and put on the stretcher. I pick her right back up and tell them I'll carry her, whether they like it or not. They put a portable nebulizer mask on her nose and mouth and I carry her outside.

They insist on the stretcher once we get in the ambulance. She still looks scared so I hold her hand and kiss her forehead and talk to her so she knows I'm there. The paramedics ask me questions about her medical history and take her vitals. Her breathing eases considerably on the way to the hospital as the nebulizer does its work.

I send a quick text to Emmett, letting him know what happened and asking him to call the job and let them know I won't be there. He texts back and says he'll take care of it and asks me to keep him updated on Maddie.

I walk next to the stretcher when we get to the emergency room and we're met by a nurse who talks medical jargon with the paramedics as Maddie is put into a room. It's not curtained like I expected but I don't dwell on it. Instead I sit with Maddie and take her hand. She looks so small in the big bed they've put her in.

"And who do we have here?" the nurse says to Maddie as he takes the nebulizer mask off.

Maddie looks at me so I answer for her. "Her name is Maddie."

"Well, Maddie. Looks like you gave your dad here quite a scare."

"That she did," I say. Another nurse comes in and hands me a stack of paperwork and asks me to fill it out. After she leaves I get up and take a seat in the chair next to the bed and start writing. I make sure Maddie can see me, though.

"My name is Seth. I'm going to be taking care of you," he says gently to Maddie. He puts a small clamp on one of her fingers and then takes Maddie's wrist in his hand and looks at his watch.

After he finishes taking Maddie's pulse he takes her blood pressure, and then has her breathe into some sort of device, all the while writing his results down on a chart.

Then he hands Maddie a nebulizer with just a mouth piece and tells her to breathe the medicine in slowly. It comes out as a mist and Maddie seems fascinated with it, but I help her hold it to her mouth. Now isn't the time to be distracted.

"The doctor will be in shortly," Seth says. "Just keep the nebulizer up to her mouth." He takes the paperwork I hand him, clips it to his board, and leaves. I'm grateful I had the presence of mind to take my wallet with me since that's where my insurance card is. I know not all of this will be covered but it's something I can't think about right now. Once Maddie's well and out of danger I'll deal with it. Somehow.

Maddie's breathing easier as the minutes go by and I sit on the bed with her, holding her hand and talking to her about anything and everything I can think of. I'm on overdrive, trying to keep her–and myself–distracted.

"Better?" I ask her after a few minutes.

She nods and takes the nebulizer out of her mouth, but gasps a little when she tries to speak.

"Shh, it's okay, baby. Just relax," I say, putting it back in her mouth.

The doctor comes in a few minutes later. She's on the young side but has an air of confidence I immediately notice and appreciate. "Hello there, young lady," she says with a smile. "I'm Doctor Young. And you are…" She looks quickly down at her chart and then back up. "Madeline."

Maddie takes the nebulizer out of her mouth. "Maddie," she says a little breathlessly.

Doctor Young turns to me and holds out her hand. "You must be Mr. Masen."

I take her hand and stand. "Please call me Edward."

"Why don't you tell me what happened?" she asks as she starts examining Maddie. I tell her about Maddie's cold, and then our morning. As embarrassed as I am by the fact that I argued with a five year old, I don't hold anything back.

"Has she been around anything that might trigger an attack? Mold or perfumes or pet hair?"

"No–wait. She was around a dog, but that was on Sunday."

"That might do it, especially if there was pet hair on her clothes."

"There was," I whisper. If I thought I couldn't feel worse, I was wrong. I haven't done our laundry and the sweatshirt she was wearing on Sunday in still in her room. One more thing to add to the list of sins I've committed that led my daughter to this hospital bed.

"Okay," she says after looking Maddie over. "I think you're going to be just fine." She offers Maddie a smile and then turns to me. "Would you mind stepping outside for just a moment?"

I nod and go over to Maddie. "I'll be right outside, and back so fast you won't even know I was gone."

She looks scared but she nods–my brave little girl. I put my hand on the side of her head and kiss her cheek. "I'll be right back. You keep that in your mouth while I'm gone." She nods and I reluctantly leave the room.

"She's had an acute asthma attack," Doctor Young tells me in the hallway. "It was likely brought about by a combination of her cold and exposure to the dog hair. I'm going to order some blood work and chest x-rays as a precaution, but I'm not worried. I might want to keep her overnight for observation depending on how her tests results come back, but it shouldn't be longer than that."

I nod and run a hand through my hair. "I'll be able to stay with her, right?"

"Of course. You can be with her the whole time. Do you have any other questions?"

"No," I say with a shake of my head. I'm anxious to get back to Maddie.

"I'll send the nurse back in."

I go back in the room and sit with Maddie, and Seth follows closely behind. He puts gloves on and takes out a needle.

Maddie takes the nebulizer out of her mouth and looks from me to Seth and back again with wide, panicked eyes. "Daddy?"

"It's okay, baby," I say, getting next to her in bed and pulling her close. I look over at Seth who nods and begins preparing her arm to have blood drawn. "Seth is going to take some of your blood so they can run tests on it."

"Is it going to hurt?" she asks.

"Yes, but only for a second and I'll be right here with you."

"I'm scared, Daddy." She looks up at me with a fat tear running down her cheek and I feel like my heart is being squeezed in my chest.

"I know, baby." I don't know what else to say. I'm terrified, so telling her not to be scared would be dishonest.

I talk to her about nonsense while Seth takes two vials of blood. It seems to distract her and she doesn't complain, but she cries when the needle goes in and every time she winces I feel like a sumo wrestler is sitting on my chest.

Seth puts a pink bandage on her arm when he's finished and this pleases her greatly.

"I'm going to take this to the lab," he says, holding up the vials of blood he's taken. "She needs to be back on the nebulizer."

I nod and hold it up to her mouth. She takes it with a small sigh and I kiss her forehead. "I know, sweetie, but it will make you feel better, I promise."

Shortly thereafter her eyes are starting to close but I don't have time to ask if she's allowed to sleep before Seth comes back in and announces she has to go for chest x-rays.

"We have to go up to pediatrics. You're welcome to come, but you have to stay outside the room."

I nod and we take the elevator up to pediatrics. I notice the ward is decorated with rainbows and flowers and bright colors, but we pass quickly and I'm too focused on Maddie to pay much attention.

I think my heart is going to break when she's led into the x-ray room without me. She's crying again and I know it's because she's scared. If I could just hold her hand I know it would make her feel better.

As I sit there outside the room where my daughter is having chest x-rays done, and have nothing to distract me, everything I'm dealing with suddenly overwhelms me. I take a deep breath so I can hold it together for just a little bit longer. Maddie will be out soon and she can't see me falling apart. I have to maintain the strong daddy façade for as long as possible.

I put my hands in my hair and rest my elbows on my knees. I stare at the floor and wonder how much more I'm going to be able to take.

Then I hear a voice I don't expect, but recognize immediately.

"Edward?"

* * *

><p>Thank you for reading and for your very kind reviews.<p> 


	26. Crooked

Not betad.

Prompt: crooked

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

><p>Bella walks slowly over to me, looking as confused as I feel.<p>

"What are you–" Her eyes search mine and then her hand flies up to her mouth. "Is it Maddie?"

I nod and look back down. I'm so fucking glad to see her but I can't deal with anything between us right now. Not with my baby so sick.

I almost expect her to walk away considering she ignored me yesterday, but instead I feel her sit down next to me. "What happened?" she whispers.

I let out a breath and sit straight. "She had an asthma attack. The worst I've ever seen." I clear my throat and bang my head against the wall behind me. "She couldn't breathe and I didn't know what to do."

She doesn't say anything right away and I can't imagine what she must think. She doesn't know I caused this, but maybe she suspects and that's why she's quiet. I don't have it in me to explain or fight or make excuses.

Then she reaches over and takes my hand in hers, twining our fingers together and laying them on the armrest between us.

I let out a long, shaky breath and a tear slips from my eye. I may not deserve this simple act of comfort, but it means everything right now. I'm so tired of doing this alone.

I don't know if she sees my tear, but she doesn't comment on it. I feel calmer for her presence as we sit there in silence. I want to ask her what she's doing here; if she's here for us or for something else, but I don't want to break the spell and I don't want her to leave.

Maddie is out before I know it and Bella stands with me, still holding my hand. I don't let go as Maddie turns her tear streaked face to look for me.

"Hey," I say to Maddie. "How did it go?"

"I didn't like it," she says in a small voice.

I use my free hand to touch her face. "You're my brave girl. You're doing great. I'm so proud of you."

She nods and sniffles and then blinks as she notices Bella. "Hi," Bella says to Maddie, squeezing my hand. "I hear you gave your dad some trouble this morning."

"I didn't mean to," Maddie says. She's still breathy when she speaks and when I look at Seth, I know he realizes it too.

"Of course you didn't," Bella says. "I'm sure it's not your fault."

If only she knew how true that was.

"Let's get you back downstairs," Seth says.

Bella and I follow, hand in hand, as Seth pushes Maddie. It should feel wrong or weird, but it doesn't.

I let go of Bella's hand when we get back downstairs so I can sit on the side of Maddie's bed and help her with the nebulizer.

Seth watches and then nods when we have it in place. "I can bring in another chair for you if you'd like, Mrs. Masen," he says. It takes me a second to register what he's said, but when I do it produces my first smile of the day, slight though it is.

"Oh, I'm not..." Bella looks at me and shakes her head, a shy smile on her face, before turning back to Seth. "No, thank you. And please call me Bella."

"Okay, I'll be back in a few," he says. He leaves and closes the door behind him

"Did you come to visit me?" Maddie asks Bella, taking the nebulizer out of her mouth.

"Well, I'm here every Tuesday and Wednesday, visiting the children in the pediatric ward," Bella says, taking the chair next to where I'm sitting on the bed. "It was lucky I ran into your dad in the hallway."

"What do you do when you visit? Do you play games?"

"Enough with the questions, you keep that in your mouth," I tell her.

"Yes, Daddy." She puts the nebulizer back in her mouth and looks at Bella.

"We play games," Bella answers with a nod. "We also read books and watch movies and sometimes I even sneak in a treat or two."

Maddie's eyes widen at the mention of treats and I let out a short laugh. "Don't get any funny ideas, both of you," I say, looking between them.

Maddie giggles around the nebulizer and Bella winks at her.

"I think there's a conspiracy afoot," I mumble. I'm shocked at the comfort my usually cautious daughter has with Bella after spending just one day with her. I used to think she was shy but maybe I've just kept us isolated. I rub my eyes and sigh. This is more than I'm ready to deal with right now.

Maddie's eyes are starting to close so I kiss her forehead and hold her hand until she falls asleep. The nebulizer is still in her mouth but it's hanging out crookedly and I'm not sure what to do. Just as I'm ready to go track down Seth and ask him what to do, he comes back in.

He tells me she can sleep with it, but we switch to a mask so it's easier for her. She doesn't wake up during the switch over; she's had a long day and it's already past lunch time.

Bella and I stand around awkwardly after Seth leaves. I'm not sure what to do. All I can think about is touching her again, but I'm sure that was a one time thing so I put my hands in my back pockets lest I'm tempted to be inappropriate.

"Do you want to get some lunch?" she finally asks, hooking her thumb toward the door.

"Um..." I rub the back of my neck. "I want to be here when she wakes up."

"Of course. I can go get something and bring it back."

"You don't have to."

"I know I don't have to. I want to." She taps her pockets and then looks around. "Right. I left all my stuff up in pediatrics. I'll be back. Any preferences?"

"Bella..." I say, holding my hands up.

"Edward..." she says, imitating my voice.

I chuckle and fall into the chair she just vacated. "I give up," I say, stretching out my legs. "Any kind of sandwich without mayonnaise is fine. Thank you."

She smiles brightly and leaves the room.

I rest my head on the back of the chair and close my eyes.

I can't have been asleep long, but I wake up with the worst crick in my neck. I'm about to sit up so I can rub it when I hear whispered voices.

"Daddy says you have your own family and I can't visit you anymore."

"Oh." Bella's voice is surprised and maybe a little sad. I should get up but I'm groggy and stiff from sleeping in the chair and it's not easy. "I'm sure your father has his reasons."

"He looked sad when he told me."

I hear Bella sigh. "Sometimes adults have to do things they don't want to do. Or they make mistakes and don't realize it until it's too late. But if they're smart and find a really good reason, they can change their circumstances."

"I don't understand," Maddie says.

I open my eyes just enough to spy Bella as she sits on the side of Maddie's bed. She smiles softly at Maddie and moves a lock of hair from her forehead. "I know you don't. Maybe some day you will. Maybe some day soon."

* * *

><p>Thank you for reading and for your kind reviews.<p> 


	27. Song

Not betad. But once again, arfalcon came through for me in a pinch. She's amazing.

Prompt: song

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

><p>I cough and stand up so they'll know I'm awake. I stretch and move my neck from side to side so I can work out the kinks. I'm still tired and my head feels like lead. There's only one thing in the world that's more important than my need for sleep right now. That's more important than everything else.<p>

"Hi, Daddy," Maddie says with a smile.

"Hi, sweetie," I say. I walk up to her and place a hand on her cheek. "How do you feel?"

"Okay. Bella bought me pizza." She sounds better but I can still detect a breathy quality to her voice I don't like. And her lunch is barely touched. She hasn't eaten all day and pizza is her favorite.

"Should she be off her medication?" I ask Bella.

"Seth said it would be all right," Bella says as she stands up from the other side of the bed and leans against the wall. "She just needs to put the nebulizer back on when she's finished."

I nod and run both my hands through my hair with a groan. "How long was I asleep?" I ask her.

"Not long. About forty-five minutes, I'd guess. Maddie woke up when I came back in with our food." She hands me a bag, and I sit and dig into a surprisingly good veggie wrap.

"Did you eat?" I ask Bella between bites.

"Mm-hm. Just finished." She holds up a crumpled bag and I nod.

"Sorry about falling asleep. How much do I owe you for lunch?" I reach into my pocket and take out my cash.

She blinks at my hand and then looks at me and shakes her head. "You don't owe me anything."

Her voice is rather astonished and I have no desire to fight with her. Especially not in front of Maddie. So I peel off a ten and hand it to her over the bed. "Please take this."

She hesitates and I incline my head toward Maddie. She takes the money with a sigh but instead of putting it in her pocket she puts it on the table next to Maddie's bed.

"What's your problem with mayonnaise, anyway?" she asks as I take the last bite of my wrap. I eye her suspiciously, knowing she's purposely changing the subject. She looks at me with exaggerated innocence and I let it go with a smirk and a shake of my head.

"Mayonnaise is gross, right, Daddy?" Maddie chimes in.

"That's right, sweetie." I wipe my hands on a napkin and crumple up my wrapping and throw it in the garbage. "Are you going to eat that pizza?" I ask her.

She wrinkles her nose and shakes her head. "No, thank you."

"Is it bad? Do you want something else?"

"No, I'm not hungry."

"Okay," I say. I'm worried, but she's had a traumatic morning and I don't want to push the issue. So I take her pizza and throw it in the garbage and let it be.

I sit on the side of her bed in order to help her get the nebulizer in place again.

"Do I have to?" she asks, her face crumbling.

God, I hate this.

"Yes, sweetie, I'm sorry."

"But I don't like it. I want to go home." She crying now and her voice is so desperate and sad that all I want to do is take her home, have bath time, tell her a story, and sing her a song before I tuck her into bed for the night.

Instead I place my hand on the side of her face and kiss her forehead. "I know, baby. But the medicine will make you feel better and the sooner you're better, the sooner we can go home."

This just seems to make her cry harder so I lean in and wrap my arms around her while she cries. She's sick and tired and in a strange place and people have been poking and prodding her all day. I'd probably be crying too if it were me.

Once she's all cried out she sits back in her bed and I take a tissue to wipe her face and her nose. "Let's use the mask so you can sleep," I tell her.

She opens her mouth to argue but doesn't seem to have the energy to, so she just nods.

"You're doing great," I tell her as I get it ready. "I couldn't be any prouder of you than I am right now. I love you so much."

She smiles and then sighs wearily when I put the mask on her face. I sit with her and hold her hand while she drifts off to sleep, which takes less than a minute.

I stand up and turn around and notice Bella's not in the room anymore. Disappointment curls in my chest, but I tell myself we're not her family, not even friends, really, and she was here for another purpose today. That she was with us at all was just a lucky break.

I sit in the chair and watch my daughter sleep, and just as I've convinced myself it's for the best that Bella left, she comes quietly back into the room carrying a shopping bag.

She looks at Maddie and then at me and I get up from the chair.

"Here," I say. "Sit."

"No, no," she replies, holding up her hand. "You look absolutely exhausted. And I don't want to intrude."

"You're not intruding. But if you have somewhere else to be…"

"No," she says quickly. "I mean, I don't have anywhere to be. Unless you don't want me here."

"No. Stay, please." The words are out of my mouth before I can think about them, but I can't find it in myself to regret them. Right at this moment I don't care that she's married or that I'm working at her house or about my pledge to keep Maddie and I away from potential hurt. I don't know what, if anything, is between us, but just having her here makes me feel less alone and burdened. As in maybe I don't have to do it all alone anymore.

And I don't want to.

The thought starts to overwhelm me so I beat it back with a few deep breaths and by looking at my sleeping baby. I have to focus on her first. Everything else will come later.

"Um… I went to peds and got her some coloring books and crayons." She takes the shopping bag and puts it next to Maddie's bed. "Then I made arrangements to have the television turned on. That's where I was. I thought it might help her to be able to see something familiar."

"My insurance isn't going to cover that," I mumble, rubbing my eyes. I can't think about the hospital bill either. I have no idea how I'm going to cover this and I don't need the extra cost.

"It's no trouble," Bella says, her brow furrowed in confusion.

"It is, actually. I really can't afford any additional costs." I can feel my face turning red in embarrassment at my inability to provide something as rudimentary as television for my daughter, especially when she's going through so much, but it's the simple truth. The money doesn't exist and who knows how many days of work I'll have to miss while Maddie recovers.

"Come outside with me. Just for a second," Bella says.

I look over at Maddie and then back at Bella, feeling indecisive.

"It won't take long, I promise," she says. "Please, Edward."

"All right."

Bella takes my hand and leads me outside to the lobby of the ER. "This whole emergency center was just redone a few years ago," she tells me as we walk. I'm trying to pay attention but her hand feels really nice in mine and it's distracting.

We come to a stop in front of a wall right inside the entrance. There's a list of names etched into the marble.

"This is a list of people who donated money to have the ER remodeled. See there?" she asks, pointing to the lower right. "Charles and Renee Swan?" I locate the names, and look at her and nod. "Those are my parents. Let me take advantage of the money they so easily spend." Her tone is pleading, as is her expression. My first instinct is to say no, that Maddie and I are fine on our own. But the truth is, we're not. I'm barely keeping my head above water, and not just financially.

"It's not costing me anything, Edward, except throwing my name around. When you live like I do you learn to take advantage of your name when you can, because it won't always be there. Please."

I close my eyes and nod. "Okay," I say, opening my eyes and looking at her. We stare at each other for a long moment and the pull I feel toward her is almost physical.

"Mr. Masen?" I turn around and am faced with Dr. Young, who does a double take when she sees Bella. "Bella?"

"Hi, Emily." Bella squeezes my hand and I'm not sure if it's in fear or defiance or comfort, but I squeeze back, trying to give her whatever she might need at that moment.

Dr. Young seems at a momentary loss for words. "Is there something you wanted to tell me about my daughter?" I ask her, wanting to move this along.

"Sorry," she says with a shake of her head. "Maddie's tests came back. Her chest x-rays were a little cloudy and her pulse ox is still low, so I'd like to keep her overnight for observation."

I rub my chest where a sudden ache has popped up and let out a shaky breath. I don't know what I thought, but it definitely wasn't that Maddie would need to spend a night in the hospital. I thought she was getting better. Cloudy x-rays and low blood oxygen are scary things to hear about your child.

"What does that actually mean?" Bella asks from beside me.

"It's really nothing to be concerned about," Dr. Young says, looking at both of us. "We'll treat her with steroids and antibiotics and she should be fine to leave in the morning. It's really just a precaution."

Thank God Bella's here and able to ask these questions. I feel like I'm drowning I swear her hand in mine might be the only thing keeping me afloat right now.

"She can stay here in the ER?" Bella asks. Though she doesn't really ask.

Mrs. Martin is back.

"Of course," Dr. Young says, looking slightly taken aback.

"The nursing staff is in the middle of a shift change. Please make sure they know." Mrs. Martin doesn't wait for an answer.

We walk hand in hand back to Maddie's room.

* * *

><p>Thank you for reading and for your kind reviews.<p>

The next update will probably be on Monday.


	28. Spine

Not betad. But I'm pretty sure I can't live without arfalcon at this point. I'm lucky to know her.

Prompt: spine

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

><p>Maddie sleeps for another hour, during which time we meet our new shift nurse, a girl not much older than me named Leah. She's young but she's as kind and attentive as Seth and I'm comfortable with her immediately.<p>

I call Emmett and update him on Maddie. I don't tell him Bella's with me, but I do tell him I spoke with her and there's no need to call the job in the morning. I speak briefly with Rosalie and she offers to come to the hospital so I can have a break. I thank her sincerely but decline. I don't know how long Bella's staying but she's here now and that's the way I want to keep it.

Maddie wakes up in a cranky mood and I can't say I blame her. She gets up and uses the bathroom and then Bella suggests some fresh pajamas. She's somehow procured some, along with a toothbrush and toothpaste, and a hairbrush, but I don't ask where.

After Maddie is changed and freshened up and back in bed, Leah takes her vitals and tells her she can be off the nebulizer for a while, so that cheers her a little. But she does need to have a steroid injection through an IV. Surprisingly, it's a relatively pain free process and she handles it well. Though she does keep looking at her hand and the tube coming out of it. At least it fascinates rather than scares her.

"How about something to eat?" I ask her as I sit on the side of her bed. It's early evening and she really hasn't eaten all day.

"I don't know," she says.

She seems disinterested so I decide to sweeten the deal. "I'll tell you what, you tell me the one thing you want more than anything else and I'll do my best to find it for you."

"Anything?" she asks with a smile, which does my heart good.

"Within reason," I say, smiling back at her.

"Can I have a doughnut?"

"Let me see what I can do." I lean over and kiss her on the forehead.

"What are the chances the cafeteria here has donuts?" I ask Bella.

"Not great at this time of day. But there's a diner right across the street."

"Perfect." I stand and look at Bella. "Um…"

"I'll stay with her," she says with a smile. "But only if you bring me back a coffee. As big as they have, cream, no sugar."

I kiss Maddie and leave, easily finding the diner and getting a half dozen doughnuts, an orange juice, and two coffees. I also pick up some food for Maddie I know she likes, just in case, and figure Bella and I can have it for dinner if she doesn't want it. We have to eat, after all, and there's no getting around that fact that I'll have to pay for our dinner. I might as well make the best of it. I do put it on my credit card, though. I try to convince myself I'll be in better financial shape in a month, even though I know in my heart it's not true.

I come back and find Bella and Maddie on her bed together, watching television. There's also a second bed in the room.

"What happened there?" I ask. "Are we doubling up?"

"That's for you. There's also a set of scrubs for you to sleep in."

"Huh. I didn't even think about pajamas or where I would sleep," I admit, rubbing the back of my neck.

"Of course you didn't. Do you ever think about yourself?"

"I…" I don't know how to respond so I just shake my head and start unpacking the food. "Thank you."

"You're welcome."

I take the chair and we have a picnic on Maddie's bed. Maddie doesn't want the chicken fingers, grilled cheese, or french fries, but she eats two doughnuts on her own, and even though they're empty calories, it's better than nothing. Bella and I polish off the food and we all settle in to watch cartoons.

It's an oddly domestic scene and anyone who walks in would see a family caring for their daughter together. It makes me feel nostalgic for something I've never even had.

Leah comes in and checks on us periodically and Maddie's breathing improves as the evening wears on.

Maddie falls asleep at just after ten o'clock. Bella gets off the bed and I turn off the lights and pull Maddie's covers up to make sure she's warm. I kiss her sweet face and run my hand through her hair, saying a silent prayer that she'll be well enough to leave in the morning and this never happens again.

I finally get up with a sigh and notice Bella watching me. The room is dark but her sad expression is easy to make out.

"What is it?" I ask in a hushed voice. I know there's something here, something to do with how much she enjoys spending time with Maddie and with her work in the pediatric ward, and I hope she'll tell me what it is. But she just shakes her head and looks away from me.

"I should go," she says, her voice shaking.

Of course. She's been here all day and despite what I may have felt earlier, she's not part of our family. I don't know what she is to us.

"Thank you for today, I don't know what I would have done–"

"It's fine," she says, picking up her jacket and purse. "Please let me know when you'll be back to work." Her voice takes on a formality she hasn't used with me in a long time.

I'm wide-eyed in shock at her tone, but I recover quickly. And really, I don't have the energy to fight. "Of course," I say. "It won't be tomorrow but I'll try for the day after. I know you're in a rush."

"Very well."

She turns and walks out without a backward glance.

I feel shell-shocked and battered and this has been the longest day of my life. I wearily change into the scrubs and sit on the empty bed next to Maddie's. The back is up so I sit there and watch my daughter sleep, the yellow glow from the light above her bed giving her an unhealthy glow. It's quiet and dark and even though I'm tired down to my bones, I don't sleep. My day–my life–overwhelms me.

I pull my knees up, curl my spine, and rest my forehead on my knees. I haven't felt this hopeless and wretched since I lost my parents. And I cry like I haven't since the night they died.

Because my daughter is sick.

Because her being in the hospital is my fault.

Because I can't give her all the things she deserves.

Because I'm not going to be able to afford private piano lessons for her.

Because I'm going to have to pull her out of Green Vale to pay this hospital bill.

Because I brought my daughter into this world swearing I would give her nothing but the best and I'm failing miserably at even providing the basics.

Because I'm alone.

Because I want someone I can never have.

Because even if she did want me, I have nothing to offer her.

I pull on my hair and just let myself feel everything I've been denying and ignoring for weeks; months, even. I think of every wrong and misguided decision that led me to this place.

I still know with absolute certainty that having Maddie was the best decision I've ever made, but I wonder about the way I went about it; if dropping out of college and leaving my family behind was the right thing to do. If my stubbornness and false pride has just set her up for years of needless struggle. If it was just me I wouldn't care. But I brought her into this world and letting her suffer isn't an option. I just don't know what to do.

My head pops up when the bed dips next to me. Even in the dark there's no mistaking Bella next to me; she looks as anguished as I feel.

She wraps her arms around me before I can say anything. "I'm sorry for the way I left," she whispers. "I don't know what I'm doing. I only know I got halfway home and couldn't stand the thought of leaving you and Maddie behind."

In that moment the reason why she left doesn't matter. It only matters that she's here now and I'm not alone anymore.

* * *

><p>Thank you for reading and for your kind reviews.<p> 


	29. Flicker

Not betad. Sorry for any mistakes. More on that at the end.

Prompt: flicker

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

><p>"I'm sorry," I say, pulling away and wiping my eyes. I sit back and stare at the ceiling. I hate that she's seen me so weak, but I can't do anything about it now.<p>

"Don't be sorry. I can't imagine what you must be going through right now," she whispers, lying down on her side. I can barely admit to myself how comforting it is to have her next to me.

"No, probably not," I say with some bitterness.

"Do you want to tell me?" she asks gently, making no mention of my tone.

How do you explain to someone you're a complete failure as father? I want to try; it's easy to be honest here in the dark when my defenses are low and I feel so exposed to her already.

Her presence brings me comfort but the silence hangs heavy in the air and all my failures swirl through my mind.

"Maddie's here in the hospital because of me."

"What? How can you say that? I thought it was an asthma attack."

"Because it's true," I say, adjusting myself so I'm on my side and looking at her. "She had a cold, I took her to the park with Jasper and his dog so she had dog hair all over her, then didn't do our laundry, and I shouted at her this morning. It made her so upset she had an asthma attack. How is it _not_ my fault?"

"You shouted at her? For no reason?"

"Well, no, she wasn't on her best behavior, but I was tired and my patience was worn thin."

She places a gentle hand on the side of my face and I sigh softly before I can stop myself, relishing the contact. "I wish you could see what I see. You don't see the way you look at her, you don't see the way you care for her and how you revolve around her when she's near you. You don't see she's an exceptional child and you're completely responsible for that."

"That doesn't really change the facts."

"What facts? The fact that you love her to distraction? That you put your life on hold for her? That everything you do is for her?"

"Still, when sh–"

"Stop it," she says, her voice firm but hushed. "You listen to me. You are brave and strong and an extraordinary father. How many men would take the responsibility you did when they were barely out of their teens?"

"But if I'm not fulfilling my responsibilities to her, what's the difference?"

"You're too hard on yourself. You're human; every parent has bad days."

"Do those bad days lead their child to the hospital?"

"Ugh, you are so frustrating."

"I'm honest."

"You're blind."

I smile even in my misery. I love that she challenges me. "Maybe," I concede.

"Have you really raised her on your own for the past five years?"

"Yes, pretty much." I say, furrowing my brow at the change in topic. I give her an abbreviated version of how I found out about Maddie, my aunt and uncle's reaction, and how I came to work for Emmett.

She shakes her head and smiles sadly.

"What?" I ask.

"You have a family that loves you and wants you."

"I know," I say, rubbing my eyes.

"That's worth so much. Please don't forsake it."

She looks at me for a long time and then closes her eyes briefly before opening them and looking somewhere over my shoulder.

"My parents are the type of wealthy that's almost obscene. I've never wanted for a material thing in my entire life. But I would have traded it all for a little bit of love and affection." Her eyes shift and meet mine. "I'm not making excuses for my life or complaining. I know other people have had it much worse. I just want you to understand."

I nod and she continues. "What you give Maddie is so much more valuable. You're beating yourself up over circumstance and for having a bad day. My mother and father would say they were good parents because they hired a competent nanny to care for me and sent me to the best schools."

She looks so sad, but there's a flicker of something in her eyes that almost seems like anger. Not that I would blame her. I can't imagine growing up the way she did. I never gave money much thought while growing up; I wasn't spoiled but I didn't want for anything either. My parents and then my aunt and uncle were nothing if not loving and supportive. It becomes clearer all the time being so stubborn when I gave Carlisle and Esme the news about Maddie wasn't the right thing to do and they probably would have been supportive had I given them the chance. I'm just not sure how to fix it.

Bella shifts closer to me and looks me in the eye, her voice so soft. "It's why I ran out on you before. It's so hard to watch you sometimes. You love her so much. It makes me feel jealous and all twisted up inside."

"Why?" I'm genuinely confused as to why seeing me with Maddie would upset her.

"I want to tell you, but it's a long story and you look so tired. Are you up for it?"

I'm so warm and relaxed and sleepy with her here, and as much as I want to know about her, this endless day is catching up with me.

"I _am_ tired," I admit through a yawn. "But I want to know about you."

"It'll keep," she says with a smile.

"Do you need to get home?" I mumble. I'm so tired my eyes are closing against my will and I think I'm already half asleep.

"No one will miss me." My eyes are closed so I can't see her but she sounds matter-of-fact, not bitter or angry or sad.

"I would, if you were mine." Part of me can't believe I just said that, but it's the truth and I'm too exhausted to lie or worry about the consequences of being honest.

She says something in response as her soft body molds to mine but I'm asleep before I can make heads or tails of it.

* * *

><p>I know, I know. <em>What did she say?<em> I bet you can guess.

I'm sorry for the gap in updates and review replies. I've been pretty sick and the medicine I'm taking knocks me on my ass. Hopefully it will clear up soon and I can get back to my regular update schedule. In the mean time, thanks for your understanding and patience.

Thank you for reading and for your kind reviews.


	30. Paste

Not betad.

Prompt: paste

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

><p>I don't immediately know what wakes me up, I only know my body is wrapped around Bella's and I think I could stay here for a long, long time. She smells good and she's sleep-warm and breathing softly next to me. In the light of day our situation seems so strange, but the pull I feel to her is undeniable.<p>

"Daddy?"

I extract myself as gently as I can from Bella and go over to Maddie. It's still dark but the sky is lightening; it must be very early in the morning.

"How are you, baby?" I say in hushed tones as I sit on the side of her bed.

"Your hair is messy."

I run a hand through the disaster at the top of my head. "Thanks, kiddo," I say with a smile. "But that doesn't answer my question."

"I'm thirsty," she says.

I flip up the top on her ice bucket and peer in. "It's melted. Do you want more ice or do you want to drink this?"

"Drink that," she says.

I pour her a cup and watch as she drinks it. "Okay?"

She nods and hands the empty cup back to me. "How do you feel?" I ask.

"Better," she says. "Can I go home today?"

"I think so. Let me go get the nurse and see what she says."

"I can do that," Bella says from behind me. I'm startled I didn't hear her get out of bed, but I'm happy the honesty in our midnight conversation hasn't scared her away.

"Thanks," I say with a smile.

She smiles back at me, then at Maddie, and leaves the room.

"I thought we couldn't visit with Bella anymore," Maddie says.

"I _did_ say that," I say with a sigh. "But she really wanted to be with you while you were sick." I'm coming up with answers on the fly but it seems as good as anything. I hate sending Maddie mixed messages but there was no way I was sending Bella away last night. Still, I had good reasons for keeping both myself and Maddie away from her. Reasons that seem less and less valid all the time.

Still, she's married and made no mention last night of leaving her husband. I need to tread carefully, for Maddie's sake as well as my own.

Bella comes back, Seth in tow, before Maddie and I can continue our conversation. "How's my favorite patient?" Seth asks Maddie with a smile.

"You're back," she says.

"I wasn't supposed to work today but I came in just to see you before you left us," he says with a wink as he starts checking Maddie's vitals.

Maddie giggles and Bella stands behind me and puts her hands on my shoulders as Seth works around me.

"I can go home?" Maddie asks in a hopeful tone.

"I'll have to double check with the doctor, but your breathing is good," he says, putting his stethoscope back around his neck.

Seth turns to Bella and me. "Give me a few while I check with the doctor on call. You can start getting ready to get out of here, though."

I nod at Seth and smile at Maddie. "Come on. Do you need help in the bathroom?"

She nods and looks at Bella and then back at me. "Can Bella help me?"

"Oh, um…" I look back at Bella, who's wearing a pretty smile.

"I'd be happy to," she says, holding out her hand.

They disappear into the bathroom and I feel such a strange sense or normalcy; of the way things should be. There's so much about Bella I still don't understand though and I don't want to get my hopes up.

I change quickly into the previous days clothes and start gathering Maddie's things, anxious to get out of here.

Maddie and Bella come out of the bathroom quickly and once Maddie's back in her clothes, Seth comes back with the doctor on call, who peruses Maddie's chart and pronounces her fit to leave.

Seth tells me Maddie will need two prescriptions, which he's already dropped off at the hospital pharmacy. She has to be on antibiotics and steroids for a week, and he suggests we make a follow-up appointment with a pulmonary specialist.

"Don't let me see you here again," Seth tells Maddie with a wag of his finger and a smile.

Maddie giggles and hides behind my leg. I shake Seth's hand and thank him for his help, then gather our things after he walks out. It's then I realize we came by ambulance and have no way to get home.

I rub the back of my neck and think about calling Emmett when Bella touches my arm lightly. "What is it?" she asks.

"Oh, um. We came by ambulance. I don't have my car here."

"I'll take you home."

"That's not necessary," I say automatically. But when I look at her, I smile. I'm already able to read her pretty well and I think this look means not to argue. "Okay, thank you."

"I don't have a booster," she says, squeezing her bottom lip between her fingers. "Let me run up to peds and see what I can do."

"Okay. I'll take Mad and get her prescriptions at the pharmacy and meet you in the lobby."

Maddie and I take care of our business and find Bella waiting for us with a booster seat. "How did you do that?" I ask.

"It was nothing, really. People are always leaving stuff behind. Let's go."

I take the seat from her and Maddie walks between us, holding one of our hands in each of hers. She chats happily about going home and how she can't wait to be well enough to go back to school.

Maddie and school is something I can't think about right now.

I direct Bella to our place and as we get closer I start to feel anxious. We live in a very modest one bedroom apartment, she lives in a mansion that probably has no fewer than six bedrooms and just as many baths. I've never been ashamed of the way we live.

Until now.

She pulls into a spot right in front of our building and I get out and pick up Maddie, thinking maybe Bella won't want to come in. But she pulls her keys from the ignition and follows me inside, carrying our small bag of items from the hospital. I can't very well send her away so I try to gather myself as we walk into the lobby, up to the second floor, and stop in front of our door.

I fish out my keys and hesitate.

"Let's go in, Daddy," Maddie says from her place resting on my shoulder.

"Yeah, okay." I unlock the door and open it, stepping inside and gently letting Maddie down to the floor. Bella follows and closes the door behind her as I rub my hands together nervously and survey our small apartment.

The cereal from yesterday morning is still all over the table, my bed is out, there's a basket of laundry next to it, and our coffee table is full of crayons, paper, paste, and stickers– remnants of a project Maddie was doing on Monday night.

I rush to clean up the cereal from the table. "Um, this is what we were arguing about," I tell Bella. I don't want her to think we normally live like this. Our apartment is small, but we keep it clean.

I sneak a peek at Bella and her face is impassive, but she shakes her head slightly as she looks at the pullout bed. I'd give just about anything to know what she's thinking, because at this point I'm sure my interpretation would be completely wrong. She confounds me at every turn; the mere fact that she's in our apartment at all is far out of the realm of anything I ever thought possible.

"I wouldn't eat my cereal. It was a bad job," Maddie says. She walks up to me and tugs on my pant leg until I give her my attention. "Sorry, Daddy."

I kneel on one leg in front of her. "I'm sorry too, baby girl." I hug her tightly and give her a quick kiss on the cheek. "I want you resting while I clean up."

"Yes, Daddy. Can I have breafkast first?"

I stand up and smile at her mispronunciation but don't correct her. "Sure. Go sit and I'll make pancakes."

"Can I show Bella my room?"

I look up at Bella, who smiles and nods. "I'd love to see your room," she says to Maddie.

"Let me grab your clothes first," I tell Maddie. She still has the sniffles and I don't want a repeat performance of yesterday morning ever again.

I go into her room and collect her laundry, putting everything into a basket for later. I'll have to vacuum too, in order to pick up any errant dog hair.

I come out and put the laundry basket by the front door.

Maddie takes Bella's hand and they disappear into her room while I gather the ingredients for breakfast. I'm again struck by a feeling of normalcy–that having Bella with us is right.

I wonder if she feels the same way.

And I know I'm going to have to find out before I let either myself or Maddie become more attached.

* * *

><p>Thank you for reading and for your kind reviews, and for your well wishes. I'm getting there.<p> 


	31. Portrait

Not betad.

Prompt: portrait

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

><p>Bella and Maddie are in her room for a long time. The door is open so I can hear some of what they're saying. Maddie is showing Bella all of her prized possessions, her books, her favorite toys, and her stuffed animals.<p>

Bella, as always, sounds interested and fascinated with everything Maddie says. It's one of the things I like most about her.

"Breakfast!" I call. I've cleaned off the table, thrown a load of laundry in, and made pancakes and coffee and poured orange juice.

Bella and Maddie come in and sit and I watch as Maddie's eyes widen when she looks at her plate. "Chocolate chip?" she asks, the sweetest smile on her face.

I nod and smile and hand her the syrup, ridiculously pleased I could bring a smile to her face.

"Thank you!" she exclaims, clapping her hands and getting up on her knees so she can reach her plate.

"You're welcome," I say, reaching over and cutting her pancakes into manageable pieces.

"I only get to have chocolate chip on special days or when we go out," she tells Bella. "But we don't go out too much. Is today a special day, Daddy?"

"No, but you're my special girl. Go ahead and eat."

"We sometimes bake chocolate chip cookies, right, Daddy?" Maddie says, putting a huge piece of syrup-soaked pancake in her mouth.

"Yes, baby. Not so much with the next bite, okay?"

She nods and takes a sip of her juice.

"Do I have chocolate chips in my pancakes too?" Bella asks.

"No, but I can cut yours up for you too if you'd like."

Her laugh is spontaneous and breathy and does funny things to my stomach. "Thanks, but I think I can handle it from here," she says.

We eat our breakfast, the perfect portrait of a family of three. When Maddie's juice runs out and Bella pours her more without being asked, my heart jumps to my throat.

Maddie chats happily as we eat but I can see her energy draining as our meal goes on.

I give her the antibiotic and steroid after she finishes her pancakes and she asks if she can lay down.

"Of course," I tell her. "But stay out here on Daddy's bed until I can vacuum your room."

"Can I watch television?"

"Sure." I take our plates to the sink and run the water while she settles on the pullout.

Bella comes up behind me and places her plate in the sink. "I can dry if you have a towel."

"Sure. It's hanging on the over door handle."

We stand there and do the dishes and the tension is so thick I can actually feel it. It makes my stomach twisty and I'm ridiculously awkward in my own home.

When the last dish is done I know I'm out of time. I lean back on the kitchen counter and cross my arms over my chest. "Why are you here?" I ask.

Her face crumples and I feel like an asshole. "I didn't mean it that way," I say quickly, running a hand through my hair. "I just… I don't understand what's happening here. Maddie's already crazy about you and I'm…" I shake my head and look down. "I won't let her get hurt."

I lift my head and Bella's staring at me, looking like I've slapped her in the face. "Shit, I'm sorry," I mumble. I look over at Maddie to make sure she didn't hear me swear. Luckily for me and my potty mouth, she's out like a light.

"I don't know what's going on," Bella whispers. "I only know I feel better here with you and Maddie than I do anywhere else."

Two tears streak down her cheeks and I feel like complete shit for making her cry. I grab her and pull her to me, wrapping one of my arms around her and putting the other in her hair. "I'm sorry," I say again.

She shakes her head against my chest, her arms around my waist. "You don't have to be sorry. You're protecting your daughter." She lifts her head and smiles. "I expect nothing less from you."

She's looking up at me, our bodies pressed together so closely I can feel her heartbeat against my chest. The air around us is almost crackling. I lean my head in just a fraction and we're so close if she spoke, I'd feel her words against my lips.

I want to kiss her, but I'm indecisive; taking this step will change everything and I have two hearts to consider. I breathe her air and try to will myself to do something, even if means doing nothing.

But then her hands are in my hair and her lips are on mine and my world is reduced to the places we're touching. I kiss her back, all of the pent up passion I feel for her coming out where our lips meet. It's been so long since I kissed someone, but I don't remember it feeling this good. She tastes like syrup and coffee and something so uniquely her. Her lips are warm and soft and when she opens her mouth and our tongues touch, my hands start to shake and my insides feel like liquid.

Against every instinct I have, I pull my mouth from hers. My arms still around her, I gaze at her pretty face. She looks confused and disappointed and maybe a little happy. It's so hard to tell.

"You're married," I whisper. I don't want to care about that detail when so many people don't, but I do.

"I'm leaving him," she says softly, searching my face. "I've been planning to since before I met you. It's just not cut and dry."

"I have nothing to offer you. I'm barely staying afloat financially and with me comes my daughter," I tell her honestly. I'm a little ashamed, but she needs to know the truth of my situation.

"You're wrong. You have everything to offer me."

I take a deep breath and try to get my bearings; I initiated this conversation but I feel overwhelmed. "Look where I live," I say, waving an arm around the room.

"Home is more than brick and mortar, Edward."

"But you're used to living a certain way," I insist.

"They're going to take it all when I leave him. Every penny," she says. "But I don't care. I did at one point, but not anymore."

"You might not think it matters now, but–"

"You're wrong. I'm not going to be weak and dependent anymore. I know what I want and I won't let them take it from me. Not again."

"What do you mean? What happened?"

"I owe you explanations. I know I do. But I've been gone for over twenty-four hours and I need to make an appearance at home. Jasper already texted me while I was with Maddie. He's worried."

I nod and kiss her forehead, then reluctantly take my arms from around her and let her go.

"Are you coming to the house tomorrow?" she asks as she slowly gathers her things.

"I don't know. I'll have to see how she feels."

"Bring her if she can't go to school."

"You're sure?"

"I'm positive. Please."

"Okay," I say with a nod. I need to get back to work and try to save before the hospital bills start rolling in.

"I'll see you tomorrow. Tell Maddie I said goodbye, would you?"

"Of course." I walk her to the door. I want to kiss her goodbye but as good as it felt, one slip-up with a married woman is enough. So we stand there awkwardly until she rests her forehead on my chest and I put my hands on either side of her head.

She pulls away after a long moment and leaves me with a beautiful smile.

* * *

><p>Thank you for reading and for your kind reviews.<p>

I sometimes tweet about updates. I'm (at)jenndema


	32. Grief

Not betad. Sorry for any mistakes, I'm pretty loopy from some medication I'm taking. I'm afraid ths is one I'll have to go back and fix one day.

Prompt: grief

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

><p>I'm restless after Bella leaves. Maddie is still napping and I have nothing to distract me. It seems my life is careening out of my control and it's an unnerving feeling. I'm like a caged animal, pacing around the apartment, just wanting to take some action but not knowing what to do.<p>

Having Bella at the hospital and then here was an almost surreal experience. When I walked into her house that first day the last thing I expected was... this. Whatever this is. Not knowing what we have is unsettling, and not just for me. I've worked so hard to give Maddie a modicum of stability in her life and I'm scared this thing with Bella will have the opposite effect.

Then there's the added stress of Maddie having to switch schools.

As I vacuum her room and finish cleaning up from breakfast, I decide to keep her at Green Vale for as long as I can, hospital bills be damned. On the one hand it might be wise to take her out now so she has more time to adjust to somewhere new, but I've been working to get her there for so long I want her to get the most out of it while she can. I can pay next month's tuition, and I'll deal with the hospital bills when they come in. Maybe I can work some overtime or try to find a second job.

Still, these decisions don't relax me or ease my seemingly endless anxiety. Surprisingly, despite Bella and our undefined relationship, and my financial woes and worry for Maddie, the one thing my mind keeps going to time and again is my aunt and uncle.

I think about what Bella said and how it relates to her own family, who would so easily discard her if she left her husband. They're apparently loyal to someone other than their flesh and blood. I can say with absolute certainly I would never choose anyone over Maddie and I can't imagine the kind of life Bella has been living.

Carlisle and Esme were so good to me when I came to live with them. They didn't try to replace my parents and dealt with my grief with kindness and patience. Meanwhile, they were dealing with my brooding in addition to their own grief, raising Alice, and their own day to day issues, which I understand better now than I ever did then.

I don't know if the very thing that drove a wedge between us was the thing I needed to experience to understand them, but it feels like the case. They were acting like any parent would when their twenty year old son told them he was quitting college because he knocked up his girlfriend. I can't say I would react any differently if Maddie did the same. In the end, I know my aunt and uncle were ready to be accepting of my choices, I was just too pig-headed to see past their initial reaction.

The bottom line is, they deserved better. My daughter deserves better. I deserve better.

Sneaking around a still-napping Maddie, I boot up my computer and type a quick email to Alice.

**To: Alice Cullen  
>From: Edward Masen<br>Date: September 28, 2011 10:15 AM  
>Subject: Hey<strong>

_Hey Alice,_

_This might be a first: me emailing you all on my own instead of just responding to one of yours. I'm sorry about that, and I want you to know how much I appreciate you keeping in touch with me all these years._

_Some things have been going on here that are making me question some of the decisions I made in the past, particularly the ones involving your mother and father._

_Maddie was in the hospital (she's fine now, at home recovering from an acute asthma attack) and I've met someone who makes me think about things in a new way. Let's say she's opening my eyes and helping me see what I willingly and foolishly left behind._

_So this is me swallowing my stupid pride and asking after Esme and Carlisle. I'm just sorry it's taken me this long._

_Love you,_

_Edward_

I hit send and then shut down my computer, too anxious to wait for an answer.

* * *

><p>Maddie tells me she wants to go back to school the next morning, so I give in and decide to let her go.<p>

I walk her in, though, and make sure I speak with her teacher and tell her about why Maddie's been absent. Miss Katie promises to keep an eye on her and I give Maddie an extra long hug before I leave.

"Make sure you tell Miss Katie right away if you're feeling tired or have trouble breathing," I tell her a I kneel in front of her and straighten the collar of her shirt. "Take it easy, okay? Not too much running around."

"Yes, Daddy."

I smile, kiss her forehead, and watch her walk away from me.

Then I head to the office to drop off Maddie's tuition check.

"Oh," the office receptionist says when I hand her Maddie's tuition envelope. "One second, please, Mr. Masen."

She disappears into the back and I'm left to wonder what the hell else I could possibly have to deal with now.

She comes back out a minute later, followed by Ms. Weber, the nice woman I met with regarding Maddie's admission and tuition assistance. My mouth dries up and stomach drops to my toes. I'm pretty sure I didn't bounce last moth's check, and I pray I haven't somehow lost the tuition assistance I was given.

"Mr. Masen," Ms. Weber says. "It's good to see you again." She extends her hand and we shake briefly before she asks me back to her office.

I sit anxiously in front of her desk while she taps on her computer.

"We're going to have to return your check," she says.

I'm confused because she doesn't look angry or condescending. "Why is that?" I ask with a shaky voice.

"Maddie's tuition has already been paid," she says with a smile. "For the next five years."

* * *

><p>Thank you for reading and for your kind reviews.<p> 


	33. Fun

Not betad. But carenl and arfalcon read this for me because they're lovely and generous with their time.

Prompt: fun

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

><p>I sit there and stare at Ms. Weber like an idiot for what feels like hours, but is probably less than a minute. "Who paid it?" I finally ask.<p>

"The donor wishes to remain anonymous. Believe it or not, this is a fairly common occurrence. We receive scholarships all the time from members of the community and alumni."

"But…" I rub my eyes and try to absorb what's happening here.

"Yes?"

"What if I refuse the money?"

"Refuse it? I don't understand. Why would you?"

"Pardon me if I find it a little strange that someone walked in off the street and paid my daughter's tuition."

"I assure you, Mr. Masen, there's nothing sinister happening here," she says with a short laugh.

"And this money is free and clear, no strings attached?"

"None whatsoever," she says. "It's a scholarship like any other. I remember we spoke briefly about the possibility of Madeline being eligible when she entered the first grade. We're just a year early."

She makes a good point. Still, I have a feeling this is no coincidence. "And there's no way I can find out who did this?"

"I'm sorry, but I really can't reveal that information. Why don't you take the weekend to think about it before you make any rash decisions. You can feel free to call me if you have any questions."

I stand up, shake her hand, and walk to the door. "When?" I ask, my hand behind me, resting on the doorknob.

"When what?"

"When was it paid?"

She taps on her computer and looks back at me. "Monday of this week."

I walk out of her office and to my truck in a daze, sure that didn't just happen. Someone, and I'm pretty sure I know who, just laid out an exorbitant amount of money to cover Maddie's tuition for the next five years.

On Monday. So before the hospital, before I told Bella about my dismal financial situation, before the kiss. Maybe it wasn't her, but I can't for the life of me think who else would have shelled out that kind of money.

If I wasn't already a jumbled fucking mess from everything going on in my life, I definitely am now. Because on the one hand, I'm thinking of rather dramatic ways I can tell Bella to take her money and shove it. I'm not a fucking charity case and I can take care of my daughter on my own, just like I have been from the minute she was born.

On the other, I'm thinking about what life would be like without the burden of tuition and loans to pay back, yet still being able to send Maddie to Green Vale.

Because as angry as I am, my mind is conjuring thoughts of being able to take her for pancakes on a Sunday morning just because we feel like it, of ordering pizza for her when she wants it, of buying her a good new winter coat and snow boots, of being able to spend money on something fun and frivolous instead of something necessary. Of being able to give her the education I want her to have and the childhood she deserves.

I pull over the side of the road, put the car in park, and repeatedly slam my hand against the steering wheel.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck!"

I rest my elbows on the steering wheel, put my hands in my hair, and take a few deep breaths. I'm almost to Old Brookville and not confronting Bella about this isn't an option. I need to be calm before I get there.

I start the truck and drive slowly to Bella's, trying to firm up a strategy. I only want to be angry, but by the time I get there my emotions are still all over the place.

I walk into Bella's feeling awkward and unsure, not just because of the tuition situation, but because of the kiss and the time we spent together. There were declarations, but I'm not sure where they'll lead. This is all too much.

There's been work done in my absence; a new floor has been installed and the walls have been painted a light yellow. I'm kind of relieved she isn't waiting for me, but it isn't long before I hear her coming. I take a deep breath and hope for the best.

"Hi," she says, leaning up against the door jamb. She looks shy and so damn pretty.

"Hey," I reply, trying my best to sound normal. I'm staining a cabinet door and smile briefly at her before focusing back on my work.

"How's Maddie?" she asks, walking further into the room.

"Better," I say. "She really wanted to go to school so I decided to send her. She'll be fine."

"Good," she replies with a nod. "So… um. Do you want to have lunch with me today?" She tucks a strand of hair behind her ear and looks at me with a soft, honest face and I know I need to say something.

"Did you do it?" I ask.

She searches my face, looking genuinely confused "Did I do what?"

"Pay Mad's tuition."

Her eyes go wide and I have my answer. I avert my gaze and let out a long breath, not wanting to fly off the handle.

"Technically it wasn't me," she says, her voice low. "It was my parents."

"Don't play semantics with me, Bella."

"I'm not," she insists. "Look, you don't understand."

"Enlighten me." I put my brush down and cross my arms over my chest, waiting for an explanation. I'm angrier than I thought but I'm trying to be reasonable.

"This is what they do," she says, twisting her fingers together. "They spend money. This isn't their first Green Vale scholarship and it won't be their last."

"But you asked them to do it. For Maddie, specifically."

"Yes."

"And when did it become clear to you that I couldn't provide for my child?"

"It's not like that," she says softly.

"Then how is it?"

She seems to flail for a minute before she shakes her head and reaches for one of my hands. I resist but she pulls it free. "Come with me," she says in her best Mrs. Martin voice. But her eyes are soft and pleading so I follow where she leads, which is to the living room. We sit on the couch and I wait for her to explain.

"When you live like we do, when you're as wealthy as we are, charitable giving is almost like a competition," she says, gesturing with her hands. "There was no way my parents were being left off that wall in the hospital. Not so much because they believe in the cause, but because it wouldn't have looked good and they need the tax deduction.

"They were going to spend the money anyway, Edward. Whether it was on Maddie's tuition or a municipal park or something else within the community. It's just what they do."

"That doesn't answer my question."

"I know you can take care of Maddie. God, Edward. Anyone who spends five minutes with her knows what an amazing father you are. But this was nothing to them. I just wanted to make your life a little easier and do something nice for Maddie."

I don't say anything, truly unsure how to respond. The righteously indignant part of me is withering under her logic and her apparently selfless, good intentions. She reaches over and takes my hand, threading our fingers together. I stare at our clasped hands where they rest on her leg; I never knew holding someone's hand could feel so good.

"Let me do this while I can," she says, her voice almost pleading. "The money will dry up soon and I won't be able to do it, even if I want to. Let me make things easier for you." She squeezes my hand. "For us."

My head snaps up.

"I want…" she says, searching for words. "I want, someday, for Maddie and her education to be my responsibility too. I'm just starting a little sooner than I expected."

"I…" I search her face and all I see is stark honesty and a depth of caring I don't think I've ever experienced before. And so I give in. "I want that too."

* * *

><p>Thank you for reading and for your kind reviews.<p> 


	34. Flip, slip, trip

Not betad.

Prompt: Flip, slip, trip

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

><p>We sit there holding hands for a moment, but as much as I enjoy being with her and the feel of her hand in mine, I really need to get back to work. I've already missed two days and the sooner I finish, the sooner she can leave the asshole she's married to and we can figure out what's going on between us.<p>

"I should go back to work."

"Yeah, okay."

"Really, I have work to do."

"I know. I have errands to run."

I realize, as we sit here holding hands and grinning at each other like fools, just how attached I am to her. She has a quiet strength and kindness of spirit I admire, and beauty that's undeniable. But more than that, she has that indefinable quality I've only ever heard about. The quality that draws me to her and makes me want to be with her all the time. It's something I've never felt before and I want to take the time to explore it. I just need to be patient.

We sit there for another minute before we hear the back door open and close. We stand up right as Jasper comes walking into the room.

"Hey," he says when he walks in, his eyes shifting between us. I think maybe it's time to make my escape.

"I'm gonna get back to work," I say to Bella. I give Jasper a nod as I walk past him and through to the kitchen.

I feel like a teenager who's been busted on the basement couch with his girlfriend. Which, incidentally, happened to me when I was seventeen. Carlisle gave me a stern talking to afterward, which ended with him handing me a box of condoms and taking me out to dinner.

I haven't thought about that incident in years and a little ache pops up in my chest as I think about how good he was to me, and how easily I threw it all away.

I've avoided even turning on my computer since I sent that email to Alice. I'm such a chicken shit.

I get back to work, vowing to check tonight.

I work quickly, wanting to make up for the time lost when Mad was sick. I call the school right before lunchtime and they assure me Maddie's taking it easy and is having a fine day.

Bella receives a call and has to attend some sort of emergency board meeting, so she and I can't have lunch together. I'm a little disappointed but look forward having lunch with Jasper. We sit outside, trying to enjoy the last of the nice days before autumn turns cold and blustery.

He's unusually quiet, and I think maybe I'm in for a talking to. He doesn't disappoint.

"Look," he says. "You're both adults. So all I'm going to say is don't slip and let her husband see anything. No creeping out of her bedroom at lunchtime or–"

"Stop right there," I say, holding a hand up and dropping my sandwich. "I don't fool around with married women."

He looks confused so I attempt to clarify. "Anything that happens between Bella and me is our business. But I respect the fact that you care for her so I'll speak frankly. Nothing like that is ever going to happen. I have a child to think about."

He nods and looks contrite. "Sorry, man."

"No problem." I crumple up my garbage and stand. "I know you care about her. Just remember, I do too."

I finish out my day and Bella comes into the kitchen right before I leave to get Maddie. "I'm sorry we didn't get a chance to talk today," she says.

"Me too," I say. "But Jasper had a man-to-man with me over lunch."

"He didn't," she says with wide eyes.

"He tried," I say with a laugh. "Don't worry about it."

"You're not upset that I told him, are you? I mean, I didn't get into the details, I just didn't want to lie about where I'd been."

"It's fine," I say. I smile and put a hand on her shoulder, then glance at my watch. "I need to go grab Maddie from school. I'll see you tomorrow?"

"I'm out for a good part of the day, but are you and Maddie free tomorrow night?"

"What did you have in mind?"

"I thought maybe I could bring over a pizza and we could watch a movie. I noticed Maddie has quite the DVD collection."

"We'd both like that." I smile and grab her hand, squeezing it briefly.

"Then maybe we could talk?"

I nod. "Six o'clock? Mad eats early."

"It's a date," she says with a smile.

* * *

><p>Maddie's thrilled when I tell her Bella's coming over on Friday night.<p>

"Can we watch _Tangled_, Daddy? Do you think Bella would like it?" she asks me over dinner.

"I'm sure she'll love whatever you choose, kiddo."

"Do you think she would like to play a game? Or maybe color with me?"

I smile and squeeze more ketchup next to her french fries. "I'm sure she would, baby, but let's slow down. We'll start with pizza and the movie and take it from there, okay?"

"Can I draw her a picture?"

"Of course you can. Right after your bath."

After she's in bed, I boot up my computer. I'm not surprised there's an email from Alice in my inbox. My stomach flutters with butterflies as I click it open.

**To: Edward Masen  
>From: Alice Cullen<br>Date: September 28, 2011 11:46 AM  
>Subject: RE: Hey<strong>

_You stubborn asshole. I've been waiting for years for you to send me that email. What the hell took you so long?_

_Mom and Dad miss you, that's how they are. They've been missing you since you walked out of their lives. This hasn't been easy on them. I don't really know what it was like for you, because you wouldn't tell me, but your absence has been difficult for all of us. It haunts them to this day._

_In general, they're fine. Mom is still teaching, though she wants to retire this year. She's still young but she wants to go work for Dad. He's Chief at Children's Memorial now and Mom's going to help him out. His current assistant is apparently lacking in many ways._

_In all honesty, they haven't been the same since they lost you. They've never told me specifically what they said when you told them about Maddie, but I know they regret it. I know they tried to apologize, and the fact that you didn't want to hear it has frankly been bothering me for years. But I was too young and intimidated to say anything before now._

_I'm sorry. I'm a little excited and a lot afraid and I'm not truly sure how to handle this. I hope I've given you what you were looking for. I could go on, but I'm not sure how much you want or how much I can push you._

_I love you. I hope you don't flip out about what I had to say. You asked, after all._

_I'll take a trip to New York at a moment's notice; you just have to ask. I bet Mom and Dad would too._

_Alice_

I sit back and rub my eyes, trying to process everything in Alice's email. I asked for it, and I certainly got it.

**To: Alice Cullen  
>From: Edward Masen<br>Date: September 29, 2011 8:37 PM  
>Subject: RE: Hey<strong>

_I'm not going to flip. I asked for a reason-I wanted to know. I'm not proud of my behavior but I'm not sure what I'm ready to do about it either._

_I'm going through a lot right now, and so is Maddie, and I don't think I'm ready for a visit yet. But I appreciate you being honest with me and I hope we can work out a time really soon when you can come and meet your niece and hug your stupid cousin._

_I'm a screw-up, Al. But I love you and I love your parents. Tell them that for me, will you?_

_Edward_

I stare at that last line for a long time before I send the email. First of all, it's a little cowardly to break the ice through Alice. Secondly, it's a big declaration to make and will open a door I thought long closed. But the truth is I _did_ think they'd left me behind. To find out they didn't makes the ache in my chest pop up again, and I long for all the years we've lost.

I ultimately send the email, hoping it's not too late.

* * *

><p>Thank you for reading and for your lovely reviews. I appreciate you all more than I can say.<p> 


	35. Foreign

Sorry there was no update yesterday. I was feeling a little off my game.

Not betad. But I need to thank arfalcon for every chapter from here on out. She's an amazing friend and one of the best women I know.

Prompt: Foreign

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

><p>I don't see Bella much at work on Friday, but I don't let it bother me. I have a lot of work to keep me busy and I'm going to see her later.<p>

As my day wears on I feel something I haven't felt in a long time. It's anticipation. Anticipation for spending time with someone who isn't my daughter. I probably haven't anxiously awaited an evening this much since before Maddie was born.

I work through lunch so I can leave early. I stop at the liquor store, the florist, and the bakery, enjoying the fact that I can make some frivolous purchases without worry. I don't go overboard, there are still bills to pay and the invoice from the hospital to come, but it's nice not to be so hamstrung by my circumstances anymore.

I've thought quite a bit about Maddie's tuition and Bella's intervention. I'm still uncomfortable with it, but the truth is I'd been hoping Maddie would pick up a scholarship once she entered the first grade. I didn't think about where it would come from or care who provided it, just that my daughter would thrive. So to be holier-than-thou because it came from someone I know would be the height of hypocrisy. So I'm trying to come to terms with it.

After I pick up Maddie from school she finishes her drawing from last night while I shower and change and straighten the apartment.

I'm like a teenager getting ready for his first date.

That feeling only solidifies when there's a soft knock on the door at just past six o'clock; my stomach jumps and my cheeks heat up as I answer the door.

Before I can even get out a simple greeting, Maddie is at my side. "I drew you a picture," she says to Bella. "Do you want to see it?"

"I'd love to," Bella replies with a smile. I take the pizza box from her and usher her inside. Bella perches on the end of the couch and Maddie hands her a piece of pink construction paper. I put the box down and join them as they discuss Maddie's masterpiece.

"It's you, me, and Daddy at the beach." She points to the figures, which look like blobs with legs and hair. "That's me, that's you, and that's Daddy–his hair is always a mess."

"Hey!" I say with mock indignation.

"She's right," Bella says, looking over at me with a smile.

I put my hand in my hair self-consciously. My hair _is_ a perpetual mess, but I don't have a lot of time for haircuts. "I see how it's going to be around here with you both ganging up on me."

"Oh no, Daddy. I would never do that," Maddie says, looking at me with huge eyes. "I'm sorry. I like your hair messy."

"Oh, sweetie. It's okay. Daddy wasn't serious," I say. "Okay?"

She nods and I kiss her on the top of her head and go set the table.

"Do you like the beach?" Bella asks Maddie.

"Yes! We went for my birthday with Adam and Aunt Rose and Uncle Emmett. I went in the ocean and built a sand castle and we ate out and I had a milk shake."

"Sounds like a great birthday."

"It was the best ever. Do you like going to the beach?"

"I do. But I bet you had more fun than I did."

"You didn't have a good time?" Maddie asks, her voice so sweetly concerned it makes my stomach knot up. I don't know what I did to deserve such a good kid.

"It was okay. But I'm sure I would have had more fun with you."

I look over as I put the plates on the table and Maddie's nodding. "Maybe you can come with us next time. Not until summer though. Daddy says it's too cold now."

"Daddy's right," Bella says, reaching out and moving a strand of Maddie's hair out of her face. It falls right back and I shake my head. The poor kid didn't just get the color of my hair, it looks to be just as unruly as well.

"Would you like to color something with me?" Mad asks Bella.

"I'd love to."

I watch them color for a moment and have that sense of rightness again, of Bella belonging here. Maybe not here in a one bedroom garden apartment in Bayville, but with us. Me and Maddie. It's such a foreign feeling, but I like it.

When we sit down to eat Maddie is a little chat factory with Bella.

"Daddy bought these flowers today. Aren't they pretty?"

"Yes, but not as pretty as you."

"We're going to watch _Tangled_ tonight. Do you like it?"

"I've never seen it."

"Oooh, it's so good. I want hair long like she has, but then Daddy said it would get too knotty and I already complain when he combs it in the morning. Right, Daddy?"

"Right, baby." She's making a mess on her hands with the pizza so I reach over with a napkin and wipe them.

"Can we watch two movies, Daddy?"

"I think one is enough for tonight. You just got out of the hospital and you need your rest."

She sits back and pouts, crossing her arms over her chest. "Little girls who pout don't get dessert. And that's too bad because I bought some special cupcakes."

Her demeanor changes immediately at the mention of cupcakes. "Really?"

"Really."

We finish our pizza, eat cupcakes, and then Maddie changes into her pajamas and sits between me and Bella on the couch.

I've seen this movie about six hundred times, but having Bella here makes it different. Maddie periodically pauses the movie to explain the plot to Bella. It's a child's movie so she obviously doesn't need it, but as always, Bella is infinitely interested in everything Maddie has to say.

Despite her protestations that she's not tired, Maddie eventually starts to nod off as she cuddles against my chest. Just like almost every other time we watch a movie.

I pick her up and carry her to bed, tucking her in with a kiss. "I love you, Daddy," she mumbles.

"Love you too, kiddo."

I walk out of her room and find Bella straightening up from dinner. "You don't have to do that," I tell her.

"I know. But I want to." She puts the last of the plates in the sink and turns to face me.

"I can do the dishes in the morning."

She nods and we stand there awkwardly for a moment. I guess Maddie's a good buffer for our as yet undefined relationship. "Um," I say, rubbing the back of my neck. "I stopped at the liquor store. I didn't get any wine, since I wasn't sure what to pick, but I have some beer if you feel like it." It's funny, I already feel like she's a part of my life but I have no idea what she even likes to drink. What an odd set of circumstances.

"I'd love a beer," she says with a soft sigh.

"How do you do it?" Bella asks me once we're settled back on the couch.

"Do what?"

"All of it. She's really remarkable."

"I think I just got lucky," I say, taking a sip of beer. "She was surprisingly easy when she was an infant and we kind of eased into childhood." I shrug. "She was unexpected, but I chose her so I need to do my best to get this right."

"Why did you choose her? I mean, how did you know?"

"I just did. I think it has something to do with my parents being gone. When I found out there was part of me out there, I just couldn't let it go."

"What about her mother?"

I shrug again. "She didn't want her. Or me. I haven't seen her since a few minutes after Mad was born."

She looks down and shakes her head, her hands tight on her beer bottle. "I don't understand that. At all."

"I can't find it in myself to have any bad feelings about her. She gave me Maddie. She could have chosen differently or had an abortion, but she let me keep her. Now I couldn't imagine a life without her."

"I don't know if I could have done what you did; have a baby at a young age and strike out on my own."

I haven't been in a relationship in a long time, but being with her is so easy I'm able to rely on instinct. We haven't touched since she's been here, but her voice is so sad I reach out and trace a gentle finger over her cheek. She closes her eyes briefly and looks down, her hair falling in front of her face.

"You don't have to hide from me," I whisper.

She nods and looks at me. "I want you to know everything about me. Just… I'm afraid."

"Of me?" I ask, taking her hand in mine.

"No. I have no idea why, but no. Not you."

"Of what, then?"

"Everything. I've been afraid my whole life. But I don't want to be anymore."

* * *

><p>Thank you for reading and for your kind reviews.<p>

I'll try to update at least once over the weekend.


	36. Test

Not betad

Prompt: Test

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

><p>"You don't strike me as a coward," I tell her.<p>

"You haven't know me for very long. I've always taken the easy way out," she says with a frown.

"How does being here, or staying with us at the hospital, or going to your parents for the scholarship for Mad fit into your definition of taking the easy way out?" I ask with raised eyebrow.

"Point taken. I'm trying to do better, to do what's right instead of what's easy." She smiles slightly, squeezes my hand, and then lets go. "I grew up around people just like me: wealthy, spoiled, privileged, arrogant. We all thought we were better than everyone who wasn't like us, but we were constantly trying to prove it. We cared so much about appearances and who had the better clothes or shoes or who drove the nicest car." She shakes her head, a rueful smile on her face. "I'm not going to lie and say I never fit in or always thought there was a better way. But it was all I knew."

She looks at me as if pleading for me to understand. So I nod and wait for her to continue, hoping I'm giving her what she needs.

"People who worked in my house when I was growing up were just that; they worked and I didn't give them much thought after that. They were like background noise."

This isn't something I enjoy hearing, but by the look on her face she's not proud of it. Still, I shouldn't be surprised considering how she treated me my first few days working at her house. I tell her as much and she looks like she's about to cry.

"Hey, I'm sorry," I say, reaching out and taking her hand again.

"Don't be. You're right. You didn't deserve any of that and I have no excuse except being that way–standoffish and pretentious–is my default. But I'm trying to be better."

"There's nothing wrong with the way you are," I say. She snorts out a laugh and shakes her head. "I mean it. I prefer Bella, but Mrs. Martin comes in handy sometimes."

She knits her brow and puts her empty beer bottle on the coffee table.

"Another?" I ask.

"Please."

I get up and go to the fridge. "You're Bella when we're like this," I explain, "or when you're with Maddie. You're Mrs. Martin when you want hospital staff to do your bidding."

I sit down with two fresh beers and hand her one. "So I have split personality disorder?" she asks with a smile, adjusting herself so she's sitting cross-legged on the couch with her back against the armrest.

"Well, I'm betting on Bella being more dominant. I honestly don't think I could stomach Mrs. Martin except in small doses." I mirror her pose, except I keep my long legs stretched out.

"God," she whispers, "I hate that name so much."

"Then why do you have it?"

She takes a long drink from her beer. "Demetri wasn't always like this. He was a really good friend to me at one point in my life. Things just… deteriorated."

"How so?"

She breathes deeply and looks away from me. "Why is this so hard?"

"You don't have to."

"No, I do," she says firmly, looking back to me. "The thing is, being around the same type of people my whole life made him stand out that much more when I finally noticed him."

"Your husband?"

"No, Brady."

"Who's–"

She holds her hand up. "Sorry. I'm jumping all over the place. Brady was our gardener's son. I didn't look at him twice before the summer I was nineteen. He was twenty-two by then, and the most self-confident, engaging person I'd ever met. I was completely infatuated with him."

I raise my eyebrow but she just shrugs. "It's the truth. He honestly didn't care what anyone thought of him. He was his own person and the opposite of anyone I'd ever taken the time to get to know. He fascinated me.

"We kept our relationship a secret. I wasn't ready to test my parents by telling them and I still had two years of college left, so it seemed like I'd be stirring the pot for no reason. The truth is, I was just terrified about what their reaction would be to me dating someone who wasn't acceptable. So instead of standing up for something I felt strongly about, I hid it and snuck around."

"Where were you going? To school?"

"Oh, LIU. Right here in Brookville, so I was living at home after being away at boarding school. I was studying psychology. Everything was going fine until right after the start of the fall semester when I found out I was pregnant."

I sit there frozen, my beer bottle halfway to my mouth. I was not expecting this. Then again, the pieces that make up Bella are finally starting to fall into place.

I take a sip of my beer and watch her do the same. I try to keep my face as even as possible but I'm not sure I'm succeeding. Bella's hands are shaking and her eyes are welling with tears so I do the only thing I can. I take my beer bottle, then hers, put them on the coffee table, and pull her into my arms. She cries softly against my chest as I rub my hand up and down her back. I don't say anything; she'll tell me the rest when she's ready.

I kiss the top of her head and run my hands through her hair as she continues. "He wasn't happy when I told him about the baby," she says. I immediately see red but hold my tongue. I may not be an expert about relationships, but I'm sure my anger toward someone she once cared for is not what she needs right now. "He said we'd get married, so that's what I focused on. I thought he loved me and I could make him happy. I wasn't smart enough to realize you don't marry someone based on circumstance."

She's silent for a long time and I wonder if we're done for the night. When she speaks again her voice is barely above a whisper. "And then I told my parents."

She sits up and back against the armrest, running a hand over her face. "I guess I should have known better than to think everything would work out. People never really get the fairy tale, right?"

* * *

><p>Thank you for reading and for your lovely reviews.<p> 


	37. Rescue

Not betad. But I must once again thank arfalcon, who is an honest, thoughtful sounding board in addition to being a good friend.

Prompt: Rescue

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

><p>I really wish she wasn't all the way on the other side of the couch, but I give her the space she seems to need. This is the first time in a long time I've wanted to comfort someone other than Maddie and I'm not sure if I should push it or let her be. I'm a little out of my depth and since I can't comfort her with touches, I try words.<p>

"I don't know," I say carefully. "I think sometimes the fairy tale isn't always what we expect." I'm not exactly sure what I'm trying to say. I only know if her life had taken a different path she may not be sitting here right now, and I don't like that thought. At all.

She looks me in the eye for a long moment before she nods. "You're right. But at the time I thought I was in love. That Brady was the pinnacle and I would love him forever." She shakes her head and takes a deep breath. "Needless to say, me having a baby with the help was unacceptable. I was to have an abortion immediately and never see Brady again."

She scrubs a hand over her face and looks at a spot over my shoulder.

"It took them two days. In two days Brady was gone. All I received for him was one email, telling me he had to leave or my parents would make sure his father never worked in the area again. He didn't mention the baby, tell me he loved me or where he was. I tried to respond but the email account was already canceled.

"I don't know how much they gave him, but I guess it was enough for him to abandon us. I haven't heard from him since."

I resist the very real urge I have to punch a wall. Or seek this guy out and teach him a lesson about how a man is supposed to behave. "What about his father?" I ask calmly, though my insides are churning.

"He didn't know anything, as far as I could tell."

She finally looks back at me, her eyes wet with unshed tears. "I didn't know what to do. My parent's threatened to cut me off completely if I had the baby and I didn't know if I could be all alone and give my child a good life."

She looks at me pointedly and I know what she's thinking. It's as clear as the hand in front of my face.

"Not every situation is the same," I say, running a hand up and down my thigh. I want to say the right thing but this isn't a conversation I expected to be faced with and I'm not really sure how to handle it.

"No, it's not," she whispers. "Anyway, I didn't know what to do and Demetri sort of came to my rescue. He was a good friend and he caught me at the right moment and I told him everything. He asked me to marry him on the spot.

"I'd always suspected he had a thing for me and I cared for him, so I thought we could make it work. Any good relationship is based on friendship, right? He seemed like the answer to my prayers. I could keep my baby and I wouldn't have to face the prospect of a life without money or resources."

She bows her head and her shoulders are shaking and I really want to touch and comfort her in some way. But I'm floundering a little bit. For as comfortable as I am around her this is some heavy shit she's dealing with and this is uncharted territory for me.

"Bella?"

She sniffs and wipes her nose and lifts her head, but she doesn't look at me. I sit closer to her, but I don't touch her. "Hey," I say softly. "No more hiding, remember?"

"How can you even look at me right now?" she asks, a fist in front of her mouth.

I'm not a fool. I know what she means. But she's not me and she made the best choices she could. I tell her as much but she just scoffs and looks away.

"What happened to the baby?" I ask, reaching over and grabbing a tissue and handing it to her. She takes it with a soft sigh and wipes her nose.

"My parents were willing to go along with the ruse. We'd tell everybody Demetri and I had been dating and decided to get married when I became pregnant. You see, it was okay for me to be knocked up out of wedlock as long as it was with someone acceptable."

I rest my arm on the back of the couch and put my head in my hand. "So you wound up marrying due to circumstance after all."

She nods. "My mother threw something together and we were married a month later."

She's silent for a long time as she twists the tissue in her hand. Finally she lets out a long breath and looks at me, a few tears streaking down her cheeks.

"I miscarried one week to the day after the wedding."

My eyes widen in shock; I can't help it. I wasn't expecting any of this, and even though this happened years ago, her pain is so real it's palpable. She lowers her gaze and I gently grasp her chin with my thumb and index finger. She looks up at me and that seems to let the floodgates loose. She lets out a sob and before I can question myself, I'm holding her again. She clutches my shirt I her fists and cries in earnest, while I offer her what I hope are comforting words and caresses.

She eventually composes herself pulls slightly away from me, but stays close enough that she rests her head on my shoulder. I grab her another tissue, and she wipes her nose and her cheeks.

"You should know something before whatever it is between us goes any further," she says, lifting her head and looking at me. Even with a splotchy face, runny nose, and red-rimmed eyes, she's absolutely beautiful.

I furrow my brow, wondering what else she could possibly have to tell me. As if what we'd already discussed wasn't enough. I'm not sure how much more by brain and heart can take tonight. But I sit and wait for her to talk since she obviously needs to get this out, and thinks I need to hear it.

"I can't have children."

"I… okay." I scratch the back of my neck and stare at her for a minute, trying to absorb all of this. It's really a ridiculous amount of information to process in such a short amount of time. Still, she's looking at me like she wants me to say something. So I do. I tell her truth. "I haven't been on a date in three years and I haven't been with a woman since Maddie's mother. It's safe to say having more children hasn't been the first thing on my agenda. But even if I wanted a passel of kids, dreams change."

She looks at me dubiously and I shrug and offer her a small smile. "Sometimes the fairy tale isn't what we expect. Sometimes it's better."

* * *

><p>Thank you for reading and for your kind reviews.<p> 


	38. Calculate

Not betad.

Prompt: calculate

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

><p>It's late. We're lying together on the couch, under a blanket, Bella's head on my chest and my arms around her. She's told me about how she tried unsuccessfully for years to have another child, and about the deterioration of her marriage. Demetri supported her through the miscarriage but as the years went on and no heir was produced, she started to see a different side of him. One that wanted the financial security of a Swan grandchild.<p>

Apparently, Demetri is a poor businessman who has thrown good money after bad at one failed business after another. His own inheritance is running dry and he's relying on the money Bella's parents provide.

"Don't you have some sort of trust fund or something?" I ask, rubbing a hand up and down her back. I feel like I've been doing this for hours, but I don't tire of it and it seems to relax her. Both of us, really.

"I did. Before the baby. It was supposed to mature when I was twenty-one or graduated from college, whichever came first. They decided they didn't trust me anymore and retained control of it. It's theirs and they're under no obligation to give me any. They give me a certain amount to live every month and they bought me the house as a wedding gift."

"So it's their way of controlling you."

"Exactly. Everything they do is calculated. I know they don't want me to leave Demetri and they'll probably cut me off when I do. It'll be their way of trying to put me in my place again. But I won't let them. Not this time."

"And that's why you want to remodel the house. So you can sell it and pocket the money."

"Well, I'll probably have to give Demetri some of it, but I'll happily give it to him if it means he lets me go quietly."

I feel a little overwhelmed by everything she's told me. It's Friday night and it's late and I'm getting sleepy. Still, there's something I need to know.

"How do you know it's you?"

"What's me?"

"How do you know you're the reason you and he couldn't have children?" I don't like to think of her with that asshole, or with anyone who isn't me for that matter, but it's something that's been on my mind since she mentioned she couldn't have children.

"Well, we saw every specialist we could find. There's nothing physically wrong with either one of us, as far as anyone can tell."

"And?"

"And," she says, lifting her head to look at me, "I know it's not him."

It takes me a second to register what she's saying. "Are you kidding me?" I ask through clenched jaw.

"No," she says with a sigh, lying her head back down on my chest. "He blurted it out one night while we were having an argument."

"Jesus, Bella. What the hell kind of men were you involved with?"

"The wrong kind," she mumbles into my chest.

We're quiet for a while and I start to doze off. It's been a long day.

"I wonder sometimes what my life would be like if I'd never gotten pregnant," she suddenly says. "Then I wonder what if I had made different choices and the baby survived."

"Do you think the pregnancy would have had a different outcome had you not made the choices you did?"

"I don't know, maybe."

"Trust me, that would have led to a whole host of other questions. I sometimes wonder where I'd be if I didn't have Mad."

"You do?"

"Of course I do. I'm human, you know," I say with a chuckle.

"I know. It just seems like you're so sure having her was the right thing."

"I am sure. Most of the time. I worry that I can't give her the life she deserves. I sometimes think it was selfish of me to bring her into the world and raise her by myself."

"Why would you say that? She's amazing. You're doing such a good job."

I shrug. "It's difficult for her. She asks for her mother and feels different than the other kids because she doesn't have one. She has no female influence in her life and no female role model. And did you know children in lower income households have a higher instance on childhood asthma? It's true. I've done the research." I don't know why I'm telling her all of this. Maybe because I've never told anyone before and I've been carrying these doubts around for a long time. And it's so easy to be honest in the dark.

"I know plenty of rich kids with asthma who come through the pediatric ward. You can't blame yourself for that. As for the rest, she adores you, Edward. I'm betting she wouldn't trade what she has with you for any other life."

"Because she doesn't know any better. I wonder if she would have been happier if we'd placed her with a nice two-parent family." I've barely ever articulated this thought to myself, never mind someone else. But it's something that nags at me, especially when Maddie asks about her mother or I'm short on patience and there's no one to back me up.

"Stop it," Bella says, adjusting herself so she's on her elbow. Her voice is firm, but her eyes are soft. "I would give anything to go back and make different choices. To leave my old life behind and start fresh with the child I lost. You love her more than anyone else ever could."

"Did you ever consider adoption?" I ask. I'm changing the subject, I know. And I suspect she does too. But she goes along with me.

"Yes, and IVF too, but by the time I seriously started to think about it my marriage had deteriorated enough that I wouldn't bring a child into it. It wouldn't have been fair. I thought maybe once I was on my own it was something I'd consider. Single mothers can adopt from some foreign countries pretty easily as compared to here."

"I think you'd make a great mother," I say. She doesn't respond but she lays back down and I hear her sigh softly.

"I should go," she whispers some time later.

I hum and tighten my arms around her. Even though I know she needs to leave, I'm comfortable and I like having her here.

She untangles herself from me a few minutes later and sits up. "I don't want to leave, but I should."

"Okay," I say, sitting up and running a hand over my face.

She gathers her jacket and purse and I walk her to the door. "Sorry I unloaded on you," she says, biting her lip. "I just wanted you to know."

"It's fine. I'm glad you told me." I rest a hand on her shoulder and run it up to the back of her neck. I very much want to kiss her, especially after everything that happened tonight. But I don't. I can't. As close as I feel to her and as intimate as we've been, she's still married. Soon, I tell myself. _Soon_.

I lean in and kiss her forehead, lingering just a little longer than necessary.

"I want you to know something," she says after I pull away.

"Mm?" She's looking at me but playing with the buttons on my shirt again. I'll have to make sure I always wear a button-down in her presence so she has a reason to touch me.

"I don't… want something with you because you have something I lost." She looks at my chest, smoothing her hand across the front of my shirt. It feels really good and I have to focus on what she's saying. I'm sleepy and I really, really want to take her to bed.

"You're sure?" I ask, taking her soft hands in mine and resting them against my chest. I'd be lying if I didn't admit the thought had occurred to me after learning about her situation.

She nods and looks up at me. "I can't separate who you are from who you might have been. That would be impossible, especially since I didn't know you before. I only know who you are now. But it's not about a built-in family. I could get that anywhere. It's about you and Maddie. I care about both of you."

I place the palm of my hand on her cheek and she closes her eyes. "We care about you too," I whisper. "And I really wish you weren't married."

She opens her eyes and sighs. "I won't be for long. I promise you."

I nod. "Since this seems to be a night for confessions and truths, I need _you_ to know something."

She nods and swallows nervously as I run the back of my fingers across her cheek. "Maddie always comes first. That's not to say she won't take a back-seat on occasion, but when, if, anything comes of this, I need you to know she's my first priority. I don't know how to balance being a father with being anything else and I'm going to make some wrong choices along the way." This is a long speech for me and I'm suddenly embarrassed.

She surprises me by laughing. "Edward, you sleep on a pullout couch and store your clothes in a laundry basket so your daughter can have the one bedroom. I get it."

"Oh, yeah. I guess," I say awkwardly, taking my hands off of her and scratching the back of my head.

She leans in close to me so I'm pressed against the doorjamb. She's looking up at me with huge eyes and wet lips and I want to kiss her. Just once. Well, once more. A vision of me kissing her and lifting one of her legs and wrapping it around my waist flashes through my mind and I almost groan out loud. Being so emotionally intimate while being physically distant is fucking torture. I need to get that kitchen finished as soon as possible.

She gets up on her toes and places a soft, lingering kiss on my cheek. "I get it," she repeats. "And I wouldn't have you any other way."

* * *

><p>Thank you for reading and for your kind reviews.<p> 


	39. Wrangle

Not betad.

Prompt: wrangle

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

><p>I wake up on Saturday morning with Maddie's little hand on my arm. It's surprising since I'm usually awake long before she is. My long week is catching up with me, I guess.<p>

"Hi, Daddy," she says. "Can I watch television?"

"Sure," I say, lifting the covers so she can crawl in and then grabbing the remote and finding something suitable for her to watch. She settles in next to me and I try to go back to sleep, but it's nearly impossible, so I lay there and look at the little miracle I'm somehow lucky enough to have in my life.

"Did you have fun last night, baby?" I ask her.

"Yes. But I thought you said we couldn't see Bella anymore."

"Yeah, I did say that. I'm sorry. Sometimes adult stuff can be complicated."

"So we can see her again?"

"Definitely."

"When?"

"Soon, I hope," I say, reaching over and tickling her tummy.

She giggles and moves away from me. "Again," she says, a bright smile on her face. I love when she's like this, young and happy and healthy and free from worry. I always want her life to be this way.

We play the tickling game for a while and then I drag myself out of bed and make a pot of coffee. We have an appointment later this morning with the pulmonary specialist and then have the rest of the day free.

I text Rosalie to see what they're up to, hoping for a play date. I'm not disappointed; Rosalie texts back that they're free and we should come over for lunch after Maddie's appointment.

The pulmonary specialist checks Maddie out and declares her free from any long-term effects from the asthma attack. Her breathing is good and her lung function is high.

As we drive over to Em and Rose's place, I feel something I haven't for a long time. It takes me a while to figure out exactly what it is.

I'm optimistic.

I have a little money in my pocket, Maddie's healthy, and I have something on the horizon I haven't ever truly had: a partner, someone to share my life with, and hopefully, someone to love. I like feeling this way.

Maddie and Adam run off to his room the minute we walk in the door, and I follow Rosalie to the kitchen. I've always liked their house; it's small but is the perfect size for the three of them and has a homey, lived in feel to it I've always admired.

"Where's Em?" I ask, sitting at the kitchen table.

"He had to run a few errands. He should be back soon." She hands me a bottle of water and sits at the table with me. "You look different," she says, narrowing her eyes in scrutiny.

"I do?" I ask, putting one hand in my hair and the other on my chest.

"Did you get a haircut?"

"No."

"New shirt?"

"No."

She narrows her eyes again and looks at me for a long minute. "Hmph. There's something different about you."

"Honestly, there isn't," I insist. I have no idea what she's talking about. I even shaved this morning.

"Fine," she says. "How's Maddie? What did the doctor say?"

I start tell her about our doctor visit earlier in the day and how Mad's been feeling when Emmett comes in laden with bags and two pizza boxes. I help him empty out the car and then Rosalie and I set the table for lunch while Emmett wrangles the kids and brings them down to eat.

Maddie takes a bite of her pizza and frowns. "What's wrong?" I ask with a sigh. This kid and food–she's going to be the death of me.

"I don't like it," she says, crossing her arms over her chest.

"It's the same pizza we have every time we come here," I remind her. "And you like it every other time."

"I think it's good," Adam interjects.

"See?"

"I promise, it's the same pizza we always get," Emmett assures her.

"I like the pizza Bella brought over last night better."

I stop with my slice of pizza halfway to my mouth and the room falls completely silent.

"Who's Bella?" Adam asks.

"Bella's Daddy's friend. He works at her house," Maddie tells him.

Emmett starts to cough and I look over at him, my face flushed and my heart beating a little too quickly. I should have known better than to think I could keep this under wraps, especially with my chatty little kid blabbing my business all over town.

My eyes flick to Rose, who just looks confused, and back to Emmett, who seems to have gotten his coughing under control. "Are we talking about Isabella Martin?" he asks rather incredulously.

"The woman who didn't want you to eat lunch?" Rose asks.

I scrub a hand over my face and sigh. I open my mouth to try to explain but Maddie gets there before I do. "She stayed with us in the hospital. I saw her holding hands with Daddy."

"Mad, cut me some slack here, would you?" If only she would stop talking I could get a word in.

"Sorry, Daddy," she says contritely. She takes a bite of her pizza, so at least that problem is solved for now.

"You wanna tell me what's going on?" Emmett asks with a raised eyebrow.

"Yes, tell us," Rose says with a smile.

I rub the back of my neck and try to come up with the right words. "There's not much to tell. Not yet, anyway."

"But this is the same woman, right? The one who called and asked why you were eating lunch?" Rose asks.

I nod and pick at the crust on my pizza. I'm completely unprepared for this conversation. Though I shouldn't be. Shame on me.

"Edward…" Emmett says, holding his hands palm-up and then dropping them on the table.

"It's not what you think," I say. "I wouldn't jeopardize your business by doing anything stupid."

"Then what is it, exactly?" He doesn't seem angry, just a little confused. I can't say I blame him.

"How about after lunch?" I ask, inclining my head toward the children.

He nods and Rose gasps from the other side of the table.

"That's it! That's what's different about you," she says. She has a smug smile on her face and I knit my brow in question. "You're happy."

"I…" I leave my thought there and bite my pizza. If she can see it now, how am I going to look when Bella and I can actually be together?

Maddie and Adam chat through the rest of our meal but the rest of us are kind of quiet. I have no idea what they're thinking, but I'm trying to decide what I want to tell them.

After lunch the kids go back upstairs to play and I give Emmett and Rose a quick synopsis of my budding relationship with Bella. I don't tell them everything, some things that go on in a relationship are private and should stay that way. Like kissing and cuddling on the couch.

On a professional level, Emmett seems satisfied with my explanation. He does tell me to be careful and I assure him I will be–for many reasons. Him and his business included. He's been good to me and I'd quit before I put his business in a compromising position.

"So when do we meet her?" Rosalie asks.

"Oh. Um… I don't know. Things are… complicated."

"Her? Really, Edward?" Emmett asks. "I mean, I'm happy for you if you like her, but she came off as such a bitch when I met her."

"Em!"

"It's okay," I tell Rose with a chuckle. "She did come off as a bitch. First impressions aren't always accurate." I shrug and lean back in my chair.

"So the complication is she's married," Rose says.

"It's not so cut and dry, but that about sums it up, yes."

"I realize this may be out of line, but I have to say it," Rose says. I nod and she continues. "Don't get caught up in something that's going to hurt you or Maddie. I can't tell you how many friends I have who got involved with someone who was married only to regret it later. They make promise after promise but they rarely leave their spouses, Edward."

I smile and nod. I know she's coming from a good, honest place. "I appreciate that, Rose. I really do. And I know what you're saying. I can only promise you I wouldn't expose Maddie to this situation if I wasn't sure about what I was doing."

"Okay," she says. "If you're sure."

"I am."

* * *

><p>Thank you for reading and for taking the time to review.<p> 


	40. Shadow

Not betad

Prompt: shadow

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

><p>I spend a long weekend without Bella, thinking about her situation with her husband and her parents. I want to call her and talk to her and ask her to come over, but I know I can't. And that makes me feel strangely guilty. As if I'm doing something wrong. As platonic as our relationship has been, I feel like I'm involved in an affair.<p>

As bad as her husband is, I can't fathom her parents. I can't imagine treating my child like a commodity. I don't know if it's just the way she came into the world, but I've always tried to make Maddie feel special and loved and worthwhile. I haven't always succeeded, but I think–I hope–she knows she's the most important thing in my life.

I realize, as I sit and stare at my computer on Sunday night, I was lucky not once, but twice. Bella's right, family–good family–shouldn't be forsaken so easily.

I boot up the computer, fully expecting an email from Alice in response to my last one. She doesn't disappoint.

**To: Edward Masen  
>From: Alice Cullen<br>Date: October 1, 2011 3:43 PM  
>Subject: RE: Hey<strong>

_I had lunch with Mom and Dad today and told them about our recent email exchanges. It took just about everything Dad and I had to prevent Mom from hopping on a plane to New York immediately. _

_I can't even explain to you how happy they both were when I told them you might be interested in reestablishing a relationship with them. Although I think maybe telling them so soon might not have been the best idea._

_They lost a son, Edward. For so long Mom was just a shadow of her former self. She's been better over the last year or so. I don't know if she was resigned or finally accepting of your absence from her life, but I'm afraid she's going to start feeling anxious again. I explained to them your need for space and time to think. Dad laughed at that and told me you'd always been that way, even before you came to live with us. Brooding was the word he used. Appropriate, don't you think?_

_Anyway, I wanted you to know you have nothing to fear by putting yourself out there. They asked me to tell you that they love you, they love Maddie even though they've never met her, you will always be a part of this family, and they'll drop everything to come to you. All you have to do is ask._

_My job here is done. I know they're going to keep nagging me, but I won't nag you in return. I'm going to wait to hear from you._

_We'll all be here when you're ready._

_Love,_

_Alice._

My throat is tight and my eyes are burning as I close her email. This offer of unconditional love and acceptance is more than I ever expected or hoped for. Though I should have known better; I should have listened. These years of solitude were so unnecessary.

I take a deep breath against the emotion I feel and clear my throat when Maddie touches my arm. "Are you okay, Daddy?" she asks. Her face is so concerned it doesn't help stem the tide of emotion I feel.

I take a long breath and pick her up onto my lap. I hold her close for a moment, comforted by her mere presence. "I'm fine, baby girl. Just feeling a little silly."

She nods as if she understands. "Sometimes at school Miss Katie says we have to work our sillies out so we can learn. So she puts music on and we dance around the room. Should we put some music on?"

I laugh and hold her close, my emo fog suddenly lifting. "I think that's a great idea."

The soft sound of Louis Armstrong and Ella Fitzgerald singing "Cheek to Cheek" fills the room and I put her little feet on mine. I twirl her around our small apartment and her laughter is a soothing balm to my soul. Even if everything else in my life falls apart, as long as I still have my daughter I'll be the happiest man in the world.

* * *

><p>I see Bella first thing on Monday morning and her sweet smile brightens my mood that much more. I know I need to do something about my family situation, and I will, I'm just not ready yet. I want things with Bella settled first.<p>

"Victoria thinks she might have someone interested in the house," Bella tells me as I gather my tools for the day.

"Wow, that was fast. Do they know what your kitchen looks like?"

She laughs and my stomach does that weird jumpy thing. "Yes, they know about the renovation. She's going to bring them by tomorrow."

"I've never sold a house. How long does it usually take?" I ask, getting to work hanging a cabinet door. I reach up to start screwing in a hinge and wait for her to answer me.

And wait.

I turn my head and she's staring somewhere around my waist, her cheeks pink and her eyelids heavy.

"Bella?" I ask. I'm almost alarmed until she looks quickly up at me with an embarrassed expression, and I realize my un-tucked shirt was riding up as I was reaching over my head to install the hinge.

I put the drill down and take one long step, closing the gap between us. "Didn't anyone ever tell you it's impolite to stare?" I whisper in her ear.

She shivers and swallows loudly and I almost feel bad.

Almost.

I smirk and go back to work, enjoying her discomfort just a little. It's nice to feel wanted.

"Jerk," she says over the sound of the drill. But she's smiling and even hands me the screws that are just out of my reach.

I finish the hinge and get the door ready for hanging. "You never answered my question. How long does it take to sell a house?"

"It depends," she says. "Victoria thinks if we low-ball the price we can sell pretty quickly. The market around here isn't as bad as some other places."

"What's considered quick?" I ask, positioning the hinge on the door and picking up a screw.

"If we can find an interested buyer we can insist on a prompt closing. So hopefully no more than a month or two."

"That long, huh?" I drill in the screw and then look up at her.

"I'm doing the best I can," she says softly, her eyes widening.

I put my drill down and take her elbow. "Hey, I know you are," I assure her, searching her eyes to make sure she knows I mean it. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay. You didn't do anything wrong," she says, taking a deep breath. "I can't tell you how much I want out of here for good. I just need a little longer."

"I'm not going anywhere. Take as long as you need." She bows her head and rests it lightly against my chest for a moment. I put my hand on the side of her head and press my lips to her hair. "I'm sorry for being impatient," I whisper.

She lifts her head and smiles. "I'm impatient too. In the meantime, when can I see you again? Outside of here, I mean."

I hear a bang somewhere close by and we both jump. We look so guilty it's almost comical. I'm suddenly shaky, even though we haven't technically done anything wrong.

This isn't a good way to live.

I lean over the door I was working on, drill in my hand. "Some night this week?" I ask, not looking at her.

"Tomorrow?"

I nod and get back to work. I _really_ need to get this kitchen finished.

* * *

><p>Thank you for reading and for your kind reviews.<p> 


	41. Sip

Not betad

Prompt: sip

Phrase Catch: Timing is everything.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

><p>The couple who comes through the house on Tuesday morning don't seem particularly friendly, but I suppose that doesn't really matter if their check clears.<p>

As they're walking through, Victoria asks me when I think the cabinets will be done and I tell her it'll be a week to ten days. The potential buyers tell Bella they like the work I'm doing, but don't address me directly. I'm back to being invisible background noise.

I see Bella later, before she leaves for her work at the hospital, and we finalize our plans for later. She offers to bring dinner, but I tell her it's not necessary. Maddie's on a schedule and I need to keep her life as consistent as possible.

So at six o'clock, the three of us are sitting down to a meal of chicken cutlets, buttered noodles, and string beans–all things I know Maddie will eat. I watch Bella closely but she doesn't bat an eyelash and eats her fair share of dinner.

After dinner we play a rousing game of Trouble, which Maddie wins handily–because we let her–and then it's time for a bath and bed. We stick as closely as possible to our established routine and Maddie's in bed only fifteen minutes later than usual.

After she's all tucked in, I grab us two waters from the fridge and Bella and I settle on opposite ends of the couch.

"Victoria thinks the couple from this morning is interested in the house," Bella says with a smile.

"That's good news. When will she know for sure?'

"She'll call them tomorrow. They'll probably bid less than what I'm asking, but I'll take what I can get at this point."

I nod and take a sip of my water, then place the bottle on the coffee table.

_Just another month or two._

"Edward?"

"Hm?"

"I asked you… It's not important. Is something on your mind?" She moves to the middle of the couch, one leg tucked under her, and reaches a hand out to me, settling it on my shoulder.

"Oh. No, not really," I say. There's plenty on my mind, but she has so much going on I don't want to burden her.

"Hey," she says softly. "You're distracted, I can tell. Please talk to me."

And here I thought I was putting up a believable front. She's starting to know me pretty well, which is both terrifying and incredibly cool. "Remember I told you about my aunt and uncle? And how they reacted to Mad and then tried to apologize?"

"Of course. You haven't spoken to them since, right?"

"Right. Well, I've been in touch with my cousin and I kind of told her I might be interested in seeing them soon." I rake a hand through my hair and sigh. "They want to come to New York to see me and meet Maddie."

"That's great news," she says. Then she furrows her brow. "Isn't it?"

"Yeah, I guess so. I really do want to see them. It's been so long and… I don't know. I want Mad to have a family, you know?"

She nods and smiles a little sadly. "So what's the problem?"

"I want to be able to tell them about my life. Everything about it. You included. It would feel weird to leave you out, but I wouldn't know what to tell them either."

"Oh."

"It's complicated and the last thing I want to tell them is I'm involved–sort of–with a married woman."

"Don't wait for me. Please." She gets up on her knees next to me and then settles back down. It's warm where her knees are touching my thigh. "Family, good family, is too important and timing is everything. Don't wait too much longer. What if the house doesn't sell right away?"

I scoff and shake my head. "I don't even want to think about that," I say, resting my head on the back of the couch and looking up at her. "I'm embarrassed I'm involved with someone who's married. And we're not even having an affair, for God's sake."

"We _are_ having an affair. It's just emotional and not sexual. The funny thing is, I don't think I've ever been as intimate with anyone as I am with you. Sad huh?"

"No. I feel the same," I say, reaching over and taking her hand in mine.

"See your family. I'll be there with you if you want me to be, or I'll keep my distance and meet them at a better time, once we're more settled. Don't let my bad situation hold you back."

"Okay," I say with a nod. She's right. I'm stalling and I need to get the ball rolling.

I get up, still holding her hand, and drag her over to the small computer desk in the corner of the room. "Stay with me while I do it?"

"Of course."

I sit in the chair and Bella stands behind me with her hands on my shoulders. Her touch makes me feel things I never have before; it's a strange combination of erotic and comforting.

As the computer boots up Bella runs her hands through the hair at the back of my head and I have to stifle a groan. It's like she knows exactly how to touch me.

I make a concerted effort to focus on what's in front of me–I need to do this and I don't want her to stop touching me. Ever.

**To: Alice Cullen  
>From: Edward Masen<br>Date: October 4, 2011 9:07 PM  
>Subject: Okay<strong>

_Hey Al,_

_Okay, I'm ready. Or at least I think I am. I'm finding my life a little out of sorts right now, but maybe that's the best time to get on with something like this. There's no reason to wait. I'd love to see you and Carlisle and Esme and have you all meet Maddie._

_I'll leave my cell number at the bottom. Call me and we'll work something out._

_Love,_  
><em>Edward<em>

I type out my sell number and hit send before I can second guess my decision.

Bella tightens her hands on my shoulders and leans down. "That was a good thing you did," she whispers in my ear. "I'm really proud of you."

I swivel the chair around so I'm facing her and I grab her hips, pulling her to me. "Thank you. For being here with me and helping me come to terms with this," I say, looking up at her.

She nods and lowers herself to straddle my lap, weaving her fingers through my hair. We sit there staring at each other–my chest is tight, my heart in hammering in my chest, and my whole body feels coiled and tense.

Bella is breathing heavily and her eyes are hooded. She drops her forehead to my shoulder and moves her hips just a fraction, just enough to cause an almost unbearable amount of friction.

She moans softly and I tighten my grip on her hips to keep her from moving again. I have to bite the inside of my cheek to stop myself from kissing her.

This is absolute torture.

"If you don't leave your damn husband soon I'm going to do something I'll regret."

I breathe deeply into her neck and she clutches my shirt in her fists. I want to kiss her and touch her and fuck her until she's incoherent. Then I want to take my time and make love to her and feel every inch of her beautiful body. I want to sleep with her wrapped in my arms and wake up in the morning and make pancakes for her and Maddie. I want to hold her hand and watch her with my daughter and do laundry with her.

I want it all and I don't want to wait.

I pick up my head and she does the same. I search her face and what I find there is every bit of joy and agony I feel mirrored back at me. I know waiting is the right thing, but I hate it. I've already waited so long for her to come into my life and to be denied is almost intolerable.

"Tell me again why we're waiting," she whispers, her voice cracking. She puts her head down on my shoulder and her breath on my neck makes me shiver.

I take a deep breath, move my hands slowly up her back, and press my lips to her temple. "I… shit. Because it's the right thing to do. Because my daughter is in the next room. Because… I'm running out of reasons."

"You're right. I know you are. Just sometimes…"

"I know. For me too."

* * *

><p>Thank you for reading and for your kind reviews. I'll try to catch up with replies this weekend.<p> 


	42. Pliant

Not betad

Prompt: pliant

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

><p>Before we leave for school in the morning, I send an email to the director of the music program at Green Vale. The paperwork I was given states all students are required to take an assessment exam before they start with a particular instrument. It's software based and is supposed to be taken at home with a computer and your instrument of choice.<p>

Except we don't have a piano and I'm not sure our computer could handle such advanced software.

I've looked over the paperwork thoroughly and nowhere does it say what one should do in such a case. So I shoot off an email explaining our situation, hoping we can work something else out. If not, I'll have to find a way to afford private lessons for her.

I leave Maddie at her classroom door with a kiss and a hug and then head over to Bella's. My phone rings right as I pull around the back of the house. I get out of the truck, close the door, take a deep breath, and answer the phone. I already know who it is, though no name flashes on the screen.

"Hi, Alice."

After an awkward minute or two, we get down to business.

"Mom wanted to come this weekend, but I figured that might be too soon for you."

I scratch the back of my head. "You figured right." I'm not stalling this time, but I do need to prepare Maddie, and myself, before this can happen. And I tell her as much.

"I understand. Next weekend?" she asks.

I let out a long breath. It's only Wednesday, but a week and a half should be plenty of time to get Maddie up to speed. "Yeah. Okay. Just so you know, and tell Esme and Carlisle, it's going to be just me at first. There are things I don't want Maddie to hear, things I want to get out of the way before you all meet her."

"Will we see her at all this visit?"

I see Bella watching me through the kitchen door so I wave and walk up to the back deck and mouth "Alice" to her. She nods and smiles in a way that lets me know she understands, then I focus back on my phone call.

"Yeah, I think so. Let's play it be ear," I tell her. "If you fly in on Friday I can meet you for a drink and we can hash out anything we need to. Then we'll see about you meeting her on Saturday."

"Okay. I'll tell Mom and Dad. But let's try, okay? We all really want to meet her."

"Fair enough. I'll send you my address and once your flight and hotel are booked, email me the information. We'll take it from there."

"Okay, good. Listen, Edward…"

"Yeah?" I prompt, pacing around the back deck.

"I'm really glad this worked out. I've missed you."

"I miss you too, kiddo. Talk to you soon."

We hang up and I walk into the house. "Sorry about that," I say to Bella. "She called right as I pulled up."

"No problem," she says. "Did you decide anything?"

"They'll be here next weekend. All of them. I'll met them first and if everything goes well, they can meet Mad."

"Oh, that's smart," she says, sounding rather surprised. She shakes her head. "How did you get to be such a good father?"

I snort and give her a small shrug.

"I'm serious," she says, well, seriously. "I never would have thought of that. How did you figure all this out?"

"I don't know. You just feel your way along and figure it out as you go, I guess."

"Really? That's it?"

"That's it. Most of it is instinct, I think." I turn from her and walk over to my workbench, wanting to start my day. "Is it too early to have heard from Victoria yet?" I ask over my shoulder.

"Yes, but it shouldn't be long now. She said she was going to speak to them this morning." She glances at her watch. "So hopefully that means soon."

I grab a cabinet door and put it on my workbench. "You look tired," I say.

She smiles and her cheeks turn the prettiest pink. The day just started and I'm already getting those fucking teenage girl butterflies in my stomach.

"I didn't sleep well," she says, walking over to me.

"Why not?"

She shrugs. "Nervous, I guess. There's so much going on and I need the pieces to fall into place perfectly for it all to work out." She runs her fingers up and down the front of my shirt and smiles slowly. "Plus, someone left me a little on edge last night."

"Bastard! Who would do such a thing to a beautiful woman like you?"

"Someone with unbelievable self-control."

"Someone who had to take a long shower after you left," I clarify.

"Really?"

"Really."

"I don't know if I love or hate the fact that you left me with that image in my head," she says softly. I smile and trace her cheek with the pads of my fingers. Then I pull away abruptly.

"What is it?" she asks.

"My hands," I say. "They're rough from the work I do and you're so soft." I look at the palm on my hand and shake my head.

She takes my hand in hers and looks at me so seriously I'm afraid she's about to tell me to never touch her again. "You're wrong," she says. "What you do to provide for Maddie is part of who you are. It's… your hands make me feel amazing." She leans up on her tip toes so her lips are close to my ear. "I can't imagine how you'll make me feel once you can _really_ touch me."

I swallow loudly and try not to think of what she'll feel like once I have her in my bed. If she'll be pliant and open or stiff and shy, whether she'll be loud or quiet, how soft her body will be…

I clear my throat and try to regain my composure. I think about garbage, baseball, Emmett naked.

That does the trick.

I close my eyes and when I open them, Bella's looking at me mischievously. "Is this my punishment for not coming through last night?" I ask.

She laughs softly. "No. I love that you want to do the right thing. But I kind of hate it too."

"Yeah, me too." I sigh and tug her closer, placing my hand on the small of her back and looking down at her pretty face.

"You know," she says, looking at me critically. "You used to come here looking so tired when you first started. What was that about?"

"Maddie was having nightmares. Night after night she would scream. But it's better now. We're down to about once a week."

"Oh. Is she all right? Do you know what was causing them?"

"She's fine," I say, smiling at her concern. "Her doctor said it was pretty normal and she would probably outgrow them. Which she's starting to, I guess."

Bella sighs softly. "You're so good at this. I hope…" She blushes and looks down, shaking her head.

"You're going to do great," I tell her.

Her head snaps up and her expression is so soft I think she's about to cry. "Hey," I say, taking her hand and hanging them at our side.

"I'm just…" She shakes her head and smiles. "Nothing. I have to get to the hospital. I'll call you after I hear from Victoria."

"Do you have my cell number?"

"Yeah. From when you called the house phone."

We reluctantly part and I get to work.

She calls me two hours later. "They want the house," she says. I expect her to be more excited but she sounds rather subdued.

"But?"

"They agreed to the quick closing. But it might be too quick. They want to move in at the end of the month."

"Is that even possible?"

"They're paying cash. Anything's possible. I'm just going to need the kitchen done really quickly. The appliances should be here mid week next week and the only thing to be done after that is the tiling under the cabinets."

"Okay. I'll be finished really soon. I can't imagine it'll be much later than Wednesday or Thursday next week. That should leave plenty of time for everything else."

"You're sure?" she asks with a tremble in her voice.

"Yes. Don't worry," I assure her in that soothing voice I usually only use with Maddie.

She's quiet but I can hear her breathing through the phone.

"Can I come over later?" she asks in a small voice.

"Of course you can. Are you coming for dinner?"

"No, I have a thing tonight. I probably won't be over until after Maddie's in bed. Is that okay?"

"Sure. Just don't keep me up too late. The lady I work for is completely unreasonable."

That gets me a laugh, albeit a small one. Still, it's better than nothing.

Bella doesn't get to my place until nine-thirty, and she looks exhausted and beat up when she walks in.

She drops her purse, slips off her jacket so it pools at her ankles, and melts into my arms.

"You okay?" I ask, rubbing her back and kissing the top of her head.

"I am now."

"What is it?" I say after a moment.

She pulls away from me and sits on the edge of the couch, rubbing her hands together. "I just can't believe it's really happening. There's so much to figure out. I need to find somewhere to live, tell Demetri, make sure the house is cleaned out, speak with my parents…" She shakes her head. "I don't know if I can do it all."

"Sure you can," I say, sitting next to her and taking her hand in mine.

She looks down and shakes her head. "Come here," I say, putting my arm around her and pulling her to me as I sit back on the couch. "Take it one step at a time. Why can't you just tell your husband now. Are you afraid of him?" This is something I've wanted to ask for a long time but I somehow can't fathom this woman living with someone who frightens her.

"No, nothing like that," she says, her head resting on my chest as she plays with the buttons on my shirt. I'm glad I wore this today. "We have an iron-clad pre-nup. He leaves with nothing if we get divorced. But he could contest the divorce and make my life difficult. I'm hoping giving him some money from the sale of the house will convince him to let me go easily."

"So you're paying him off?"

"Basically. The minute we close on the house I hand Demetri divorce papers and a large check."

"Okay. So you need the money before you tell him about the sale. And clearing out the house will kind of tip him off to what you're doing."

"Yeah."

"I see what you mean about the logistics." I rub her back and give her situation some thought. "Maybe you could ask the buyers to give you a week after the closing so you can move and get everything out of the house. I don't think it's an unreasonable request."

"Maybe," she says lifting her head. She's biting her lip and appears to be thinking. "That could work. If I take care of everything I can beforehand, a week should be enough time."

"In the meantime you can look for a place to live and storage space if you need it. I'll help you. You don't have to do it alone."

She sighs and lays her head back on my chest. I run my hand up and down her back and ask the question that's been plaguing me.

"What if he doesn't agree?"

Her voice is low when she answers "He has to."

"Bella–"

"A contested divorce can take up to three years to be finalized."

I don't say anything. Three years is a long damn time.

"He'll take the money," she says some time later.

"Just give it all to him. We'll figure something out."

She sits up and shakes her head. "No. I can live without the excesses of wealth, but I have to be smart here. I have no job and I've never worked a day in my life. I need something to live on while I sort out my life."

I nod and rest my head on the back of the couch. It's late and I'm tired. The two months of my life has been a whirlwind, and today alone is enough to wear me out. I want life to be quiet again. But now I want Bella and my family along for the boring, hum-drum ride with Maddie and me.

* * *

><p>I just want to take a second to thank everyone who reads and reviews. Your support and encouragement mean more than I can say.<p> 


	43. Television

Not betad. I edited this to within an inch of it's life and I'd still be going if I wasn't tired. This is my long-winded way of apologizing for any mistakes.

Prompt: television

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

><p>Bella comes over every night during the week leading up to my family's visit. She sometimes joins us for dinner, which she and Maddie enjoy, and other times she doesn't come over until very late. I never knew the life of a rich housewife could be so eventful, but she's forever attending fundraisers and benefits and board meetings. She hopes to keep some of it up after her divorce, but not many of the organizations she works with have time for someone without deep pockets.<p>

We spend our nights talking. I explain my feelings about seeing my family again and the time lost, and about the importance of Maddie having a family. I tell her about my mother and father, my aunt and uncle, and about Alice. I'm surprised when I realize I never told her Juilliard was the school I dropped out of to raise Maddie.

"I just wish you could go back and finish," she says.

"I don't," I tell her.

She seems surprised, so I explain. "Piano as a career isn't practical for a father. I'd have to travel or play nights and that's not conducive to maintaining a schedule for a five year old."

"How can you be so black and white? It's Juilliard, Edward. There are ways, if you want something badly enough," she says.

"What I want is to be a father."

"If you could go back, if you had all the money in the world and could make different choices, would you?"

"Absolutely not. No matter how much money I have I wouldn't want to miss my daughter growing up. She couldn't travel with me while she's in school and I wouldn't want to miss those after school hours with her."

"So if you could go back right now and finish Juilliard, you wouldn't?" she asks. Her voice is almost cautious, which perplexes me.

"No, I wouldn't. I miss playing, don't get me wrong. But it's impractical for me now."

I'm not sure she believes me or agrees with my choices, but she doesn't push me.

Bella, in turn, tells me more about her childhood, the friends she surrounded herself with and the boys she dated.

She tells me she's wary about being without the kind of money she's used to, but she's read up on budgeting and living within a fixed income. She's more worried about losing her friends and adjusting to a different lifestyle than she is about living alone and finding a job. But she's determined to strike out on her own, and when I tell her I'm proud of her and impressed with her courage, she blushes and gives me a soft kiss on the lips.

It's October and the weather is turning chilly, so most nights we eventually find ourselves curled up together on the couch under a blanket. Being with her like that is the sweetest torture imaginable. If she notices the times I'm turned on by her body pressed to mine, which is basically all the time, she doesn't mention it. It's just that she's so soft and she smells so good. How am I supposed to not think about taking her to bed? I've gone from sexually numb to sexually frustrated in a short amount of time.

I'm extra clean from all the showers I've been taking. The reasons why we're waiting seem less and less important as the days go on. But we've gone this long, a few more weeks won't matter. For now, getting to know her better and having her with me every day is enough.

I hate when she leaves, though. Every night we seem to stay up later and later, until we can barely keep our eyes open. But she always insists on going home, despite my protests.

"I don't want to arouse any suspicion. Not when I'm so close to getting what I want," she tells me. "He can't really do anything with the information even if he had it, but I don't need the drama of a scandal quite yet, especially if it involves you and Maddie. I'm going to get enough of that later and I want to keep you both out of it for as long as I can."

* * *

><p>I broach the topic of my family visit with Maddie over dinner early in the week.<p>

"Remember I told you about my mom and dad?" I ask her.

She nods. "They died," she says with a frown.

"They did. And then I went to live my aunt and uncle. Their names are Esme and Carlisle."

She nods again but doesn't say anything, so I continue. "I haven't seen them for a little while. They live in a city called Chicago."

"Oh," she says. "Like the Chicago Cubs when we watch the Mets on television!"

"Exactly." I reach over and give her a kiss on the cheek then sit back in my seat, fiddling with my fork but not eating. "My aunt and uncle have a daughter named Alice, and all three of them want to come for a visit this weekend."

"How old is Alice? Can we play?"

I smile. To her, "daughter" means someone her age.

"I'm sure she'd want to play with you, but she's closer to Daddy's age than to yours."

I eye her closely, waiting to see her reaction, but she's very composed. I don't know what I expected; maybe a little excitement or confusion or curiosity. But she seems more interested in her pasta than she is in what I'm telling her.

"Baby? Did you hear what Daddy said?"

She nods and scoops a piece of ziti into her mouth. "Yes, Daddy."

I try a different tactic. "Carlisle and Esme and Alice are part of your family."

That gets her attention. "They are?"

"Yes. Carlisle and Esme were like my mom and dad for a lot of years, but I haven't seen them since before you were born."

"Why not?"

"We had an argument and I was angry with them."

"You're not anymore?"

"No. Not anymore," I say without thinking. And I realize it's true. There are things I want to say and I need explanations, but I'm looking forward to seeing them again, though I'm as nervous about their visit as I ever remember being about anything.

"Can I see them?"

"Yes, I think so. I have to go out on Friday night for a little while and you'll stay with Adam and his parents. Then maybe you can meet them on Saturday."

"Why maybe?" she asks, eating her last piece of ziti.

I sigh and rake my hand through my hair. "I just don't want to make a promise to you I can't keep, baby. You'll probably meet them. We'll see."

"Okay, Daddy. Can I play on the computer before my bath?"

"Sure, kid. Just wash your hands and I'll get you dessert."

I watch her get up from the table, oblivious to the turmoil I'm feeling. And that's just the way I want it. I know it won't always be–she's sure to have heartbreak and pain of some sort in her future. But since I can't lock her up until she's eighteen, no matter how much I might want to, I'll just try to keep her as happy and as innocent as I can for as long as I can.

* * *

><p>"Are you sure you don't want me to come with you tonight?" Bella asks me on Friday as we enjoy a leisurely lunch in the sunroom. And by leisurely lunch I mean we finished half an hour ago and are lounging on the couch together. We're far apart, though. Outside of my apartment, we always keep our distance.<p>

The work on Bella's kitchen is wrapping up. Through Emmett, she hired me to oversee the rest of the renovation to completion. I told her I didn't really have much experience with anything except cabinet making, but she told me she'd feel better if I was there. Neither Emmett nor I argued with her. Work is work. Plus, that means I still get to see Bella every day, even if it's just briefly.

"Yeah, I'm sure. I need to do this. There's going to be airing of some dirty laundry and no one needs to see that."

"You're worried about _your_ dirty laundry?" she asks with a roll of her eyes.

"It's always worse when it's your own," I tell her.

She acknowledges me with a nod. "Do you want me to come over afterward?"

"It might be late."

She shrugs. "Send me a text when you're finished. Is Maddie spending the night with your friends or are you picking her up?"

"Picking her up," I say, glancing at my watch and standing. "I need to get back. Paul should be back from lunch soon and I want to make sure he finishes the tiles today."

"You're a good foreman," she says with a wink. She rises from the couch and stands close to me. Probably too close.

"I know how to be motivated when there's something I want at the other end," I say softly.

She shivers and closes her eyes. When she opens them again they're bright and her expression is happy.

"Why do you think I'm so anxious to get on with this?"

* * *

><p>My family is staying at a hotel about five miles from Bayville, and Alice and I have arranged for me to meet them here. The hotel has a nice lounge and I sit at a table drinking a beer and waiting for them. I keep running my sweaty palms up and down my thighs as my eyes flick repeatedly from the lounge entrance to the television above the bar.<p>

I finally see them walk through the door and I stand, my heart hammering in my chest.

* * *

><p>Thank you for reading and for your kind reviews.<p> 


	44. Paid

Not betad

Prompt: paid

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

><p>I don't have a lot of time to react since the moment I'm spotted, I'm being hugged by my aunt. She has powerful arms for such a petite woman.<p>

I hug her back and gaze at my uncle and cousin over her shoulder. They both look how I feel: happy but apprehensive. Esme obviously isn't having the same issue.

She pulls away after a moment, wipes her cheeks, and then puts her hands on either side of my face. "Look at you," she says. "So handsome."

I smile through my nerves and lean down to kiss her on the cheek. "Hi, Aunt Esme."

"Edward," Carlisle says, stepping forward and clapping me on the back. We shake hands and then I face Alice.

"Look who grew up," I say with a raised eyebrow.

"Still a jerk, I see," she says with a smile.

"Always." I reach out and pull her to me, enveloping her in a hug. "Thanks, Al," I say quietly, so only she can hear me.

"Thank _you_," she replies before stepping back from me.

"Why don't we sit?" Carlisle says, holding out a chair for Esme. I do the same for Alice and Carlisle offers to buy a round of drinks. We all tell him what we want and he wanders over to the bar.

I take a seat between Alice and Esme, feeling awkward and anxious now that the greetings are out of the way. Esme squeezes my leg and smiles at me.

"How was your trip?" I ask. I know it's small talk, but it seems a good way to start.

"Not bad," Alice says. "LaGuardia airport is a little scary though. It could use an upgrade."

The bar isn't crowded so Carlisle is back quickly with our drinks.

We all drink and more awkward silence ensues.

"Let's get this out of the way," Alice says, putting down her gin and tonic. "You all screwed up."

"I'm so sorry," Esme whispers, looking directly at me. "What we said was terrible."

"Yeah."

"We wanted the best for you. We still do. We were just shocked," Carlisle says.

"I'm sorry I was such a disappointment to you." The bitterness in my voice surprises me.

"You weren't," Esme says. "You didn't give us a chance to absorb what you were telling us."

"I'm not sure what there was to think about," I say.

"Your future," Carlisle says.

"Everything worked out fine, didn't it?"

"We wouldn't know."

"That was your choice."

"Enough," Esme says, her voice stronger than I've heard since they arrived.

I run a hand through my hair and sit back, then I take a sip of my beer to give myself something to do while I get my nerves under control. I didn't know this conversation would go this way. But I guess I'm angrier than I thought I was.

"I appreciate everything you've done for me," I say, "but my daughter was my choice. And I needed you."

Carlisle lets out an audible breath and nods. "We know that. And we came after you. You could have allowed us to apologize."

"You're right," I say, the fight suddenly leaving me. "I know that now. But I was angry."

"Do you think your parents would have reacted any differently?" Esme asks me. "Or would you, if your daughter came home one day and told us the same thing you did?"

"Of course I would react differently. I'm not a hypocrite."

"You would be happy if she came to you at twenty years old and told you she was dropping out of the most prestigious music performance school in the country to raise a baby?"

I rub a hand over my face and groan. "Of course I wouldn't be happy, but I'd be supportive."

"But only because it's something you've experienced first hand. We were wrong, we know that," Carlisle says. "We should have expressed our feelings better. But we _are _sorry."

"We've paid the price, don't you think?" Esme asks me.

"We all have," I say. "None of us is innocent in this except Maddie."

"What did I do?" Alice asks.

I laugh and lean over to kiss her cheek. "I take it back. You're innocent as well."

"That's better," she says with a smirk.

"I'm sorry I didn't listen. I was angry and I didn't make the best choice where you were concerned," I tell Carlisle and Esme.

Esme hugs me again, though it's awkward because we're sitting. Still, it feels nice. "I'm sorry too," she says. "You can't know how sorry I am. We didn't want you to go through any of that alone."

I release her and let out a sigh. "I know," I whisper. I usually avoid thinking about those first few months Maddie and I were alone. I was so tired and frustrated and more than once wondered what the hell I was thinking. The doubts never lasted long, but it was the most difficult time in my life and I could have used some help.

"Were you? Alone?" Esme asks in a shaky voice.

"Yeah, pretty much. I have some good friends but mostly it's just been me and Mad."

Esme looks like she's about to cry so I try to set her at ease. "She was a good baby," I tell her with a small smile. "It could have been worse. I was lucky."

"What's she like?" she asks, swiping quickly at her cheeks. Carlisle reaches over and takes her hand, looking at her just like I remember.

I smile proudly, I can't help it. "She's amazing."

We decide to order dinner and we catch up on each others lives. I tell them about my job and Emmett and Rosalie and how they helped me through the rough patches. I tell them all I can about Maddie, which takes a long time. I never tire of talking about her. I can tell they're all anxious to meet her and I decide, sitting there, that it'll be okay. We may never agree about what happened and who was right and wrong, but just because we're family doesn't mean we'll always see eye to eye. You agree to disagree and you move on, because family isn't so easily replaced.

I wish Bella's parents could learn that lesson.

I don't tell Carlisle and Esme about Bella. I think it's too soon to let them into that part of my life and I honestly have no idea what to even call her. We're intimately involved on some deep level but we've never defined what it is between us and I'm not ready to get into it until I know for sure.

Dinner is enjoyable, if still slightly awkward; I can only imagine that will pass with time. Carlisle and Esme fill me in on the last five years of their lives and tell me about some of my old friends and what they've been up to. A much as I've closed myself off from the life I used to lead, the more they tell me, the more I want to know.

By the time we wrap up coffee and dessert, it's after ten o'clock. I text Rose and she tells me Maddie is still awake so I decide to pick her up, even though I have the option to let her spend the night. I don't sleep well when she's not home.

"We rented a car," Carlisle tells me as we're getting ready to leave. "We can drive somewhere tomorrow and meet you."

"That's all right. How about if Maddie and I meet you here tomorrow for lunch? Noon?"

"All right," he says with a nod. He puts a hand on my shoulder and looks at me for a long minute. "I'm sorry, Edward. I tried to be a good father to you and I failed. I think you can appreciate now how heartbreaking it is to fail your child."

I nod and swallow the lump in my throat. "You didn't fail me. You were doing the best you could. That's something I can definitely appreciate now."

* * *

><p>Thank you for reading and for your kind reviews.<p> 


	45. Journal

Not betad. But arfalcon loaned me her eyes and I very much appreciate her help.

Prompt: Journal

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

><p>I feel a little beat up when I leave the hotel. Not because of anything they did, but because being with them dredged up a bunch of emotions I wasn't prepared to deal with. My chest aches when I think about the things that were said and done not just five years ago, but tonight. I wonder if apologies are enough and if we can start over. It seems that's easier said than done as I drive and my mind whirls with everything that's happened.<p>

Maddie's tired and already in her pajamas when I get to Emmett and Rose's to pick her up, but I immediately feel a little better just from her presence. I don't stay long even though part of me would really like to take Rose up on her offer to talk. Instead I give her the gist of what happened and promise to go into detail at a later date.

I carry Maddie to the car and send Bella a quick text before I start driving. She answers almost immediately, telling me she'll meet me at the apartment.

On the drive home I tell Maddie about our plans for the next day. She's surprisingly chatty for someone who should have been in bed over two hours ago, but it's a nice distraction from the evening I just had.

"Adam has two grandmas and a grandpa. Is that what I have now?" she asks from the back of the car.

I rub the back of my neck and give some thought to what she should call Carlisle and Esme. Leave it to Maddie to mention something I'd never even considered.

"Um… let's play it by ear, kiddo. But for all intents and purposes, they're your grandparents, yes." This feels complicated, but like it shouldn't be. I'm a little twisted up inside and I just want to get home.

Bella is sitting on the floor outside our apartment when we get back home. I don't know the word to used to describe how I feel when I see her; relief comes closest, but it's more than that. I feel unburdened. Like I don't have to go through any of this alone and there's someone who will understand me and how I feel.

"Hey," she says, standing up. I'm carrying Maddie so I hand Bella my keys and she opens the apartment door.

Maddie's losing steam so she only manages a wave and a mumbled hello to Bella. I take her right to her room and lay her down on her bed. She turns onto her side and burrows deep under her blankets.

I put a hand on her head and kiss her cheek. "Good night, baby. I love you."

"Love you, Daddy," she says through a yawn. I kiss her again before I get up and leave her room, closing the door behind me.

I find Bella in my kitchen, opening a bottle of wine. "What's this all about?" I ask.

"You've been through something. Wine helps, trust me."

She pulls two juice glasses from the cabinet, pours the wine, and hands one to me. Then she leads me to the couch, where we sit and I take a sip from my glass.

"This is good," I say. "What is it?"

"It's a Cabernet. Red wine relaxes me more than white."

I nod but don't say anything else. I know she's waiting for me to talk but I'm not sure where to begin or what to say.

"What were you doing when I called?"

She looks at me skeptically for a moment. She knows what I'm doing, but plays along with me. "I was writing about you in my journal. I put little hearts next to your name."

I smile and try to laugh but I'm not completely successful. She sits patiently and eventually takes my hand in hers. Somehow this gives me the wherewithal to say what's on my mind.

"Forgiveness isn't as easy as I thought it would be."

"Did you talk?"

"Yeah. They apologized, I apologized, we caught up and had a good time. I just…"

"What?" she asks, putting a warm hand on my back.

"I don't know," I say with a sigh and a shake of my head. "I guess I thought I'd feel better after I saw them, not worse."

"You don't feel better? Not even a little bit?"

"I don't know, to tell you the truth. In some ways I guess I do. It felt good to lay it all out there, but I don't feel like anything is really resolved."

"Do you love them?"

"Yes."

"Do you want a relationship with them?"

"Yes."

"Give it time. It's a few good hours wrapped up in years of resentment and anger. Probably for them as well as for you. It won't change overnight."

I sigh and nod. She's right, and I'm so glad she's here. I lean into her and we put our wine glasses down. She lays back on the couch and I rest my head on her chest, and I feel the ache in my heart ease a little bit.

* * *

><p>"What are you doing tomorrow?" she asks me later. The blanket has come out and it's late. Really late. My head is laying on her chest and we're scrunched together on my couch. "Victoria has some houses for me to look at. Can you come with me?"<p>

"I'm taking Maddie for lunch with Carlisle and Esme. What time?"

"I'm meeting her at eleven," she says, running her fingers through my hair.

"We have lunch at noon. Maybe we could meet you afterward."

"It's okay. Spend time with your family. I have a fundraiser tomorrow night so I probably won't be able to come over."

Good thing she can't see my face because my pout would give Maddie a run for her money. Still, maybe it's good to take a night off. I can't recall the last day I didn't see her for at least a little while.

I swallow my disappointment and let out a small sigh. I like being with her like this. I love the way she holds me and runs her hands through my hair and makes me feel alive.

I hum and stare at her neck. It looks so soft and pretty and she smells good even though it's late at night and her perfume has long worn off.

I'm tired and I've had an emotional night, and it's been weeks of this touching but not touching, chaste kisses, and promises of devotion. I'm defenseless against everything I feel for her.

I can't help it. I run my nose along her neck, and I smile when she shivers. Then I lick my lips and kiss her pulse point, feeling it quicken under my lips.

"Oh God," she whispers.

Her hands tighten in my hair and I release her skin before I can leave a mark. I adjust myself so I'm on top of her, and even though every alarm I have is going off, I pay no attention. I'm so hard and I'm sick to death of denying myself a little happiness. It's been too long.

I shift my hips gently against her and her breath catches. She lifts one of her legs and I'm sure I've never been more turned on in my entire life. We stare at each other, our mouths open as we pant and move subtly against each other. My whole body feels tense and coiled and ready to snap. It's like her eyes are holding me captive and I'm in a trance, completely bound to her and the way we're moving against each other.

I watch her, taking her cues about what makes her feel good, entranced by the way her eyelids flutter and her cheeks flush. Our breath mingles together and I want so much to lower my head and kiss her mouth, but I don't want to miss a minute of this. Her breathing picks up and her face flushes a deeper red, her eyes becoming almost frantic. It's been a while, but I'm pretty sure I know what that means. So I snake my arm around her back and hold her tighter against me.

Her hands pull at my hair so tightly I moan and her whole body goes rigid. She cries out softly and presses her mouth to mine, stifling any other sound so all I feel is the vibration of her voice against my mouth.

She pulls away and looks at me with an almost desperate expression. "Edward," she says breathlessly, reaching for my belt and unbuckling it.

I don't stop her. I can't.

But there is one thing, and one thing only, that can.

When I hear Maddie call to me from her bedroom I instantly jump up from the couch and run a quick hand over my face. I look briefly at Bella, who seems to be coming out of the same trance I was in, and run to Maddie's room, all thoughts of sex wiped completely from my mind.

* * *

><p>Sometimes these characters take themselves places I never meant for them to go. I didn't write this chapter, Edward did.<p>

Thank you for reading and for your kind reviews.


	46. Melt

Not betad.

Prompt: melt

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

><p>"Is she okay?" Bella asks when I come out of Maddie's room.<p>

"Yeah," I say, running a hand across the back of my head. "Nightmare." I sit on the couch next to where Bella is perched on the edge. "This one was about me dying and her having to go live with strangers."

"Is that what they're usually about?"

"Sometimes." I take a deep breath and turn slightly so I can look at her. "Look, I'm sorry. I know we agreed to wait. I–"

"Don't apologize," she says. "Just… don't." She puts a hand over her mouth and looks away from me. I sit there for a moment until what's going on dawns on me.

"No, no," I say, touching her shoulder and gently turning her toward me. "I'm not… I didn't mean…" I groan and put a hand in my hair.

"It's okay," she says. "It's late and we're both tired. I should go."

She gets up and goes to leave, just like every night. But this isn't like every other night. I grab her wrist as she passes me on her way to the door. I pull her back so she's standing in front of me and I wrap my arms around her waist and bury my head in her stomach. "I'm sorry. Please don't go."

I hear her sigh and feel her hands in my hair, soothing now where she was pulling before.

"It's so late," she whispers.

I lift my head and look up at her. "Please stay."

She nods and I silently get up and rifle through the laundry basket I keep in the living room and find her a pair of boxers and a t-shirt. She takes them wordlessly and goes to the bathroom.

I quickly strip down to my boxers and undershirt and pull out the bed. She comes out of the bathroom and leaves her folded clothes on a chair, then walks over to me and takes my hand.

We lay down together and I hug her from behind, wanting to be as close to her as I can.

"I don't know what to do," I whisper.

"About what?"

"I don't know." I honestly have no idea what I'm talking about, I only know I feel unsettled and a little lost and being with her and talking to her makes me feel better. "Everything."

"Whatever it is, we'll figure it out together."

I hold her tighter and kiss the back of her head. Knowing I'm not alone relaxes me enough that I can sleep.

Maddie wakes me up in the morning with a little tap on my arm. It's late–I can tell by the way the sun is streaming into the living room. I pick up my watch from the end table and run a hand over my face.

"What time is it?" Bella asks from next to me.

"Almost ten o'clock."

Bella whips the sheet and blanket off, grabs her clothes, and runs for the bathroom. I remember she has an eleven o'clock appointment with Victoria and Mad and I have to be somewhere at noon.

I give Maddie a quick kiss and go start a pot of coffee.

"What do you feel like for breakfast today?" I ask Maddie.

"Toast, please," she replies, climbing into my bed and using the remote to put on the television.

I start her toast and then go to the bathroom door. "Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"There should be a new toothbrush in the cabinet."

"Thanks."

"Did Bella sleep over?" Maddie asks as I walk back to the kitchen.

Her toast pops and I start to butter it. "Yes, she did. Does that bother you?" I swallow nervously, watching the butter melt on her toast. One negative word from her and I'll have a situation on my hands.

"No. I like Bella."

"Come and eat," I tell her, placing her toast on the dining table. When she sits I kiss her cheek, making her giggle. "Thanks, kiddo."

"I didn't make the toast."

"I know. Thank you for saying it's okay for Bella to stay over."

"Oh, Daddy. You're so silly." She rolls her eyes and picks up a piece of toast. Maybe it's a good thing she doesn't know she completely owns me.

I pour two cups of coffee and hand one to Bella when she comes out of the bathroom. She accepts it with a smile and takes a sip.

"Good morning, Maddie," she says.

"Morning," she says distractedly. That's what I get for not asking her to turn off the television before she sat down for breakfast.

Bella takes a few big gulps of her coffee and puts her cup in the sink. "I have to go, I'm sorry," she says to me.

"Nothing to be sorry for. Good luck today."

"I take it back," she says, wrapping her arms around my waist. "I'm not sorry. Not for anything."

"Me either." I place my hands on her shoulders and lean down to kiss the corner of her mouth. I'm still not sure about protocol, and I fear I won't be completely sure until she leaves her husband for good. But I can live with that for now.

"Okay, I am sorry about one thing," she says with a smirk.

"What's that?"

She puts her arms around my neck and whispers in my ear. "That we had to stop."

I groan and pull her close. "You're an awful tease."

"You love it."

"I do." I lower my head and place a small kiss on the side of her neck. She gasps and I smile as I pull away. "Two can play at that game."

Maddie giggles and we both jump. She's still engrossed in television, but the point is made. Until anything is official, I need to tread more carefully, overnights notwithstanding.

"I'm sorry I won't see you later," she says. "But it's better if I go to this thing later and then stay home, especially after spending the night here last night."

"Thanks for staying last night. I… well…" _I needed you._ "I'm glad you stayed."

"I'm glad I did too. I have to run home and get ready to meet Victoria."

I let out a breath and nod, then I kiss the top of her head. I want to ask when I can see her again, then I remind myself I'm not a sixteen year old girl.

She gives Maddie a hug and a kiss goodbye and then she's out the door.

* * *

><p>Thank you for reading and reviewing. I know FF was down and most of you couldn't review, but I hope you all enjoyed the last chapter.<p>

I'll try to update again over the weekend. If not, see you on Monday.


	47. Iron

Not betad.

Prompt: iron

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

><p>Carlisle, Esme, and Alice are waiting for us in the lobby when Maddie and I walk into the hotel hand-in-hand at a little after twelve o'clock. I'm nervous and I feel like there's an iron vise squeezing my chest, but this is important for my daughter.<p>

The minute my aunt sees Maddie she gasps and puts a hand over her mouth. Then she seems to compose herself and crouches down to Maddie's level and offers her a smile. "Hello, Madeline," she says. Her voice is soft but it catches on Maddie's name. "I'm Esme."

My shy girl is back; Maddie hides behind my leg and I run a gentle hand through her hair to try to soothe her anxiety.

Maddie looks up at me and I give her a reassuring smile. "It's okay," I tell her.

"Hi," she says to Esme, still hugging my leg. She coughs lightly but doesn't seem in distress, so I let it go.

"You're very pretty," Esme says.

"And smart too," Maddie replies, perking up a little. "Daddy says I'm beautiful but being smart is always more important. Right, Daddy?"

"Right, baby."

"Your father is right," Esme says.

She stands and Carlisle reaches down to shake Maddie's hand. "Hello, smart, beautiful girl. My name is Carlisle. It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance."

Maddie shakes his hand with a giggle and he smiles kindly at her. "This is my cousin Alice," I tell Maddie, motioning toward Alice.

Maddie waves but Alice keeps her distance. She seems to understand that unwritten law that kids need to adjust before you force yourselves on them.

We walk to the hotel restaurant, Esme hanging back with us, her eyes glued to Maddie. I'm afraid she's going to walk into a door or a wall and hurt herself.

We make it to the restaurant without bodily injury and settle ourselves at a table, where Maddie dives for the crayons and the kids' menu, which has some coloring and puzzles. I hand her an extra box of crayons from the bag I brought with us, which also has her inhaler, a sweater, and coloring books.

"Ooh, look, Daddy, a word search. I love these." She takes out a blue crayon and gets to work.

"What's for lunch, kid?" I ask her.

She continues with her puzzle but I can tell she's thinking. "Do they have pizza?" she asks.

I look at the menu. "No. How about chicken and french fries?"

"Okay, Daddy. Can I have apple juice too?" She coughs again and I put a hand on her back.

"You okay?" I ask.

She nods and continues with her puzzle. That's twice since we walked in and I wonder if there's something in the air here that's aggravating her asthma.

I look up and there are three sets of eyes trained on me and I suddenly feel self-conscious. "What?"

It's Alice who answers. "You're here, and so is Maddie."

"I don't get it."

"I've thought so much about her over the years and she was so abstract," Esme elaborates. "Now she's real and in front of me and I can hardly believe she exists."

"Oh," I say rather dumbly. I've thought about them, of course, but having never met Maddie, I guess she was sort of an amorphous quantity to them. Plus, my daughter beautiful and amazing and anyone who isn't a complete idiot would be immediately enamored with her.

The server comes over and takes our orders, then leaves us in that awkward silence I loathe. Though it doesn't seem to effect Alice in the least.

"So, Maddie," Alice begins. "What grade are you in?"

"Kindergarten," she answers, looking up from her paper.

"Do you go every day?"

"Yes, so Daddy can go to work. I went to Daddy's work once. It was fun."

Oh boy, here we go again.

"I bet it was," Alice says. "Do you like school?"

"Yes."

"What's your favorite subject?"

"Piano," she says without hesitation.

Turned out Maddie could take her assessment at the school, which she did earlier in the week. The music director told me he hadn't ever seen a five year old pick up piano that quickly, and he took her into the program immediately. She now studies piano four times a week. I really wish we had one at home for her to practice on, but that's so far out of the realm of possibility I add it to the list of things I'll never be able to give her.

"Piano in kindergarten?" Carlisle asks me.

"She's in private school." My voice is defensive, just like it always is when I feel like someone is surprised when I provide well for my daughter.

Except the look on his face is one of pride, not surprise, and I'm not sure how to deal with the sense of happiness his apparent approval gives me.

"I like playing the piano," Maddie says. "Daddy played for me once at Bella's house."

"That was a one-shot deal, kid."

"You don't play anymore?" Esme asks. The sadness in her voice is unmistakable and it pisses me off.

I shake my head. "There's no room in our lives for it."

"But you were so–"

"It's been five years, Aunt Esme. I made the right decision. It's sitting right in front of you. How can you still question what I did?"

The server comes over with our drinks and we all silently watch her place them in front of us. I open Maddie's straw and put it in the plastic cup her apple juice comes in. She smiles and says thank you and coughs with her first sip. I'm starting to become concerned; this is three times she's coughed since we've been here. But she insists she's fine so I turn back to my aunt.

"I'm not questioning your decision," she insists. "I'm questioning why you don't have room in your life for something you love. Something your mother was determined you study."

"Is that what this is about? My mother?"

"She was so proud of your skill on the piano, Edward. She would have been thrilled if you'd graduated Juilliard."

"I can't believe, even after meeting Maddie, you're still harping on this."

"I'm not. I just don't understand why you had to stop playing all together."

"Because I can't afford a piano. Because our one bedroom apartment isn't even big enough for an upright. Because I've been raising a child on my own for the last five years. Because I have to work a real job to–"

"Daddy?" There's a series of small taps on my arm and I take a deep breath to get my anger under control as I turn to my daughter.

I immediately know what the problem is and my anger dissolves completely. "You're fine," I tell her, reaching for the bag I brought with us. I locate her inhaler then shake and uncap it.

"This is nothing," I say, keeping my hand on the side of her head. "You don't need to be scared."

She nods and I hold the inhaler up to her mouth. "You ready?"

She nods again and I giver her the medicine, which works almost immediately, expanding her lungs so she can breathe.

After asthma attack time is usually cuddle time and while I momentarily consider letting it go because we're in public, I know I really can't. I need to reassure both of us she's okay.

I take her from her chair and place her in my lap, smoothing the hair away from her face. "Better?" I ask.

"Yes," she says softly. I hold her close and say a silent prayer of thanks that she's okay.

She crawls off of my lap after a short time and goes back to coloring. I put her inhaler back in the bag and when I look up, I'm being stared at again. "You all really need to learn to stop staring at me." I'm cranky, I know, but I can't seem to help it.

Carlisle clears his throat. "Asthma?"

"Yeah," I say a little wearily.

"How bad?"

"Not too bad," I say. "It's manageable."

He nods and takes a sip of his drink. "You know, Children's Memorial has a great pulmonary department. I can pull some strings and get you an appointment."

"I don't need to go to Chicago to properly take care of my daughter."

"I wasn't suggesting you couldn't take care of her."

"I think you were."

"Stop it!" Alice says. "Just stop it. I can't take it anymore."

We all turn to Alice, who looks both sad and annoyed.

"You have been defensive since we got here," she says pointing at me. "We love you and we're trying to get to know you again. Dad was trying to help you, and if you took five seconds to let go of your pride, you would see that.

"And you two," she says, looking from her father to her mother. "Give him some room to breathe. He has a life he's built here with Maddie and you need to accept it. He's not coming home tomorrow and we can't turn back the clock. And after meeting Maddie I don't think any of us what that. So cut it out."

She sits back in her chair and crosses her arms over her chest.

The rest of us, except Maddie, sit there like chastened children. Mostly because she's right.

I lean an elbow on the table and rub my eyes. "I'm sorry," I say. "I have been defensive. This is all a little overwhelming."

"What does defensive mean?" Maddie asks.

"It means Daddy's been looking for a fight," I tell her.

"Fighting isn't nice. When we fight at school Miss Katie puts us on time out."

I smile, my mood lightening. Leave it to a child to call us out on behaving like children.

"Do you think Daddy needs a time out?" I ask her.

She giggles and puts her little hand on my face. "You're so silly."

The server comes with our food and after she leaves, Esme takes my hand and squeezes it before letting go. "I'm sorry," she says. "We're overwhelmed too. We don't mean to be overbearing."

"I never meant to imply you weren't giving her the best care possible," Carlisle adds. "You obviously have it under control."

"I do. Some days are harder than others," I admit. "But we manage to get along just fine."

"Better than fine, from the looks of it," Carlisle says.

The rest of lunch passes with relative ease, though I can tell they're trying to regulate what they say as much as I am. It makes me tense and I'm starting to get a headache.

I really wish Bella was here.

* * *

><p>Thank you for reading and for your kind reviews. A special thanks to everyone who went back and reviewed chapter 45 when FF started working again.<p> 


	48. Crest

Not betad.

Prompt: crest

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

><p>We spend the rest of Saturday afternoon at an amusement park in Bayville. It's on the shore and it's chilly out, but the sun is shining and Maddie is running around and staying warm. She seems very taken with Esme, which I assume has to do with Esme's motherly bearing. She's always been a very nurturing person, with me and Alice and the children she teaches. And now with Maddie.<p>

I'm kind of antsy to know how Bella is faring during her house hunt, but I refrain from texting or calling her since I don't know when she'll be around her husband and I don't want to cause any trouble for her.

This is exactly what I wanted to avoid. I don't like feeling as if I'm her secret to keep and as if we're doing something dirty or wrong. I refuse to believe feeling like I do about her is a bad thing. It's not her fault, but I want her to leave her husband so we can get on with our lives and Maddie and I can have her to ourselves.

Esme and Carlisle take Maddie into a shop for ice cream while Alice and I sit right outside on a bench. I can see them through the window as Carlisle hands Maddie an enormous ice cream cone that's already starting to drip. That's going to be some clean-up project.

"How are you holding up?" Alice asks me.

"All right."

"Is that the truth?"

"Mostly." I pause and get my bearings. "I admit it's weird but it's good for Maddie to have more of a family than just me."

"What about for you?" she asks softly, bumping my shoulder with hers.

"Good question," I mumble. And it is. I try to put my feelings into words. "I missed having people around me. I've been… lonely. I guess. But I've been so wrapped up in taking care of Maddie I haven't really _felt_ lonely. Does that make sense?"

She shrugs. "Sort of."

"It's like, now that you're all here, I remember what I'm missing. But when it's just the two of us, I'm okay with that."

She nods. "That makes sense."

"But it still feels wrong somehow. Like we're all tip-toeing around."

"We are. And we probably will be for a while. We're just getting to know each other again. But I think Maddie will go a long way toward healing this family."

I look at her and scoff. "They didn't even want her."

She groans in what seems like frustration. "They did. They do. Stop living in the reality that was created five years ago. Here and now they adore her, I can tell just by looking at them."

I stare out across the way at the beach, watching the waves crest, and I admit to myself that she's right.

I look at Alice briefly and nod. "You're right. It's just hard to let go. I don't want a repeat of five years ago, especially for Maddie. I don't want her hurt."

"I know," she says. "But you will let it go because this is good for Maddie, and I know there's nothing you wouldn't do for her."

"Am I that easy to read?" I ask with a smile.

"Like a book. Just give them time, Edward. They're trying and a little understanding goes a long way."

* * *

><p>My family comes over for breakfast before their flight on Sunday. Carlisle has been insistent on paying for everything since they've been here, so I figured cooking breakfast would be a good way to repay his generosity. Also, I want them to understand our lives. I'm not embarrassed by how we live and they need to see for themselves so they have a grasp on what I can and cannot do. And since I don't know what triggered Maddie's asthma yesterday, I want to keep her away from that hotel.<p>

As I watch them get settled, I see them searching for more.

"There's nothing else. The bathroom is through there and that's the whole apartment."

"Where do you sleep?" Esme asks.

"The couch pulls out," I say as I put a plate of pancakes on the table. I swear I told them yesterday our apartment only had one bedroom.

I can see my aunt process what I've said and a soft "Oh" escapes her.

"It's not a big deal. We're fine," I say. And we are. And they need to know that if we're going to continue our relationship.

Carlisle runs a hand over his mouth and looks over at me and I detect that same sense of pride from yesterday. I don't want to be as gratified as I am by his approval, but I can't help it. I don't want anyone to feel bad for me that we have to live in such spare conditions; I've never felt bad, and I don't think Maddie has either. Our home is clean and we have food on our table and I couldn't imagine loving someone as much as I love Maddie. We shouldn't be pitied, we should be envied.

Maddie proudly shows everyone her room and then we sit down to breakfast.

I only have four chairs so I tell Maddie she has to sit on my lap while we eat.

"Really?" she asks, climbing into my lap.

"Sure. This is what I did when you were a baby since we didn't have a high chair. Don't you remember?" I keep my hand on her stomach to anchor her in place as I reach for my coffee.

"No," she says with a shake of her head. Her swinging hair tickles my nose. "Did I like it?"

"I think you did," I say with a smile. "You used to giggle when I would tickle your tummy."

I then tickle her softly which, predictably, makes her giggle. The kind of giggle that makes my stomach curl and reminds me I made the right choices in my life, no matter how difficult the road.

Breakfast passes pleasantly, with Maddie the center of attention. The more time we all spend together, the more I realize Alice is right. They do want her. And they're going to be amazing grandparents to her. I don't know if all of my anger will disappear overnight, but their attitude toward Maddie will go a long way toward forgiveness.

They're taking the rental car back to the airport so we say goodbye after breakfast. I hold Maddie while there are hugs and kisses exchanged all around. Esme hugs me so tightly I think I'm going to pass out from lack of oxygen.

"We want to see you soon," she says after she pulls away. "We can fly you out for Thanksgiving."

"Um…" I want to say yes, but I don't know what the situation with Bella is going to be and I need to think about her first. This is one of the many reasons why I just want things settled. "We'll see, Aunt Esme."

She manages to hide her disappointment well, but not well enough. "I have some things going on, that's all. I'm not blowing you off. Let's just see where we are in November, okay? I might need you to come here instead of us going there."

She seems mollified and gives Maddie a kiss goodbye. "You take care of your daddy for us, okay?"

Maddie nods and giggles and rests her head on my shoulder.

"Edward," Carlisle says, shaking my hand and clapping me on my other shoulder. "You've done well for yourself and your daughter. But promise me you'll call if you need anything. Anything at all."

I nod and release his hand. "I promise." I think I mean it. I guess I won't really know until faced with the situation.

Alice is last. "I owe you for this," I tell her as she hugs me. "We all do."

She pulls away and dismisses me with a wave of her hand. "I didn't do anything. You and Mom and Dad did all the heavy lifting. Just don't disappear, okay?"

"Promise."

"We'll see you, Maddie," Alice says, leaning over and giving her a kiss. Maddie waves and snuggles closer to me. I can see she's a little overwhelmed and I'm not sure she knows what to make of all this, so maybe a long conversation over ice cream sundaes is in order for tonight. Even if she doesn't completely understand what's happening and who these people are, I want her to be comfortable enough to tell me that and to ask me questions.

I'm restless on Sunday night after I put Maddie to bed. I haven't heard a word from Bella all weekend and it has me on edge. I would have expected a text message at the very least. I feel like a teenage girl again, worrying about if the school quarterback still likes me. I just saw her on Friday and I should be confident in the commitment we made to each other.

Though, technically, there is no formal commitment and she's still married. And therein lies the problem. Rose's advice echoes in my mind and I wonder if I've made a serious error in judgment.

My mind circles around itself as I spend a mostly sleepless night wondering what's going to await me tomorrow morning.

* * *

><p>Thank you for reading and for your very kind reviews.<p> 


	49. Red

Not betad. Thanks to arfalcon for giving me great advice and telling me I don't suck.

Prompt: red

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

><p>It is with some trepidation that I walk into Bella's house on Monday morning. I still haven't heard from her and I'm anxious; I don't know if it's a coincidence that there's complete radio silence from her the in days following a night she spent with me. But I guess I'm about to find out.<p>

I've been telling myself I'm paranoid and she's got a lot going on, but when I walk in the house is eerily quiet. It's been standard for the past few weeks for her to meet me in the kitchen before my day started. My stomach twists in a knot as I try to focus on getting everyone to work for the day. The tile still needs to be finished up and the plumber should be here this morning to help with the appliance install.

About thirty minutes into my day I'm really starting to freak out, not just because I haven't seen Bella, but because I hear muffled shouting coming from somewhere in the house.

My instinct is to go find out what's causing the commotion, because if someone is shouting at Bella I'll gladly shut their trap for them. Especially if it's her husband, who I already want to punch in the mouth. But before I can make a decision, the shouting stops abruptly and I hear a door slam, then the telltale click-clack of heels on the marble in the foyer. I turn to the kitchen doorway in expectation.

Except it's not Bella who comes in.

I know immediately who I'm faced with; even with her sour, haughty expression, her resemblance to Bella is unmistakable.

This isn't going to be good.

Somehow, she zeroes in on me immediately. It probably has something to do with that look of expectation on my face.

"You're Edward Masen?" she asks. Her voice is pretty like Bella's, but her demeanor detracts from anything that might be attractive about her. She's impeccably put together, not a hair out of place, petite like Bella, and trying really hard to hold onto her youth from the looks of it. It's a fight she's losing.

"Who are _you_?" I ask in turn. I'm not giving her anything. Plus, I need time to gather my wits or I'll say something stupid.

"My name is Renee Swan. I'm Isabella's mother." She looks as if she smells something bad, but I'm sure she looks like that whenever dealing with someone so far beneath her.

I nod and wait for her to continue. She huffs out a breath, my silence seeming to frustrate her, which I like. "If you wouldn't mind," she says, her eyes flicking to the other workers in the kitchen, "I'd like to speak with you outside."

I put out a hand and motion for her to precede me. We step out onto the back deck and she turns to face me.

"Mr. Masen, I think you can figure out what I want to speak with you about. I don't know what Isabella has been thinking, but she cannot continue like this. She has a reputation to think about."

"And what reputation is that?"

"I don't expect you to understand," she says with a shake of her head. "But I won't endure the scandal of her running off with some poor contractor." She reaches into her pocket and takes out a slip of paper. "This should help ease any sadness you feel at never seeing my daughter again."

I take what she hands me and look down at it in astonishment. It's a check for five hundred thousand dollars. I'm shocked, though I shouldn't be; I should have seen this coming. But I force myself to stay calm, realizing how ridiculous this all is. Then I do something that seems to really put her off, much to my delight.

I laugh.

"What's so amusing, Mr. Masen?" she asks, clearly offended. "That's quite generous."

"You. You're amusing. I know this has worked for you before so I can't fault you for trying again. But let's make something clear." I take a step forward. "You don't know the first damn thing about me, and you sure as hell don't know anything about your own daughter."

"You're being very foolish," she says, her eyes hard.

"Am I?" I shake my head and cross my arms over my chest. "I think you're the foolish one. Your values are so out of whack you choose appearance over your own child. It's extraordinary to me she's the loving woman she is after growing up with you as a mother."

I tear the check in two and watch the pieces float to the ground.

She barks out a short laugh and looks at me with disdain. "You know what? Go ahead. Let her play with you and get it out of her system. She seems to have a thing for the help. But she will never leave her husband and you will never get any more money than I just offered you."

I snort and walk past her and straight into the house. I'm as angry as I ever remember being and as soon as this bitch leaves, I need to find Bella. I'd do it now, but I don't want to cause her any more trouble.

I see Bella leave the house right before lunch without so much as a glance in my direction. I feel like I've been punched in the gut.

But I can't just let this go. I'm not an idiot; her mother obviously knows something and she's putting some sort of pressure on Bella. But I don't deserve this kind of a blow off. So I wait for her after everyone else leaves for the day, including Jasper, who was only here for about an hour in the morning.

She finally walks in the front door about an hour after I should have been gone. And I suspect that's exactly the point.

"What happened?" I ask when I intercept her in the foyer. She looks tired and worn and almost beaten down. Her eyes are red and her hair is a mess and damn it all, she's still gorgeous.

She jumps and looks at me briefly before dropping her eyes. "Nothing. It's none of your concern."

"Of course it's my concern, especially considering your mother tried to buy me off." I reply, reaching out and grasping her elbow lightly.

She pulls away and her face hardens. "I think this has gone far enough," she says. "You are my employee and you need to start acting like it."

I let out a long breath. "Son of a bitch," I say under my breath.

Mrs. Martin stands there, tapping her toe and waiting for me to get gone. Except she's not going to get off that easy.

"You're sure this is what you want?"

"Yes." She has the Mrs. Martin expression but her voice lacks any conviction. So I can stay here and fight for her, or I can turn around and walk away.

"If you do this, you let her win and you're going to be under her thumb for the rest of your life."

She just shakes her head. "I know what I'm doing, Mr. Masen. I don't need to explain myself to you."

I walk up to her, so close our faces are only inches apart.

"I really don't care about me, but I let you get close to my daughter. You knew what that meant to me and I trusted you. You better make sure this is really what you want. I don't give second chances with my daughter's heart."

Her voice is barely above a whisper when she answers, all traces of Mrs. Martin suddenly gone. "It's not what I want. It's the opposite of what I want. But I have to protect you and Maddie from her."

"From who?"

"My mother. She said she'd have you fired and destroy Mr. McCarty's business. I can't allow her to hurt you that way."

"No, what you can't do is make that decision for me. It's not fair."

She shakes her head and tears start slipping down her cheeks. I would comfort her, but that doesn't seem appropriate right now.

"This is your last chance," I say, my voice low. "I won't risk Maddie for you or anyone." I'm angry. Angry that I opened myself up to her, that I allowed myself to be vulnerable. But mostly I'm angry because I let her get close to my daughter. We should have stayed isolated. The love I have for my daughter is the only thing I'm sure about in this world. Everything else is transitory and fallible. I feel foolish for trusting Bella when I barely knew her.

"Don't you see that's what I'm trying to prevent? I'm trying to keep her safe," she says with a sniffle, wiping her nose with her sleeve like a little girl.

"She's mine," I say, trying in vain to keep the anger and frustration out of my voice. "I know how to care for her. Do you think for one second I would allow anyone to hurt my daughter? How dare you presume I would. Had you given me the courtesy of allowing me to know what was going on, I would have told you we could handle it. Together. But you're taking that choice away from me."

She puts the heels of her hands over her eyes. "I can't. I'm sorry."

"I'm going home. You know how I feel and what I want. But I'm not going to stand here and listen to this anymore."

I turn away from her and walk straight back to the kitchen and out the door without looking back.

* * *

><p>Thank you for reading and for your kind reviews.<p> 


	50. Follow, hollow

Not betad.

Prompt: follow, hollow

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

><p>I feel this hollow ache in my chest when I leave Bella's, so pronounced I have to keep my hand over my heart while I drive to Green Vale to get Maddie. As ever, though, my daughter's presence heals me. Before I can stop myself, I wonder who's going to be there to heal Bella.<p>

Then I remind myself it's not my business anymore.

Maddie is a little cranky when I pick her up but it seems to dissolve quickly and I wonder if she can read my mood and adjust accordingly. It wouldn't surprise me.

We have a nice, quiet night at home and I can almost forget the events of today. Almost.

Selfishly, I keep Maddie up later than I should so I don't have to be alone. I know I'll retreat right into my own head and I want to avoid as much as possible. But when she starts yawning and rubbing her eyes, I know I can't put it off anymore.

"Are you sad, Daddy?" Maddie asks after I have her tucked in.

"A little, baby," I tell her, a little taken aback by her empathy. I thought I was hiding it so well.

"Was someone mean to you today?"

I let out a short breath. If only she knew how right she was. "Not the way you think," I say. I have no intention of telling her about Bella, of explaining that she's out of our lives for good. I'm hoping she'll just be… forgotten. Maybe it's the cowards way out, but I don't want Maddie to feel rejected. And I'm not sure I'm ready to deal with the fallout. Not tonight when my feelings are raw and I'm so tired.

"I don't like when you're sad," Maddie says through a yawn.

I give her a small smile and run my hand across her cheek. "I'm not sad when I'm with you."

"I love you, Daddy."

"I love you too, baby, more than anything."

I give her a kiss, turn out her light, and close her door behind me.

I'm exhausted and I think the best thing for me to do is sleep. Pacing around the apartment trying to make heads or tails of Bella's behavior isn't going to do me any good. Besides, it's obvious she's made her decision.

I put pajama pants on and pull out the couch, then crawl under the covers with a sigh. I'm so tired my head is buzzing, and for once it doesn't take me long to fall asleep.

My head feels like lead when I wake up sometime later. I roll over and try to get back to sleep, but then I hear a soft tapping and realize that must have been what woke me.

I wearily throw my legs over the side of the bed and put my head in my hands. I'm disoriented and think I should go check on Mad to make sure the sound isn't coming from her room.

Then I hear it again and I realize someone is knocking on my front door.

"Fuck," I say softly. I know who it is. Or at least I think I do. After the run in with Renee Swan today I'm not taking anything for granted. It could be thugs sent to break my legs for all I know.

I check the peephole and then open the door.

If I thought Bella looked bad this morning, I was wrong. She looks absolutely awful now, and her expression is so forlorn it brings back the ache in my chest with a vengeance.

"Can I please talk to you?" she asks in a broken voice.

I take a deep breath and run a hand over my face. This is unexpected and I'm not entirely sure how to handle it. I could easily turn her away, but that would make my behavior no better than hers.

I lift my hand and motion inside the apartment, then drop it heavily at my side. She walks in and I close the door and follow her inside.

I turn on the table lamp, which throws a soft light around the room, and then walk over to the kitchen to a pour myself a glass of juice while she sits on one of the dining chairs.

"What do you want?" My voice sounds harsher than I intended but I'm tired and now I'm on edge because she's here when she's not supposed to be. The juice perks me up a little, allowing me to at least function on a basic level.

"I want… I want a lot of things," she says with a short, humorless laugh.

"You know what I meant."

"I do. I'm sorry. This isn't easy for me."

"No?"

I'm guessing she catches onto the sarcasm that laces my voice because she looks down and nods. But she remains silent.

"Look," I say, leaning against the kitchen counter and crossing my arms over my chest. "It's two o'clock in the morning and I'm tired. I thought we said everything we needed to say this afternoon."

She looks over at me, her eyes wide and pleading. "No. There's so much more to say. I… I wanted to explain before but…"

She bows her head again and remains silent. This really aggravates me for some reason.

"Some of us actually have to work for a living and I need my sleep. Are you going to sit there all night and not tell me why you're here?"

She looks up at me and I realize she's crying. Her eyes are puffy and her nose is red and she looks like I just kicked her puppy. All the fight leaves me. I might be angry, but I'm not an asshole who likes to make women cry.

"I'm sorry," she says. "I can't seem to stop crying. I've been like this all day."

I hand her a box of tissues and sit at the table with her. She wipes her nose and takes a deep breath. "What you said today, about not giving me a second chance… I believed you."

I nod and she sniffs again and puts her head in her hands. She's crying in earnest and I have no idea what to do. After our confrontation today, and then her appearance here, I'm really fucking confused.

I rest my elbow on the table and put my head in my hand, waiting out her crying jag.

"Did you mean what you said?" she eventually asks.

"About what?"

"That if I had told you we could have worked through it together?" she whispers.

"I think the real question is why you would assume anything different." I lean back in my chair and run a hand over my chest.

She shakes her head. "I don't know. I thought I was doing the right thing. I was so afraid for you and your job and what she could do to you."

I snort. "Do you know anything about Emmett's business?"

"What do you mean?"

"His company has been in business in this area for over sixty-five years. His grandfather started it and they have a list of clients a mile long. One word from your mother isn't going to put him out of business. I don't care how rich she is."

"Oh."

"Oh," I mimic. "Had you come to me first, I could have told you that."

This just seems to make her cry harder. "I've been afraid of her my whole life. After Brady and the baby it just got worse. I thought…"

"You thought I'd be like him. That I would abandon you when things got tough."

She looks down and nods, twisting the tissue in her hand.

"Well, damn. So much for having faith in me. What have I ever done to make you think I was _that_ guy?"

"Nothing."

"Right."

"I'm sorry."

I run a hand over my face and try to focus my thoughts. I'm so tired all I want to do is crawl back in bed and pull the covers over my head. But the problem is, even after today, when I picture myself in bed, she's there with me. My feelings aren't simple and haven't changed in the few hours we've been apart. But I'm not sure I trust her, and without trust, especially where my daughter is concerned, I'm not sure there's anything to salvage.

"What am I supposed to do here, Bella?"

"You can tell me it's not too late. Please."

* * *

><p>How did we get to 50 chapters? Thanks for sticking with me.<p>

Thank you for reading and for your kind reviews.


	51. Bar

Not betad

Prompt: bar.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

><p>"Too late for what?" I ask with a sigh. I'm so damn weary.<p>

"For us," she whispers.

Then she does something so unexpected I'm momentarily struck dumb. She falls to her knees, stumbles over to me, and buries her head in my lap.

I let out a long breath and place a hand in her hair. She starts to cry again and I realize this is wrong. I don't like her in this submissive position with me, especially when she's bent to the will of everyone else in her life up until now. It might be all she knows, but I won't be that for her.

I tug on her arm and coax her to stand, and then sit her in my lap. She curls her arms into my chest and I hold her close as she continues to cry. It feels like she's never going to stop.

I don't enjoy her crying, even if being able to comfort her makes me feel strong on some base level. Maybe it's cathartic in some way and she'll come out healed on the other end. Maybe we both will. One thing is for sure, it makes me not want to fight with her anymore. She's been beaten down and disappointed enough. The least I can do is try to resolve this like an adult and an equal. We both deserve that much.

I hand her a tissue when she stops crying, which she uses to blow her nose. I think this is her signal that she's going to get up so we can talk some more, but she leans her head on my chest and makes herself comfortable.

"Bella."

She sits straight but looks down. I place a finger under her chin and lift her face so her gaze meets mine. "What happened?"

She wipes her nose and takes a shaky breath. "It was the hospital. Someone, I still don't know who, saw us together and gossiped about it. It got back to my mother and it didn't take more than a few phone calls to get the name the room was registered under. It was academic from there. I wasn't prepared when she confronted me so I told her the truth, leaving out that I was planning to sell the house and get a divorce. She flew off the handle, told me I was making a spectacle of myself and that she would ruin you unless I stopped seeing you."

"So your solution was to avoid me?"

"I didn't have a solution," she says in a soft voice. "Then when you confronted me I did the only thing that came to mind. I acted like that part of me you hate. Not that I was able to keep it up for long."

"And if I hadn't confronted you? Were you just going to blow me off?"

"I don't know. That's the truth. I had no plan for how I would tell you any of this."

I nod, appreciating her honesty but kind of pissed off that she felt like she couldn't talk to me, and I tell her as much.

"I know. I should have. I wanted to, desperately. I picked up my phone so many times. But I was afraid. Afraid of my mother, of your reaction, of doing the wrong thing." She shakes her head and lets out a soft sigh. "I'm so tired of being afraid."

I need to know were I stand and what she has planned before we continue. There's too much on the line, for me and for Maddie, to not be perfectly clear. "So what about the house?" I ask.

"What do you mean?"

"Are you still selling it?"

"What– of course I am."

"Then what was yesterday all about?"

"Protecting you. I thought once I left and got everything squared away I could come clean and we could pick up where we left off."

I raise my eyebrows in question. "I know," she says. "Not the smartest move. But I didn't really think it through."

I rub my chin, thinking about what she said. "Huh. Maybe your idea wasn't so bad after all."

"What?"

"I just mean maybe it would be smart for you to get your shit together before this goes any further."

"But…"

I wait for her to finish but she remains silent. Then she puts her head back on my chest, and I sigh and wrap my arms around her.

"I found a house," she tells me after a few moments. "A new one, I mean."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. It's right here in Bayville. Five bedrooms, three baths, a rec room in the basement with a bar and a big screen television. It has a great swing set in the backyard, and there's enough room for a pool."

It takes me a moment to process the comment about the swing set and the pool; she was thinking of Maddie. This shocks me at first, but it probably shouldn't.

I realize if I want this to work I need to get over it and accept the apologies she's been offering me since she walked in here. She made a mistake, but her heart was in the right place. I make mistakes every day, mostly concerning my daughter, who never hesitates to forgive me. Maybe I need to learn a lesson from her. Also, if the weekend with my aunt and uncle taught me anything, it's that sometimes even our best intentions can have disastrous results. But a little forgiveness goes a long way.

"That sounds nice," I whisper, kissing the top of her head.

"You never answered my question."

"I know."

She sits up and looks at me, and I hate the sad expression on her face. She's had quite enough of that in her life. We all have.

I run a thumb under her tired eyes and smile. "Let's take it slow, okay? Maybe we rushed into this and didn't think enough about what it would mean." Her face falls and I rush to explain. "I'm not going anywhere. But you need to get your life in order and I need to protect Maddie."

"I wasn't trying to hurt either of you."

"I _know_, Bella. Please listen. I'm not suggesting we can't spend time together. I just think a step back for the time being might be smart."

She puts her head back on my chest and instead of getting frustrated, which is my first reaction, I wait and let her process what I've said. It doesn't take her long to come back to me. "You're right. I need to get away from Demetri and my mother before I can really give you and Maddie anything." Her hands are playing with my shirt like she's looking for buttons that aren't there.

"What about your father?" I ask, suddenly realizing we never really talk about him.

"He's… reserved. We've never really been close but he's not like my mother. Not really. He's more aloof than anything else."

I couldn't imagine being aloof toward my child, but I'm not surprised since these people live a life that's completely foreign to me. But it's not foreign to her–it's all she knows and that's the lesson I think I need to learn. She doesn't know what it's like to be supported and loved and have someone stand up for her. Because she's never truly had it. Her expectations of me were set long ago, before she even knew me.

So I can be what she expects and dreads, and walk away from her, or I can stand up for her, for us, and show her I'm not like everyone else in her life.

"Settle things with your husband, and then let me take you on a date. Let's do this right," I say, running a hand up and down her back.

She picks her head up and smiles at me and God, is she beautiful when she's happy. I want to make her happy. I want to put a smile on her face and help her leave the heartache of her past behind her. No one, especially not someone so giving and kind, should go so long without love.

"I'd like that," she says.

I kiss her softly on the mouth and lean my forehead on hers, taking her face in my hands. "Everything's going to be fine. You'll see."

I want to believe my own words, but a lifetime of behavior doesn't change overnight. I just hope I can be what she needs me to be in order to help her through this.

* * *

><p>Thank you for reading and for your kind reviews.<p> 


	52. Prepare

Not betad

Prompt: prepare.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

><p>We sit there for a while longer but I'm quickly losing what little steam I had.<p>

"I need to get some sleep."

"Oh, okay." She sits up and brushes my cheek with her hand. "How was the rest of your time with your family? I was thinking about you all weekend. I'm sorry I didn't ask before now."

"The visit was good. Weird, but good. Maddie charmed the pants off of everyone, of course."

"I expected nothing less." She smiles and kisses my cheek and runs a hand through my hair. "I'm glad. For the good, not the weird." She stands and straightens out her clothes. "You can tell me more about it tomorrow."

"About that…"

"About what?" She has that frightened child look again so I rush to quell her fears.

"I think I should see what else Emmett has for me. Let's not give your mother any more ammunition or risk getting caught."

She nods slowly but I can tell from her expression she's not thrilled with the idea. I get up and walk over to her and loosely wrap my arms around her waist. "It's for the best. We'll find time to see each other."

"Promise?"

"We'll figure it out."

She nods and rests her head against my chest. I can't deny how nice it feels to be with her, that the part of my heart that doesn't belong to Maddie already belongs to Bella. It has for a while, whether I wanted to admit it or not. Being vulnerable is as scary as hell.

"What's your next step?" I ask her.

"The house will close in a couple of weeks, and then I'll serve Demetri with divorce papers. There's a chance he'll find out about us the same way my mother did, though."

"Are you going to be able to handle that?"

"I'd like to say yes," she says, picking up her head and looking at me. "He's… He doesn't have the same pull my mother does. He can't hurt me, not really."

"Do you think you'll ever be friends again?"

"No." She shakes her head. "He helped me out of a jam and I'll always be grateful to him for that. But he's not that same guy anymore. And I'm not the same frightened girl I was. Despite my behavior today. I'm getting better every day."

"I know, but there's nothing wrong with exactly who you are. Only change because you want to." I run the pads of my fingers across her brow and down to her cheek.

She closes her eyes briefly and then steps back from me with a sigh and a smile. "I'm sorry I kept you up so late."

"S'okay. I'm used to being exhausted."

"Is Maddie okay? Is she having nightmares?"

"No, no, she's been fine," I say as we walk to the door, smiling at her concern for Maddie.

We stand there for a moment and I wonder if we've said everything we need to. I hope so. But I'm so tired and she can't stay and tomorrow is another day. Besides, we need to get our collective acts together before we can move our relationship forward.

"I want to stay," she whispers, her hands resting lightly on my chest. "I sleep better on your pullout couch than I do anywhere else."

"It must be the spring that digs into your back."

"It's the company." She grabs the material of my t-shirt lightly in her fists. "Tell me again everything is going to work out."

"It will. You'll see."

"I'm sorry. I should have handled this differently. I don't know what I'm doing, but I'm going to try to do better."

"Stop apologizing. It's okay."

"No, it's not."

I kiss her on the forehead and then meet her gaze. "I forgive you. I'm sorry I didn't make that clear before now. Just me promise you'll talk to me from now on. We're supposed to be in this together."

"I promise."

* * *

><p>I call Emmett on Monday morning and tell him I need to talk to him, so he invites Maddie and me for dinner.<p>

I don't see Bella during the day, but she sends me a text apologizing for her absence and asking if she can call me later. And she tells me she misses me, which puts a smile on my face.

The morning moves quickly and Jasper finds me at noon, asking me to have lunch with him. I'm apprehensive what with everything that's going on, but he promised a few weeks back not to get in the middle and I believe him.

"You were seeing your family over the weekend, right?" he asks me after we sit in the kitchen. It's getting way too cold to eat outside.

"Yeah. It was a little stressful but it was good for Maddie." I pause. "For me too."

He nods. "Plans to see them again?"

"We talked a little about Thanksgiving but didn't make definite plans. I'm sort of… waiting."

He nods and I think he understands what I'm trying to tell him. "This my last week here," he says. "I'd like us to keep in touch."

"What? Wh– oh, right." I feel like an idiot. Bella's selling the house so she has no need for a gardener. "What are you going to do?"

"Bella's been generous so I have a little cushion until I find the right thing. I have a degree in landscape architecture. Maybe it's time I used it."

"Maybe. But there's nothing wrong with what you've been doing."

"No, there isn't. But I've been kind of restless lately. Like I need to prepare for something new. It started before I broke up with Maria and now that we're not together anymore and I have to find a new job… I don't know." He shakes his head and smiles. "It seems like I'm on the cusp of something, you know?"

"Yeah, I do," I say with a smirk.

The rest of the day drags, so I'm relieved when I'm finally settled at Emmett and Rose's place with Maddie. Dinner passes without drama and I talk to Emmett over coffee. I tell him about the status of my relationship with Bella and her problems with her mother, without getting into specifics. But I do make it clear to him that her mother mentioned him and his business specifically. He waves it off; Emmett's been around this area his whole life and understands the way things work.

"I think it might be best if I get out of there as soon as possible," I tell him about the job at Bella's. "There isn't much left to do. I can write up a list for Bella so she can make sure the job is finished before she sells the house."

Emmett nods. "That works out, actually. DiSanto wants you back. He has for a while. He loved what you did in his library and he wants to re-do the entire basement with cupboards for the kids and bookshelves and what all else. I offered him someone else but he only wants you."

I nod, relieved I can leave Bella's and still be employed. "Is it set to go?"

"Yeah. I saw the plans his interior designer drew up. The materials are ready and waiting for you. I can call him tomorrow and see when he wants to get started."

"Thanks, Em."

"No problem." He eyes me silently for a moment. "So you really like this woman, huh?"

"I do," I say. "She's… not what I thought she was. We're trying to make it work."

"Maddie seems to like her."

"She does. It's uncanny, really. They bonded almost from the beginning."

"Rose really wants to meet her," he says with a smirk. "You realize it's going to have to happen eventually."

"Why do I feel like I'm in for it?"

"You're not," he says with a laugh. "Rose just loves you and you haven't been with anyone since we've known you. She's curious. And she wants to make sure this woman is good enough for you."

I'm not sure what's gotten into me, but I'm suddenly overwhelmed with gratitude. Emmett didn't only give me a job when I moved here, he and Rose gave us a refuge, fed us on more than one occasion, gave me hand-me-downs for Maddie, and a bonus every year so I could make Christmas a little more special. But more than any of that, they gave me a friendship that has sustained me for five years during which Maddie and I would have otherwise been completely alone.

"Listen, I just want to thank you for everything you've done for me and Maddie. We came here with nothing and if it hadn't been for you and Rose, I'm not sure we would have made it."

I can see him starting to dismiss my comment like he does when he thinks I'm making too much of something, but then he stops himself and nods. "You and Maddie are part of our family. You always will be. And family looks out for each other."

Emmett and I talk for a few more minutes and then I gather Maddie and head home. Bella calls a few minutes after Maddie's tucked in for the night. Her day was blessedly uneventful, but we somehow manage to stay on the phone for over two hours–as I fold Mad's clothes, do the dishes, and get ready for bed. It's almost like she's here.

Almost.

* * *

><p>Thank you for reading and for your kind reviews, and thanks to those who rec this story around the fandom.<p> 


	53. Browse

Not betad. Well, maybe this chapter was. I'm not sure how to further extol the virtues of arfalcon in this space except to say I'm blessed to know her.

Prompt: browse

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

><p>I start work at the DiSanto place later that week, leaving the end of the job at Bella's in Emmett's hands. He's promised to keep an eye on it and I'm sure the rest will go off without a hitch.<p>

Jack DiSanto is great to work for; he's easy-going and leaves me to do my work in peace after we chat for a few minutes in the morning. I miss Bella though. We no longer have an excuse to see each other every day and her absence from my daily routine is conspicuous.

Even though I don't see her as often as I used to, I talk to Bella every day, sometimes briefly but more often we have marathon phone calls at night. She's come over a few times, but we manage, with some difficulty, at least on my part, to keep our hands to ourselves. It's nice getting to know her, really know her, this way. And the more I get to know, the more I like her for who she is. The amount of time she spends volunteering is staggering and probably amounts to more than most full-time jobs. She's funny as hell, and her concern for Maddie and her health and education gives me this warm feeling in my chest. I want her more all the time and the day she leaves her husband can't come soon enough.

Maddie is thriving at Green Vale, and when the hospital bills start rolling in, I'm more grateful than ever for Bella's help with the tuition. Even with what my insurance covers, I would not have been able to keep Maddie in school and pay these bills. As it is, I call the hospital to set up a payment plan, which eases the burden just a little. At least I won't have to pay it all at once with money I don't have.

I love picking Maddie up on the days she has piano after school. I find her in one of the music rooms and I watch her play her scales, marveling at how far she's come in only a few weeks. Her little legs are swinging back and forth as she sits next to her teacher, and she looks so happy. I'll never regret the sacrifices I had to make to send her to this school.

"Daddy!" she calls when she sees me.

"Hello, Mr. Masen," Jessica says, standing and walking over to shake my hand. Maddie's crazy about her, even more so than Miss Katie.

"How's Maddie doing?" I ask, looking over at her as she randomly plays notes.

"She's nothing short of amazing, to be perfectly frank. I can't believe how quickly she's picking it up. You may have somewhat of a prodigy on your hands."

"She something else all right," I agree with a smile. I wonder if I'll ever stop beaming with pride where Maddie's concerned.

"Maddie told me you play," Jessica says.

"Not for a long time, but yeah. I went to Juilliard."

"Wow," she says a little breathlessly, touching my arm and smiling brightly.

Oh, boy. Why did I have to say Juilliard? She has that dreamy look in her eye and now I'm just antsy to get out of here.

"Do you play professionally?" she asks with a bat of her eyelashes.

I resist the urge to roll my eyes, especially since I'm sure I just told her I hadn't played in a while. I attempt to be polite since she's teaching my daughter. "No." I smile as genuinely as I can and then call to Maddie. "Let's go, kiddo."

"Coming, Daddy."

She runs over to me and I scoop her up and give her a quick kiss on the cheek. "Miss Jessica says I can start playing a song next week," she says with a smile. "Soon I'll be playing as good as you."

"I have no doubt," I tell her.

* * *

><p>Bella comes over the night before the house closing to have dinner with us. It's our normal fare, but Bella just picks at her food. She tries to put on a brave face for Maddie, which I appreciate. My kid isn't fooled, though.<p>

"Don't you want dessert?" Maddie asks Bella.

"Why do you ask? Do you have something special?"

"No, but Daddy won't let me have dessert if I don't finish my dinner."

Bella laughs, though I can see her heart isn't completely in it. I love that she's making the effort.

"It's okay, Mad. Bella's an adult, she can have cake for dinner if she wants to."

"Really?" she asks. She turns to me, her eyes wide. "Do you ever have cake for dinner, Daddy?"

"I have dinner with you every night," I tell her. "I eat the same thing you do."

"Oh," she says with a trace of disappointment.

"I'll tell you what, Maddie," Bella says. "One night you and I will have cake for dinner. Just the two of us."

Maddie practically jumps in her seat and claps her hands. "If it's okay with your father, of course," Bella adds, looking sheepishly at me.

"It's fine. You can have a girl's night and I'll make myself scarce." The idea of Maddie getting some one-on-one girl time makes me ridiculously pleased.

"Oh, can we go to your house and try on jewelry like we did last time?" Maddie asks.

"Sure. Except it won't be that house. It'll be a better one."

"What happened to the other one?"

"I sold it to someone else," Bella tells her. "They'll live there and I'll live in another house."

"But why?" Bella blanches and I see her hunting for the right words.

"What did you learn in piano today?" I ask Maddie. "Miss Jessica told me she was going to teach you a new song this week."

"She did, I forget what it was called, though," Maddie replies, sufficiently distracted. Bella takes my hand and squeezes lightly before going back to pushing her food around her plate.

When I tuck Maddie in for the night I'm sure she's forgotten all about Bella moving, but I'm wrong.

"Why is Bella moving if it makes her sad?"

"I don't think it makes her sad," I reply carefully. "She's just having some problems with her family right now."

"Like a fight?" she asks.

I smile." Something like that."

"Cassie and I had a fight at school yesterday."

"What about?" I'm surprised she hasn't told me about this before now and I'm concerned.

"She wanted to play puzzles but I wanted to read, so she was mad at me."

I resist the urge to tell her Cassie's an idiot, and take her hand instead. "So what happened?"

"Nothing," she says with a small shrug. "We're still friends. She played puzzles with Dylan and I read by myself."

"Do you always like playing by yourself?"

She laughs. "No, Daddy. I just wanted quiet time."

I let out a sigh of relief. I honestly don't know what's wrong with me sometimes. Good thing I have this kid to keep me in line.

I give her a kiss and then find Bella in the living room, sitting on the edge of the couch rubbing her hands together.

"Do you want anything?" I ask.

"No, I just… can you come and sit with me?"

"Of course." I sit down next to her and she leans into me, letting out a long breath.

I put my arm around her and kiss the top of her head. "Everything's going to be fine. You'll see."

She doesn't say anything, just drapes her legs over mine and rests her head on my chest. I lean back on the couch and hold her close, hoping the comfort I'm giving her will somehow last her until tomorrow.

"What's the plan for tomorrow?" I ask after a while.

"My attorney will close the house for me at ten o'clock, then I'll meet him in his office in the afternoon. I told Demetri to meet me there at seven o'clock."

"The papers will be ready for him to sign?" I run a hand up and down her back and she hums contentedly.

"Yes. And I'll have a check ready for him. It's more than half of the proceeds from the house. Even though I let it go cheap I can't imagine him turning down four million dollars free and clear."

I never asked Bella what her house was worth or what she would be walking away with, and it never came up in conversation. Hearing the number now though makes me a little queasy. That's a lot of money, and if it's more than half the proceeds…

"What are you walking away with from the sale?"

"A little over three million. I have to pay my attorney and the closing costs and I'm going to give Victoria a commission, even though she offered to sell the house at no charge. So I'll probably have under three million by the time I'm finished."

"That's a lot of money." I swallow and try not to let my nerves get the best of me. These numbers are bigger than anything I'm used to talking about. I keep rubbing her back, taking as much comfort from it as she is, I think.

"Well, yeah, but then I'm buying the house in Bayville, so that will eat into my take a little. I'll give the rest to my money manager and he'll invest it for us."

Us.

My hand abruptly stills and I can feel her tense in my lap. She picks up her head and looks at me. "Too much?" she asks with a nervous swallow.

"No, no," I say, resting her head back on my chest. "I'm all in, you know that. I'm just not used to hearing 'us' unless it's coming from Maddie. We've been on our own for so long."

"Am I cramping your style?" She tries to sound lighthearted but I can hear the anxiety in her voice. The last thing she needs before tomorrow is for me to add to her nerves.

I move a little so she can see me and I put my hand on the side of her face, running my thumb along her cheekbone. "Never," I whisper. I kiss her forehead gently and look at her again. "You're a part of our life now and we'll make this work."

* * *

><p>She texts me the next morning after the house closes to let me know it went off without a hitch. Then she calls me right before her meeting with Demetri.<p>

"Are you all right?" I ask.

"Yeah, I'm okay. I really wish you were here, though."

"I can be," I say, sure I can drop Mad at Rose and Emmett's on short notice.

She lets out an audible breath. "I want to say yes, but I think I need to do this on my own. Plus, there's a better chance of him accepting my terms if I don't have my boyfriend hovering around protecting me."

My eyebrows shoot up. "Boyfriend, you say?"

I can hear the smile in her voice when she responds. "That's right, mister. It's about time I gave you a title."

"I like it, girlfriend."

"Me too." She pauses and lowers her voice. "I better go."

"Call me as soon as you finish, okay?"

"I promise."

"Good luck, sweetheart."

We hang up and I go about my evening. I have dinner with Maddie, answer an email from Aunt Esme, browse through some pictures Bella gave me of the new house, and straighten the apartment. At eleven o'clock I get ready for bed and pull out the couch, but I don't sleep. I'm pacing my apartment, more anxious than I ever remember being outside of waiting for Maddie to be born. I feel impotent, unable to even call her to see how she's doing or what's happening, and wondering how I would ever find out if she needed me or was in trouble.

I'm so tightly wound my hair is probably standing on end from my hands constantly running through it and I'm about to wear a hole in my carpet where I'm pacing back and forth, clutching my cell phone like my life depended on it. And maybe in some ways it does.

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><p>Thank you for reading and for your kind reviews.<p> 


	54. Discreet

Not betad. But thanks to carenl for her eyes.

Prompt: discreet

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

><p>I practically rip the door open when I hear a knock at just after eleven-thirty. It's either Bella or someone with news of Bella. Either way, I'm out of patience.<p>

A blur of limbs and brown hair practically tackles me as she throws herself in my arms; I know it's Bella more by the way she feels than anything else.

"Are you all right?" I ask, kicking to door closed as gently as I can so as not to wake Maddie. Bella doesn't answer and my frayed nerves are about to snap. "Bella, please."

I feel her nod her head on my shoulder and I resist the urge to demand she tell me what happened. Instead I try to be supportive and give her what she needs for the moment. I'm just so relieved she's here and in one piece.

"I'm sorry," she says breathlessly. "It took longer than I thought it would and I couldn't find my phone right away when we were finished and I thought I'd just come over instead of looking for it because I really wanted to see you anyway and then I thought I heard it ring in the car and I was worried you were looking for me and –"

I take a step back from her and put my hands on either side of her face, then I place my mouth on hers to get her to stop rambling. I kiss her for a long minute and then remove my lips from hers. "Slow down," I whisper.

"I'm sorry. I know I need to calm down. I'm just…" She shakes her hands in front of her in agitation so I kiss her forehead and run my thumbs across her cheeks.

"It's fine. You're fine. I was worried, but I'm glad you're here now."

She nods and rests her forehead on my chest, and I can hear her take a few deep, steadying breaths. Once I think she's calm enough I release her and stow the bed and put the cushions back on the couch, then I pour her a glass of wine, leftover from one of our dinners.

She accepts the wine with thanks and a smile and we sit on the couch. I start off with a good distance between us, but I quickly realize it's too far. After all my worrying I need to make sure she's here and real. So I scoot closer and rest my hand on her leg, needing the contact.

"I'm kind of dying here." I tell her when she doesn't say anything.

"Oh God, Edward, I'm so sorry." She takes a huge gulp of her wine and then wipes her mouth. "It was… well, it was ugly. He was taken completely by surprise when he realized we were at my attorney's office to end our marriage. I actually felt a little bad for him."

I resist the urge to roll my eyes and tell her he doesn't deserve her sympathy. She's known him longer than I have and by all accounts he was good to her at one point.

"There was some screaming and yelling and then he called an attorney of his own," she continues. "He's a business acquaintance, apparently. Anyway, it took a while for Demetri's attorney to convince him this was the best deal he was likely to get. Our pre-nup was rock-solid, just like my attorney told me.

"Once he realized he wasn't going to get any more money, he asked if he could to talk to me alone." She takes a deep breath and another sip of her wine and I'm starting to feel anxious again. But this is about her and not me so I sit still and try to appear calm on the outside, even if I'm the exact opposite on the inside. Having her so close helps.

"He and I went into an empty conference room," she continues. "He tried to prevail on our friendship, on the good times in our marriage, he even brought up… my miscarriage and how he'd been there for me."

"Son of a bitch," I say under my breath.

"It's all right," she says with a shrug. "We were dissolving our marriage and the baby I lost was the only reason we were married in the first place. It was fair game."

"I don't agree."

"Be that as it may, I handled it fine."

"I'm sure you did."

"Can I finish?"

"Sorry."

"It's okay." She gives my hand a quick squeeze. "So then he asked me straight out if there was someone else."

"And?"

"And… I evaded. Because the truth is I was leaving him whether I'd met you or not. Which is basically what I told him. But he's not an idiot and he knew what I was doing." She takes the last sip of her wine and then places the glass back on the table. "I didn't tell him about you specifically. That really frustrated him. He even punched the conference room table."

"Did he touch you?" I ask through clenched teeth.

"No, no. I've told you before, he's many things, but he's not violent. He would never hit me."

I nod and wait for her to continue. "Then we sat around and divided up the contents of the house," she says. "I just wanted enough to furnish the new house and I told him he could have the rest, but I doubt he'll take all of it. He'll likely move into his apartment in New York full time and it's already furnished. I'm sure we'll find a place for whatever is left." She shrugs. "Then we parted ways and I came over here."

I want to be happy it's over, but she seems to be forgetting one small and very significant detail. "Did he sign the papers?" I ask.

"Oh God, I left out the most important part. I'm sorry," she says with a short laugh. "Yeah, he signed." Her smile is wide and bright when she looks at me. "It should be final in sixty days."

"Wow." I'm having a hard time connecting the dots and articulating how I'm feeling. The papers are signed. There's no more reason to hide. We can be together, freely and without guilt or reservation.

"Why don't you look happy?" she asks me, swallowing loudly and twisting her fingers together.

"Shit, I'm sorry. I am happy." I take her hand and tug her so she's sitting in my lap. "I'm so happy I'm not sure what to do with myself, hence my lack of response. I don't think I said anything for three days after Maddie was born."

I was hoping for a laugh, but I'm grateful for the smile she gifts me instead.

"We should still be discreet," she says, touching my cheek with the back of her hand. "But I'm pretty sure someone asked if he could take me on a date."

"Who asked you on a date? I'll kick his ass," I say with a scowl. That gets me the laugh I was looking for. It's quiet and reserved, but I'll take it.

She sighs and gets up on her knees, one on each side of me so she's hovering over me with her hands in my hair. "I only want you," she whispers against my mouth.

Then she kisses me; it's slow and soft and if I was standing I'm sure it would buckle my knees.

* * *

><p>I've been a little fail at review replies lately, and I'm truly sorry for that. I'll try to be better moving forward. But just so we're clear, I read and appreciate each one. Your support of me and this story means more than I can say. Thank you.<p> 


	55. Persistent

Not betad.

Jessypt lent me her eyes and her time today, and I thank her most humbly.

Prompt: persistent.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

><p>Bella and I sit on the couch for a while longer, kissing and touching and smiling like idiots. I really, really like kissing her. She has the softest, sweetest mouth, and I attempt to make up for all the lost time when I couldn't kiss her like this. We haven't been this physical in a while and there's the added aspect of it not being taboo anymore. The sixty day waiting period is a formality in every sense of the word–that's just how long it takes for the paperwork to make its way through the legal system.<p>

I briefly consider whether this will put a damper on things, but then her mouth closes around this certain area of my neck and I know it won't be a problem.

Eventually I start feeling a little drunk and very sleepy from the endless kisses, and I yawn widely.

"I'm sorry I'm keeping you up past your bedtime," she says, kissing my cheek softly with a sigh. "Again."

"It's okay. I should get to bed, though. I have work in the morning." I stretch and scrub a tired hand over my face and think about getting up to see her out so she can go home.

"Bella?"

"Mm?"

"Can you go back to your house tonight? The old one or the new one?"

"We have a week left with the old house. I told Demetri he could have until Friday to clear out, and the new house doesn't close until the end of the week. I'll stay in a hotel in the meantime. I have a bag in the car."

"Stay here tonight."

"Okay."

"You're not even going to make me work for it?" I ask.

"Not even a little," she says with a wink and a smile.

She goes to the car to get her bag and I pull out the couch, feeling kind of excited and happy, but with this funny, unpleasant feeing in my stomach that I can't quite articulate. I'd call it unease, but I can't for the life of me think what could be causing it. I'm employed, I'm reconciling with my family, Maddie's thriving in school and has been free of any asthma attacks for a few weeks, and I have Bella to myself–almost.

Yet the anxiety I feel is real. I try my best to keep things lighthearted as we get ready for bed, but once we're settled under the covers I know I wasn't successful.

"What's wrong?" Bella asks.

"Nothing," I say automatically.

She smiles softly and moves closer to me, tangling her legs with mine and playing briefly with the hair that's fallen in front of my eyes before attempting, unsuccessfully, to move it away. "I don't believe you," she whispers.

I nod and give her a half smile. I guess there's no point in trying to hide how I feel anymore. "I don't honestly know," I say. "I feel anxious. Less so now, but a few minutes ago it was pretty bad."

"And you don't know why?"

"No," I say through a yawn. "Maybe I just need some sleep."

"Maybe," she says with a furrowed brow.

"It's fine," I tell her. "Come closer."

She smiles and burrows closer to my chest, and I let out a long, tired sigh. I'm absolutely exhausted and she's warm and soft and I fall into a deep, restful sleep with my arms wrapped around her.

I wake up before the sun rises. Bella has her back to me and my arm is around her, and it doesn't take me long to realize what woke me.

It's the persistent ache coming from the area where Bella and I are pressed tightly together. I stifle a groan in Bella's neck and resist the urge to move closer, instead shifting myself away so my erection isn't digging into her ass.

The unease is back, its origins still a mystery to me.

"I can practically hear you thinking back there," she says sleepily.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you."

"It's okay," she says, turning around to face me. "Are you still feeling anxious?"

"Yeah, a little," I admit.

"I can still go to the hotel," she says, biting her lip and looking down.

"What? No. It's not you."

"Of course it is," she insists. "I come over and tell you I'm divorced but for the formalities, and your anxiety ratchets up. What else could it be?"

"I don't know."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No. Yes. I don't know. What I really want is a decent night's sleep." I sound cranky even to my own ears.

Her eyes glisten with tears, but she blows me off when I attempt to apologize. "It's nothing; I don't usually cry so easily. I've had an emotional day and my life is in upheaval, that's all."

"I'm sorry," I whisper, my crankiness disappearing. I hate upsetting her. "I want you here, you have to know that."

She nods and lifts her head to look at me, touching my face gently. She looks so vulnerable and unsure, and I can't stand it. She's in my bed with my arms around her. She should feel safe and as sure about me as I do about her.

"I want you here," I repeat, running the back of my hand across her cheek. "I'm not perfect, but I love you. Please don't doubt that."

Her eyes widen and fill with tears and I think maybe I've said the wrong thing. My hand drops from her face and I turn onto my back with a groan. "I didn't mean to make you cry."

She surprises me by straddling my hips and putting her hands on either side of my head. "These are good tears."

"Oh."

"I love you," she says. "I was too nervous to say it before everything was settled, but I love you so much." She kisses me, softly at first, but with growing purpose.

My erection is instantly back and having her so close and warm isn't helping. She runs her hand up under my shirt and starts to tug on it until I still her hands.

"But… the papers are signed," she says. "If either one of us went to stop it right now we couldn't. It's just bureaucratic red tape."

I shake my head. "That's not it. It's Maddie," I say, my eyes flicking over to her bedroom door. "Her door isn't locked and I don't want her to walk out."

"Oh," she says, clearly disappointed. Then she bites her lip and looks at me with a mischievous gleam in her eye. "Is it okay if we sleep close together?"

"Um. Yeah, I guess so."

"Good." She turns on her side and I follow suit. She throws her leg over my hip. I can feel how warm she is even through our clothes, and I groan into her neck.

She reaches for the waistband of my pants and I tense and lift my head. "I thought–"

"Shhh," she says against my lips. "We're sleeping close together. That's all."

I swallow loudly as she continues lowering my pants and I think I'm basically powerless to stop her at this point. It feels so good and I'm as hard as I've ever been and it's been so, so long.

I let out a gasp when she wraps her hand around me, and I have to fight the urge to come right then and there. Her hand is so soft and unexpected.

"Is this okay?" she asks shyly, moving her hand up and down.

I can only nod as I watch her face watching my reaction to what she's doing. I'm complete putty in her hands.

Somewhere in the depths of my foggy, lust-addled mind, I know this isn't what I want, though, and I'm able to somehow form a coherent thought. "Stop."

Her eyes widen as she releases me, a look of embarrassment crossing her face. I flip her over so she's flat on her back and I lay myself gently on top of her. "Not like that," I whisper. I kiss her slowly and thoroughly, my tongue touching hers and eliciting a moan from deep in her throat.

I'm so hard I can barely think straight, but I do know what I'm doing and the choice I'm making. I know Maddie can walk out at any minute but I can't find it in myself to stop. I'll deal with the potential consequences later. I want to be selfish and do something for me for once.

I'm able to slip Bella out of her pajama bottoms, but we're still wearing our tops and have a sheet covering our lower bodies. I'm coherent enough to take those precautions.

I take her hands in mine and stretch them above her head. Her body is taut and tight below mine and I'm practically vibrating with my need to be inside of her. My skin sings where it meets hers.

She lifts her leg and draws me closer and I'm right there, so close I can feel how warm and ready she is. "I haven't done this in a really long time," I whisper. I'm embarrassed, but not as embarrassed as I'm going to be when we do this and I break the orgasm land speed record.

"Neither have I." She runs her hand from my cheek to the back of my head, then presses her lips to mine. Her kiss is gentle and calming. "It's not about that. Not this time."

I know what she means. For as much as I want this physically, and I do, I could have done this any number of times with any number of women over the last five years. But I've chosen not to. Because none of them were Bella. Because I'm that guy now, the one who wants it to mean something.

"I want you, Edward," she says softly. I place my forearms on either side of her head and smooth her hair away from her face as I kiss her.

Then I'm inside of her and my world explodes in sensation. I bury my head in her neck with a groan and then still completely.

Bella says my name like a sigh and weaves her fingers through the hair at the back of my neck. I lift my head and look at her pretty face, a little overwhelmed with how I feel. It may have been a while, but I don't think sex has ever felt this good.

I move my hips experimentally and then still again. "I'm… shit."

Bella kisses me and wraps her other leg around me and I'm lost. I bury my head in her neck and the next thing I know my orgasm is shooting through me as I cry out into her hair and fist the sheet next to her head. It's exhilarating and amazing and I want to laugh and cry and have it never end. I'm a bundle of sensation and emotion and I take a minute to try to compose myself as Bella runs her hands up and down my back.

I pick my head up and kiss her mouth, her cheek, her nose. I move to her neck and then lift her pajama top and kiss her stomach, not wanting to leave her unsatisfied.

But she pulls me back up so we're eye level. "What is it?" I ask.

"Do you know one of the things I love most about you?"

"What?"

"I love that you take your responsibility to Maddie so seriously. I love that almost everything you do is for love of her, including getting up and going to work every day."

"Okayyyyy." I have no idea where this is going.

"Get some sleep, Edward. You need it."

"But what about–"

"Being with you tonight was everything I wanted it to be, for so many reasons. We have all the time in the world ahead of us." She plays with the hair falling over my forehead and smiles. "I want you to sleep."

I'm too tired to argue. "Promise you'll let me make it up to you," I mumble.

"I don't think that's going to be a problem," she says with a laugh.

I gather her in my arms and am asleep almost instantly.

* * *

><p>Thank you for reading and for your kind reviews.<p> 


	56. Styrofoam

Not betad

Prompt: Styrofoam

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

><p>When I wake up again the sun is shining and I know I only have a few minutes before I have to wake Maddie and get her ready for school. But Bella is next to me, her breathing steady, and she's warm and soft where my body is wrapped around hers. I feel good; rested and happy and almost content. I kind of want to stay here forever.<p>

But reality calls, and I give Bella a quick squeeze and kiss on the neck before I get out of bed and locate my pajama pants. I put them on and remind myself I'll have to be more careful in the future.

"What time is it?" Bella asks, sitting up in bed and scratching her head.

"A little before seven," I tell her, handing her the pajama bottoms I've managed to find.

She pulls them on and stands and I walk over to her and give her a kiss. "Good morning," I say, tucking her hair behind her ear.

"Good morning," she says with a smile. "How did you sleep?"

I put my hand on the small of her back and pull her to me. "Better than I have in years." I kiss her quickly and then clear my throat.. "Sorry about last night."

She puts a hand in my hair and smiles. "It was perfect."

I roll my eyes and I'm sure I'm blushing. "It was," she insists. "It's just the beginning, you know."

"I know. I promise, from what I remember, it's usually not over so quickly."

She giggles softly. "Practice makes perfect."

Her hand tightens slightly in my hair and she presses her lips to mine, kissing me softly. I kiss her back and then sigh and pull away from her. Because what I really want to do is throw her back down on the bed and try to make up for last night right now.

"I need to get Maddie," I say.

She smiles and grabs her bag. "I'm gonna…" She points toward the bathroom with a smile on her face.

"Meet you back here?"

"Definitely."

With one last kiss she's on her way to the bathroom and I go to wake Maddie.

"Hey, baby, wake up," I say, sitting on the side of her bed and rubbing her back.

"Hmph." She rolls over, taking her blanket with her.

"Come on," I say, getting up and taking her uniform pants and shirt out of her drawer, along with her underclothes and socks. Once I have everything I leave it on top of her dresser. "Baby, up, let's go."

She grumbles then practically falls out of bed and drags her feet to the living room. She settles at the dining table with a yawn and I hand her a glass of orange juice. Bella comes out of the bathroom just when I finish putting coffee on.

"Hey, Maddie," Bella says sweetly. Her hair is up, her face is scrubbed clean of all makeup, she's wearing jeans and a long sleeved t-shirt, and she's never been more beautiful.

"Hi," Maddie says in her best petulant voice. "Did you sleep over again?"

"Um…" Bella looks at me with pink cheeks and I take the reins.

"Yes she did, baby."

"How come no one told me?" she asks, looking at me and folding her arms across her chest.

So it's going to be one of those mornings.

"Because I'm an adult and I don't need your permission. Now drink your juice."

She drinks her juice but somehow manages to retain her scowl. I gesture Bella over and hand her a cup of coffee. "It'll pass, she's just tired. Some mornings are like this," I say quietly.

She nods and takes a sip from her mug. "I don't want to make her uncomfortable."

"Don't worry about it," I say. I kiss her forehead and then turn back to Maddie. "What's for breakfast, kiddo?"

"I don't know," she mumbles.

"I haven't got a lot of time for nonsense this morning, I still need to shower and dress for work."

"I want eggs."

"I don't have time for eggs," I say with a sigh. "Toast or cereal?"

"I can make her eggs," Bella says.

"You don't have to."

"I know I don't have to," she says with a rather exasperated air.

"Right." I'm not used to sharing this responsibility, and that anxiety I was feeling last night starts to curl in my stomach. "You're sure you don't mind?"

"Positive," she says, opening the refrigerator to take out what she needs. "Maddie can help me, right, Maddie?"

Maddie's already nodding her head and grabbing her stool so she can reach the counter.

I leave them in peace and grab my clothes before heading to the shower. I try to make heads or tails of my anxiety as I stand under the spray, but I can't for the life of me figure out what it could be. I'm happy, Lord knows I am, but my unease nags at me. I decide to let it be, hoping it'll go away.

I finish my shower and dress, then open the bathroom door. I hear Maddie and Bella talking and peek my head around and see them sitting at the table together.

"Are you going to be my mom?" Maddie asks. She sounds neither happy nor unhappy, just matter-of-fact.

"Oh, well…" I'm about to step in when Bella recovers. "I love you and your dad very much, and I really like being with you."

I see Maddie nod. "Maybe you can take care of Daddy like he takes care of me. His mommy and daddy died so he has no one to take care of him."

Bella covers her mouth with her hand and she looks like she's about to cry. I may not be far behind, the anxiety in my gut like a punch in the stomach.

"I think I'd like to take care of both of you," Bella says, touching Maddie's cheek lightly.

I step out fully from the bathroom and run a hand through my wet hair. "Almost finished?" I ask Maddie.

"Yes, Daddy."

She gets up from the table and puts her plate in the sink while I take a large swig from the coffee cup I left on the counter.

"Good job, sweetie. Now go on and get dressed," I tell her.

"You okay?" Bella asks me after Maddie goes to her room.

"Fine," I say. She gets up and stands next to me with a skeptical expression on her face. "Really, it's nothing."

She nods and puts her cup in the sink. "Will I see you later?" she asks.

"What are yours plans for the day?"

"I have to meet with my accountant, my lawyer, and I have a lunch with Victoria. I also thought I'd stop by the hospital this afternoon. There's no reason I can't keep up my routine."

I nod and pour the rest of the pot of coffee in a Styrofoam cup so I can take it with me.

"Are you still thinking of staying in a hotel?"

"Um…" She looks at me so unsurely I know it's up to me to say what we're both thinking.

"Maddie!" I call.

"Yes, Daddy?" she says, walking out of her bedroom dressed but for her socks, which she carries in her hands.

"Come here, sweetie." I crouch down when she reaches me. "Would you mind if Bella stayed with us for a few days?" I realize I just told her I didn't need her permission, and I don't, but I want her to feel like she has some measure of control over her life, especially with all the changes of late.

Maddie looks from Bella to me and shrugs her shoulders. "That's fine."

"Okay. Go finish getting dressed." I kiss her on the cheek and she's off to her room.

Bella looks confused. "I thought… She seemed to annoyed when she woke up and I was here this morning."

"I told you she was just tired." I turn and rummage through the drawer where I keep all my odds and ends, quickly finding what I'm looking for and handing it to her. "The silver key is for the top lock, the gold key for the bottom."

She smiles and wraps her fist around the keys. "I'll cook dinner."

I lean down and kiss her softly on the mouth. "And I'll make up for last night."

I spend the day pretty much free of anxiety. I feel like a fifteen year old whose been laid for the first time, and I kind of enjoy the feeling. Every time I think of Bella my stomach jumps a little, mostly in anticipation of being with her again and again. I forgot what I'd been missing, but not really since I'd never felt as close to anyone as I do to Bella. It makes sex different. Better.

When Maddie and I get home Bella is already there, all smiles and cooking dinner. I like her here and it does my heart good to see her in our space.

We have a good night: Maddie eats dinner without complaint, the three of us play a rousing game of Trouble, and Maddie gets in bed without too much grumbling. I start to feel calm and like maybe my unease is finally gone.

"How was your day?" I ask as Bella and I wash dishes.

"Good. I met with my attorney and everything is in order with the divorce. He's filing the papers this week and handling the purchase of the new house. I'll just have to be there to sign some papers on Friday afternoon."

"Okay," I say, handing her a dish to dry.

"I met with my accountant and money manager," she continues. "They're setting up a checking account and a savings account, and some investments so the money isn't just sitting there."

I nod, not sure what to say.

"We'll have access to the money, though. Most of it, anyway, in case there's an emergency."

I hand her the last plate with a shaky hand and try to swallow the anxiety that's started to bloom in my chest.

Bella grabs my forearm lightly. "Are you all right?"

I shake my head and do the one thing I know will keep the tension I feel at bay for a little while.

I kiss her.

My anxiety lessens significantly while I use my mouth to make her come, and disappears almost entirely when I'm inside of her.

* * *

><p>Thank you for reading and for your kind reviews, for recommending this story around the fandom, and for sticking with me, even through Edward's less than perfect performance in the last chapter :)<p> 


	57. Ink

Not betad

Prompt: ink

The burning question seems to be whether Edward lasted longer on their next go 'round. Let's say practice makes perfect and he's getting better as they go along.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

><p>Bella closes on the new house on Friday afternoon, and on Friday night I go with her so she can give me a tour. Maddie is staying overnight with Rose and Emmett so I can help Bella with the movers tomorrow.<p>

She holds my hand as she leads me through the house, and I'm a little overwhelmed. The first floor is open, encompassing the kitchen, a family room, and the dining room, There's a bonus room that seems almost superfluous, but Bella smiles when I ask her about it and tells me not to worry, that she'll find something to do with it. I shrug and let it go. It's her house, after all.

The backyard is huge, and the swing set kind of ridiculous. It's got four wings, two slides, a picnic table, and a rock wall. It's something I'd always dreamed of being able to give Maddie since she loves the park so much. I should be happy she's going to get it–sort of–but I have to rub my chest where the ache pops up when I see it.

We go back in the house and tour the upstairs, which has a large master bedroom with an attached bath that's bigger than the living room in my apartment.

I continue to rub my chest as we enter the bedroom right next to the master. It's big and painted purple, has bright sunlight streaming through the windows, and is outfitted with a bunk bed.

"I thought Maddie might like this," Bella says softly, a sweet smile on her face.

But I don't feel happy. I feel tired and anxious and overwhelmed.

"We can change the color of the walls if she doesn't like it," Bella continues when I don't say anything. "We'll get a new mattress, of course, but I thought bunk bed would work and I had the–"

Something in me snaps. "Enough," I interrupt. "Just stop it. Why are you pushing your money on us?"

"What?" She takes a step back and blinks rapidly, looking like I've slapped her in the face.

"The house, Maddie's tuition, always wanting to bring food or cook. I'm surprised you haven't slipped me a twenty after sex."

Her eyes flash and her hands ball into fists. "How dare you."

"How dare _you_. You think I can't provide a home for my child?"

"I've never said that."

"Always with the talk of money. I work, Bella. I get my ass out of bed every morning and I provide for my child. You can't come swooping in and try to change us."

"I'm not," she insists. "How can you say th–"

"Easily," I interject before she can finish. "You're trying to give her all the things I can't. We're fine in our apartment and I don't need your money in case of an emergency. I've been taking care of Maddie on my own for over five years. And when I say alone, I mean alone. I fed her every two hours when she first came home, I changed every diaper, I rocked her through every sleepless night, and nursed her through every sickness, by myself."

My voice breaks on the last word and whatever snapped in me before breaks wide open. I slide to the floor, pull my legs up, and grip my hair tightly in my fist. I'm having trouble breathing, my heart is pounding way too fast, and there's a terrible whooshing sound in my ears. I don't want any of this, not the house or the money, not the stress of having to explain this to Maddie. I don't think loving someone should be this complicated.

I feel Bella sit down next to me but she doesn't say anything. I know I've been cruel, especially with the remark about the money for sex, but I can't apologize right now. I can't say anything.

I don't know how long she sits there with me but I eventually get myself under control and rest my cheek on my knees, looking at Bella.

Her eyes are red but her face is impassive. "Do you want to continue doing everything alone?" she asks softly, her voice shaking.

"No," I answer immediately. "I just… I can't deal with all this money and excess. We live simply, and we're happy."

She bites her lip and looks straight ahead. "I've never been in a healthy relationship. I don't know what I'm doing. I only know that I love you and I love Maddie, and I think that means we're supposed to share our lives."

I nod, not sure how to respond because she's right. But I don't want her money and I don't know how to tell her that without sounding like an asshole. But I try anyway.

"I love you too. But your money makes me… uncomfortable."

"What's mine is yours."

"But it's not. I did nothing to earn it."

"Neither did I."

I snort. "You had to grow up with that woman for a mother. Consider it hazard pay."

She smiles a little, which lifts my mood just a tiny bit. I'm a man of simple tastes and I like making her happy.

"I don't know my boundaries," she says. "You're it for me and maybe I thought that meant something it doesn't."

"No, I… Shit, Bella. I don't know how to share. It's like I skipped Kindergarten. I don't know how to share Maddie and I don't know how to accept your money graciously. I'm a father and a provider. I'm not sure how to be anything else."

"You don't have to be anything other than who you are. I love who you are. I'm not trying to change you or take over. I want what's mine to be yours and vice versa. I want the partner I thought I was getting."

I breathe deeply and take her words in. Because I know on some level she's right, even though my visceral reaction is to lash out. So I wait and try to gather my thoughts.

"I'm sorry," I say, picking up my head and moving closer to her. "That crack about the twenty bucks was uncalled for."

"It's okay," she says, rubbing her upper arms as if she's cold.

"No, it's not."

She nods and I'm grateful she's not arguing with me. I tentatively put my arm around her and she leans into me with a sigh. "I'm sorry," I say again. "Give me some time, okay? Let's let the ink dry on your divorce before we set up a room for Maddie."

"I'm sorry too," she says, resting her head on my chest, her fingers immediately going for the buttons on my shirt and twisting them. "I'll slow down."

I hum and tighten my grip around her. "I want these things with you, I really do. Let me get there. One of my worst qualities is my pride."

"No, it's not. It's part of who you are. You don't have to give that up. But this is me. I live in a world with money. Not as much as I'm used to, but I can't pretend to be something I'm not. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

"I know you didn't," I say with a sigh.

She looks up at me with big eyes and my anger dissolves completely. This is what she knows, it's all she knows, and asking her to adjust to my life while not attempting to adjust to hers is unfair. This is somewhat of a revelation to me so I share it with her, and she nods in agreement.

"I never thought about it that way," she says. "The logistics seem so inconsequential." She shrugs and smiles. "I just love you."

That's just it; it should be as simple as us loving each other.

And maybe it is.

When I make love to her that night, slowly and gently, I tell her I love her over and over again. Because I need her to know and I need to remind myself of what's important.

* * *

><p>Thank you for reading and for your kind reviews.<p> 


	58. Shell

Not betad.

Prompt: shell

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

><p>All the next morning I can't seem to stop apologizing to Bella for my behavior of the night before. She accepts my apologies graciously at first, but then I think I'm just starting to annoy her.<p>

"You're allowed to make mistakes," she tells me in a rather exasperated tone. We're in the car, driving over to her old house to meet the movers.

"Yeah, but I didn't have to be so nasty." I'm rubbing the ache in my chest again, but this one is different. I've been cruel to someone I love and I want to take it back. I want to not blow up at her and instead talk to her about what was bothering me. Sometimes I feel like I know the right thing to do, but I'm incapable of actually doing it.

"We're going to argue," Bella says. "Everyone does. I think how we handle it is more important than anything else."

"What can I do to make it up to you?" I ask, taking her hand.

She blushes and looks down. "You made it up to me last night. Three times, as I recall."

I smile and raise our clasped hands to my lips, kissing her knuckles softly and putting our hands back down between us.

"Just promise you'll try to talk to me from now on, and I'll do the same," she says. "I'm sorry I went off half-cocked, making decisions for you and Maddie." She shakes her head and sighs. "If I'd talked to you about it first we could have avoided that argument."

"Don't blame yourself for my bad behavior."

"I'm not, but we were both wrong."

"I was more wrong," I insist.

"Fine," she says. "But I'm not going to torture you or hold a grudge. We're adults, you said you were sorry and we're working through it. This isn't high school."

I smile and look at her briefly before turning my eyes back to the road, thinking about what she said. I was nineteen when I was last in a relationship with a woman. I'm twenty-five now and for the first time it occurs to me that I might have missed an important step. The years I spent raising Maddie on my own helped in my emotional development as a father, but perhaps I was stunted in my other relationship skills. It's something to think about, anyway. I'll have to mention it to Bella later and see what she thinks. "I really love you," I tell her.

"I really love you too. We'll figure this out."

"We will."

The movers pull in right after we do and Bella starts ordering them around, doing her best Mrs. Martin impersonation. But somehow much of her bite is gone. I wonder if we're seeing the last of Mrs. Martin in all her bitchy glory. The thought makes me smile.

"What are you smiling about?" she asks me.

"You, Mrs. Martin."

Her smile fades and I instantly feel bad. I should have remembered how much she hated that name. "Sorry."

"No, it's all right. I know what you mean," she says with a tight smile. "I'm going to change my name next week."

Bella and I take a walk around the house and she tells the movers what's going to the new place and what's being donated to charity. Once she has them squared away she takes my hand and we walk upstairs to her bedroom, leaving the movers to take the larger pieces.

"Okay, Ms. Swan, what do you want me to do?"

"There are some suitcases in the top of my closet. Can you start filling them with clothes?"

"Just anything?"

"Whatever's in the drawers. I've already given away anything I don't wear and the movers have wardrobe boxes for the clothes that are hanging."

"Yes ma'am." She giggles and I give her a soft, lingering kiss before I get to work.

The size of her closet makes me shake my head; it's bigger than Maddie's bedroom. Be that as it may, I get to work, packing t-shirts and jeans and socks and anything else I find in her drawers.

Just when I'm getting to the good stuff–I never knew a woman needed an entire dresser for her lingerie–I hear voices in the bedroom.

"Isabella."

"What do you want, Mother?" Bella sounds more exasperated than angry, and I wait, knowing she probably needs to handle this herself. But that doesn't stop me from listening.

"You're ignoring my phone calls."

"Yes, I am."

This makes me smile. She's so much tougher than I ever would have imagined when I first met her.

"What are you thinking, Isabella?"

"I wanted a divorce, and I got one. What's the big deal?"

"People divorce every day. It's not a _big deal_. But imagine my surprise when I found out about it from someone at the club rather than from my own daughter."

"Pardon me if I didn't think you'd be supportive. I didn't want to hear it."

"You're right, I wouldn't have been supportive. Demetri is a good match for you. So you can't have children. You could have adopted." She pauses. "And honestly, couldn't you have just had an affair? There's no reason to leave your husband and take up with a contractor."

"He's not a con– Forget it. You don't care." I hear Bella take a short breath before she continues. "I was leaving Demetri before I met Edward. He has nothing to do with this. I was a shell of the woman I wanted to be while in that marriage."

"Don't be naïve," Renee snaps. "He wants your money, they all do."

"No, Demetri wanted my money. Did you know he's squandered his entire inheritance? Edward's never asked me for a penny."

Renee laughs, but there's no humor in it. "He will, darling. They always do."

"Did you want anything other than to tell me what a disappointment I am?"

"You _are_ a disappointment, but no, that was it. You and your construction worker can expect no help from me or your father. You're on your own, Isabella."

"I don't need you or your money, but thanks for stopping by."

"I mean it, Isabella." Renee sounds like she's losing it a little and I get ready to intervene if necessary.

"I believe you," Bella says calmly. "Now believe me when I say we don't need you or your money."

I suspect Bella's calm demeanor is getting to Renee since her voice is getting louder and louder as the conversation continues. "Don't come crawling back to me when he leaves you and you have nothing. This is it."

"Okay, if that's what you want." Bella's voice is starting to shake and I'm indecisive about whether I should go out to the bedroom. "I love you, Mom. But I'm doing this, with or without your approval. I'm a grown woman and capable of making my own choices."

"I'm not so sure about that."

"It doesn't matter what you think. Not anymore."

I peek around the corner and see Bella noticeably shaking and nervous. That makes my decision for me.

I walk into the bedroom and Renee rolls her eyes when she sees me, but Bella looks relieved, and that's all I care about. I take her hand in mine and she squeezes tightly.

"Isn't this sweet?" Renee says. She crosses her arms over her chest and scowls at me.

"It is," I say. "Are you here to help us move?"

"Hardly," she says, straightening out her back even more than it already was. Almost like someone is sticking a pole up her ass. "As I was just explaining to Isabella, I won't be giving any money to either of you."

"I guess it's a good thing I work for a living then."

"Just wait. You'll see how quickly my daughter comes running back when she realizes all the things she can't have anymore."

"Oh, I don't know about that. With everything she's getting now that she wasn't before, things will probably even out."

Her nostrils actually flare when she looks at me and I almost laugh. But for Bella's sake, I don't. I do smile, though, which seems to aggravate Renee. She looks at me as if she smells something bad and then turns her attention to Bella. "I'm warning you not to do this."

Bella tightens her grip on my hand but her gaze and her voice never waver. "It's done. I've made my decision. I'd like your support, but I don't need it."

Renee shakes her head and walks away without looking back.

"Jesus," Bella whispers, turning to me and all but collapsing in my arms.

She's shaking but I don't hear crying, and I hold her while she composes herself. As I comfort her my sins of last night seem so much more magnified in the face of her incredible strength.

"You okay?" I ask.

"Yeah," she says, pulling away from me but keeping her hands on my chest. She looks up at me with a half-smile and dry eyes. "That was bound to happen eventually."

"Still, it couldn't have been easy."

"No, it wasn't, but it was necessary. I'm glad you were here."

"I'll always be here. I'm sorry you had to go through that."

She nods and I take her hands and lead her over to the bed and sit her down on the edge. I take her shoes off, then lay her down on her side. I go close the bedroom door, slip my own shoes off, and lie down behind her.

"I want to tell you something," I whisper in her ear, running my fingertips up and down her arm. She shivers but otherwise remains still. "You're amazing. You're strong and smart and so beautiful you make my heart race every time I see you. You're generous and kind and I can't think of a better woman to be a role model for my daughter. It's shameful that I've ever made you feel like less than the extraordinary woman you are. I'll try every day to be worthy of you."

She turns and lays a hand on my cheek. "I think you have that backwards," she says, her voice choking up as she finally allows herself to cry.

"No." I take her in my arms with a sigh. "I have it exactly right."

* * *

><p>Thank you for reading and for your kind reviews.<p> 


	59. Leap

Not betad.

Prompt: Leap

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

><p>After our run-in with Bella's mother and our subsequent conversation on her bed, we get back to work. The movers are efficient and there are a lot of them, so they get most of the furniture out of the house pretty quickly. I'm surprised when Bella tells me she's donating her entire bedroom set. It's nice and it probably cost a fortune.<p>

"I want a fresh start," she tells me. "A chair or a blender is one thing, but I want this part of my life left behind."

I nod in understanding. "There's always room for you on my pull out couch."

She puts her arms around my neck and kisses me. "There's no place I'd rather be."

One of the movers clears his throat behind us and we break apart. I never thought moving could be so much fun.

But by the end of the day I'm ready for it to be done. I haven't seen Maddie since Friday afternoon and it's making me antsy. I miss her and I'm anxious to get to Rose and Emmett's place to pick her up.

Bella, for her part, seems to have taken the conversation with her mother in stride. She looks wistful and sad a few times during the day, but we both try to make packing her bedroom a fun exercise. We succeed for the most part.

The movers still have more to do and they'll keep overnight what they already have loaded and come back tomorrow. Which means I have Bella for one more night.

"I have to go get Maddie," I tell Bella after the movers have left for the day. "Do you want me to drop you off at the apartment or do you want to come with me?"

"I'll come with you," she says. "I can see how anxious you are and I don't want you to have to make another stop."

"Am I that obvious?"

"Yes," she says with a laugh. "You're practically jumping out of your skin."

"I've never been away from her for this long."

"I'm sorry," she says, her good humor suddenly gone.

"I was here because I wanted to be," I say, tossing an arm around her shoulder. "Let's go."

I'm like an impatient toddler by the time we get to Rose and Emmett's house, bouncing around, anxious to see Maddie. Emmett barely has the door open before she's leaping into my arms. I knew I missed her, but I didn't realize how much until I'm with her again. This kid is everything to me.

I hug her and hear Emmett and Bella getting reacquainted behind me, exchanging first names and making pleasant small talk.

Maddie takes her arms from around my neck and puts both of her palms on my cheeks. "I missed you, Daddy."

"I missed you too, baby. Did you have fun without me?"

"Yes. We played games and ate popcorn and we went to the park today. Me and Adam stayed up until ten o'clock last night."

"Adam and I," I correct.

She nods and turns her head when Rose comes in the room, Adam at her heels. "Hey," Rose says, smiling at me. "Are you staying for dinner?"

"Um…" I turn to Bella then back to Rose, who seems startled.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't see you there. I'm Rosalie," she says, her smile faltering as she holds her hand out.

"I'm Bella. It's nice to meet you. I've heard a lot about you."

"Likewise," Rose says, her smile returning. "You're welcome to stay for dinner. It's nothing fancy, but there's plenty."

Bella looks to me and I shrug and give her a small smile. I don't really care either way, as long as I have Maddie, but it wouldn't hurt if Bella got to know my friends. "That would be lovely, thank you," Bella says.

Maddie is leaning her head on my shoulder and shakes her head when I try to put her down. I kiss her cheek and ignore the ache in my arms.

Emmett ushers us the rest of the way into the house and I sit on the couch with Maddie on my lap. Bella sits next to me and Rose excuses herself to the kitchen.

"Can I get you a drink?" Emmett asks. "Beer, Edward?"

"Please," I say, looking at Maddie as she sits in my lap. I push her hair gently out of her face to get a better look at her, somehow convinced she's changed in the more than twenty-four hours I've been away from her. Stupid, I know, but if I'm going to be stupid for any female, I'm comfortable with it being her.

"Bella?" Emmett asks.

"I'd love a beer, thanks."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," Bella says with a small laugh.

"I think your friends think I'm a snob," she says once Emmett leaves the room.

"Probably," I say with a smile, tearing my eyes from Maddie for a second.

"What's a snob?" Maddie asks.

"Uh…" I look to Bella for help but she seems as lost as I am. I come up with something on the fly. "Someone who thinks they're better than other people."

"Is Bella a snob?" Maddie asks, drawing her eyebrows together.

"No, baby."

"Then why would Uncle Emmett say that?"

"He didn't," I say with a sigh.

Bella clears her throat. "I said it, Maddie. I wasn't right, though. I'm sorry."

"That's okay," Maddie says, already losing interest in the conversation. She's putting her hands in my hair, trying to make it stand up.

Emmett comes back in with three bottles of beer and we make small talk, mostly about the move and the work I did in Bella's kitchen.

Bella seems a little nervous but she's had years of social events and having to interact with people she barely knows. She's holding her own.

Maddie starts to become restless pretty quickly. "Daddy, can we go home?"

"Soon, baby. After dinner."

She crosses her arms and pouts in typical Maddie fashion. "Why don't you go play with Adam?"

"He's helping Aunt Rose cook."

"We could go help too," Bella says. She stands and holds her hand out to Maddie. "Come on, show me where the kitchen is."

Maddie looks at me and I nod, so she takes Bella's hand and they leave the room.

"I don't remember her being so pretty," Emmett says once they're out of sight.

This makes me laugh. "Being happy does funny things to people."

He regards me for a moment, a smile slowly forming on his face. "Rosie is right. You look different too. What's going on with your relationship? If you don't mind me asking."

"I don't mind. The divorce papers are signed. It'll be about sixty days until it's finalized." I shrug. "We're together but it hasn't exactly been easy. We're working on it."

"Isn't this the time in a relationship supposed to be the easiest? When it's new and fun?"

I laugh. "When have you ever known me to have fun?"

"Good point," he says with a laugh.

"Thanks for taking Maddie while we sorted out Bella's packing and moving."

"Any time, you know that."

"I do. Still, it nev–"

"Daddy, Daddy, Daddy," Maddie calls, tearing into the room.

"Yes, baby?"

"Dinner's ready. Bella and I helped!" She crawls into my lap with a huge smile on her face.

I give her a quick hug and then carry her to the dining room where Bella and Rosalie are putting food on the table.

They seem to be working well together, which is nice. I really don't have any fear that Rose will be rude, but I know she has reservations about Bella.

It becomes more obvious, to me, anyway, once we're settled at the table and eating. Rose closely watches every interaction Bella has with me and Maddie. Her eyes narrow as she watches Bella take some food off my plate, and she smiles when she sees Bella wipe Maddie's hands. I can't be sure but I think by the time we're finished Rose has softened to Bella a little. I have no doubt she'll let me know how she feels at her earliest opportunity.

Bella's had a long day, and by the time Emmett and I finish cleaning up I'm ready to get my girls home.

"Can you come to the office on Monday instead of going straight to the job?" Emmett asks me when he walks us out.

"Sure, what's up?"

"Just something I need to talk to you about. Can you be there by eight?"

"Yeah, I'll just drop Mad at school early."

We say our goodbyes and get on the road.

"I can take her," Bella says on the drive home.

"I'm sorry?"

"I can take Maddie to school on Monday so you can meet Emmett at the office."

I look at her quickly and then chew my bottom lip, again taken aback at the possibility of sharing my responsibilities with someone. I run a hand through my hair and take a deep breath. "Sure, that actually works out great."

"They really love you."

"Who?"

"Rosalie and Emmett," she says. I can almost see her rolling her eyes, but I keep mine on the road.

I nod. "They're good friends. I'm not sure what Maddie and I would have done without them."

"Rosalie was perfectly nice to me when I was helping in the kitchen, but something tells me she's holding back. Like she doesn't quite know what to make of me."

I run a hand across my mouth and then put it back on the steering wheel. "That's probably true. No offense. But they've never seen me with someone and they're protective of me. Especially Rose."

She rests her hand on my thigh and squeezed lightly. "I kind of love her for that. I'll just have to prove to her that she has nothing to worry about."

"I have no doubt you will."

"I wonder how many friends I'll keep when all is said and done," she says in a wistful voice.

"If people abandon you because you're divorcing I'm not sure they were your friends to begin with," I say gently.

I flick my eyes over to her quickly and see her nod. Then I take her hand and kiss it softly.

Maddie's already asleep by the time we get home so I carry her in while Bella carries our bags and opens the door. I take her into her room and she wakes up when I start changing her into her pajamas, but barely. She practically falls onto her bed and I tuck her in with a kiss she doesn't even acknowledge.

I'm so glad she's home.

* * *

><p>"Is it too much if I say I'm really going to miss this?" Bella asks me once we're in bed.<p>

I roll to my side so I'm facing her. "No, not too much. I'm going to miss it too." I love this; being with her in bed and just talking softly, almost like we're sharing secrets. I haven't had a sleepless night since she's been here and I'm pretty sure that's a record for me. I feel more rested and relaxed than I have in recent memory. "You doing okay?" I ask, placing a hand on her cheek.

She hums and moves a little closer to me. "Today was hard, I can't deny that. But I can't let my mother control me anymore, and that's all this is about."

"Do you think it's hopeless?"

"I don't know. But I do know I can't worry about it. I have to get on with the rest of my life." She bites her lip and averts her gaze.

"What is it?"

"I picked up my mail at the house today."

"Okay."

"I've been applying to graduate schools." She looks back at me, her expression almost nervous.

"Really? Why didn't you tell me?"

"I don't know," she says with a shrug. "I started applying before I met you and I wasn't even sure I'd get in."

"Did you?"

"Uh-huh. Post, right here in Brookville, where I did my undergrad."

I smile and pull her into a hug. "That's amazing."

"Do you really think so?"

"Of course I do," I say, moving so I can see her face. "Why wouldn't I?"

"It's just… we've never really talked about the future and I didn't know what you wanted."

"I'm not sure what I want has any relevance. I mean, I have no expectations. I just want you to be happy. And if this makes you happy, then I am too."

She bites her lip and doesn't say anything else and I'm not sure what I'm missing. Or maybe I am.

I tuck a strand her hair behind her ear as I gather my thoughts. "Remember when I acted like an asshole the other day and you said something about us being partners?" She nods and I continue. "I think that works both ways. I'm not used to sharing my life with anyone other than Maddie or answering to anyone. You're used to someone else controlling your life, Bella. I want you to be my partner, but I want you to do what's right for you."

"I want to do what's right for all of us," she says softly. "I think we should talk about these things and make decisions together."

I take a minute to think before I speak, which serves me well. "You're right. Do you still want to go?"

"Yes."

"What are you going to study?"

"My undergrad degree is in Psychology, and Post offers an advanced degree in Applied Child Psychology."

I realize I have a goofy smile on my face, but I'm powerless to contain it. "I couldn't imagine a more perfect career for you. I'm so proud of you."

"Really?" She looks hopeful and a little confused and I hate that she's been beaten down so much. I wonder how often in her twenty-seven years anyone has told her they're proud of her. If it hasn't been every day it hasn't been enough.

"Really. I love you and I think you're amazing. You're going to do great things."

I hold her close as we drift off to sleep and I vow to myself that she'll get to a point where hearing she's incredible won't put that confused look on her face.

* * *

><p>Thank you for reading and for your lovely reviews.<p> 


	60. Impression

Not betad.

Prompt: Impression

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

><p>I wake up on Sunday morning with Maddie tapping on my arm. The one that's slung over Bella, who's still sleeping soundly with her back pressed to my chest.<p>

"I want to get in bed and watch cartoons with you," Maddie says when I open my eyes and lift my head.

"Um…" This is something I hadn't anticipated. Bella and I have been up and out of bed before Maddie every morning Bella's been here.

And I get the distinct impression my daughter is pissed.

"Come here on the other side," I tell her. I'll make us fit, because I can't say no to her and asking Bella to get up would be the height of rudeness.

Maddie stalks over and squeezes in with me. It's not terribly comfortable since the bed is on the small side, but she stops pouting once I put the television on, so that's a plus.

Bella turns over so she's facing us, her eyes open but sleepy and bloodshot.

"Hey," I say. "You okay?"

"Yeah. I should get up to make room for Maddie."

"You don't have to," I say. But she's already sitting up and rubbing her eyes.

"It's fine. I have to meet Jasper and the movers soon anyway." She throws her legs over the side of the bed and yawns.

Maybe it's sexist of me, but I feel better knowing Jasper is helping Bella with the move today. I can't help it, I don't ever want her to feel like she's alone.

"I'll make coffee," I say, giving Maddie a quick hug and kiss.

Bella and I have coffee and bagels but Maddie stubbornly refuses to get off the couch and join us. I let it be. Pushing it now isn't going to help anything.

"I'll come by at seven-thirty tomorrow so you can leave for your meeting with Emmett," Bella says as she's getting ready to leave. "Do you know what he wants to see you about?"

"No idea."

"Could it be bad news?"

"I don't think so. Emmett's much more than my employer and if he was going to lay me off he wouldn't wait to tell me."

"Okay, good. I'll call you later?"

"Please. Good luck today."

"Thanks." She kisses me quickly and opens the door. "Bye, Maddie," she calls.

Maddie waves a hand but doesn't say anything.

"You can do better than that, young lady," I say.

"Bye," Maddie says in her best petulant voice.

I have to bite my lip to stop from shouting at her. Being cranky doesn't give her leave to be rude, but I'll deal with it after Bella leaves.

"Sorry about that," I say to Bella. "I'll handle it."

"It's okay. She's not used to sharing you."

I nod and kiss her. "I love you."

"Love you too."

I spend the whole day with Maddie; I've missed her and we have things to do around the house. Her mood improves after breakfast but I don't pressure her about her attitude toward Bella. I want to wait for the right time.

Maddie helps me with the laundry, we clean the apartment, and I take her to the supermarket. She helps me cook dinner and we cuddle up and watch television after her bath.

When I tuck her in she asks me where Bella is and if she's going to live with us. That's the opening I need.

"Bella just bought a new house. So she'll be living there."

"Will she still stay here sometimes?"

"Maybe. Did it bother you when you couldn't get in bed with me because Bella was there?"

She shrugs, which means yes.

"I love Bella, and she's going to be here sometimes. That's what adults do when they love each other."

"What about me? Don't you love me?" Her eyes well with tears and I pick her up and put her in my lap.

"Daddy loves you the most, you know that. But I can love both of you."

"Do you love her more than you love me?"

"I love you more than anything in the world."

She wipes her nose and rests her head against my chest. I rub her back and consider the best way to approach this. I never want her to feel like a second fiddle, but I'm in love with Bella and I need to make this work.

"Do you like Bella?" I ask.

"Yes."

"Do you understand that Daddy likes her very much and sometimes we'll want to spend time together?"

"Yes. Is she going to be my mommy?"

"Do you want her to be?" I ask, my heart suddenly in my throat.

She doesn't answer right away and I start to get really nervous. "Don't mommies and daddies live together?" she asks.

"Sometimes," I say, drawing out the word so I have time to think. "Adult relationships can be complicated. Usually mommies and daddies are married and live together before they have a baby. But not every family is the same. I had you first, and then I met Bella."

"Will she live with us?"

"I think, when the time is right, yes. I'd like for all of us to live together."

"When will the right time be?"

"I don't know. But I want you to trust me to do the right thing for both of us. Do you think you can do that?"

"Yes, Daddy."

"And I never want to see you be as rude to Bella as you were this morning. You owe her an apology."

"Okay."

I tuck her back in with a kiss and a promise to love her forever.

Bella and I talk on the phone on Sunday night and she tells me the move went well. Her furniture and boxes were delivered and the movers put everything in place so all she has to do is unpack.

"When is your new bedroom being delivered?" I ask.

"On Wednesday. I can stay in one of the spares until then."

I want to tell her to come back here and spend the night with me, but I don't.

After we hang up I feel a little lost. She was only staying with us for a few days, but I liked having her here. But however I feel, I can't expect her to live in a one bedroom with us when she has a huge house to go to, and it's not the right time to uproot Maddie.

I toss and turn a little but eventually fall into a restful sleep.

When Bella comes by in the morning I have Maddie apologize, which she does very nicely and sincerely.

"That was nice," Bella says when Maddie goes to her room to start getting dressed.

"She's a good kid. She has to adjust like the rest of us."

"Did you have a good talk with her?"

"Yeah," I say. I think I should probably elaborate but part of me feels like I'd be betraying Mad's trust. It's a weird situation; if she had given birth to Maddie I'm sure I wouldn't give it a second thought. Then I remember our talk about being partners and continue. "She's worried, understandably. Like you said, she's not used to sharing me. But then I'm not used to sharing her, either. We'll all adjust."

She kisses me and sighs. "Just when I think I can't love you more."

I'm about to question what I did to make her love me more, so I can continue to do it, but Maddie comes out of her room before I can.

I give them both a kiss and then head out to my meeting.

I walk into Emmett's office with a little bit of a nervous stomach. I don't fear joblessness, he would have told me about that right away instead of waiting for Monday morning. I am curious, though, and a little apprehensive.

"Hey, Edward," Emmett says as I walk in. "Have a seat." He motions to the chair in front of his desk and hands me a coffee.

I take a sip and wait for him to start. After some small talk, he gets down to business. "I've been considering expanding the business and taking on more than just custom cabinet making," he begins.

"Is business that bad?" I ask with a nervous laugh.

"Actually, just the opposite. Business is great, but some of my clients want us to be able to do a complete job for them. They've been asking for a while and I've been pushing it off for one main reason. But I'm finally in a position to do something about it."

"What changed?"

"You."

"Excuse me?"

"This has been a family run business for over sixty-five years and I want to keep it that way. But I can't do it alone and for the longest time there was no one else. That's where you come in."

I sit there and blink at him like an idiot. I had no idea this was coming.

"I want to keep the cabinet business separate. It's specialized and we'll still have clients who want that to be our focus. But we can take on bigger jobs. The contractors you worked with on Mrs. Mar- Bella's place were really happy with the way you ran the job. And I don't know if you know this, but you had it finished obscenely quickly. Clients and sub-contractors love that."

I shrug and give him a small smile. "I was motivated."

"I'm betting you'll continue to be motivated."

"That's a safe bet."

He nods and continues. "I have sub-contractors lined up and I've bid on a few jobs I'm confident will come through. I was thinking we could start you at the beginning of the year."

"What does this mean for me, exactly?"

"I want you to help me run the business. It won't exactly be a partnership, but I need someone I trust to help me run jobs, deal with sub-contractors, order materials, things like that. You'll be on salary, the benefits are a little better, and you'll get paid sick leave and vacation. But it also means increased responsibility, no overtime, and at times, longer hours."

"My head is spinning." That's an understatement. My brain is on overload, thinking of the ways my life is about to change and about what it means for Maddie.

"Do you need to think about it?"

"Yes. No. I mean I want to say yes, but I need to talk with Bella first. We just agreed to make these types of decisions together and I want to keep my word. But I can't imagine why this would be a bad thing."

"Good deal."

"I'm flattered and frankly a little humbled that you're offering me this," I say. It's the honest truth. That he's trusting me with his legacy is something I never expected.

He nods. "You're family, and this is going to benefit both of us in the long term. I know things are changing for you, but I'd appreciate it if you'd consider it."

"I'm probably going to say yes. Just let me give Bella the courtesy of discussing it with her first."

"Sure." He glances at his watch. "I'll let you get to the job."

We stand and I shake his hand. "Thanks for your faith in me."

"Thanks for being someone I can have faith in."

I walk out of his office and dial Bella's number.

* * *

><p>Thank you for reading and for your lovely, thoughtful reviews.<p> 


	61. Beam

Not betad. I'm pretty tired, sorry if it's riddled with mistakes.

Prompt: Beam

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

><p>A week after Bella moves into her new house I take her on our first official date. I know I can't afford to take her the places she's used to, so I go in the complete opposite direction. I take her to a local bar that has great burgers and cold beer. Emmett and I sometimes have lunch there and I can't imagine dinner is much different.<p>

I also know we probably won't run into anyone she knows at a hole-in-the-wall bar in Bayville.

It seems silly, taking her on a date when we're already sleeping together, but she deserves to be spoiled in the small ways I can manage it. Maybe someday I'll be able to give her more, but right now she seems content, even happy, with what I'm offering.

I know I'm happy sitting with her in the back of the bar, holding hands across the table as we wait for our dinner.

"So apparently the entire board at the hospital knows about my divorce now," she tells me.

"Uh-oh."

"It's fine," she says, waving the hand I'm not holding. "Unless my mother outright asks them to not let me volunteer anymore, it shouldn't be an issue."

"Would she do that?"

"I don't know. I'm not sure she cares where I volunteer or what I'm doing. And it's not like she's a regular donor. But if she says something they might get spooked. I guess we'll have to wait and see."

"Will you be able to fit in your volunteer work once you start school?"

"Probably not as much. But I can help with special events and maybe stop by the peds ward once a week. I hope so anyway."

"School starts in January?" I ask right as the server leaves our burgers and two fresh beers at our table.

We thank the server and Bella nods. "I can't believe I'm actually doing this." She shakes her head and takes a sip of her beer. "I mean, just a few months ago I was stuck in a loveless marriage and was pretty aimless. Now I'm living alone and going back to school and I have you and Maddie in my life. It's almost surreal."

"Tell me about it. I never planned to start dating; it was going to be me and Maddie against the world, no matter how much we struggled. Now there's you and the new opportunity with Emmett. And then there's my family."

"What about them?" She takes a bite of her burger and waits for me to answer.

"My uncle called last night. He wants to fly me and Maddie out to Chicago for Thanksgiving weekend."

"Oh. What did you tell him?" She swallows and looks down. I know her well enough to know what this means and frankly I'm relieved.

"I told him about you," I say, taking a bite of a french fry.

"You did?" she asks, her eyes snapping back up to mine.

"I did. I'm sorry it took me so long, but I didn't want to get into it before your divorce."

"That's okay."

"So I was thinking…"

"What?"

"What are your plans for Thanksgiving?"

"I don't have any," she says with a shrug, a light blush pinking her cheeks.

"I want Maddie and I to spend the holidays with you, if you want to." I finish off my french fry and take a sip of my beer, thinking I'll have to wait for her answer.

"I definitely want that," she answers with a beaming smile.

I put down my beer and return her smile. "I'd like to invite my family for the weekend, but there's really not room in the apartment for all of us. So I was thinking we could do it at your place."

"Oh! That would be perfect." She's so happy she's practically bouncing. "I've never cooked for that many people before but I bet we can manage."

"I bet we can."

"I should ask Jasper too. He doesn't have family in the area."

"I'd like to invite Rose and Emmett. They've had us over for every holiday since we moved here and it would be nice to return the favor."

"That's a great idea. Oh, this is going to be so much fun."

We eat our dinner and discuss our holiday plans. I pay when the check comes and out of the corner of my eye I see her biting her lip as I slip my credit card into the black folder. But when I look at her, her expression is unreadable, almost impassive. When we're walking out she takes my hand and stops me at the door. "Thank you for dinner. I had a really nice time."

I lean down and give her a kiss, then sling my arm over her shoulder and lead her outside. "You're welcome. I had a really nice time too. Can I take you out again?"

"Definitely."

I drive her home and then walk her up to the door, which she unlocks and steps through.

"Are you going to invite me in on the first date?" I ask with a raised eyebrow.

"Absolutely."

She pulls me inside and I close the door with my foot then spin her around, pinning her against it.

"I didn't know you were that kind of girl," I whisper in her ear.

"I am for you." She grabs the front of my shirt in her fist and I lean my forehead on hers. When her lips touch mine her hold on my shirt tightens and I lift her leg and wrap it around my waist. I'm already so hard for her.

We stand there for a while, her back pressed against the door, making out and running our hands over each other. We haven't really been together since she moved into the house and I'm almost desperate for her. I went over five years without sex and now I'm a mess after not being with Bella for a week. Go figure.

"I want you," she says. "Take me upstairs."

I don't need to be told twice. I grab her by the waist and throw her over my shoulder, making her laugh and kick her feet.

I run up to her bedroom and toss her on the bed, covering her body with mine. "I love you," I say, running my hand under her shirt to touch her soft skin. Then I lift it all the way off and kiss her stomach, which makes her giggle-moan. It's the sexiest sound I've ever heard.

I unbutton her jeans and pull them off, along with everything else on her lower body. Then I work my way back up and divest her of her bra, throwing it over the side of the bed and taking one of her nipples in my mouth. She gasps and threads her fingers through my hair, pulling slightly. And here I thought I couldn't get any harder than I already was.

I quickly take my clothes off and kneel on the side of the bed, pulling her to me by her legs, which I place on my shoulders. I don't waste any time touching her with my lips and tongue, making her come before I join her on the bed.

But when I go to lay on top of her, she places her palm on my chest and pushes me onto my back. She places her knees on either side of my hips and smiles. "I love your mouth." She leans down and kisses me, moving herself over my erection. I can barely stand the friction.

But then she lifts herself and I'm inside of her and just like always, it's the most amazing, unbelievable feeling and it renders me an unthinking mess of sensation.

I place my hands on her hips but let her lead where she wants to take me. She lays her palms flat on either side of my head and kisses me softly, moving me in and out of her body with an aching slowness that leaves me breathless.

"Edward?"

I moan out some semblance of a response I'm sure is completely incoherent.

"I want you to know something," she continues, not letting up her agonizing pace. She kisses my face softly as she continues. "You feel so good. It's never been like this for me. I never knew it could be like this."

I somehow find a reserve of intelligence and coherence and flip her onto her back while still inside her. She lets out a short scream of surprise that I swallow by putting my mouth over hers. I kiss her deeply, keeping my hips still, while I rest on my forearms and place my hands on either side of her head. "For me too," I say, my voice sounding desperate and breathy to my own ears. "You have no idea."

"I think I do," she says, wrapping her legs fully around me and rolling her hips. I moan and bury my head in her neck, moving with her. I move my hand down to where we're joined and I touch her gently, just the way she likes.

"Oh God, Edward," she cries, throwing her head back and tensing up almost immediately. I can feel her come around me and I pull my hand away and wrap my arms around her, lifting her hips and chasing my orgasm. It doesn't take but a few more seconds and I'm crying into her neck, calling her name and feeling amazing. Being with Bella really is like nothing I've ever experienced before.

I catch my breath and lift my head, kissing her softly on her smiling lips. "I love you," she says, running her hands through the sweaty hair at the back of my neck.

"That was, by far, the best first date I've ever had," I say, kissing her again and rolling onto my back.

She raises herself on her elbow next to me. "Eh, I've had better."

My head snaps to the side and although her expression is blank, her eyes are dancing with mirth. I let out a short laugh, more in relief than anything else. Then I take her arm and drape her across my chest. "If I didn't have to leave to get Maddie I'd spend the night trying to move up to the top of that list."

I hear her sigh as her hand moves back and forth across my chest, making me shiver. "I don't want to sound petulant, but I really hate it when you leave."

"I hate it when I leave too."

* * *

><p>I don't know where this chapter came from, but I hope you enjoyed it.<p>

Thank you for reading and for your kind reviews.


	62. Toy

Not betad. I'm pretty tired (again), sorry if it's riddled with mistakes.

Prompt: Toy

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

><p>"I want to show you something," Bella says when Maddie and I come over on the day before Thanksgiving. We're going to spend the night; it'll be easier with all the cooking and prep we have to do and the truth is, I want to.<p>

"Okay. Come on, Mad," I say, scooping her up and carrying her the rest of the way down the stairs. We've just deposited our bags and Maddie is, unsurprisingly, crazy about the room Bella set up for her. She didn't go overboard, but she obviously pays attention and it's very much in Maddie's style. Or as much of a style as a five year old girl can have.

I follow Bella to the front of the house where that extra room was, and she stops in front of the closed door, swallowing and twisting her fingers.

"What's wrong?" I ask.

"I don't want you to be angry."

"Why would I be angry? Unless you have another man behind that door I wouldn't worry about it."

She stands there and bites her lip, looking from me to Maddie.

"Are you going to open it?" Maddie asks.

"Yes." She takes a deep breath and then opens the French doors, revealing what is, in essence, a room built around a piano, specifically the Steinway that was in her old house. There are matching black leather couches, a bookshelf lines one wall, and the walls are painted a light gray.

"Ooh," Maddie says as I stand there dumbfounded. Maddie wiggles out of my grasp and I place her on the floor, which is now hardwood instead of the wall-to-wall carpet that was here when I last saw it.

"Can I play, Daddy?" Maddie asks, tugging on my jeans.

"Um." I run and hand through my hair and look at Bella. "Can she?"

Bella looks like she's about to cry and I'm not sure what the hell is going on. "Of course she can," Bella whispers.

"Go on, baby," I tell Maddie. Then I step over to Bella and put a hand on her back.

"What's wrong?" I ask as Maddie starts to play her warm up notes.

"You're angry."

"What? I'm not angry. Why would you think that?"

"You haven't said anything." Her lip is actually quivering and tears are welling in her eyes and I feel like a complete asshole.

I wrap my arms around her and kiss her temple. "I love it. I love you. This is amazing, thank you."

"You really like it? It's not too much?"

I pull away and cup her cheek in my palm, wiping her tears with my thumb. "Never too much. I'm sorry I ever made you feel like it might be. I'll try to be less of an asshole in the future."

She laughs and kisses my palm just as Maddie starts to really play. And for a five year old, I'm still amazed at what she can coax out of that piano.

I take Bella's hand and walk her over to the piano where I sit next to Maddie on the bench and watch the way her fingers move over the keys. Her hands are still so small but she plays remarkably well despite that.

Bella stands behind me and places her hands on my shoulders, her touch relaxing me in ways I don't think I'll ever completely understand.

I quickly walk Maddie through _Chopsticks_ and before I know it, we're playing a duet.

This moment might very well be the happiest I've ever had.

* * *

><p>Bella and I wake up early on Thanksgiving morning to put the turkey in the oven and get started on whatever we couldn't finish the night before. My family flew in last night and we're expecting them around midday, along with everyone else.<p>

It's pretty obvious we've gone overboard. There's enough food here for probably twenty people. I tell Bella as much and she shrugs and smiles. "It's out first time, we'll get it right eventually."

I really like the sound of that.

Maddie wakes up with more energy and excitement than I've seen in a while, if ever. I make her sit down to eat her breakfast even though she wants to help Bella set the dining room table.

"When will everyone be here?" she asks before taking a huge mouthful of Cheerios.

"A little later," I say. "And please take smaller bites."

"Yes, Daddy," she says, showing me chewed up cereal.

I wrinkle my nose and sigh, wondering if every parent has to put up with the disgusting habits of their children.

The day goes better than I ever could have hoped. My family takes to Bella immediately; I'm not sure if it's natural or if they all make an effort because of me. Either way, I'm grateful.

I stand right outside the living room and watch everyone interact. Carlisle and Emmett have hit it off, which is something I never would have expected. But Carlisle takes a keen interest in Emmett's business, especially after he learns of my somewhat elevated status. I can tell Emmett delights in telling him about the way he's expanding the business, and Carlisle's interest seems more than just polite.

Esme dotes over Maddie, spoiling her with toys and presents and attention. I don't mind; it's nice to see her being loved by her family, especially after all this time and thinking it might never happen at all.

"They're sweet together," Rose says from next to me as we watch them together, and Adam runs over to check out Maddie's new toys.

"They are. I'm sorry it took me so long to introduce them."

"It's not all your fault."

I shrug. "Most of it."

"Stop being so hard on yourself," she says, placing a hand on my shoulder. "You can't be perfect and you've done so well on your own. Enjoy having your family around without the guilt for once."

She kisses me on the cheek and walks over to join Emmett and Carlisle, leaving me to ponder what she said.

My eyes travel from my daughter and Esme to Jasper and Alice, who seem wrapped up in an intense conversation. I'm not sure if there's any flirting going on, but they're certainly very focused on each other.

"Hey," Bella says, walking up next to me. I put my arm around her shoulder and kiss the top of her head. "You doing okay?"

"I'm better than I ever remember being," I say, looking down at her with a smile.

"Really?" Her answering smile is so beautiful and genuine it makes my stomach muscles clench up.

"Really. I'm a lucky man. Thank you for this."

"I didn't do anything."

"You're wrong. You've changed my life in the very best way. Besides the obvious, if it hadn't been for you it would have taken me longer to contact them again, if ever. You told me family was important, and you were right."

She sighs softly and leans closer against me, and I imagine she's thinking about her own family. "Everything will work out," I tell her.

"It already has," she replies.

I tighten my arm around her and realize everyone I care about in the world is under this roof with me, and there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be.

* * *

><p>This is the home stretch. I don't know how many chapters are left, I only know there are just a few more points in time I want to hit before we wrap up.<p>

Thank you for reading and for sticking with me as I tell this story.


	63. Idol

Not betad.

Prompt: idol

Jessypt helped me tweak my words. She's a rockstar.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

><p>Thanksgiving weekend doesn't pass without some tension, mostly from my aunt hinting that Maddie and I should come live in Chicago. Before I met Bella and before Emmett trusted me with his business, that might have been a possibility. I won't discount the chance of some day, but right now my life is here.<p>

Carlisle and Esme and Alice fly in again for Christmas, and this time they stay with us at the house. Lord knows Bella has the room. I feel bad, making them travel all the time, and promise I'll visit Chicago with Maddie over the summer. It'll be good to go back after all these years.

Alice and Jasper seem to have hit it off. Apparently they communicate via email and Skype on a regular basis, and Alice even mentioned in passing that she was thinking of moving here if she could land a job. I'm sure she won't have a problem if she's this close to New York City.

Bella's divorce is final in January. Later that month she starts school, and we fall into a routine. We see each other sporadically during the week, but speak on the phone every day and usually make time to see each other at least twice. Friday night Bella comes over for dinner, and we watch a movie with Maddie. Saturday we split again so we can each run our weekly errands, then Bella comes over for adult time on Saturday night. Sunday is just for me and Maddie.

Aside from holidays, I don't ever have Maddie spend the night at Bella's, which means I rarely do either. There's something just not right to me about a father taking his daughter to spend the night at his girlfriend's house.

My new job took some getting used to, but having been in the business for upwards of five years definitely eased the transition. According to Emmett, McCarty Custom Cabinetry and Contracting, as it's now known, is growing at a rate even he's not sure he can keep up with.

The salary is very generous and I work some later hours, but Bella can usually pick up Maddie if I can't. I'm learning to share that responsibility, at least.

In March I come down with some sort of nasty flu. Bella doesn't waste any time coming over and taking charge, packing Maddie and me up so we can stay at her place.

I don't argue. I have a high fever and I've spent a good part of the day throwing up. It's almost impossible for me to take care of Maddie in this situation, and I hate thinking about how I would have handled this before Bella.

I'm a sweaty, shivery, pukey mess for a few days. Bella is amazing, taking care of me and Maddie and still getting to all of her classes. I'm vaguely aware of all of this in my fever-induced haze, but I know she's there, Maddie is safe, and I don't want for anything.

One evening, on what I'm guessing is the third day of this plague I'm carrying, I feel well enough to get out of bed. I walk downstairs on wobbly legs and stop outside the kitchen to catch my breath. That's when I hear voices.

"Please put your plate in the sink," Bella says.

"No," I hear Maddie reply. I can hardly believe what I've just heard, and I think I must be hallucinating.

"Excuse me?" Bella asks.

"I don't feel like it."

I don't know if Bella knows whether I'm here or not, but I stand there, not sure what to do. Part of me wants to discipline Maddie for her smart mouth, and part of me wants to see what Bella will do. And how I'll handle it when she does.

"I've asked you nicely to put your plate in the sink. Please do it."

"No. You can't tell me what to do."

I literally have to bite my lip, but I somehow think it's important I keep silent.

I peek in and see Bella lean against the kitchen island and cross her arms. "No dessert."

"Yes, dessert!"

"My house, my rules. I'm the adult here and you need to listen to me."

"I'm telling Daddy."

"Please do. Come on, we can tell him together. What do you think he's going to say about your behavior? Think about how Daddy would react before you decide what to do."

Maddie sits there defiantly for a few more moments while Bella waits patiently. I'm about to step into the room when Maddie gets up and brings her plate to the sink.

"Thank you," Bella says.

"Can I have dessert now?" Maddie asks.

"I think you owe me something first."

"Sorry."

"I've heard better apologies in my day, but that will do. What would you like for dessert?"

"May I have a cupcake, please?"

"Sure, come on." She takes Maddie by the shoulder and steers her toward the counter where the cupcakes are, and I step into the kitchen.

Maddie must have heard me because she turns and runs to me. "Daddy!" I try to pick her up but I have the strength of a newborn kitten so she just hugs my leg.

I put my hands in her hair and look down at her. "Hey, baby," I say in a whisper. I haven't been using my voice much.

"Are you better now?" she asks.

"Not quite, but I'm getting there."

"Hey," Bella says, walking up to me and placing her palm on my forehead. "You feel a little cooler."

"I'm thirsty," I say.

"Juice?"

"Please." I sit at the table and Maddie climbs up into my lap. "Are you being good for Bella?"

"Yes, Daddy."

I look over at Bella as she hands me a glass of juice. She shrugs and smiles as she hands it to me. "She's been great."

Bella winks and Maddie smiles back at her like she has a new idol. I drink my juice, and Maddie leans into my chest. I've been missing her, too.

"What day is it?"

"Friday. I spoke to Emmett for you today. He said not to worry and just get better."

"Thanks. I think I need to go back to bed." I've already hit a wall. My head is feeling swimmy and just walking down the stairs seems to have worn me out. "I'm sorry, baby. I'll make it up to you."

"It's okay, Daddy." She kisses my cheek and hops down from my lap, but I can't seem to muster the energy to get up.

"Maddie, why don't you watch television while I bring your dad upstairs?"

She bounces out of the room, and Bella takes my arm. "Come on, stud. Let me take you to bed."

I laugh a little breathlessly and lean on her as she walks me up the stairs. "I'm sorry about this," I say. "Thanks for everything."

"Don't be silly," she says, sitting me down on the bed and covering me up. She puts her hand on my head again and smiles at me "Take it easy. I have everything covered."

"I want to marry you. You're such a good mother to Maddie and I can't imagine my life without you anymore."

She gasps and her hand flies to cover her mouth.

"You don't have to answer me now," I mumble as my eyes close without my permission. I'm so tired. "But soon, okay?"

I think she says something, but I'm asleep before I can make heads or tails of it.

When I wake up next it takes me a few minutes to acclimate to my surroundings. It's dark, and Bella is asleep next to me. I shuffle off to the bathroom and as I'm washing my hands, I remember what I said to her when she put me to bed.

It's something I've been thinking about for a little while, but I didn't want to ask her like that, dammit. I sigh and walk back out to the bedroom and get back in bed. Maybe she'll chalk it up to my delirium and not mention it. Then I can do it right, on my knee with a ring.

"You okay?" she asks when I slip under the covers.

"Yeah. Sorry I woke you."

"It's fine."

I turn onto my side so we're facing each other, and I know immediately I can forget about redoing my proposal. "I meant it," I say. "It wasn't how I wanted to ask you, but I can't find it in myself to regret it." I take a deep breath to try to get my bearings. My head is pounding and I feel like I've been beaten bloody, but I need to get this out, to try to make this right. "I love you. My daughter loves you. I know you're just divorced, but I want to marry you. Living together isn't right, not with Maddie. She needs the stability of knowing you're not going anywhere."

"Okay," she says softly.

"Okay?"

"I want to marry you too. And I don't care if I'm just divorced. I hate it when you leave. I hate it when Maddie leaves. I want you both with me all the time."

"I wanted to do this the right way. I have a ring."

"You do?"

"It was my mother's. It's one of the few things I have left of her, but I left it behind in Chicago. My aunt brought it over Christmas."

"I love you, and I really want to kiss you right now. But you're crawling with germs and one of us needs to be healthy."

I laugh and pull her to me. "I'm sorry I asked the way I did, and when I can't properly show you how much I love you."

"You show me every day."

We're silent for a few moments and I'm starting to get sleepy again. "I heard you and Maddie downstairs, right before I came into the kitchen."

Bella props herself on her elbow and looks at me.

"I thought seeing you discipline her would bother me," I continue. "And it did, to be honest. But I was able to step back and see it for what it was."

"Which was what?"

"You were acting like her mother."

"I'm sor–"

I hold up my hand. "Allow me to finish. You're more her mother than anyone has ever been, and I'll go out on a limb and say she sees you as that. It will take some adjusting, but we're all up for the task. She loves you. Maybe she doesn't say it, and maybe you don't see it, but I do."

"Do you think so? You think she'll be okay with this?"

I pull her back down to my chest and wrap my tired arms around her. "I'll ask her before we decide anything. But I think she wants us to be a family as much as we do. The one thing I _can_ guarantee is she's going to test both of us and make our lives miserable for a while. But that's just parenthood."

* * *

><p>Thank you for reading and for your kind reviews.<p> 


	64. Brace

Not betad.

Prompt: Brace

Sorry for the three day lag in posting. I had some family things, and the first iteration of this chapter was pretty awful. Many thanks to arfalcon for taking the time to work through it with me.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

><p>I stand in my empty apartment, shaking my head at the turn my life has taken. It's moving day. Bella and I are just back from our honeymoon, and Maddie is still in Chicago with my aunt and uncle. I talk to her every day and even though we miss each other, it's been good for her, and for them.<p>

She's coming home tomorrow with Alice, who's moving here ostensibly for a job, but more for Jasper. I suspect my aunt and uncle won't be far behind. Their whole family is going to be here now.

I feel a soft hand on my back and turn, meeting the eyes of my wife. Being married is still such a foreign concept to me, but I love the weight of the gold band on my finger, and I love seeing her wear my mother's ring. I'll get her a proper ring someday. One that's hers and hers alone.

"You okay?" she asks.

I slip my arm around her shoulders. "I'm good. I'm just being a little broody. There's so much change; a new house, Maddie's starting first grade in a few days, pretty new wife," I say with a smile, leaning down to kiss her.

She kisses me back with a sigh. "It's okay, though, right?"

I nod and slip my arm from around her shoulder and take her hand, twining our fingers together. "It's the best. Now take me home, I have some unpacking to do."

I'm a bundle of energy when I drive to pick up Maddie and Alice form the airport the next day. Bella and I spent the previous day unpacking and rearranging furniture. For some strange reason she insisted on keeping my old pullout couch, so it now resides in our basement.

I'm almost bouncing when people from Mad's flight start streaming through the gate. I spot her almost immediately, holding Alice's hand, her eyes darting around. Once she spots me she let's go and runs toward me, her backpack slamming against her back. "Daddy, Daddy, Daddy," she calls.

I couch down and brace for impact. I scoop her up when she reaches me and hug her tightly.

"I missed you," I say, kissing her cheek. Ten days is too long.

"I missed you too, Daddy," she says, tightening her arms around my neck.

I smile at Alice over Mad's shoulder. "She talked about you the whole flight over," she tells me with a roll of her eyes. "You two…" She shakes her head and smiles.

I grab Maddie's bag from Alice and manage to carry it without having to let go of Maddie until we get to the car.

Once we're on our way, Maddie chats non-stop from the back seat, telling me everything she did in Chicago, even though she told me most of it over the phone already. I don't mind hearing it again, though.

"Why aren't we going home?" Maddie asks once we pull up to the house.

"Remember I told you we were moving?" I ask, looking at her in the rearview mirror.

"Oh, right. I forgot." Her expression is even, almost pensive. She handled the news of my impending marriage to Bella like a champ. She wanted to know what it meant for her and if she should call Bella "Mommy." I told her it was up to her and she could do whatever was comfortable. She still calls her Bella. I think maybe the idea of a mother and the reality of it are vastly different.

Still, they've always gotten along great, but living with someone is not the same as seeing them on a weekend. This is real life now, with daily routines and discipline and sharing time. "You okay, baby?" I ask.

"Yes," she says, meeting my gaze in the mirror. "Can we go in now?"

"Sure."

Maddie runs ahead of us and Alice touches me arm lightly as we're walking up to the door. "She loves Bella. She talked about her almost as much as she talked about you."

"Thanks, Al." I lean over and kiss her cheek. "You're not nearly as annoying as you were when you were fifteen."

* * *

><p>The year Maddie's in second grade, I come home with her on an October afternoon and find Bella sound asleep in our bed. She never sleeps in the afternoon.<p>

I sit on the side of the bed and touch her forehead, thinking she might be ill, but she feels cool. She's been working so hard, not only going to school–and getting exemplary grades– but taking care of me and Maddie, and volunteering on the hospital board of directors.

She stirs and looks at me with a sleepy smile. "Hey, sorry."

"No, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you. I was just worried."

"Yeah, I don't know what it is. I'm exhausted."

"Is anything else bothering you?"

"No." She gets up on her elbow then lays right back down.

"You rest," I say. "Do you want anything?"

She shakes her head. "I'm fine."

I kiss her on the forehead and leave her in peace.

I don't really start to worry until she's lethargic for three more days. She's making all of her classes but in addition to always being tired, she's not really eating. "Maybe you should see a doctor," I tell her as she pushes away the dinner I kept warm for her while she was in a late class.

"I'm sure it's nothing," she mumbles.

"When was the last time you ate solid food?"

"I had something this morning after you left but I threw it up. It seems so much worse in the morn… Holy shit."

"What?"

"I'm tired, I'm sick in the morning, and my breasts…." She touches the side of her breast lightly and winces, her eyes are wide and almost frightened.

It takes me only a split second to understand what she's saying. "Oh my God. You're pregnant."

She shakes her head. "I can't be."

"Sure you can." I try to contain my smile, but it's difficult. I want this to be true. So, so much.

"But we've been together for almost two years. Why now?" She looks bewildered.

"Who knows?" I stand and pat my pockets, looking for my car keys. "There's no sense in wondering. I'm going to the drug store to get you a test. Okay?"

She nods and I give her a quick kiss before I leave.

When I come home she's in her pajamas, pacing around our bedroom. "I can't do this," she says when I hand her the box.

"Can't do what?"

"I can't do this and be disappointed. What if I'm not? Or what if I am and I miscarry again? I'm not sure I can go through that a second time."

I take her hand and sit her on the bed with me. "First let's find out if you're actually pregnant. Then we'll deal with whatever comes after that."

She clutches the box in her hands and takes a deep breath. "I want to be. Do you want me to be?"

I sigh and think before I speak. "That's a loaded question, because if I say yes and you're not, you'll think I'm disappointed in you." I give her a kiss and shove her toward the bathroom. "Please just take the test."

What I don't tell her is that I want her to be pregnant more than anything right now. I'd never really considered it since we thought she couldn't conceive, but now that it's a possibility I want it more than I ever thought possible. But I plan on keeping that to myself. She has too many burdens where our ability to conceive is concerned as it is.

We've only really discussed our seeming inability to have children together once since we've been married. She cried on my shoulder one night after she'd gotten her period after being a week late. Her hopes were up, only to be dashed, and I hated how disappointed she was. Once she stopped crying she swore Maddie was enough, but sometimes we'll be out and I'll see her looking at an infant with such longing it makes me hurt.

She comes out of the bathroom and we sit on the bed together.

"How long?" I ask, looking at the clock.

"Three minutes." She twists her hands in her lap. "Distract me."

I practically tackle her and kiss her neck, making her laugh and then moan, much to my delight. By the time we come up for air, seven minutes has passed.

"Are you ready?" I ask her.

"I can't." She looks at me pleadingly, so I nod and go to the bathroom. But I avoid looking at the little white stick until I'm sitting next to her on the bed.

I kiss her temple and smile. "Whatever it says, I love you," I tell her.

She nods and closes her eyes briefly before opening them again. "I love you too."

Her breath leaves her in an audible gasp when we see the results, and my chest tightens almost painfully.

"You're pregnant," I whisper in disbelief.

I can tell she's having trouble breathing so I put the stick down and hold her close. "Are you okay?" I ask, stroking her hair and trying to stay calm myself.

She crying so hard and I don't know what to. This isn't what I expected. "Shit, Bella. Talk to me, please," I plead, running my hand up and down her back, trying to soothe her.

I don't understand why she's not happy. Images of Maddie's mother flit through my mind; I thought it would be different with Bella. I want it to be different.

I don't want a repeat of last time. I don't want to be the only one who wants my child.

I try to calm the near panic attack I feel brewing as Bella continues to cry and clutch my shirt. I tell myself she's just shocked and once the surprise wears off she'll be as happy as I am.

When she eventually pulls away from me, all red-eyed and splotchy cheeked, she touches my face and smiles. Then it falters.

"Why aren't you happy?" she asks.

"Me?" I say with a soft scoff. "You just found out you were pregnant and went on a crying jag."

"Oh, I… Oh, Edward." She takes my face between her hands and kisses me, then touches her forehead to mine. "I'm just overwhelmed, honey. I'm elated and terrified and nervous and a million other things I can barely name."

I let out a long breath, relieved and happy and all but shaking with nerves. "Thank God," I whisper.

"Oh, Edward. You didn't think… I'm so sorry." We fall back on the bed and she puts my head on her chest, running her hands through my hair.

"I'm sorry," I mumble. "I don't know what I was thinking."

"It's okay," she says, her voice breaking a little. "This is a little overwhelming and so unexpected."

I readjust myself so I'm lying on top of her, my hands on either side of her beautiful face. I need to be strong for her, now more than ever. "I love you so much. Everything is going to be fine."

She nods and I wipe a stray tear from her cheek with my thumb. "What if –"

"No what ifs," I say, kissing her softly. "We deal with this one day at a time. Together."

* * *

><p>Thanks so much for reading and for your always kind reviews.<p> 


	65. Result

Not betad.

Prompt: result

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

><p>We keep Bella's pregnancy just between the two of us until we pass the three month mark. Despite what happened last time, Bella's doctor tells her the pregnancy is progressing normally and she shouldn't worry.<p>

Easier said than done.

Bella is cautious, I can see it in everything she does. She's extra careful about what she eats, about exerting herself, and about the places she goes. I appreciate her prudence, but I also want her to relax and enjoy her pregnancy.

To be fair though, I'm probably as anxious as she is, just in a different way. I want to take care of her, reassure her, love her, and support her in the ways she needs me to. Maddie's mother and I weren't together, and while I took care of her in certain ways, I wasn't in love with her and it's a completely different experience with Bella. I couldn't touch Maddie's mother freely, kiss her, or really tell her all the things that were in my heart, especially how much having a child meant to me. But I touch Bella constantly, loving the way her body is filling out and the glow that surrounds her, and we talk about all the things we want for our child and what it will mean for our family.

Bella is determined to continue and ultimately finish school, baby or not. We've been discussing ways in which we would manage but the truth is I did it with Maddie, we'll do it with the new baby too. My aunt and uncle are living in New York now, plus I'm sure Mrs. Cope could find room if we needed full time daycare.

Right at the three month mark, we tell Maddie she's going to have a sister or brother. She still tests us, as children do, but for the most part she's been thriving under our new family structure. She and Bella have developed quite a bond, which started with Cake for Dinner Fridays, now a mother-daughter tradition.

"Is it going to be a brother or a sister?" she asks rather suspiciously, her little seven year old eyes scrunching at the corners as she looks at the ultrasound picture.

"We don't know yet," I tell her. "We'll have another ultrasound when the baby is twenty weeks old, and the minute we know the result, you will too."

This seems to satisfy her, though she's put the picture down and her arms are crossed. I look over at Bella, who gives me a small smile. "Excuse me," she says. "I'm exhausted." She kisses us both and goes to lay down.

I look over at Maddie and sigh. "Are you too old to sit on my lap?"

She shakes her head and comes over to sit in my lap, and I feel her little body trembling as she begins to cry. I don't know what's bothering her, but I can guess. I rub her back and eventually ask her if she wants to tell me what's on her mind. She shakes her head against my chest so I start talking.

"You know you'll always be my girl, right? There's nothing in this world more important to me than you, and that will never change. But there are people who are just _as_ important. Never more."

"What about Mom and the new baby?" she mumbles.

"I can love all of you. There's plenty to go around."

"What happened to my real mother?" she suddenly asks, lifting her head and looking at me. I wince at her choice of words but don't correct her. I'm surprised she's asking now, though I shouldn't be. It makes perfect sense for her to feel insecure about her place in our family with a new addition on the way.

I have an answer ready. One I've discussed with Bella and gone over a million times, because I knew this day was coming. "She wasn't ready for you, baby. She was young and knew she wouldn't have time to be the best mother possible."

"But she's grown up now, isn't she?"

"I don't know. I assume she is, but I really don't know anything for sure."

"Does she know where I live?"

"I don't know."

"If she can't find us maybe we can we find her."

All my breath rushes out of me when the words leave her mouth. "Why, baby?" I manage to choke out.

She shrugs. "I don't know, I thought– Daddy?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." I somehow manage to smile, though I can't imagine I'm fooling her. Her sensitivity to my moods hasn't waned over the years.

She twists her fingers, just like Bella, and lowers her head. "I'm sorry," she whispers.

"No, I'm sorry," I say, my voice a little steadier. "When you're a little bit older, if you still want to find your birth mother, we can try. Okay?" It makes my heart ache to say that, but if that's what she wants, that's what I'll do. I hate that this is going to hurt Bella. "Just give me a little time."

"It's okay," she says. She stands and starts to walk away. "Forget I said anything."

I grab her wrist and stand her in front of me. "No. I won't forget it. I just don't know what's going to happen if I find her and I need all of us to be ready. Please, I need you to trust me to wait until the right time."

"Okay, Daddy." She leans over and kisses my cheek. "I love you."

"I love you too, baby."

I Google her mother's name that night and find results immediately. She's playing with the Phoenix Symphony. I dig a little deeper and find out she's married, but there don't appear to be any children. Not that I can find, anyway.

I run a hand over my chest and shut off the computer. This is making me feel wretched and I need to talk to Bella.

* * *

><p>Bella is almost six months pregnant and she and the baby are completely healthy. Bella's curvy and beautiful and I've never in my life had the thrill I have when I look at where our child is growing in her body. It's a miracle.<p>

Something else I had no idea about from my previous experience, Bella wants my physical attention more often than I ever would have thought. She certainly gets no complaints from me. She's stunning and there's something so satisfying about being able to fulfill those needs for her when she's giving life to our child. I'm sure there's some sort of deep psychological reason for this, but I don't rally care what it is as long as I'm making her happy.

It's February and cold and Bella and I have been getting in bed right after Maddie recently. It's nice, cuddling up with her and watching television or reading a book or watching her tap away on her laptop, doing her homework.

"Maddie told me today she's getting bored with her piano lessons," Bella tells me as she slips into bed next to me. She's on her side facing me with her hands resting on her abdomen. I link my hand with hers and wait for the baby to kick.

"Huh. Maybe she needs a new instructor."

"Mm. Private lessons?"

I let go of her hand and rub her abdomen gently. "I don't know. I'll speak with her about it."

"Okay," she says, cuddling close to me and laying her head in my chest.

"Tired?"

"A little. I'll do my homework in the morning. There was something else I wanted to tell you about."

"Oh?"

"There's a hospital benefit in a few weeks and I should really go."

"Okay."

"It's black tie, so we're going to need to get you a tuxedo."

I nod and lean down to kiss her lips. "All right." I still feel a twinge every time something like this comes up, but I'm getting better. Besides, my financial situation is vastly improved, and with the house and Maddie's tuition paid for, we're able to take care of our day-to-day living expenses with my paycheck alone. We use Bella's money for the big purchases, like a new tuxedo.

"My parents are on the guest list," she whispers, pulling away from me slightly. "So is Demetri."

I process this information as I look at my wife, her face a mixture of apprehension and resolve. She hasn't heard from her parents once since her divorce. It bothers her, but she's told me having her own family, me and Maddie and the baby she's carrying, goes a long way to alleviating most of her sadness. She's the strongest, most beautiful woman I've ever met.

"You still want to go," I say. It's not a question since I already know the answer.

She nods. "I can't let them stop me from doing something so important. They dictated my life for long enough. No more."

I nod and pull her in for a hug. "Then we'll go."

* * *

><p>I'm anticipating one more chapter, maybe two, plus the epilogue. Either way, it should wrap up this week.<p>

Thank you for reading and for your kind reviews.


	66. Hunch, munch

Not betad.

Thanks to arfalcon for giving me the go-ahead. She's aces.

Prompt: hunch, much

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

><p>"You look so incredibly handsome," Bella tells me as I slip on my tuxedo jacket.<p>

I meet her eyes in the mirror and walk over to stand behind her. I put my hands on her shoulders and kiss her neck. "You're beautiful."

She sighs and looks at me dubiously but doesn't say anything. I know how uncomfortable she's getting with her body. I, however, find her sexier every day.

"Don't look like that," I tell her. "You're pregnant. And you're stunning."

She turns and I wrap my arms around her, kissing her temple.

"You're sure about this?" I ask. We've been over it and over it and I understand her determination, but I need to make sure. She's my wife and I want to protect her and make her happy.

"I am," she says with a nervous smile. "As long as I have you by my side, I think I can face anything."

I kiss her and taste lipstick, something I'm not used to. I scrunch my nose and she swats my arm. "What? I like that you stopped wearing makeup. You don't need it."

She sighs and her arms fall to her side. "My mother gave me my first makeup when I was twelve. She told me a proper lady never leaves the house without it." She shakes her head and picks up her wrap from the bed.

I take the wrap from her hands and drape it across her shoulders. "You're always beautiful to me."

"You make me feel beautiful."

Esme comes to get Maddie so she can spend the night at her house and we're on our way.

Bella's anxious, I can tell, but not as much as I thought she'd be. I hold her hand as we drive and take it again once I've given our keys to the valet. I wasn't blowing smoke when I told her she was stunning. I don't know jack about clothes and fashion, I only know what she's wearing makes me want to turn around and take her home so I can have my way with her. Multiple times.

I've never been to Old Westbury Gardens, and I'd like to try to take some of it in, but I'm too focused on Bella. We're greeted as soon as we walk in, by whom I'm sure I won't remember later. Because I'm watching Bella, whose eyes are moving around the room rapidly.

When Bella's eyes stop moving, I follow her gaze and it lands on Renee Swan. She's engaged in conversation but must feel our eyes on her. She turns abruptly and her eyes widen as she stares at Bella. I swear I spot a split-second of vulnerability in her stare, but it's gone quickly. Her eyes wander to me, then back to Bella, then she turns back to her conversation.

"Still okay?" I whisper in her ear.

She lets out a breath and smiles. "Yeah. I really wish I could have a drink, though."

I laugh as we make our way into the room. "Didn't the doctor say you could have one glass of wine on occasion?"

She rolls her eyes as we walk up to the bar. "You know I'm not going to do that."

I nod and look at the bartender. "Two seltzers with a twist, please."

She sighs. "You can drink, Edward."

"Hush." I lean over and kiss her cheek. "I'm fine."

People come up to us periodically to make chit-chat, some familiar, some of whom Bella hasn't seen in a long time and who are strangers to me. Bella, as always, handles herself with a level or grace and class that is unmatched in my experience. I manage to hold my own as well. I've been to a few of these events with Bella, though none this fancy, and I flounder less than I used to. They're just people.

It isn't long before I spot Bella's ex-husband stalking over to us. Instinctively, I stand in front of her. I know she probably hates me trying to protect her, but I can't seem to help it.

"Yes?" I ask him when he reaches us.

He glares at me and Bella reaches out and puts a hand on my back. "It's okay," she says.

I turn slightly to look at her and she smiles tightly at me, so I step to the side. Not all the way, but enough that I don't look like a caveman protecting his property.

"Did you need to embarrass me like this?" Demetri asks.

"How is this embarrassing to you?" Bella asks.

He takes a step forward, and I put a hand on his lapel and push him back. Not enough to cause a scene but enough to let him know I mean business. "Watch how you address my wife," I say, keeping my voice low.

He swallows loudly and nods. "What, were you faking it the whole time we were married? Did you even want to have a baby with me?"

"You're being ridiculous," she says not unkindly.

I lean over and whisper in his ear. "No, that's not it at all. I'm just more man than you are."

He turns red in the face and I think he wants to hit me. But I know he won't make a scene here and more importantly, he's not in the least bit physically intimidating to me. He opens his mouth to say something but walks away in a huff instead. I take Bella's hand and lead her in the opposite direction. We find an almost empty room that's not set up for the party and I pull out a chair for her.

"What did you say to him?" she asks after she sits.

"Just a man thing," I say with a smirk.

"Hm. I bet I can guess."

"I bet you can."

"Isabella?" an unfamiliar voice asks.

I sigh, wondering if we're going to get a break tonight.

Bella stands and turns and we're faced with a man I've never met or seen before.

"Hi, Dad," she says, grabbing my hand.

He looks at me and sticks out his hand. "Charles Swan."

"Edward Masen," I say with a nod, using the hand Bella's not holding to shake with him.

He turns his attention back to Bella. "You look beautiful. And happy," he says. He seems genuine, but I have no experience with him so I can't really tell.

"Thanks," she says, her grip on my hand tightening.

He waits a beat before he speaks again. "I'm leaving your mother," he says. "I should have done it years ago but I didn't want the hassle, to be honest."

"Okay," Bella says evenly, her spine straight.

"I'm not really good at this, but I miss you, kiddo. I have no excuse for not contacting you except your mother was furious and it seemed easier to go along with her. I've picked up the phone to call you so many times." He looks at her with an almost pleading expression. "I know we've never had a close relationship, but I'd like to be a part of your life if you'll let me."

Bella looks at me and I give her a small shrug. She looks back at her father and nods. "I'd like that."

He smiles and stands there awkwardly for a moment. "Good," he says. "So I can call you?"

"Sure."

"Edward," he says, turning his attention to me. "It was a pleasure meeting you. You're obviously taking good care of my daughter."

I nod. I don't trust him, not yet. But this is Bella's choice and I'll leave this decision to her. "She mostly takes care of herself, but I pitch in now and again."

"He's the best," Bella says, smiling at me. I smile back and tighten my hand a little in support of her decision.

Charles clears his throat and looks pointedly at Bella's midsection, then at me. It occurs to me, somewhat inappropriately, that there's evidence I've had sex with his daughter. The thought of Maddie being with a man, who will inevitably not be good enough for her, makes me want to vomit. So I almost feel for him as we stand here awkwardly.

"I'm going to be a grandfather?" he finally asks.

"You already are," Bella says, just a hint of resentment creeping into her voice.

He tilts his head and looks from Bella to me and back again. "I have a step-daughter," Bella says. There's something almost defiant in her posture. I'm not sure it's necessary, but I have a hunch she knows what she's doing.

Charles nods, his eyes flicking to me. "I have a family, Dad. I've had one for almost two years and they're the most important thing in the world to me."

"So there's no room for me?" he asks with a nervous laugh.

"No, of course there is. But with me comes the rest of my family. Edward and Maddie and the baby. We're a unit."

He regards her for a moment before he steps forward and takes the hand I'm not holding. "I deserved that. But I'm not your mother. Give me a chance."

The rest of the evening passes without too much drama. Bella seems to be having a good time, the food is decent, and the people sitting at our table are amiable. Bella even has a dance with her father.

Her mother hasn't approached her and I'm not sure if ignoring is worse than a confrontation. But when I ask Bella about it on the way home, she truly does seem unfazed.

"I'm happy with you and Maddie and the rest of our family. There's nothing I miss about her." She shrugs. "Ooh, pull over. I want a chocolate milkshake. And french fries."

I do as she asks and I smile as I watch her munch on fries the whole way home.

* * *

><p>"I want to name the baby Edward," she tells me when we're in bed that night.<p>

"Um. Why?"

"Because you're the best man I know. Because it was your father's name and we should make it a family tradition. Because nothing would make me happier than if my son turned out just like his father."

"I want him to have his own identity."

"I knew you were going to say that. So I thought we could choose a nickname."

"Like Eddie?" I say with a scrunched nose.

"No," she says, reaching over to her bedside table and picking up the baby name book. She flips through it and points to the entry for "Edward."

"What do you think of Teddy?"

"Huh." I squeeze my bottom lip between my fingers and think about it. "I like it."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. I like naming him after my father. I wish you could have known him. He would have adored you. Mom too."

She puts the book down and opens her arms, and I lay my head on her chest with a sigh. "They made you who you are. I have no doubt I would have loved them too."

* * *

><p>Bella goes into labor on a Thursday afternoon in May. I pick her up and take her to the hospital, where her doctor is waiting for us.<p>

She's set up in a nice birthing suite where she endures labor for twenty-two hours before she and her doctor decide it's time for a C-section.

Our son is born thirty minutes later.

He's a perfect little bundle and when I hold him for the first time, minutes after he's born, I'm convinced nothing in the world will ever beat this feeling.

Until I put Teddy in his mother's arms after she's out of recovery.

The look on her face, of such joy and absolute wonder, is something I'll carry with me always.

* * *

><p>I'm pretty sure it's just going to be the epilogue after this. It may take me more than a day to get it right, but it should be up before the weekend.<p>

Thank you for reading and for your lovely reviews.


	67. Epilogue

Sorry for the delay in posting. It's been a tough one. This epilogue brought to you courtesy of arfalcon. It wouldn't have happened without her.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

><p>I peek out from behind the curtain and spot my father almost immediately. The crowd isn't huge–it's just my senior recital–but I'd know that mess of penny-colored hair anywhere. It's what I see when I look in the mirror every day.<p>

"Maddie?"

"Hey, Claire."

Claire and I were assigned as roommates freshman year at Juilliard and have been inseparable ever since. She's from Washington State and her parents can't always fly her home for holidays, so she's been a fixture at our house for the last four years.

Claire's cello performance was yesterday, and today it's my turn. I'm nervous, but looking out at my family actually eases my nerves instead of intensifying them. I know they'll always be proud of me, no matter what.

"Are your folks here?"

"Yeah," I say, opening the curtain a little more so she can see my family gathering.

"Who's that with the mustache?"

"That's my grandpa Charlie."

"Oh, the famous grandpa Charlie. The one who spoiled you rotten."

I laugh. "They all spoiled me. But yeah, him especially. I don't know why, I think maybe he was making up for what he didn't give Mom when she was growing up."

I don't have to explain to her that I mean Bella when I say Mom. She knows my family history as well as anyone.

I didn't learn it myself, not fully, until I was sixteen:

_We were all sitting in the living room after dinner and I figured this would be a good time to bring up the party again. Daddy was always calmer and more reasonable after we were settled in for the night._

"_So remember that party I told you about this weekend?"_

"_Are Ruby's parents still going to be away?"_

"_Yes."_

"_You are not going to a party unchaperoned at sixteen and that's final," my father said. "I don't want to discuss this anymore."_

"_So all my friends are going to be there but not me?" I'm so mad. Why does he have to be like this? He's the most over-protective father of any of my friends. _

"_What your friends do doesn't concern me."_

"_I do everything you ask. I get good grades and I never miss a piano lesson. I do all my chores without being asked."_

"_It's not a matter of what you do and don't do. I appreciate all of those things. It doesn't make me happy to deny you, in case you were wondering, But you're my daughter and I need to make sure you're in a safe environment." _

_I looked at my mother for support, but she had nothing to say. Typical. What one said, the other always agreed with._

"_You don't understand anything!" I shouted, rising from the couch. "You never let me do anything I want to do!"_

"_Calm down, Maddie," my mother said, reaching out for my arm. _

_I wrenched away from her and wiped at my tears, then I looked directly at my father. "I wish I knew where my real mother was. I wish she had raised me instead of you!"_

_I ran up the stairs and slammed my door without waiting for an answer._

_My mother was right behind me, flinging my door open and standing in the middle of my room with a look of such fury on her face it stopped me cold. _

"_You are the most ungrateful child," she said through clenched teeth. "What you just said to your father was cruel and uncalled for."_

_I crossed my arms over my chest, trying to be defiant, but I was already losing my bluster. I loved my father and I didn't want to hurt him, no matter how angry I was._

"_You sit down, young lady. You and I are going to talk."_

_I did as I was told and waited for her to begin. _

_Mom told me what Daddy did, how he asked my birth mother if he could to keep me, and how he struck out on his own and raised me virtually by himself for the first five years. How he gave up Juilliard and went to work for Uncle Emmett, how he tried so hard to keep us afloat financially and went to work no matter what, even when he was sick. How he tortured himself about whether he'd made the right decisions for me and blamed himself when I was sick or needed something he couldn't give me, even if it was pizza for dinner._

"_I don't know if you're old enough to hear this. I don't know if your father is going to be angry with me for telling you, but you needed to know the truth. He's been completely selfless with you for your entire life. What you said was completely out of line. He's so hurt right now and he doesn't deserve that. Not from you, of all people._

"_If you want to find your birth mother, your father and I will help you. But don't you ever pull that shit again. You hear me?"_

"_Yes," I said, wiping my nose. "Where is he?"_

"_In the piano room."_

_I gave her a quick hug as I walked by. "I'm sorry, Mom. I didn't mean it. You're the best and I don't want anyone else."_

_She sighed and hugged me back. "I love you."_

_I released her and went to look for my father._

_I found him sitting at the piano, his fingers absently playing notes. He looked so sad sitting there and I was sure I had never felt worse._

"_Daddy?"_

_His head snapped up and his eyes had this sad look that made my stomach twist up in a funny way. I'd always felt closer to my dad than anyone else. Maybe it was the years I now knew we spent alone. Or maybe it was that he loved us all so much and made us all feel extra loved and special. Whatever it was, Mom was right. He didn't deserve what I'd said._

_I walked over to the bench and sat next to him. I didn't know how to start so I spoke a language I knew only he would understand. _

_I started playing a Beethoven duet we used to play together when I was first learning. We hadn't played together in a few years. It took him a moment, but he eventually started playing with me._

_Once the song was finished I turned abruptly and threw my arms around his neck. "I love you, Daddy. I'm so sorry."_

"_It's okay," he said, his arms tight around me. _

"_No, it's not." His instant forgiveness made me feel even worse and I started to cry again. I almost wished he'd been angry, because his sadness was so much worse. "Mom told me some stuff. Don't be mad at her, okay?"_

_He pulled away from me and dropped his hands to his sides. _

"_Why didn't you ever tell me you did it all alone? I don't remember much before Mom."_

_He shrugged. "Why does it matter?"_

"_How can you say that? I remember what it was like with Teddy. Up all night, the diapers, the crying. You and Mom used to look so tired and there were two of you."_

"_I didn't do it to get some sort of credit, Mad. You were worth it."_

_I looked down and nodded, feeling really lucky he asked my birth mother for me. He never seemed like other fathers, and it used to bother me. So many of my friends were allowed to come and go as they pleased and it sometimes made me jealous. But I thought I understood a little better now and I wouldn't trade my father, my family, for anything. "I'm sorry. I was sorry before Mom told me, just so you know."_

_He nodded. "I have some information on your birth mother, if you want it. It's not much, but if you want me to help you contact her, we can do that."_

_I shook my head. "I was being a brat. I don't really ever think about her. I love you and Mom. Even Teddy."_

_Dad bumped my shoulder with his and smiled. "Your brother worships you. He'll be glad to hear that."_

"_Are you sorry you never finished school?"_

"_I'd much rather you graduate Juilliard than me."_

_I wiped my last tear and kissed him on the cheek. "Let's play," I said, turning forward on the bench._

_We played for a long time that night, and after we were finished, my father handed me a slip of paper where he'd written the information he had about my birth mother._

After that night, I felt closer to both my parents than I had before. I'm so lucky to have the parents I do, and I can't believe what a shit I used to be. I appreciate them more and more the older I get. And that piece of paper is still sitting in my desk drawer at home.

"Your brother gets cuter every year," Claire says.

"Ew, stop it. He just turned fourteen." I scrunch my nose at her before I turn and spot my brother futzing with the tie I'm sure my father had to wrestle him into.

"You won't let me lust after your dad, so I need to focus my energy somewhere else."

"Like I could stop you from lusting after my father."

"True," she says with an overly exaggerated sigh. "Too bad he only has eyes for your mom."

I shake my head at Claire's ridiculous crush on my father and look back out from behind the curtain. I watch my father tuck a strand of my mom's hair behind her ear and then lean down to kiss her. They've always been the most affectionate adults I've ever seen; it used to freak me out, but I didn't realize until recently I was measuring every boy I dated against what my parents have.

Aunt Rose and Uncle Emmett are here now. I don't see Adam, which is fine. He and I dated for a few months last year and things are still a little weird between us. Mostly because I think my father hates any boy I've ever kissed. I doubt anyone will ever be good enough for me in his eyes. Thank God for Mom, who I know is the voice of reason where things like boys and sex and dating are concerned.

Aunt Alice and Uncle Jasper, and their four children, are walking through the auditorium door with Grandma Esme and Grandpa Carlisle.

After Mom told me about Daddy raising me on his own, I asked Daddy about Grandma and Grandpa and where they were. He told me the truth, though he sugar coated it, placing most of the blame on himself. As usual. He's way too modest for his own good. But Grandpa was the one who was ultimately honest with me about how he and Grandma didn't want Daddy to drop out of college to raise me. When he told me how sorry they were, I believed him. They'd been nothing but amazing to me for as long as I can remember.

As a matter of fact, thinking back on my so-far short life, I can't recall ever feeling anything other than love and acceptance from everyone in my family. Even my bratty little brother, who I resented for a while after he was born. But he was always so happy and followed me around like a little lost puppy, and it wasn't long before I was as crazy about him as everyone else seemed to be. Resistance was futile.

He's gotten more broody–more like Daddy–as he's gotten older. But oddly, that's made us closer. He's been emailing and calling a lot lately, looking for advice and a sympathetic ear.

"You ready?" Claire asks.

I nod and spot my instructor a few feet away. I know he wants to give me a pep talk beforehand, but that's not what I need to be able to play my best tonight. I give one last look at the filling auditorium; there's something I need to see. Daddy is just sitting down and he flips open the program for the evening. I watch closely as he gets to the dedication page. I checked with Mom first and she was behind my decision one hundred percent.

His head snaps up and his eyes meet mine after he reads it:

_Tonight's performance is dedicated to my father_

_My hero_

Now I can play.

* * *

><p>Thank you to everyone who has read, reviewed, rec'd and tweeted. The response to this story has been more than I ever would have imagined.<p>

Thank you to arfalcon, jessypt, songster, and carenl/nerac, who at various points lent me their eyes and ears and expertise. I'm blessed to know such amazing women.

Thank you to Kathy and Fictionista Workshop.

I've been asked multiple times for an outtake from when Maddie was an infant so I'll likely write that. I'll also try to write an additional outtake, so let me know what you want to read about and I'll see what I can come up with.

Thank you again, every single one of you. You've made writing this story a great experience.


	68. Outtake 1

Not betad.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

><p>"Please, please go to sleep, baby. Daddy's so tired."<p>

Maddie just grabs my nose while she smiles and babbles. Which I should be grateful for, I know. This is so much better than the nights we stayed up crying or even the feedings every few hours, inevitably followed by a burp and a diaper change. Those nights seemed like they would never end. This is a cake walk in comparison.

I walk her around our small apartment, back and forth, back and forth. My arms ache and I'm so tired. It's been almost a week of this. I knew parenting wouldn't be easy, but I now understand the wisdom of having someone to do this with. That wasn't in the cards for us, but God, could I use some help.

"Ba ba ba," Maddie says happily, tapping my cheek with her little palm. I smile and kiss her tiny hand despite my exhaustion. Watching her grow and change has been an amazing experience. She has yet to say her first word, but it can't be far behind–she literally seems to learn something new every day.

Just this week I watched her pull herself upright of the first time while she held onto the coffee table. She promptly let go and fell on her little tush, but she's since mastered cruising around our apartment holding onto anything she can get her hands on. I'm just glad her first time was here with me instead of at daycare with Mrs. Cope. I'm grateful she takes such good care of my baby, but I hate when I miss the important milestones. That I missed the first time she crawled still makes me inexplicably sad. I want to be there for all of her firsts. Except maybe her first date. I'll probably have murder in my heart and a shotgun in my hand.

After what seems like forever, she rubs her eyes and lays her head on my shoulder. She clings to my neck when I try to put her in her crib, so I admit defeat and lay her on the pullout with me. She's restless so I rest my hand on her tummy, calming her so she can sleep. I'm not far behind, though I'm so worried about rolling over onto her I never fall into a deep sleep.

Predictably, I'm a zombie the next morning. I briefly consider dropping Mad at Mrs. Cope's and sleeping all day, but I don't really have any money in reserve and if I don't work, I don't get paid. Besides, Emmett is just now comfortable sending me out on my own. I don't want to jeopardize any ground I've gained by not showing up because I'm tired.

I drop Maddie at Mrs. Cope's in the morning and then head over to the office to see Emmett. I'm about to finish up my first solo job and we're going to evaluate and see what I'll be doing next.

When I walk in, Rosalie's there, leaning on the edge of Emmett's desk talking to him, Adam sleeping in his stroller next to them. I clear my throat from the doorway so they know I'm here.

"Hey, Edward," Rosalie says with a smile when she turns and sees me. Her smile falters when she gets a good look at me. "You all right?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," I ray, rubbing a hand through my hair. I'm not, and I know it's obvious, but I don't want to make a big deal about it.

"No, you're not," she says, crossing her arms over her chest. "You look exhausted. What happened to you?"

"Leave him be, Rosie," Emmett calls from behind his desk.

"I will not. He looks like he hasn't slept in a month. Is Maddie sick?"

"Um, no. She's just been fussy at night and only settles down when I walk around with her for a while and then she usually has to sleep with me." I let out a long breath, actually relieved to be sharing this with someone, especially Rose, who's always been great with Maddie and me. Plus, Adam's not much older than Maddie so she and Emmett are going through much of what I am.

"I thought she's was sleeping in her crib."

"She was. I'm not sure what changed."

"Hm. Maybe it's just a phase. Adam gets clingy sometimes too."

"Maybe," I say with a shrug. "We have an appointment with her doctor next week, so I'll ask her about it."

"What are you going to do in the meantime? You look like hell."

I chuckle and shake my head. "Keep doing what I've been doing, I guess."

"Nonsense. You need some sleep." She turns to Emmett. "Can't he have the day off?"

"Rosie. This isn't the–"

"It's fine," I say, cutting in. "It's Friday so I can nap tomorrow when she does."

"No way. Come over tonight," she all but demands. "Spend the night. You can have the guest room and I'll set up the pack and play in Adam's room. He sleeps like a rock."

"I appreciate the offer. But I don't know if she'd sleep away from me."

"Even if she keeps you up tonight, I can take her in the morning so you can sleep in."

"But what ab–"

"No buts. Come for dinner and spend the night."

I look at Emmett but he just shrugs, a smile on his face. "There's no talking to her when she's like this. You better just come over."

"Um, okay, thanks," I say, rubbing the back of my neck. I can't imagine what it'll be like to sleep in on a Saturday morning. It'll be the first time in almost seven months.

"Good, it's settled. We'll see you around six." I nod and she walks over the Emmett, gives him a kiss, then wheels the stroller out of the office.

"Have a seat," Emmett says.

We spend a little while discussing my progress, which he's pleased with, and then he tells me he's giving me a two dollar an hour raise. It's a windfall.

I show up at their house later that night with Maddie in tow and Rosalie sets me up in their guest room.

After dinner and a few hours of playing, I attempt to put Maddie down in the portable crib, but she's having none of it. She cries and reaches her little arms out to me and I'm powerless to witness that and not pick her up. I know at a certain point I'm supposed to let her just cry, but tonight isn't the night. I pick her up and she stops crying instantly, putting her head on my shoulder and her thumb on her mouth.

I take her to the guest room and settle her next to me; she's asleep almost immediately, her little body as close to mine as possible without being on top of me. So now I can't sleep for fear of squashing her like a pancake while she's sleeping. Not waking up if I roll over onto her is even more of a worry tonight since I'm so exhausted.

I'm so tired and frustrated I'm on the verge of tears.

I take a few deep breaths and look at my daughter's sweet face as she sleeps. I think about how much my life has changed in the past seven months and I can't find it in myself to regret the changes–to regret her. She's amazing and beautiful and she makes me a better person every day she's alive.

I doze for a while but don't fall into a deep sleep, worried as I am about suffocating her. Eventually I scoop her up and bring her to Adam's room, praying she doesn't wake up. I lay her down gently and wait, but she just throws her arms over her head and continues to sleep.

I sneak out of the room with a sigh of relief and head back to the guest room. I'm asleep as soon as I pull the covers over myself.

I sleep until just past noon the next day.

I feel rested, but my head is heavy, and so is my heart. Because when I go downstairs after a shower, Maddie holds her arms out to me and starts to cry.

I pick her up with a tight throat and watery eyes. "It's okay. I'm here." I hold her as she cries and clings to me, remembering what I'd read about separation anxiety. The guilt of making my daughter think, for even a second, that I wasn't coming back is a heavy weight on my chest.

And then the guilt is replaced with a feeling as close to pure joy as I'd ever felt when Maddie lifts her head and looks at me. She puts her little palms on my cheeks and speaks her first word.

"Dada."

* * *

><p>Thank you for reading.<p>

I'll likely write one more outtake, I just don't know what it'll be yet. I have a few ideas floating around in my head.

Until next time.


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